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It started out with a feeling of congestion and a tickle in the back of Rain’s throat when he woke up Monday morning before class. A slight tickle, and the fact that he had a harder time waking up for classes than usual, his body feeling heavy. He slowly opened his eyes and was met with an empty bed, which confused him until his brain caught up and he remembered Phayu had a meeting with a client early that morning.
Bleary eyes found the clock on the shelf behind the bed, and when it only said 7:30, he sighed in relief. Class didn’t start until 10, which meant he could possibly get another hour of sleep in. Hopefully he’d wake up and his throat would feel better and he wouldn’t feel so heavy. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case, because the next time he woke up, he felt worse somehow and he frowned, a bit of anxiety creeping into his heart at the idea that he was actually getting sick. Unfortunately he had a test in his first class of the day so he couldn’t be late - Sky would never let him hear the end of it if he was.
With more effort than it should have taken, Rain pushed himself out of bed and made his way to the bathroom, turning the shower up as hot as he felt he could stand it. Once steam started to fill the room, he got in and let the scalding water beat down on him for a few minutes in an attempt to shake off whatever was ailing him. A voice that sounded suspiciously like his father told him he was just being a hypochondriac and was completely fine, that he was just getting run down from weeks of not enough sleep due to a steady stream of projects as second year got into full swing.
He rested his head against the shower wall and closed his eyes for a few moments, finally feeling his muscles start to relax a little, but he knew his timer was going to go off soon, so he reached for the shampoo and got to work on showering properly so he could head out.
Rain managed to make it to class with 15 minutes to spare and sent Sky a tired smile in greeting when he slid into his seat. Sky looked at him critically and then grabbed something from his bag, placing a strawberry yogurt drink in front of him as both a reward for showing up early, and a reminder to eat something.
Rain shot his friend a thankful smile, who only responded with a good natured eye roll and went back to browsing on his phone for a bit. After Rain downed the yogurt in a few gulps, he pulled his own phone out and sent a quick text to his boyfriend.
🌧️ Good Morning Phi, remember to eat something this morning, I love you! ❤️
🌪️: Thank you sweet boy, I love you too. Good luck on your test!
🌧️: ❤️
He smiled softly at his phone, slipping it into his pocket and pulling out his notes, intent on going over one problem area before the test, but he found reading was a bit harder than normal that morning. His eyes simply didn’t want to focus very well and it felt like he may have a headache coming on. The tickle also chose that moment to make itself known again. Rain cleared his throat, which was then followed by a soft cough.
A couple of people shot him glances, which he returned with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, sorry, it’s just a tickle in my throat!”
He was glad he kept a bottle of water in his bag, because that was going to be the only way to keep the tickle at bay apparently. He downed half of it in one go as the teacher came in and advised them to put everything away to prepare for the test. Unfortunately, just like his notes, Rain had a hard time focusing on the test itself; all the text looked just a little out of focus. He rubbed his eyes in frustration, and frowned. He’d just have to power through.
As the day carried on, Rain’s small headache blossomed into a full blown migraine, the tickle in his throat slowly morphed into acute pain, and he was certain that his shirt hadn’t physically hurt him this morning, but felt like agony to be wearing it by the day's end. By the time classes were over, every single inch of Rain’s body was sore and he felt over-sensitive, not to mention the fatigue that was setting in fast.
He tried to deny it, to himself and to Sky, but his friend was annoyingly perceptive and refused to let him drive, snatching the keys from Rain’s hand and insisting he drive him home. Rain had wanted to argue more, but his head hurt so badly that he simply let his friend usher him into the car. He must have dozed at some point on the trip home, because the next thing he knew, he was being shaken awake in front of Phayu’s house. “Get inside and rest, Rain. You honestly look like hell. I told you not to pull that all nighter last night and to actually sleep.” Rain whined at being chastised, “I know that, but I had to finish our project that was due. I just have a migraine, I swear.”
The dismissal didn’t work though, because his friend regarded him critically from the driver's seat for a moment and didn’t like what he saw. The next words out of his mouth were not what Rain wanted to hear. “I’ll let the teachers know you won’t be in tomorrow, maybe Wednesday either, and I’ll gather your homework for you.”
“But Sky, it’s just a headache!” Rain argued pitifully, which was made worse by the cough that snuck up on him. Sky stared at him pointedly at that. “Trust me on this one,” he said, nudging Rain to get out. “I’ll talk to P’Phayu about getting your car back to you later, but for now just go rest, please.”
Rain stood, staring for a few minutes after the car disappeared from sight, then trudged into the house slowly. He barely remembered not to just drop his bag near the front door and placed it on the dining room table instead. He made it as far as the living room before the last of his energy fled and he collapsed on the couch. The last thing he remembered doing was reaching for a nearby pillow and deciding to just rest his eyes for a few minutes.
Consciousness came back to Rain slowly, and he had to focus a lot of energy into opening his eyes when he heard someone calling his name gently, “...ain. Rain darling, can you wake up for me?”
He blinked sluggishly and tried to respond, but found that his throat was a bit dry and that it stung a bit. He winced in pain, then coughed into the pillow afterwards. A small moan escaped before he could stop it. “Not feeling very well, hm?” Phayu cooed and pushed Rain’s bangs away from his eyes before cupping his face gently. Rain found himself leaning into the hand, seeking whatever comfort he could from the cool hand against his feverish skin.
“Hurt all over…” he whimpered.
“I know baby, Sky texted to let me know you may be coming down with something and that he had your car for the time being. I picked up some soup on the way home, do you think you can sit up enough to eat for me and take some meds?”
The thought of moving made Rain whine a little, but he nodded and with his boyfriend's help, he was able to sit up, though the world spun a little on him, making him bring a hand to his head for a moment.
“Take it easy darling, I just need you to take a few bites and have a few sips of water, then you can take some meds and we’ll get you upstairs to rest, sound good?” “Ok,” he croaked, then promptly coughed again. A glass of water was lifted to his lips and he drank slowly, relishing the way the cold water felt on his throat.
“Good boy,” Phayu murmured before setting the glass aside and grabbing the soup. Rain went to reach for it, to feed himself, but Phayu kept it out of his reach. “Let me take care of you darling.” “Phi, I can do it myself,” Rain argued in a tone that was most certainly not a whine.
“I know you can, but I’d like to feed you if that’s ok. Let me take care of you, please?”
The gentle tone, combined with Phayu’s own version of puppy dog eyes, stole any argument Rain had, and despite the guilt churning in his chest at being babied, he found himself nodding. “Thank you baby,” Phayu murmured gently, then fed him slowly with pauses for water or coughing as needed. Once half the bowl was gone, Phayu handed Rain a couple of Paracetamol and the water, which he downed quickly.
“Good boy. Let’s get you upstairs now.”
Before he could work up the energy to stand, Phayu had slipped one hand under his legs and the other behind his back and lifted him into his arms. Rain put up a token protest, but with the way his head felt like it was spinning, he gave in and closed his eyes, resting his head against Phayu’s shoulder as he was carried upstairs.
When Rain’s head came to rest against his shoulder, Phayu glanced down at the boy in his arms and frowned slightly. He noticed Rain was slightly lighter than the last time he’d carried him in this manner, which meant he’d lost a little weight. That would have to be a conversation for another day though, because Rain was already starting to radiate heat, something Phayu planned to try and counteract by getting him into a lukewarm bath.
After shutting the bedroom door, he carried Rain to the bathroom and set him down on the counter. “Can you sit up on your own for me please?”
“Hm? Yes, Phi…” came the mumbled reply, but Rain did indeed rouse enough when he was set down to keep himself upright.
“I’m going to run you a nice bath. I guarantee you’ll feel much better and then we’ll get you to bed,” Phayu assured, but was stopped when a hand came up to grab his wrist as he turned away.
“You don’t need to do this Phi, I can just go lay down, I’ll be fine. I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than look after me like this,” Rain offered in a tone that made Phayu’s heart ache a little.
“There is nowhere in the world I’d rather be than right here, with you. Please let me take care of you sweet boy,” Phayu implored as he brushed his fingers over the hand holding his wrist, and smiled when he was released.
“Good boy, now just sit tight while I grab a few things.” Once the bath was filled, Phayu helped Rain down from the counter and undressed him carefully, watching as the cool air made him shiver. He quickly got Rain into the tub and set to work gently washing his hair for him, frowning at how pliant he was.
Gone was the sunshine boy who was always in motion, teasing Phayu to join him if they weren’t bathing together, or animatedly telling him about how his day at school had gone. At the moment, Rain looked run down and so very delicate. His skin looked sickly pale, though his cheeks were flushed - an indication of the fever setting in, and his eyes were glassy and unfocused.
Phayu washed him as gently as possible, but he paused when Rain made a noise of discomfort.
“Sorry Phi, my skin just hurts in general, it’s nothing you’re doing, please don’t stop…”
“We’re almost done darling, sit still while I wash your hair ok?”
Soon enough he finished and roused Rain, who’s eyes had drifted shut as Phayu had massaged the shampoo into his hair.
“Come on baby, wake up just enough to help me get you out of the tub, ok?”
“Mmkay…” came the drowsy response.
He helped Rain stand, then bundled him into a towel and lifted him from the tub before setting him back on his feet, then made quick work of helping him dry off. He helped Rain dress in a pair of boxers and one of his own sleep shirts that he knew his boy loved, then got him into bed.
He tucked Rain in, made sure the curtains were closed, then dimmed the lights in the room. “You rest my good boy, I’ll be back shortly,” Phayu said and planted a kiss on Rain’s forehead. When he went to stand, one of Rain’s hands snuck out from the covers and wrapped around his wrist.
“Please don’t go, Phi,” Rain whimpered, then looked guilty for some reason and pulled his hand back. “Nevermind…I’m sorry…” he continued, which made Phayu’s heart break a little.
“Darling, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m going to come back upstairs shortly, I promise. I’m just going to send Saifah out for more medicine for you, get some water, and I’ll be right back. Ok?”
“Ok,” came the meek response.
“Just rest, love,” Phayu crooned and kissed Rain’s forehead one more time. Only when Rain’s eyes drifted shut did Phayu let himself step away.
Aside from that first time Rain came down with a fever, he had never been sick around Phayu before, and Phayu was having a hard time controlling his own anxiety. Rationally he knew it was probably just the flu or exhaustion from overworking himself, but a small, irrational part wanted to panic that Phayu was not going to be able to properly care for his boyfriend.
“Ai’Phayu, what’s got you looking so worried,” his brother’s voice broke through his thoughts as he came downstairs. He was apparently already heading out the door.
“Rain’s sick. I don’t know if it’s a simple case of exhaustion from overwork, or if he’s coming down with the flu or something of the sort. He’s running a fever though, sounds really congested, is starting to cough, and can barely keep his eyes open.”
Saifah frowned at the worry in Phayu’s tone, and his brother’s teasing expression softened to one of concern. The two of them rarely got sick, if ever, so they were hardly prepared to care for someone who was.
“Well, I was running out to grab dinner anyways, I’ll stop by the pharmacy on my way home and grab what I can as well as whatever else I can think of that will help Rainy boy get better, ok? Go rest with him. I’ll bring stuff up to your room once I get home.”
Phayu gave Saifah a grateful smile, then got some more water and hurried back upstairs. When he slipped back into the darkened room, he found Rain curled up where he’d left him, face scrunched in discomfort even in sleep.
“Oh my sweet boy,” Phayu murmured and pressed the back of his hand and wrist on Rain’s forehead and neck to check his temperature, then frowned. The bath and Paracetamol had helped a little, but it wasn’t enough, as Rain was still burning up. If the fever got any higher, Phayu would call his mom to see what he should do, or maybe their family doctor. He moved past the bed and grabbed a wash rag from the bathroom closet, then soaked it in cold water for a while. In the time he’d been away, Rain had rolled onto his back and kicked the blankets off in his sleep.
“None of that. You may feel hot but I can’t have you getting chilled,” Phayu muttered and draped the covers back over Rain. He moved to his side of the bed and sat down, then placed the cold washcloth on Rain’s forehead, who flinched away from the sudden cold.
“Shh…it’s ok, Just relax, Rain,” he murmured, carding his fingers through Rain’s feather soft hair. After a little while he checked the cloth and found it warming up a bit, so he got up and refreshed the cold water, then readjusted the pillows so he’d be a bit more comfortable as he leaned against the marble of the headboard. As he adjusted, Rain mumbled something in his sleep then coughed, causing Phayu to flinch at the harshness.
“Mm, alright darling, let’s prop you up just a little,” he said and woke Rain up just enough to sit up so Phayu could adjust the pillows to allow for him to be more upright, then carefully guided the mostly asleep boy back down to rest his head. Once Rain was settled again, Phayu placed the cold rag against his forehead and resumed his quiet vigil.
He may have dozed a little, because the next thing he knew the door to the bedroom was swinging open and he heard the sound of slippers against the floor. He opened bleary eyes to see Saifah moving to his side of the bed in the dim light.
“What time is it?” he asked around a yawn.
“Not that late, don’t worry, it’s only 10. I grabbed some flu medicine that has a decongestant in it, and if the cough I heard on the way upstairs is any indication, he’ll probably need it. I also grabbed a couple of cold packs, some food for you and some soup for Rainy boy when he wakes up. Everything is in the fridge downstairs. I’ll leave the medicine on the back of the bed. Make sure you get some rest too, big brother. Feel better Rain…” Saifah whispered and made his way back out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
Phayu grabbed the now warm washcloth from where it had slipped off Rain’s forehead, then stretched and got up. He grabbed the bag of meds and slipped into the bathroom. Shutting the door part way, he turned the light on, then pulled everything out. Counting back the hours from when Rain last took fever reducer, Phayu knew it was about time for another dose, so he grabbed that, the flu medicine, and a cold pack, and headed back out. He set everything down right behind where Rain was laying, then grabbed the empty glass and went to refill it. The downstairs was dimly lit, which meant Saifah was more than likely on his side of the house for the night, so Phayu went to the kitchen and made a glass of tea for Rain, adding some lemon and honey, then heated up dinner for himself and a small mug of soup for Rain. Once he had everything upstairs, he tried to rouse Rain, who groaned and let out a cough, which he clumsily tried to cover with his arm.
“I know darling, you’re ok, can you wake up a bit for me? I have some more meds and some soup I’d like you to try and eat. Can you do that for me?”
“I don’t feel very well, Phi…” Rain whimpered, the words making him cough again.
“I know you don’t. This will help you feel better though, just have a couple bites for me please, you hardly ate anything earlier today,” Phayu requested, letting a bit of worry seep into his voice, knowing it would make Rain listen a bit better.
Rain did as he was asked and pushed himself upright. “Sky gave me a yogurt drink earlier today.”
“Sky’s a good friend, I know. Come on, eat some dinner with me and then we can rest for the night, ok?”
“Ok, Phi.”
Phayu knew Rain was only giving in because he was barely awake, and he couldn’t stop the worried frown that passed across his face.
Rain must have caught it though, because he looked down, his expression closing off a little, and for some reason started to try and get out of bed. “M’sorry Phi, you don’t need to do all this for me, really. I know I’m being a burden. I probably shouldn’t even be here right now. I should have gone back to my mom’s place. You’re probably going to get sick because of me, then you’ll miss work and could get in trouble.”
As he babbled, Phayu watched in stunned silence as Rain kicked the covers off himself and sat up. He heard the words coming out of his boy’s mouth, but was struggling to process them and was so caught up in trying to make sense of anything he said, that he missed Rain trying to stand up. Apparently Rain’s legs refused to hold his weight any longer, because he simply collapsed where he stood.
“Rain!” Phayu yelped and moved to catch him before his head hit the floor.
Rain let out a frustrated cry, and then started muttering under his breath, trying to push Phayu away in his feverish state. Phayu only caught a couple of the words, but heard “stupid” and he watched helplessly as his boy worked himself into near hyperventilation. He wrapped his arms around Rain tightly and started shushing him, a bit of panic creeping into his chest at how badly Rain was shivering as he muttered to himself. “Rain, baby, stop! Stop talking like that about yourself, please.”
“Let me go, Phi. You’re going to get sick, and it’s going to be my fault. I need to leave.” Rain whimpered and tried to shove him away, but Phayu wasn’t budging.
“No, Rain, stop. I don’t know who or what put those thoughts in your head but they are simply not true - what is going on in that mind of yours?” he asked quietly, pushing Rain’s head against his chest and hugging him tightly.
All Rain new at the moment was heat, pain, embarrassment, and guilt. In his feverish state, as soon as he saw the frown on his Phi’s face, he knew he’d messed up. He was being too much again, a burden. Thoughts swirled through his mind, but he struggled to grasp a single one. All he could remember were the words from his father when he was a kid and would get sick.
“Rain, I don’t have time to take care of you. Go take some pain medicine and lay down, you’ll feel better eventually.”
“Why are you always getting sick at the worst possible time? I can’t miss this business meeting, I have to go. Just go to your room.”
“You’re not a child anymore, it’s just a little cold, quit being a baby. Put a mask on and go to school, you have a test you can’t miss today and I don’t want you falling behind.”
His father absolutely hated it when Rain got sick as a kid, so when it did happen, Rain worked harder to hide it if possible, if only to stop seeing the disappointment in his father’s eyes. It never changed anything though.
When his mom was around, she’d take the best care of him though. She’d make soup or something else soft on his stomach and when he couldn’t sleep, she’d sit and rock him softly, humming until he would eventually drift off. Here he was again though, being a burden on someone he cared for. Phayu had a job, a really important one, and so did Saifah. What had he been thinking, coming here when he first realized he was getting sick? He absolutely needed to leave. If he could just get home, he could curl up in bed and sleep it away like he always did.
He tried to leave, but his damned legs couldn’t even hold his weight properly and he collapsed. He’d been doing so well, but now it was all falling apart.
“Rain!” he heard his name through the haze of fever and felt strong arms catch him before he could fully hit the ground.
Phayu. He had caught him. For a moment, Rain started to lean into the embrace, but then he remembered - he wasn’t supposed to get his Phi sick. How had he just forgotten? Stupid sickness. Stupid shitty memory.
“Rain, baby, stop talking about yourself like that, please.” The pleading tone in his voice made Rain’s breath speed up and he felt light-headed.
“Please let me go, Phi. You’re going to get sick and it’s going to be my fault, I need to leave." He tried to shove Phayu away, but his limbs simply refused to work and his boyfriend only tightened his grip further.
“Stop. I don’t know who or what put those thoughts in your head, but they’re simply not true. What is going on in that head of yours baby?” Phayu sounded so concerned, and the logical part of Rain’s brain told him that was because he loved Rain. The darker part - that sounded suspiciously like his father - told him he wasn’t worth that concern.
“If you get sick, you could miss work. That’s so much worse than missing a couple days of class. You could get in trouble and it would be my fault. Just take me back to my mom’s house. I’ll sleep it off like I usually do and be fine in a few days and-” he was cut off when Phayu hugged him so tight it almost hurt.
“Darling, shh…breathe for me. You’re working yourself up. If you keep this up you’re going to pass out. I need you to come back to me.” Rain was no longer being crushed thankfully, but he felt a hand slip into his hair, tighten, and then pull slightly – not enough to hurt, but the familiar action pierced through the fog in his mind and got his attention. When he heaved out a shuddered sigh, the grip on his hair relaxed and the words “that’s my good boy…” were crooned softly in ear. Rain felt himself return a bit more to the present and the little fight he had in him fled his body with another breath.
“Are you back with me, baby boy?” he heard Phayu ask in that familiar tone of his, but words felt so overwhelming at the moment that instead of replying verbally, he tapped twice on Phayu’s leg to indicate yes, he was back.
“Good, I’m going to pick you up and then put you back in bed. I need you to not try and get up again on me, ok?”
Two more taps.
“Good boy. Ok, wrap your arms around my neck,” and as he did that, Phayu slipped a hand under his legs and scooped him up, holding him tight for a moment.
Whether it was for Phayu’s comfort, or his own, Rain buried his face in Phayu’s neck as he brought Rain back to bed and set him down gently. Rain released the hold on his neck, then immediately missed the contact. He heard a low keening noise and was embarrassed to realize it was coming from him.
Phayu shushed him with a kiss to the forehead. “Shh darling, I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m right here. I’m getting in bed with you, ok?” Phayu crawled immediately into bed, but instead of grabbing the food or medicine behind them on the headrest, he simply opened his arms for Rain to crawl into.
Ignoring the voice telling him he shouldn’t, Rain collapsed into his boyfriend’s waiting embrace, seeking whatever comfort he could get. Nothing made sense at the moment and he just needed the stupid voice in his head to shut up for a bit.
Phayu pulled him close, and held him tight for a few minutes, content to simply rock them both gently.
Phayu’s heart raced uncomfortably in his chest as he cradled Rain in his arms, but he took deep measured breaths that he encouraged Rain to match. “Match your breaths with mine darling, and just focus on that ok? In and out for me…”
He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, rocking and breathing, but finally Phayu felt Rain relax into his embrace fully. “Good job, baby boy…” he murmured and placed a tender kiss on the crown of Rain’s head. Once he was certain that he was going to be calm enough, he gently rearranged Rain so that he was propped up on the pillows in bed.
Rain let out the smallest of whines, and Phayu couldn’t help but coo, “I’m just grabbing medicine and the soup. We’re going to try to eat a little bit ok?”
Phayu waited patiently and was rewarded with two taps to his thigh.
He put his own food on his lap, then grabbed the mug of soup - wonton, one of Rain’s favorites - and held it up to Rain. “Take a couple sips for me ok?”
Thankfully, he let Phayu feed him. They got through half the bowl, with Phayu taking breaks to feed himself and to let Rain’s stomach settle, before Rain signaled he was done.
“Alright, time for some medicine then, I’ve got some more fever reducer and some flu medicine.” He grabbed the pills and water and handed them to Rain, who dutifully took them along with a few sips of water. “Now, lay back down and get comfortable darling. We’ll talk when you’re feeling better, ok?”
The look in Rain’s eyes when they met his own broke Phayu’s heart, but he smiled softly when Rain nodded for him. “I’m not going anywhere Rain, I promise you. Close your eyes and rest. If I’m not here for some reason, Saifah will be. You won’t be alone, I promise.” Whatever Rain had experienced as a child had obviously left a mark and Phayu was determined to help him in some way. The fact that he thought he had to leave…to not be a burden, to just “go home and sleep it off”... what kind of parent would treat their child like that?
Phayu gave himself a little shake to clear the thoughts away before he placed a cold pack on Rain’s forehead, gave him a tender kiss, and watched his eyes flutter slowly shut. He sat there gently carding a hand through Rain’s hair until Rain’s breaths evened out and he was asleep. With a relieved sigh, Phayu slowly got out of bed and made his way downstairs with the remnants of dinner and to get more water incase Rain woke up and needed it later.
The next couple of days passed by in a blur for Rain. Sometimes he woke up feeling like he was drowning, coughing so hard he swore he tasted iron. Each time, Phayu was right there, helping him sit up and holding him through the worst of it, then getting him water to drink to sooth his tattered throat.
Sometimes, he woke up feeling like his skin was on fire, and nothing brought him comfort. Phayu would be there with medicine and a cold wash cloth, dripping cold water over his skin sometimes, or simply moving the cold pack from his forehead to chest, which sent pleasant shivers down Rain’s spine.
At one point he woke up just enough to hear voices whispering. It was his name that brought him further to consciousness.
“...said Rain will be ok, Yu, you heard him.”
“I know what the doctor said, but I just-” a frustrated sigh was let out, “I’m worried, you didn’t see him the other night ‘Fah. And sometimes his breathing scares me.” The broken tone in Phayu’s voice causes Rain to fully wake up.
“Phi?”
“Rain!” Two voices called out and Rain heard footsteps make their way closer to him. He opened his eyes as the bed dipped and Phayu sat next to him, while Saifah hovered somewhere near the foot of the bed.
“I’m sorry darling, did we wake you?”
“What’s going on, Phi?” Rain asked, then winced as his voice sounded muffled and his throat throbbed with pain.
“We thought it was the flu initially, but the doctor said you more than likely have bronchitis. All the symptoms and the severity of your cough match up. We got a new medicine for you, and an inhaler for when you start coughing badly and can’t catch your breath.”
“Bronchitis? I haven’t had that in years.”
“We were afraid it was worse than that for a bit, Rainy boy,” Saifah chimed in, patting Rain’s foot. “The doctor didn’t hear any signs of pneumonia though, so he didn’t believe we needed to take you in to get any further tests done. He says all you need is rest, medicine, and lots of water.”
Rain listened and nodded where appropriate, but all he could focus on was how sincerely concerned they were and how sure they were of helping him. He detected no anger or resentment, and yet he still felt the need to apologize. “I’m sorry…”
“Whatever for?” Saifah asked as Phayu stilled in the act of grabbing the medicine that was behind them on the headboard.
“You’re both going through all this effort to care for me. I don’t know what day it is, but Phi, you must be missing work because of me. And oh no school…I’m going to fall so behind!” Rain moaned and then broke into another fit of coughing which spurred Phayu back into action.
Rain watched as Phayu brought an inhaler to his lips. “Exhale as much as you can for me, then when I say so take a deep breath. Now. Good…now hold.” Phayu waited a little while, then told Rain to exhale again. They repeated the process a second time, and then Saifah held a cup of water with a straw to Rain’s mouth with an encouraging smile, and Rain drank half the glass.
“You’re doing so well, Rain. Now we’re going to take more meds which will make you sleep but have a cough suppressant in them. You’re going to rest some more and when you wake up again everything is going to be fine, I promise you.”
“But your work…”
“If I need to, I have plenty of leave, but I’ve been working from home for the last couple of days. We don’t have anything pressing going on and any meetings we have I can join virtually,” Phayu assured.
“And I’m handling everything down at the garage just fine. You don’t need to worry about anything besides feeling better,” Saifah added with a smile.
“See? Now quit worrying and just rest. I’ll wake you up in a few hours to eat and take more medicine.”
Rain frowned again, but honestly didn’t have the energy to argue, so he curled back up and was out in moments. He partially woke up a few times for bathroom breaks, food, and cough medicine that knocked him out, but another two days passed before he woke up enough to be fully coherent.
“Phi, can I please get up? I’m feeling much better now,” he said and it wasn’t even a lie. His throat no longer hurt and the fever was gone. All that was left was coughing, wheezing, and a bit of fatigue. He was still congested, but even that wasn’t bothering him all that much.
Phayu had been working at his desk when Rain woke up and he looked him over critically. “Give me half an hour to finish what I’m in the middle of, then I’ll take a break and we’ll go sit downstairs on the couch and have something to eat. Sound fair?"
“Yeah, that works I guess. I’m going to get up and go to the bathroom though.”
“Let me know if you need any help, please,” Phayu requested, then turned back to his laptop.
After using the bathroom, Rain ended up dozing for a little over half an hour, and woke up to an amused boyfriend hovering over him.
“Still up for going downstairs darling, or would you prefer to rest here a bit more?”
“I’ve rested enough Phi,” he said around a yawn, “I could use a change of scenery, please?” he pulled out the puppy dog eyes with this question.
“Put those eyes away, brat. Let’s get you settled downstairs. Go ahead and grab your phone,” Phayu said with a roll of his eyes, ignoring Rain’s cheeky smile as he scrambled out of bed and they went downstairs.
Phayu sat on the couch and pulled Rain down so that his head rested on his lap as he started running his hands through Rain’s hair gently. This made him curl closer, burying his face into Phayu’s stomach and humming in contentment. They stayed that way for a while, until Rain’s stomach growled, breaking the peace. “Someone hungry?”
“Maybe a little,” Rain mumbled into Phayu’s shirt which made Phayu chuckle.
“Would you like me to make you something, or would you like food brought to us?”
Rain wasn’t quite ready to let Phayu go, so he asked if they could order in, to which Phayu readily agreed. “Saifah should actually be about to leave the garage, I’ll text him and see if he’ll stop and get something on his way home.”
“Thank you, Phi.”
A few minutes of silence went by, then Phayu announced dinner would be there in about an hour and asked if Rain was feeling up to having a talk.
Rain’s anxiety spiked with the question, causing him to bury his head into Phayu’s stomach, and he suddenly wished he’d stayed in bed. Of course his boyfriend was going to want to talk. Rain had basically lost his mind a couple of days ago and tried to fucking run away. How was he supposed to explain that away? Was Phayu angry with him, disappointed? Rain’s breathing sped up a bit, and he coughed but it settled on its own.
“I can practically hear you thinking baby boy. Whatever it is that’s running through your mind, you’re wrong.” Phayu said and tapped his shoulder a couple of times.
“Phi, I can explain-”
“Shh…darling, you’re working yourself up again. I need you to relax for me, ok? I just want to ask a couple of questions, because you said a couple of things that really concerned me. Sit up for me now please. If you get worked up, I want you upright so you’ll have an easier time breathing.”
The casual way in which he said it made something loosen in Rain’s chest. He sat up and rearranged himself so he was curled up against the pillows at the arm of the couch, and pulled his knees up to his chest.
Phayu considered him for a moment before speaking. “You seemed to be operating under the impression that getting sick was some sort of unacceptable imposition to us.” It wasn’t a question, so Rain remained silent, watching Phayu take the time to gather his thoughts. “You seemed to think I would be angry with you for simply getting sick. Can you…can you tell me why?”
Rain opened his mouth to try to speak, then closed it again. Phayu stayed still, watching him with nothing but patience and love shining in his eyes, which gave Rain the confidence to finally speak.
“My dad, he-I-” he cut himself off, took another deep breath, then tried again. “I got sick a lot as a kid. For the longest time he accused me of being a hypochondriac and rarely believed me when I said I was sick. The rare times he did accept it, he got angry. He would send me to my room so that I was out of his way. That way he wouldn’t have to hear me coughing, throwing up, or moaning about the pain in my head or anywhere else.”
Rain watched as barely contained anger flashed through his boyfriend’s face before his expression cleared. Somehow, he knew this anger wasn’t directed toward him and he felt bolstered to continue speaking.
“My mom was so much better about it, and dad honestly wasn’t around that often before he went back to South Korea. I didn’t get sick nearly as much as I got older either, so it was hardly a problem. If I did get sick when mom wasn’t traveling, she would immediately believe me and take care of me, but I couldn’t help wondering if I was a burden to her. Once or twice when she was around for my getting sick, I’d be contagious, and get her sick. She’d have to stay home from work, or cancel a business lunch or dinner. She never tried to guilt-trip me, but I could see how frustrated she’d get with being run down herself. I always felt so bad.”
Phayu seemed a little overwhelmed as he watched Rain speak and had to take time to gather his thoughts again. “Rain, a parents job is to take care of their child, healthy or not. Saifah and I don’t get sick much at all anymore, but mom tells us that we were basically germ factories as toddlers and young children. It would always start with Saifah for some reason, then I’d get it, and then it would inevitably spread to mom, and on occasion our Pa. It’s just a fact of life.” As he said this, Phayu moved a little closer and rubbed Rain’s leg in soothing circles.
“That must have been rough,” Rain offered when they both remained silent for a minute.
“Maybe, but that’s what you get when you have kids. The way your father treated you was unacceptable Rain, I hope you understand that. Being sick is not a burden, or a punishable offense, and most definitely should never be hidden. I’m almost afraid to ask how many times since we’ve known each other you’ve gone home instead of staying with me when you were sick because you thought I’d get angry.”
Rain flushed at having been caught. “Like I said, I really don’t get sick much anymore. There was really only one time. It was a few months ago when you were going to work on-site for a couple of weeks. Mom was home anyway, and it was just a small cold. I was only just starting to feel under the weather when you announced you had to leave. I was maybe feeling a bit more tired than usual before you left, so I didn't think it was important enough to mention, because that could have been from school. I didn’t want you to worry while you were away.”
“So you haven’t been sick like this in a long time?”
“No, not since my last year of Matthayom. Influenza spread through the school like a wildfire for some reason, and almost everyone in my class got it by the time all was said and done.”
Phayu nodded in understanding, but had an unreadable expression on his face for a moment before he spoke. “Ok, new rule. If I don’t notice first, you have to tell me when you don’t feel well. No more hiding from me, do you understand?” His tone was firm, but his expression was gentle and Rain felt himself melt and the promise came easy.
“That’s my good boy, thank you.” Phayu gifted Rain with a tender smile, then opened his arms and Rain crawled in after only a moment’s consideration. They stayed like that until they heard Saifah come home with food.
“Are you up to sitting at the table to eat with us?”
“Are you sure? I don’t wa…” he trailed off at the look he received. “Yeah that’d be nice,” he said instead.
“Hey, look who’s up and about!” Saifah called in greeting as he set the bags of food on the table. “You look much better today, Rainy boy.”
“I feel much better,” Rain said and was relieved to be able to mean the words. He let Phayu help him up and sat down at the table as the twins got everything set out.
“You’ll rest a bit more tomorrow, then have Sunday to catch up a bit. After I let Sky know that you were going to be out longer than a day or two, he let me know that he got you leave for the week and extensions on your assignments from your teachers. He dropped off your homework a little earlier this afternoon. If you’re feeling up to it, you two can study here on Sunday. I can even help out a bit.”
“Hey,i f you need any help with model making, even I can help with that. I helped Phayu over here with his models all the time when he was still in school,” Saifah chimed in, casting a cheeky smile at his brother who scowled at him.
Rain sat back in his chair and smiled as he watched the two brothers begin to bicker back and forth over the details of a story from when Phayu was still in college. He was so thankful to have found someone like Phayu and was lucky to have gained an older brother in the process as well. Even if said older brother kept walking in on them at the most inopportune moments. At least Saifah ended up suffering in those moments as well, Rain reasoned to himself and laughed quietly.
“What?” Phayu asked as they both glanced at him curiously.
“Nothing Phi, I’m just so happy to have you,” he said and received a tender smile from his boyfriend in return, who leaned over, caressed his cheek gently, and kissed his forehead.
“Oi, come on, not while I’m eating,” Saifah begged, and received a balled up napkin in the face from Phayu in response, which made Rain giggle around a bite of food.
“You can always move, little brother…” Phayu suggested.
“And I’ve told you, you’re not getting rid of me that easily,” Saifah countered. Rain leaned back and watched them continue to bicker, and thanked whatever deity out there who was listening that he’d found people who cared for him so dearly.