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A gentle breeze rustled the treetops filling the night with a noise like falling rain. Jet pulled the summer air into his lungs as he lay sprawled on the grass. He was sweating, but he didn’t much care looking for relief in the dark even with the heat. He was trying to delay the inevitability of what was waiting for him at home. Feeling a vibration in his shorts pocket he knew he couldn’t avoid it forever. Everything always caught up with him eventually.
The vibration continued for thirty seconds before it came to a dead stop. The first worried phone call. Jet bit his lip, maybe he could crash at someone else’s Joe would probably hide him for a few days. Give Jet some time to untuck his tail and have good news to take to his boyfriend.
Another gust of wind and another deep breath. His chest was tight and the air in his lungs felt limited. What was he so afraid of? He knew though. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be hiding. Another vibration, another phone call weighed on his heart. Slowly he sat up digging into his pocket slowly. Secretly he hoped he would miss the call even though he tried to answer.
No dice, the phone continued to glow. He slid his finger across the glass accepting the call.
“Where are you?” Albert’s voice rang in Jet’s ears. It wasn’t a cold tone, it never was, but it was filled with concern.
“I took a drive,” Jet answered his tongue dry.
“Do you need me to pick you up?” Albert asked.
Jet felt like a stake had been plunged through his heart, “No, I’m at the park, I’ll be home soon.”
“See you soon,” Albert paused as if he should have taken a deep breath but there was nothing, “I love you,” was spoken in sincerity.
“Love you too,” Jet almost choked on the words, “Expect me in fifteen.”
Hanging up the phone Jet sighed, the clean air evacuating his lungs. A breeze swept through the treetops shaking a few loose. Running his fingers through his light brown hair Jet ruffled the locks grumbling to himself. Trying to shake some sense into himself, or maybe he needed to shake sense into Albert.
Standing Jet felt his heart drop to his boots, he stuck his hands into his shorts pocket. He had dreaded it from day one, the realization of reality. It was finally time to face it head-on.
Starting his old beat-up car Jett popped open the center console a half pack of crumpled cigarettes sat there taunting him. It had been six months since he’d touched tobacco, about an hour since he last thought about it. It was sure to lift the weight from his heart if he’d give in. Albert never asked him to quit, but Jet could tell the man was not a fan of the fumes. Even when Jet took the smog out with him onto the street Albert was hesitant to hug him after a cigarette. Jet stared down at the pack relieved once again that Albert didn’t drive and opted for the subway everywhere.
Jet slammed the center console down swearing the bang echoing in the silence. He turned up the radio and pressed on the gas reminding himself not to keep it together behind the wheel. He could feel the sweat gathering on the edge of his neck.
The drive felt too fast with no traffic on the dark road and Jet wished his tire had popped on the way home. Anything to get his racing mind to stop rushing him into the front door and pushing the elevator button, borderline bashing it in. He never stopped and thought, he acted fast and that was his problem.
Tapping his foot as the elevator rose in the nice apartment building Jet thought about where he started, the elevator barely worked. His fingers used to graze across the handle of the gun he kept concealed at every stop, just in case. Albert pulled Jet from that life so fast his head spun, but he’d taken Jet from all he knew.
Pushing the handle of his door Jet was as stunned as ever to find it wasn’t locked. He’d told Albert a thousand times to lock it. Old habits rarely ever died. Jet was home in the apartment that he never dreamed of.
Standing in the front entryway Jet was a deer in the headlights refusing to move as Albert lifted his head out of the book, he was engrossed in. Jet watched how his boyfriend squinted his dark grey eyes that didn’t see well. His smile was warm and soft just the same, Albert always told Jet he could find him from feeling alone. They were connected.
“You’re home,” Albert stood from the couch his socked feet carrying him slightly unsteady across the carpet. Albert always put his hand out around the doorway to know when he crossed the threshold.
Jet said nothing.
“I was worried when I hadn’t heard from you,” Albert stood in the hall, “You have to at least text if you’re going on a late-night excursion after work.”
Jet flinched gritting his teeth.
“You deserved it though, I’m sure you’re tired with the first week of work done!” Albert looked proud, “If you’re feeling up for it, I was thinking we could call Joe and go out for drinks. If Francoise is around a double date? I heard she’s doing a showing at a new art gallery though.”
“There’s no point,” Jet grumbled, “Nothing to celebrate.”
Albert stopped the wind stolen from his sales.
“I was fired again,” Jet barked out a laugh, “I fucking failed again! I let you down again!”
Albert shook his head, “That’s why you avoided coming home. Nothing we can do about it now,” He shrugged, “We can still go out, or I can make you something to eat? Have you had dinner?”
Jet’s heart was breaking, “How are you still okay with this?”
Albert cocked his head to the side.
“How can you let this failure stay in your life? I know what I am and it’s a dog fighting for the next scrap. How can you deal with the disappointment?” Jet’s chest was tight he could feel the heat at the tip of his nose. He wouldn’t cry, he didn’t cry.
Albert said nothing instead, stepping forward, arms outstretched.
Jet pushed his boyfriend back watching the man stumbled. He hated himself even more.
“You always stick your neck out for me, and I spit in your face at every opportunity! You deserve more than a broken mercenary for hire.” Jet put his hand on the door handle.
The look on Alberts's face was pain and a hint of fear in the turned-down corners of his mouth.
“Maybe in another life, I can be what you deserve,” Jet pushed the door open, “But not in this one.”
Booking it down the stairs Jet moved before he could even hear the door close. The pain in his heart reminded him he was throwing away a good life, a good man. That he loved more than he could have ever loved himself. He was a fool for ever falling for a fantasy he never should have had an opportunity with.
Standing outside it dawned on Jet that after his outburst he had no plan. The next thought that occurred to him was he might as well pick up where he left off. A bar somewhere drunk and brokenhearted. He opened his car door taking out the half-smashed packet of cigarettes from the center console. He had a lighter stored away in the glovebox. It was a cheap zippo from the gas station months back. When it flicked to life Jet had never felt so much relief. He slammed the car door, deciding to loiter for a moment more before he disappeared into the dark. To take in the view one last time.
Taking a long drag from his cigarette he grimaced when his lungs stung and a tickle in his throat off put him. He coughed feeling shame, he’d been domesticated. He watched the embers burn inside a gentle glow. He tapped off the excess watching the ash fall to the ground. Jet slammed his sneaker against the pavement leaving a grey streak in his wake.
Staring down at the small bit of ash on the ground Jet put his free hand over his face. It sank in and he imploded. He hurt the man he loved and now Jet would be alone again. He would cheat and steal and die on the street with no one to care for his memory. He would leave nothing more behind than ash. Jet felt the water swell behind his eyes before it sprung forth and his heavy heart relieved itself of its burdens. He cried for himself, because who else would? Sobbing into the cold cruel bubble he created for himself.
“If you wanted a cigarette that badly you could have just said so,” Albert’s voice drifted on the breeze.
Jet squared his shoulders back watching a tall man with silver hair and foggy eyes and a soft smile approach him.
“Didn’t even taste the same,” Jet dropped the cigarette, “You ruined them.” He recoiled at his own cold words.
“Maybe it’s your sign to drop this,” Albert gestured generally towards Jet, “Can we talk about what just happened?”
Jet opened his mouth tasting a salty tear slipping in against his tongue, he swiftly attempted to wipe his eyes.
Warm hands gently pulled at his wrists, “Cry,” Albert whispered, “It’s okay to cry.”
Jet’s lips wobbled, “I hear what everyone says, why do you act like you don’t?”
Albert shook his head, “Because the people who matter don’t say anything.”
“I hear it at every event, I’m a dangerous charity case. Everyone thinks I’m useless or could snap and hurt you,” Jet lowered his gaze, “And I proved them right. I can’t even keep a job that doesn’t involve committing a crime. You’ve set up so many opportunities for me.”
“Our friends have never said anything like that,” Albert intertwined his fingers with Jet’s, “Joe, Francoise, Pyunma, you should hear how they praise you. For your sharp wit and sensible head on your shoulders.” Albert squeezed Jet’s hand, “I’ve told you before you don’t need to work. I can provide any comfort you desire.”
Jet shook his head, “You know that’s not me. I can’t just stay home, but” He paused, “Maybe I could pick my next job attempt. Instead of working at a fancy restaurant or storehouse.”
“Anything you want,” Albert cupped his hand gently against Jet's cheek.
Jet leaned into Albert's hand.
“Can we continue this inside?” Albert asked teeth chattering.
Jet nodded, throwing his arms around his boyfriend who was just a few inches taller. Albert had always told Jet he was warm-blooded. Putting something he was good at to good use he had Albert under his arm all the way into their apartment. Tomorrow Jet would put his nose to the ground finding what he really wanted to do with the life he had ahead of him. To make himself proud of what he does, and if his boyfriend was also proud of him, it would be all he could ask for.
Walking in the door of their apartment Albert turned around and Jet halted in his tracks.
“I love you,” Albert said as if he was admitting a secret with his last breath.
Before Jet could answer cold lips met his and his heart finally stilled. His turmoil taking a back seat. He was loved and in love. He was domesticated, but he was safe. As much as he feared the future he deserved to be free of his past.