Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It has been two days since the battle with his father- and Harumi.

Before Harumi fled away from the body of her father (his father), she turned back and snarled at Lloyd,

“I will be back, Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon! I will ruin your life just like you ruined mine!”

Lloyd thinks he will be physically sick if he thinks of her anymore. His chest ached sourly and it hurt to breathe from the sharp pain in his ribs, and he feels as if it has gotten harder to breathe after the traumatizing battle. 

“Lloyd? Are you there?” The wooden floorboards creaked as Nya stepped onto the deck.

“Lloyd?”

He hummed quietly, words not forming in his brain in the moment.

“Come on, dinner’s ready. The others are waiting.” 

“Uh, sorry Nya. I’m not that hungry- sorry.” He feels bad for avoiding his family, but if he’s being honest he knows he’s gonna make a larger fuss when he finally breaks down, or throw up due to his lack of appetite. He’d rather keep his emotional baggage to himself to avoid pitiful gazes from his beloved family- (Lloyd hates when people pity him. because it just makes him feel weak. Like he’s incapable of taking care of himself, when he can. He’s not a kid anymore.)

“Are you okay?” Nya joined him next to the railings of the Bounty, eyebrows raised in concern. 

Don’t look at me like that. You don’t understand.

“Yes, uhm- I just need to be alone for a while. I’m okay. Really.” Lloyd turned to Nya with a crooked smile, hoping to convince her that he was fine, that he just needed some fresh air, and that he’ll be back to his cheery self in no time.

Nya seemed unconvinced, but decided not to push further and left the blonde alone,

“You’re welcome to join us anytime you like Lloyd, oh- I’ll save you a portion in the fridge just in case!” She stepped back into the cabin of the Bounty.

Lloyd felt his face fall instantly. Now that he was alone, he could be as miserable as he wanted. It’s almost calming, the way the wind ruffles through his soft blonde hair, and the way the moon shines dimly. 

Oh. Right. Harumi.

He almost growled loudly at the thought of her, because why- why does he keep thinking of her? It hurts so bad. And she hates him, she never loved him, he was just a tool for her to gather the last oni mask and he let his family down because he was so naive and stupid-

The worst part is he knows that a little part of him still wishes that Harumi would return to him, and tell him she loves him.

Even after all she had done, he was sure that she wasn’t evil- that she was just driven by rage after losing her parents. He could reach out to the real her, just like he reached out to his father before when he purified his father’s soul with a brilliant flash of gold.

It’ll work, then she will truly love me bac-

Lloyd suddenly gasped in pain, a pain in his lungs dragging him out of his head. He collapsed on his knees, feeling the need to throw up, wheezing and retching- but nothing came out.  He coughed onto his hands, then saw red. 

He just coughed up blood.

“What the fuck?” He gasped, coughing more as he felt his throat itch. There was something bloodied in his hand, but he couldn’t quite tell what it was. He squinted his eyes and saw the dark blue vein looking lines on the purple item. Veins that looked like they belonged to a petal. 

Nevermind coughing up blood. He just coughed up a flower petal. 

Dread fills him, numbing his limbs but he needs to clean the vibrant red off of his clothing before anyone sees and treats him like glass again, and he’ll be useless and dependent on the others- 

– –

He could not sleep that night, mind wandering back to Harumi and the lingering feeling of suffocation that comes with a sharp jab of pain in the chest every so often. 

Chapter Text

Usually diseases go away on their own right? Surely he will be fine.

It did not go away. In fact, he thinks that it has gotten worse.

“I swear, today, I’m going to find out what the hell is happening to me,” Lloyd yawned as he sat up from bed. It has been a few days since his “little” incident on the deck, and to his concern the petals have been growing in size ever since.

He had planned to go to the hospital today- to hopefully diagnosis himself and find a cure before his family finds out he’s not really okay and that he wakes up every morning paranoid that someone entered his room and saw the pile of blood and petals in his bin that he threw up the previous night and had passed out from exhaustion before he could even clean it up.

That reminded Lloyd as he winced looking at his bin that was next to his bed. A few petals would be an understatement, really. He quickly wrapped it up and disposed of it quietly to not wake any of the other ninjas up. 

— —

Lloyd groaned as he sat down in one of the wooden chairs in the living room, while his right hand gripped onto a glass that was filled to the top, literally at the brink of spilling. (He was thinking about what kind of lie he would have to tell his family to cover up his trip to the hospital. He didn’t want them to worry, after all.) 

“ I swear I heard someone having the worsttt coughing fit ever last night! Like no kidding they better reveal themselves before everyone catches a col- oh *yawn* hey Lloyd! Whatcha’ doing up so early?” A certain red clothed person with stylised brown hair turned into the living room from the sleeping quarters corridor, followed by a sleepy looking figure with messy black hair covering his eyes.

“I can’t believe it. Lloyd waking up? This early? This is as impossible as Kai going a day without yelling at someone.” 

“Hey!”

Cole grinned, “Y’know it’s true though. Anyway what’s the special occasion buddy? You’re always one to wake up last.” 

Oh, shit. He hadn’t really come up with a reasonable enough excuse yet. Uh-

It’ll be fine, Lloyd told himself. He inhaled sharply- then flinched as he felt another sudden stab of pain in his chest, nearly spitting out his water.

Kai frowned. Ouch, it’s fine- just say you have an annual checkup! Yea, that would work. Get yourself together, Lloyd.

“I, uh- I have an annual checkup at the hospital today! Can’t be late for that now, you know, since I’m the responsible green ninja and stuff? It’s important to be healthy.” Lloyd’s grip on the cup of water tightened. He hoped that went unnoticed.

“Yea, of course- Good to know you’re taking care of yourself,” Kai smiled at him. Phew.

“Well, I have to go now. See you all later?” He stood up quickly, placing his glass of unfinished water on the table- then proceeded to scurry out the door.

Cole and Kai exchanged glances. 

“Did you see how he gripped his cup like his life depended on it?”

– –

Lloyd landed roughly on a rooftop with a grunt (and a few bloodied coughs.)

Damn it Lloyd, why are you so awful at lying??

He shrugged to himself, and continued to make way towards the hospital. Before he had left the Bounty, he changed into some casual clothing and a black wig to hide his identity as the legendary and all-mighty green ninja. Ninjago would surely go into a state of chaos if they discovered that their most powerful hero was dying of some stupid flowers. 

Before he knew it, he had arrived at Ninjago hospital.

Walking in, he winced at the loud noises of children crying, yells of nurses and doctors, and the radio announcements that repeated the same names over and over. I hate sound so, so much.

Waiting for the doctor was probably the worst part. He felt like he could throw up until his guts left his mouth from the anxiety and worry he had about his condition, and all the noise was not helping either. Lloyd just felt so, so overwhelmed. He wished that it would be quiet so at least he could calm his thoughts but no, the barking of stressed orders and instructions by the hospital staff just made him spiral. 

Why the fuck did I decide to go to a public hospital? LIke everythings going wrong and everyones yelling at each other and crying and I’m gonna get diagnosed with some stupid diseases could be potentially fatal and I won’t even have much time lef-

“Verglas Montgomery! Please enter the first room on the right for your doctor appointment.”

Oh, right. He used a fake name to avoid people from recognising him. Coughing, Lloyd stood up and entered the room. And the doctor was glaring at him.

Lloyd gulped nervously at the door.

“Well? I haven’t got all day. Hurry up, child!” The doctor’s voice was loud.

Lloyd stuttered a yes, then hastily closed the door gently and sat down in front of the doctor.

“So, please describe your symptoms.”

“Well, I have a nasty cough that sometimes comes with blood. And my chest hurts and aches terribly.”

The doctor nodded, and scribbled some words onto his clipboard.

“Interesting. Anything else?”

“l-”

Lloyd gasped, mouth wide open as he felt discomfort in his windpipe. His fingers dug into his palms, leaving red crescent moons, and he coughed violently, body shaking. His eyes teared up at the pain in his chest and throat, when he gagged and a flash of purple and red fell out of his mouth. 

Shit. 

The doctor’s eyes widened, and he slammed his clipboard onto the table and stood up- leaning forward to look at what had fallen out of Lloyd’s mouth.

They were purple petals, coated with blood.

“Hanahaki.” The doctor whispered. 

Chapter Text

Lloyd lifted his fork and stabbed it into the contents on his plate. 

“Hanahaki?” Lloyd echoed, grimacing slightly as he moved his legs away from the bloody petals on the floor.

He held his fork still, not showing any intention of moving the piece of food toward his mouth.

“Y-yes. Hanahaki is a rare disease where a patient coughs up petals and worse- flowers over time caused by unreciprocated love. Unfortunately, however. It is a fatal disease if it is not treated in time.”

What was the point in eating anymore? He was gonna die from this disease anyway. 

Lloyd blinked. Unreciprocated love-? OH. oh. Of course it was Harumi. Shit. Why does he still care about her? She betrayed him.

Thinking about it now, Lloyd could almost laugh- Harumi ruined his life. 

Yet he still wished silently that she loved him back because no one, no one has ever loved him and cared about him like she had . He missed the walk they had together- talking about stupid teenager things, laughing at life stories- just to find out it was all fake. 

It’s stupid. He slammed his fork down onto the plate and stood up. Everyone paused their conversation and pierced him with sharp concern, pity, worry-

“The cure will require you to undergo surgery to remove the flowers in your lungs. The downside is- you will lose all feelings towards the person you love.”

He can’t do that. 

Harumi can still be convinced.

“I’m going to my room.” Lloyd spoke quietly, green eyes staring blankly at the floor. He didn't dare to make eye contact with anyone.

His door closed with an urgent slam.

— —

“So, is anyone gonna address that?”

Someone at the dining table broke the silence. They all looked at each other with widened eyes. 

“What was… that?”

“Should we go check on him?”

“According to my database- it is highly unusual for Lloyd to act like this.”

“What the hell-“

“Wow, thanks, Zane! That really did not help the situation at all!”

“Jay would you stop yelling-“

Nya inhaled deeply before standing up and slamming both her hands onto the dining table, “Would you all just calm down for a second!?”

Well, it certainly was effective. Everyone looked slightly ashamed due to how quickly they had started yelling at each other and averted their gazes to the floor, sitting back down in the process.

“Thank you. Anyway, I think that Lloyd just needed some alone time alright? He- he’s been through a lot, especially with Harumi. I don’t think yelling at each other will help anyone, in that case.” 

Everyone nodded in agreement except for Kai, who looked conflicted. 

“Shouldn’t we ask him what’s going on? Maybe we can help.” 

Zane shook his head, speaking, “That is unlikely. Lloyd has always been known as a private person- I doubt he would appreciate us trying to pry into his mental health. Let’s just hope that whatever he is going through right now gets better and that he will be back to normal in no time.” 

Hope.

Let’s hope that Lloyd does in fact, get better and be back to normal in no time.

— —

Lloyd clutched his bin for dear life as he leaned against it, shaking, spitting blood and purple into the cylinder. His parakeet eyes were wide with fear, watching himself spew out a concerning amount of floral as he panics, unsure of how to make it stop because his throat feels like it was being clawed out from the inside. 

How did it get this bad so quickly? It has only been a week since going to the hospital for his diagnosis. And he supposed- he can’t get the words of the doctor out of his head.

And he’s so tired of this. So, so tired. He’s constantly on edge, paranoid, and praying to FSM that his random “flower attacks” as he called them would not sneak up on him and strike when he’s around people. He doesn’t know how he’s going to explain to the other ninja that he’s going to fucking die-

The wave of nausea faded, but a wave of exhaustion hit him like a truck not even seconds later. He weakened his grip on the trash can cautiously- just in case his throat itched again and beautiful yet bloodied petals came bursting out of his mouth, and placed the trash can back onto the solid wooden floor. Then, he leaned back and slumped against the door, too tired to even wipe the blood around his lips.

This sucks. 

Lloyd closed his eyes, drawing in a shaky breath of oxygen, chest wracking and trembling.

He might as well cherish the feeling of being able to breathe, until the next “flower attack” arrives or- until he’s six feet under.

Chapter Text

The best hour to be awake. Well, it’s 4 am of course. 

Lloyd sat in his wooden chair, face illuminated with a light blue color by his laptop screen. The lights of the room were off, leaving a tiny beam of the moon’s glow falling into the room through his open window. 

His gaze was fixed on the neon blue screen, right hand gripping a dark blue pen as the ink danced around the page of the notebook, covering the once empty space with quick and messy handwriting.

IMPORTANT : notes on how to die slower (with research from the internet)

• dont think about h—--- (you know who) because it accelerates flower growth

• drink more water

• dont go through intense emotions 

• im not sure

Lloyd sighed, and put his pen down. It had seemed like his research hit a dead end- and everything just seemed so hopeless. 

He reached for his bottle, taking a sip and swallowing it- until he sputtered and quickly put down his bottle once again. He fell out of his chair and onto the ground, grasping for the trash can as his heart hammered in his chest. He coughed with as little force as possible as he didn’t want to cause a commotion in the middle of the night, only to realize it wasn’t working. He stopped using his nose to breathe, instead forcing himself to suck in air with his mouth, but something was stuck inside- He started to move around rapidly, trying desperately to get ai-r -

im going to die im going to die im going to die- and it hurts and it feels so horrible

He can’t- he can’t even- call for help- 

Green eyes widened in pain as Lloyd suddenly felt something hit his back hard. He instinctively flinched away from whatever hit him, only to realize he was being held still and that he lacked the energy to move away anyway. He did feel like he was going to throw up-

Another hit on his back and Lloyd retched, leaning forward.

Another hit and he spat out something- and, and he could breathe again!

Lloyd sighed in relief as he gasped in sweet, rich breaths of oxygen- and froze as he saw that his room’s door was opened at the corner of his eye. 

His breathing stilled, and the train of realization hit him. There was someone else in his room, and apparently they had just saved him from pathetically choking to death while thrashing his body and limbs on the bare floor. And not to mention the thing that was choking him was none other than a fully grown aconite flower that is covered in blood (his blood) .

Fantastic. 

He would love to stay kneeling on the floor but he knew that he had to find out whoever was in his room and close the damn door before any other person walked past his room and saw this artistic scene. If Lloyd was being honest, he really did not want to know who it was. So he stood, facing his now closed door as if he was being punished for something. (Punished for his idiocy of not asking for help, perhaps. But he knew better than to make everyone concerned about him, since he was supposed to be a leader, and leaders weren’t supposed to be weak after all.)

The silence was deafening. Lloyd heard the wooden tiles of his room creak, and the sound of someone shifting their weight. His heartbeat went haywire as anxiety ran through his veins. 

Chapter Text

He just stood still, resisting the urge to move his foot, or start peeling the skin near his fingernails. Honestly, he expected the unknown person to start yelling at him, or even grip his arm until it hurt to spin him around and demand an explanation. Now that his mind is concentrated on this mysterious person, Lloyd can’t help but shrink into himself as he realizes how loud the silence really is. The slight hum of electricity and the roars of the wind outside was overwhelming. 

Why won’t they just say something? He bit his lip anxiously. With the lack of any sound, it was impossible to tell if the person was shocked, or disappointed, or both. It’s not like Lloyd himself wants to say anything anyway though, both for his pride’s sake and the fact that his throat was raw from all that coughing he did previously. 

Might as well rip the bandaid off, hm? He took a deep breath, chest slightly shuddering when he did so, and slowly turned around. Widened onyx eyes met his dim green ones. A feminine voice spoke.

“What the hell, Lloyd!?” Nya shrieked, causing Lloyd to shush her in panic.

“Will you keep it down!? I don’t want to wake everyone up!” He whisper-yelled in retaliation.

“You expect me?? To not shriek at this- this pile of blood and petals and whatever else? Are you dying, Lloyd?” 

“What- no, no I’m not!?” He winced at the question, shaking his head, “I’ll explain, just please, be a little more quiet?” To be fair, he would freak out too if one of his family just spasmed on the floor covered in blood and flower petals while wheezing. Oh, well.

“Okay.” Nya crossed her arms, huffing. “Okay,” her gaze softened. She walked over to his bed whilst carefully avoiding the mess on the floor, and sat down. With an expectant stare, she patted the space next to her.

“You better explain everything. Truthfully.” 

“I will.”

— —

“I don’t.. really know how to begin.” Emerald energy swirled in his eyes, his face unsure. 

“Does this have anything to do with uh..you running off at dinner? And that one time on the deck?” 

“..Yes.” He nodded hesitantly, “Okay, I’m just gonna like… try my best to explain. I’m not too sure myself either.”

Stuttering, he began, “So. I think I still- still like Harumi, even after everything. I don’t know why. I don’t- she did so many bad things to me, and I, fuck what is wrong with me-“ He buries his face in his hands, voice muffled, “- and I’m ill. All because of her. These flowers, they’re all, all because of her. I hate her!” A harsh whimper, “She ruined my- my life!” 

Nya’s once reserved expression instantly morphed into one of worry. She raised her hands, slowly, as to not startle the currently distressed ninja. She then spanned them out, a welcoming invitation to a gesture of comfort. 

He looked up, eyebrows furrowed before hesitantly climbing into her arms. It felt humiliating, to be coddled in such a way someone would treat a child, because he isn’t one ( not anymore, after what happened) . But it was soothing, comforting, like a blanket during winter. All the rage he had felt previously ebbed away, replaced by a wave of drowsiness. He shifted, turning his head to relocate his gaze as he really didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

She might be stubborn at times, breaking boundaries to demand explanations for the sake of her family’s safety as she truly believed it would help them. But for some reason, this time is different. When she looks at the beautiful mess of purple and red on the dull floor, and thinks of how the love that bloomed for his first love (something to treasure, to reminisce on) was violently stomped on and manipulated, she doesn’t dare to push any further. 

“Is it fatal?” She can’t help but worry, though. 

In the silence, he can hear the gears turning in her head. He’s conflicted - though he cannot deny the comfort is nice and cozy, and it is probably one of the only times he had allowed someone to hold him in such a display of vulnerability. 

“...No.” 

She relaxes a little, and he’s glad, because he really does not want anyone to excessively worry about him. Even if he dies, it’s okay, because everyone dies anyway, right?

“Lloyd.” He hummed, waiting for her to continue. She opened and shut her mouth, seemingly hesitant. Alas, she settles to tell him that he is not alone, and never will be, and that all of the others will be there for him - if he ever does decide to rant about anything. 

“Get some sleep, okay? I think you need it. I’ll help you clean this.” She moved out of the warm embrace, stepping onto the cold floor. 

“Wait, Nya.” He sat up, hands fidgeting.

“Yea?” 

“You won’t tell anyone- not a soul?” 

Her mouth pressed into a line, as she considered the options. But she smiled softly to him, reassuring, “I won’t, if you promise to take care of yourself. And- and get better, okay? I hate seeing you like this.”

“Okay.” His lips tilt into a brief smile. You won’t see me again like this, I swear. Don’t worry about me, Nya.

“Goodnight.”