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Kindergarten is such a simple time in life... for most at least. Kyle Broflovski was always thinking of his future though, even when he was learning his ABCs. He was always a tryhard when it came to school, and he always was at the top of his class because of it. Eric Cartman never understood it. He knew he'd be fine whatever path he took, so why try? Especially as a kid, he saw no reason to try, he'd figure it out later. He already got whatever he wanted anyways, so he didn't need to try. All Eric had to do was say "please" for the world to be in his hands, people just thought he was perfect. Kyle knew better though.
Even when they were young kids, Kyle always knew Eric was trouble. From first sight, he could see right through; Eric always convinced him and their friends to do his bidding. Kyle knew it was wrong, but Eric Cartman had a way with words. All of Eric's plans ended in trouble though. Someone always got hurt, Kenny always got killed, and Kyle always lost a little more trust in Cartman.
By the first week of school, Kyle avoided Cartman as often as possible. It was hard to do though, he was an inescapable virus. They rode the same bus, had the same homeroom, and lived on the same road. Eric also had no plans of just letting Kyle leave, especially when they had just met. He needed to know more, specifically why Kyle didn't love him as everyone else did. Everyone loved cute baby Cartman, except the kids at school. Cartman didn't care about most of them though, he only cared about Kyle. Kyle didn't love him or even have neutral feelings about him... he hated him. Kyle already hated everything about Cartman, day one, but why?
Eric didn't do anything wrong yet. There wasn't any reason for hatred, yet Eric for some reason, hated him back. It was the type of hatred that didn't make sense. They knew each other for such a short amount of time, they even had the same friends, but there was just something... off about the other.
They still stuck together though. After all, what are you supposed to do with an enemy in kindergarten? There wasn't a way Kyle could simply get rid of him, not anything he was capable of at least. So, he had to deal with Cartman and everything that came with being his frenemy. This meant he had to endure the suffering that came with Cartman, the torture of his presence.
It only got worse though.
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In the following weeks, Cartman studied Kyle and followed him everywhere he went. Experimenting with his emotions, seeing how Kyle reacted to each word he spoke. It was fun for Eric, Kyle was practically going mad though. Having Cartman follow you around was torture to Kyle. He did everything to Kyle, trying to make him feel every emotion.
Cartman watched all that Kyle did and studied it like a scientist. He thought of plans to make Kyle feel a new emotion each day. The easy ones were anger and guilt, just following Kyle around and convincing him to join his schemes already had those covered. He just needed to think about the hard ones.
Sadness didn't seem too hard, so he worked on that first. He walked to the bus stop the next day, and stood next to Kyle. He'd started doing it out of habit, he wanted to be as close as possible to Kyle after all. He waited for Kyle to notice him, getting ignored instead, he started the conversation.
"Hey Kyle, did you know, the neighbor's cat got run over last week?" Cartman starts. He thought he might as well try to make him sad using something that made most people upset. He stood patiently beside Kyle, waiting for a response, he even leaned in to see if there was any reaction in his facial expression.
"Oh, really?" Kyle questioned.
It confused Cartman how Kyle's face barely changed. He decided to lean in more, to see if anything else was different about his face. Instead, he noticed red hair sticking out from his hat. It distracted him from the question. His hair was so bright, Cartman noticed, he saw how it curled and shone unbelievably bright, he didn't know how he hadn't seen it before, but it gave him a new idea to make Kyle feel sadness.
He quickly reached up for Kyle's hat and yanked it from his head. Kyle gasped as Cartman took it and held it behind his back, so Kyle couldn't reach it.
"Hey! Give me my hat back!" Kyle yelled, drawing their friend’s attention.
Cartman ignored him and continued to hold it away as he shamefully admired Kyle's red curls.
"Nuh-un! I don't wanna!" Cartman replies holding it further away and into the air as Kyle jumps for it.
It gives Cartman a better view of Kyle's hair and how it bounces and moves. It looked crazy and so shockingly beautiful to Eric. He continued to hold his hat away as Kyle slowly became more aggressive, but stopped jumping, giving up.
"I mean it Cartman!" Kyle yells straight at Cartman, balling his small fists in anger. Cartman can't focus anymore though, his eyes are too focused on Kyle's afro. He loved how it moved and shook as Kyle got closer, anger plastered on his face. Cartman tried to hide his amusement and shock but struggled to do so. It was just... unexpected. Cartman didn't think he would like anything about Kyle... especially a hideous ginger afro, but here he was, begging he could examine it closer.
Luckily he was snapped out of his haze by Kyle lunging at him, successfully reaching his hat and pulling it back to him. Cartman gasped in offense, but really it was a cover-up for the way he was feeling, Kyle shouldn't make him feel like that, it wasn't right. He didn't like the feeling that was inside of him. It was icky and he hadn't felt it before, it felt like being sick on a deeper level, as if it was mental. As Cartman tried to understand this new feeling, Kyle put his hat back on, covering his afro and giving Cartman a small feeling of dread. He wanted to see Kyle's hair again, but his insides didn't think he could handle the sight.
Everything felt so wrong right then. Being around Kyle made that icky feeling reappear and he just didn't understand it. Cartman thought for a moment until he realized what it was.
It was hatred.
He hated Kyle on a deeper level than he thought was possible. It was the only reason a disgusting feeling came around when they were together. It was all because Eric hated everything about Kyle, especially his stupid red fluffy air.
"Ewww, your hair is ugly, Kyle! You stupid ginger!" Cartman called. He finally got a different reaction this time, a small hint of sadness, although mostly anger. All he had to do was tell Kyle the truth about his hair to make him sad and pout, it was too easy for Cartman.
"Leave me alone, Cartman!" Kyle threatened. Cartman had no intentions of leaving Kyle though, not when he had a whole day ahead, full of different emotions.
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The next emotion was fear. It wasn't the hardest emotion to make Kyle feel. He suspected many things made the boy scared, he liked thinking about it. He had a different plan though. He would find what Kyle loved the most, steal it, threaten it, really whatever to make Kyle fear what he'd do with it.
He thought of his plan while on the bus. He would've been able to find out more about what Kyle liked if he'd been able to sit next to him, Stan sat beside him instead.
Cartman thought about what Kyle liked. He'd only really seen Kyle with toys from their school and with people they knew. Kyle didn't have any attachments to the school's toys though, he liked people a lot more. Cartman knew Kyle loved spending time with Stan and Kenny, but would he really threaten to hurt another person, especially one of their friends? He thought about why he was threatening this other person though, his own curiosity for Kyle's thoughts. It seemed important enough to Eric that it didn't matter what happened to this other person; it was only one person after all. He needed to know why Kyle acted how he did, even if it meant he'd have to hurt others to figure it out.
Cartman decided that this other person would be Stan. After all, they sat on the bus together, so Kyle must care about him a little. As the bus stopped, Cartman quickly hurried off. He cut off an annoyed Clyde while speed-walking to catch up with Kyle and their friends. They talk about topics that are apparently too boring for Eric's mind, as he zones out. He thinks about how he'll threaten Stan instead. He'll have to put Stan into a situation where he could get "hurt accidentally." Stan isn't too terrible to him, he only got annoyed at Cartman sometimes, and he is one of his friends, so he'll likely have to put him into a non-dangerous situation, just a scary one.
He thought about different situations where people would be afraid. None would work though, it couldn’t be too dangerous after all. All he knew were a few of Stan's fears, he was afraid of almost everything, so it wouldn't be too hard to make him scared.
As the group walked into the school Cartman thought more about Kyle. Kyle cared about other people. When a kid needed help, Kyle was there, and it annoyed Eric. Cartman didn't want to be terrible, he just had to, because Kyle was an angel. Someone had to balance out Kyle's stupidity in wanting to help others. It didn't make sense why Kyle wanted to make people feel good though, it didn't do anything for him, so why did he go out of his way to do it? Maybe it was something Kyle wanted to do, or maybe it was because he didn't want to be like Eric.
Cartman watched Kyle as he walked through the front doors into the school. He wanted to know Kyle's mind and insides. He needed to know Kyle deeper, this was the next step.
They walked into their classroom and sat down on the rug in the center of the room, it was an animal rug, from a Disney store. The teacher always made them do weird Disney projects, Cartman's mom said she was a "Disney adult". He didn't care though, he ripped on her with Kenny and Stan. Kyle hated listening to them make fun of his favorite teacher though, and made it evident that it annoyed him. He'd give them 2 or 3 warnings before walking away and waiting until he calmed down or one of them apologized.
Cartman sat next to Kyle and started another conversation.
“So Kyle, who’s your favorite person?” Cartman asks. He needed to make sure Kyle wasn’t a psycho who hated Stan before Cartman did something to him.
Instead of ignoring him like Kyle probably should've, he turned his head to face Cartman while pulling one leg to his chest, and answered his question.
"I like my mommy and daddy, Stan's nice too," Kyle speaks while looking at Cartman. Cartman smiles at the information and brings his legs to his chest too. Now he had to think of how to hurt Stan.
The rest of the morning Cartman followed Kyle around and saw how he interacted with Stan. The two were definitely friends and Eric was going to use that to his advantage. He played with Kenny, Stan, and Kyle for the rest of the morning, and watched Kyle closely. He noticed Kyle had been covering his head with his hat more carefully than normal, not like he had noticed it before. Not being able to see Kyle's hair wasn't as much of a relief as Cartman thought it would be, he wanted to see it for some reason. He refused to keep thinking about Kyle's hair though, he forced himself to think about his plan.
Cartman waited until recess when the other kids would be out too. When they walked out the door to the playground, Cartman grabbed a ball and told his friends to play with him. They agreed and Cartman made sure to stand closer to the bigger kids.
Kenny made a comment about how close they were to the scary kids and Cartman told him it'd be okay. They started playing ball and he noticed the big kids started getting a bit closer. He looked at Kyle and saw a small bit of worry in his eyes. He felt a wave of power wash over him. It was addictive the way Kyle's face was morphed. He misthrew the ball as his eyes were locked on Kyle's, almost stuck. Kyle's face went back to normal as Cartman snapped out of it. He felt shocked that Kyle could make him feel that way. He was so angry that Kyle could trick his feelings in that way just by his expression.
The boys watched in fear as the ball rolled to one of the big kids' legs. The kid immediately turned around and saw the boys standing there shocked.
"You pipsqueaks think hitting other people is funny?" The big kid called out to them and the boys automatically shook their heads. The bully picked up the ball and threw it at Kenny, knocking him over.
"Don't do it again!" The bully teases and leads his friends away from the boys. Cartman's friends immediately face him in fear and anger.
"You almost got us killed!" Stan yells, although his face is most fearful. Cartman looks over to Kyle again and his mind goes blank. Kyle's afraid and angry, and Cartman loves his face more than he should. He can't love Kyle though. He could never love Kyle, he loves hating him, and he thrives off of his anger. He smiles lovesick at Kyle before realizing that's not right. He looks away, with a blush on his face, thinking it's all hatred. All he can think about now though, is the next emotion, the next feeling to make Kyle feel. He can't help but wonder what it'd be like to make Kyle smile that way to him…
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He wanted to make Kyle happy. If he was going to be a perfect archrival he had to know what made Kyle excited too. He thought about what made people happy while his friends kept playing ball. He liked getting food, but people like his mom liked hugs. Stan liked toys, Kenny liked when people listened to him, and if Kyle was like Cartman's mom, Kyle would like touch.
Cartman looked over at Kyle playing, Kyle reminded him of something sweet, his mom was sweet. He watched how Kyle played for the rest of recess before the teacher called them in. They walked back in and Kyle sat away from the other kids, in the corner. He was going to hug Kyle, play with him, and listen to him until Kyle was happy. He would learn so much from this, that's why he was excited to talk to Kyle, is what he told himself as he approached him. That sick feeling bubbled up again as he got closer, it made everything else go a bit hazy.
"Hey, can I play with you?" He asks, more shy than he meant to be. Kyle looks up at him and another wave of dizziness hits him. How could he hate Kyle this much!? He doesn't understand this level of hatred!
Kyle nods and Cartman sits down, it just gives him a better view of Kyle's stupid face. He struggles to breathe as he reaches for a toy, still looking at Kyle.
"What do you wanna play?" Kyle simply asks. Cartman can't handle it, he has to look away. He was cute, and the cuteness was fueling his hatred even more. He tries to dismiss the fact that he finds Kyle appealing as he looks for an answer.
"We can play kings." He says and holds a figure up. He tries to ignore the feelings he knows that are popping up, like happiness. It's definitely just because he's getting information on Kyle, he lies to himself.
"What's that?" Kyle asks and tilts his head. Cartman then goes on to explain how his game works and Kyle agrees to play it. The two boys play with their figures and Cartman melts as he watches Kyle smile. He can't contain his own smile when he watches Kyle's eyes light up with joy. Cartman starts to laugh and Kyle follows, it's heaven. He blushes and starts to feel sick, sicker than he normally is around Kyle. He ignores it and keeps watching Kyle's laughter.
After a while, Kyle stops laughing just to see Cartman watching him, completely fascinated by his joy. Both boys are blushing from laughter and apparently, hatred as they look at the other. Cartman crawls slowly over to Kyle and does what he told himself he would do, he hugs him.
He wraps his arms around the smaller one and squeezes him gently and then tightly. Cartman is praying Kyle doesn't ignore him after this. They both start to melt into their hug as Kyle wraps his arms around the other too; that's too much for Eric. When Kyle finally starts to enjoy the hug and squeeze back, Eric feels an insane urge to throw up. He quickly covers his mouth but to no avail. He backs as far away from Kyle as he can in a few seconds, which isn't very far at all, and tries as hard as he can to not throw up.
"Are you okay?" Kyle asks and reaches his hand out, and that's when it became too much. He throws up all over himself and Kyle.
Kyle screams as the teacher runs over to them and leads Eric to the nurse. Cartman whimpers at the feeling of being emptied. Both are embarrassed and confused about why he threw up after their hug. They assume it's because he was sick. Cartman thinks it's because of how much he hates Kyle.
The teacher calls the janitor to clean the mess and calls Kyle and Eric's parents to take care of their kids. Liane sees poor Eric and takes him straight home. Kyle watches and waves as Eric leaves without looking back at him. Kyle receives a pair of clothes from his mother before returning to class.
Cartman spends the rest of the day in bed, thinking about everything that happened today. He can't stop thinking about hugging Kyle, and it nearly makes him throw up again. Liane pampers him while he groans from his unknown lovesickness.
Cartman decides the next day he will not be messing with Kyle's feelings because he physically can't. He'd try to ignore Kyle as much as possible, he hates him after all, so it couldn’t be too hard…
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The next day, every time Kyle walked towards him, he would walk away. When Kyle sat near him or tried to play with him, he would leave, because he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't let Kyle mess with his feelings like that again, but it hurt every time he pushed Kyle away.
The rest of the day was filled with Kyle trying to spend time with Eric, and Eric ignoring him as best as he could. Kyle got so angry at Cartman for this. He liked the attention even though he didn't want to, and now it was gone, and he was angry.
It was like having what you craved the most for a whole week and then having it violently taken away from you after the best part, their hug. Kyle couldn't stop thinking about how strange Cartman was. He stalked him for a week, and on the last day made him sad, scared, angry, and happy. Even though he didn't want to admit it, he liked it too.
He liked when Eric played with him, and he liked when Cartman laughed with him instead of at him. He wanted to play with him again, but Cartman was ignoring him. It made him so angry that he could play with his emotions and then leave. He spent all day following Eric around like Eric had done to him all week, he needed to talk to him again.
He hated him so much. He was confusing, annoying, and a terrible friend, yet Kyle couldn't keep his mind off him. Kyle spoke to his mom about Eric and she said that some kids express themselves differently than others, so Kyle left it at that. He didn't talk to Eric unless he talked to Kyle first, and Kyle stopped trying to get Cartman’s attention.
Things went back to normal for a bit, Kyle hung out with Stan and Kenny, and sometimes Cartman joined them. Cartman left Kyle alone more and did his own thing, Kyle even started to watch Cartman from afar before getting angry at himself and trying to focus again. Cartman watched Kyle too, before feeling like barfing and having to look away.
The two were angry at each other without even having to be near the other, it was a problem. They began arguing over little things and they drove their teacher mad. All they had to do was look at the other for an argument to break out. Although they had their good moments too. At recess, they played well together with the other kids, and they still played as a group with Stan and Kenny. All it took was one slip up though, and everything they built up came crashing down.
It was like this for years, eventually, they had built somewhat of a friendship that they’d repair every time it fell apart. They even got to a point where they could call the other a friend. One thing was always true though, Cartman still had that feeling of hatred in him, and at one point, Kyle got it too.