Chapter Text
It's nice to see Steve. Bucky feels like he doesn't see much of his friend these days. It makes sense, it does. Steve has the kid now, Milly, and she's adorable and incredible and Steve is doing everything he can to be a great dad for her. Bucky respects that. It's just… he misses Steve. He misses him more than anything. Bucky still looks behind him on missions, expecting Steve to be there. Steve’s not there. Steve gave up the shield and he's no longer Captain America. Sam is and he's great. Truly. It just doesn't stop Bucky from missing Steve. It's hard to accept the different roles Steve has now and it's even harder to accept that Bucky’s role in Steve’s life has changed. Bucky doesn't know where he really fits inside Steve’s life but he knows it's not where he wants to be. It's not by Steve’s side, no matter how much Bucky dreams about that.
Today he gets to see Steve, though. There's a dinner being held to commemorate the Howling Commandos and Steve and Bucky have both been invited, of course, and Steve suggested that they should get ready and arrive together. Bucky likes that. He likes being in Steve’s room and getting dressed up in fancy clothes, putting on a kippah and feeling good about himself. He likes hearing Steve grumble about the clothes, careful about his wording because he doesn't want Milly's vocabulary to be all swears by the time she's ready to speak. Bucky likes hearing Milly's little coos, too. She's as adorable as her dad is.
Bucky is fiddling with his tie and Steve steps in to help him. He smells great. The new cologne he's been wearing suits him. Bucky feels his heartbeat pick up when Steve’s hands touch his chest and the tie. It's the best and the worst thing to be this close to Steve. It's a reminder of everything Bucky can't have.
"You look good," Steve says.
"So do you," Bucky says.
Steve blushes. He's never been good at taking compliments.
"I mean it," Bucky says.
Steve ducks his head and looks away. His flushed cheeks are the most stunning thing Bucky has ever seen.
"I need the bathroom. Can you hold Milly for a sec?" Steve asks.
Bucky nods and Steve rushes away. Bucky shakes his head fondly. He picks Milly up and sways a little.
"Your daddy is the best," Bucky whispers, "but he's a silly silly man sometimes. I love him."
Milly's eyes twinkle. She's a baby, Bucky knows. She doesn't understand anything he's saying, but he likes to think she'd approve of him loving Steve. He would do anything for Steve and her. Anything.
Steve steps back into the room and smiles at them.
"Did you have a good time with uncle Bucky, sweetheart?" Steve says to Milly.
He doesn't take her from Bucky’s arms, just stands close to them and strokes her chubby little cheek.
"Of course you did, uncle Bucky is good company, isn't he?" Steve adds.
Milly's eyes are still twinkling. Bucky feels his fill with tears. He forces them down. He's not going to ruin this moment by crying all over Steve and Milly.
"This kinda reminds me of you and Rikki," Steve says.
Bucky’s baby sister. The youngest Barnes. The cutest. God, Bucky has missed her every single day he's been conscious for. He doesn't talk about this grief. He can't.
"I always liked being around the little ones," Bucky says instead. "Kids are adorable. Honest. I always thought I'd have my own one day but now… I'm not sure anyone would have me, let me be a dad."
He avoids Steve’s eyes and looks at Milly instead. He doesn't mention how he thought Steve would be part of that future. It'd just be cruel.
"Anyone would be flipping lucky to have you," Steve says, frowning.
"Thanks pal," Bucky replies. "I appreciate that."
They finish getting ready, getting all dressed up, and then make their way to the dinner. Bucky can almost fool himself into thinking this is a date. He kinda feels like Cinderella at the ball. By midnight it'll all be over and reality will kick back in. But a night with his Prince Charming, a night with Steve, is worth it.