Work Text:
He tried to kill himself.
My big brother, the person who I looked up to, the person who stayed with me no matter what. He tried to kill himself.
It was an attempted overdose, and I wasn’t even there to stop him. I was lucky enough to of found him before it was too late. But that didn't change the fact that he tried.
According to the doctors he wasn’t “stable enough” to be visited within his first few days of being admitted and it was only after the 5th day that they said that family could come for a small visit. So here I am in the waiting room, anxiously sitting until a doctor is able to take me in.
When I arrived they handed me a pamphlet that contained things to do to help suicidal people, this was most likely supposed to go to our parents but they said they couldn’t be here until later so it went to me instead. I slowly skimmed through it, every single page making my heart drop lower and lower until a small tear leaked from my eye.
I wondered when his friends would be able to visit, as they were all as upset and confused as I was when they were told that Tsukasa had tried to commit.
…
I was the one who had to tell them. His troupe had knocked on, unclear on why he hadn’t showed up for practise. I broke the news to them. They broke down. I broke down. I had to tell Toya as well, he had the same reaction.
I don’t really get what led up to his, the couple of days before he attempted he was acting completely normal, nothing was out of the ordinary. This made me think that he had been planning it for a while or at least thinking about doing it. However that still didn’t explain why, what was the reason? Was he depressed? Was he being bullied? Did someone tell him to do it?
Though, I do think if it was one of the last two options then he would’ve told someone instead of hiding it. Which just leads the first option: depression.
…
Depression. Was Tsukasa really depressed? He didn’t seem depressed. Still, not all depressed people show their true colours until it’s too late. I suppose that’s just how it was with Tsukasa.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of walking and a door opening.
“Saki Tenma?” A doctor who was holding a clipboard with one hand and the door open with another asked.
“Yes, that’s me.” I said re-picking up the pamphlet and standing up from my seat.
“You are able to see your brother now.”
I smiled and nodded then followed the doctor who led me towards room no. 88 where they stopped.
The doctor spoke up again, “He is in here. He's having his lunch right now.”
“Alright, thank you.” I mumbled and the doctor walked away, leaving me face-to- face with the room he was staying in.
I closed my eyes and breathed in as I placed my hand onto the handle and opened the door.