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Cold. That was all your brain could register at the moment; how the ground felt so cold underneath you.
“She’s not moving.”
You could hear a familiar, urgent voice right beside you. But as the seconds slowly trickled by like blood dripping from an open wound, it became increasingly hard for you to understand what exactly that voice was saying. Yet you could still register the fear laced within the tone, you could feel it in the shakiness of his hold.
Trembling hands held onto your arm, one of them slowly brushing against your skin until it found your hand.
You wished you could see his face right now. Sebastian had always been bold, confident. Though you were almost certain there would be a faint blush hidden under his freckles right now because of the intimate gesture.
But your eyes were heavy. Try as you might, you couldn’t seem to blink them open. Come to think of it, your whole body felt heavy, maybe that’s why you couldn’t move. Even breathing was slowly turning into too much effort.
The hand holding onto your own tightened its grip.
People were talking around you. You couldn’t make out any words anymore, they sounded like nothing but faint noise. The tune of his voice still kissed your ears, however; even if you couldn’t recognize the words, you knew it was him. And he sounded erratic, scared. There was a tightness to it, syllables getting stuck in his throat; it was all wrong, you didn’t like to hear him in this state.
A deeper voice was there too — you instantly recognized the timbre that belonged to the man who was always crushing Sebastian’s hopes — and in the back of your mind, it brought anger to your chest. But there was nothing you could do anymore. Wisps of remaining magic tingled on the tip of your fingers and held your heart in a tight, hurtful grip. Maybe you’d gone too far.
A pair of rough hands then picked up your body, taking you away from the cold embrace of the catacomb’s floor.
And when the blood dripping from your nose reached your lips, coating your tongue with a metallic taste, you realized that maybe you did go too far after all. Part of you could already hear the keepers berating you for rushing your abilities.
Consciousness slipped from your grasp shortly after that. Your head falling limp against someone’s shoulder, and feeling a hand still holding onto yours.
Hogwarts’ hospital wing was pretty quiet most days, only with the usual first year who scraped their elbow falling from a broom or suffering the effects of a spell gone slightly wrong. They never stayed for long though, nurse Blainey was all too used to these types of encounters.
Yet every now and then, one of the beds stays occupied for a longer period of time.
There were several beds — their metal frame and pale sheets doing little to ease the hospital vibe — one beside the other on each side of the spacious room.
You were glad to be put on one which stayed further away from the main doors; it made for more calmness this way. You had no need to engage with the unfortunate first years and could focus on leaning back and feeling the soft wisps of sunlight kissing your skin from the high window behind you.
It bothers you that you can’t exactly remember how you got here. The nurse hadn’t filled you with much information either; she told you an older man had brought you in, talking about a casting exercise gone wrong and you overworking yourself; she also said you remained unconscious for about 15 hours before finally waking up — pale, weak, confused.
Most of those feelings still crawled under your skin. Your body is still feeling 10 times heavier than it actually was. You wanted to get up and run off to find Sebastian but you had a nagging sensation that, if you did so now, you’d fall face-first on the floor.
The fabric of the thin blanket draped over you felt soft as you worried it between your fingers, nearly tearing it apart. The last thing you remembered was being in the catacombs, with Sebastian, and wanting to do nothing but protect him — both from himself and his uncle.
His uncle.
Could it be that he was the one who actually brought you back to school?
You doubted Sebastian would have the strength to carry you all the way back here — as much as he might fight you on that argument.
Running a hand through your hair, you pulled at the roots. Your frustration escaped with a long sigh.
The old floorboards creaked under a new weight. At first, you assumed it would be nurse Blainey coming back to check on you. But, from the side of your eye, you caught a glimpse of green, and your heart fought against your ribs, trying to escape your chest.
Sebastian stood a few feet away from your bed, though you could hardly recognize him. The brown locks of his hair were all over the place, way messier than usual; his eyes had a red tint to them, mixed with dark circles of someone who hasn’t slept in a while; his usual grin was nowhere to be seen, instead replaced with a pained frown; his hands held onto his robes with a death grip.
“I heard you were awake.”
His voice didn’t sound like the one you had grown to love.
“How are you feeling?” The question stumbled past his lips and he avoided your eyes shortly after. He sounded as if you would yell at him to leave at any moment. It only got you more confused.
“Better, a little weak still,” you bit at the inside of your cheek. This moment shouldn’t feel as fragile as it does. “Care to tell me what happened?”
You didn’t think your tone was harsh, but Sebastian flinched at your voice anyway. Bad memories washed over him like a bucket of icy water.
He met your gaze before hesitantly closing the distance between you, choosing to sit at the edge of your bed.
He looked worse up close. Eyes distant, trapped elsewhere.
“We were fighting against my uncle and the-” Sebastian gulped, guilt squeezing at his throat like barbed wire, “the inferi.”
You acknowledged his words with a soft nod, slowly remembering things as he spoke. You pushed yourself up to sit straighter, just a couple of inches closer to Sebastian. He looked like he needed it.
The words lingered on his tongue. You never thought you’d see him this way; hesitant, lost, regretful. With tears on the verge of spilling over his freckled cheeks.
“You were trying to reason with my uncle; and me, for that matter,” Sebastian chuckled halfheartedly, “trying to stop us from killing each other, when the inferi started to close on us. You didn’t think twice, and all I saw were lighting strikes coming through the ceiling of the catacomb, destroying everything but us, and… you laying on the floor afterwards.”
Memories were clearer now. Sebastian had attacked his uncle after he destroyed the relic and they started exchanging spells at each other while the inferi slipped from Sebastian’s control. Everything could go very bad, very quickly. You remembered trying to speak with them, make them see past the anger clouding their judgment. But it was to no avail. What you remember the most, however, was seeing Sebastian so focused on his uncle, and unaware of the mass of inferi coming towards him.
You really hadn’t thought twice at all. Ancient magic flowed through your veins like wildfire; it was all you could feel. The rumbling of thunder became your heartbeat. You killed each and every one of the creatures, burning out all of your energy in the process.
“And what of Solomon?” You found yourself wondering.
Sebastian pursed his lips. His eyebrows scrunched slightly as his body tensed for a moment and then relaxed again. “We stopped fighting as soon as I ran up to you. I- I begged that he’d help me bring you back to school. I’m not sure where he is now.” His body shook with each intake of air. “Or Anne.”
“Well, guess my plan worked after all. At least I got you to stop fighting,” you tried to lighten the heavy air around you and Sebastian, mustering a teasing grin as you tilted your head to try and catch a glimpse of his eyes.
Sebastian worried his lower lip between his teeth to keep it from quivering. There was no witty remark, no ironic comment. Nothing. His tears were one blink away from spilling over.
Maybe if you listened closely, you’d be able to hear your heart shattering. For him. For this broken boy barely holding the last pieces of himself together in front of you, for this boy who stood so desperately alone in the world.
You reached out, your hand closing tightly around Sebastian’s — because you couldn’t bare seeing him alone one second more. Your thumb brushed against his skin. You could feel his trembling. “We’ll find him, and Anne. I promise we’ll figure things out, Sebastian.”
He was shaking his head before you even finished speaking, squeezing his eyes shut and causing a single tear to roll down his cheek. “No, you don’t understand,” his broken words fell from his lips at the same time he pulled away from your touch.
“I never-” Sebastian stood up then, choking on his own breathing as he looked at you with a mix of longing and anguish. “It was never my intention to hurt you… I’m sorry,” he whispered, so quietly that if the hospital wing wasn’t as empty as it is, you would’ve missed it.
“Sebastian, you didn’t-” you cut yourself off when he abruptly turned away from you and started marching towards the main doors of the spacious room, putting as much distance between you and him as he could.
The fatigue still gripping at your muscles was the last thing on your mind when you threw away the covers and stood — albeit on shaky legs — to go after him. “Sebastian, please wait,” you called, grimacing as he took your heart with him.
Ultimately, you didn’t go very far. Nurse Blainey stopped you in your tracks before you could even reach the middle of the room.
The sun rays shining through the tall stained glass windows were warm against your skin, doing little to help with your current sleepy state as you tried to at least pretend to be paying attention to class.
“It’s been nearly a week, Ominis.” You groaned, folding your arms on top of the table so you could lay your head down, “do you think he’s mad at me for trying to stop him?”
The boy sitting beside you chuckled quietly, twirling his wand in his hands. “Darling, I don’t think Sebastian could be mad at you even if he wanted to.”
Before you could ask what he meant by that, Professor Binns walked by a little too close for comfort; his ghostly form sending a shiver down your body.
“He’s been spending most of his evenings hiding away in the Undercroft,” Ominis felt around on the table until his fingers brushed the fabric of your robes, he gently closed his hand around your wrist and squeezed comfortingly. “I believe it would do both of you some good if you went to see him.”
It was mostly dark out already. The sky slowly filled with stars as night settled in and a soft cold breeze hung around the DADA hallways. The pristine floors reflected the image of your shoes, pacing back and forth restlessly.
You were having second thoughts. Apprehension tugged at your heartstrings because as much as you didn’t want to admit it, the sight of Sebastian walking away from you so desperately that day had stung.
Though no matter how much you stalled, you knew you’d relent. The sleepless nights you’ve been going through lately are enough of a telltale of the effect Sebastian has on you.
A deep breath filled your lungs and you closed your eyes, pleading for your heartbeat to settle as you pushed open the door to the Undercroft.
The familiar warmth hugged you instantly. All of the candlelights dimly shining against the stone walls forced away the frown that clung to your brows. You’d never blamed Ominis for being so protective of this place, it really was the perfect hideaway.
You found Sebastian pretty quickly. He sat on the floor against the far wall to your right, knees tucked close to his chest as his wand moved delicately, making a paper bird flap its wings and fly around in front of him. The bird fell limply to the floor when Sebastian’s eyes landed on you, however. You thought you saw him gulp and straighten his back too, but other than that, the Slytherin boy expressed no other reaction upon seeing you. It felt almost as if he was expecting your arrival.
Your feet were momentarily frozen to the stone floor, Sebastian’s gaze burning through your soul. You also couldn’t help but notice how lonely he looked, just sitting there by himself; it made your stomach turn unpleasantly. You wondered if he considered himself deserving of it.
It was as if you spoke with your eyes for a beat. You saying that if he wanted you to leave, you would. And Sebastian pleading for you to stay.
All that could be heard were your steps echoing through the Undercroft as you carefully came to sit beside him. Your shoulder just shy of touching his.
The silence wasn’t a comfortable one, but it also wasn’t awkward. It was just heavy. There was a tension in the air that none of you knew how to address.
Sebastian’s knuckles were white around his wand, he sat stiff beside you, not once glancing your way.
You figured that if you didn’t speak, you’d be sitting in silence for hours. You glanced down at the paper bird that lay discarded on the floor, your lips quirking up just slightly as you picked it up; “you know, my mother taught me how to make these when I was younger. Without magic, that is.” You chuckled. You rarely spoke about your parents, it was a sensitive topic. But it was your way of trying to make Sebastian feel more comfortable to share what he was feeling with you; what was bothering him.
“I used to get rather frustrated when I couldn’t get it right the first times,” you gently inspected the small bird with your fingers, thumbs running along the smooth white paper, “but she’d always tell me to take a breath, count to five, and start again.”
With your eyes fixed on the paper bird in your hands, you didn’t notice Sebastian’s eyes fixed on your profile. The grip on his wand loosened slightly as he committed every detail of you to memory.
A shiver ran down your back when you finally turned your head to face him again. He was close, your breaths mingling as the lines of your relationship blurred and burned with the candles.
“Sebastian…” You breathed, watching the way his eyes darted to your lips and back to your eyes, “about what happened at the catacombs, I’m-”
“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry.” He cut you off suddenly, voice quiet and a little choked, but firm.
“I am, though,” you leaned your head back against the stone wall, involuntarily leaning closer to him as your body gravitated to his warmth. “I’m sorry things didn’t go as planned, but I promise we’re not gonna stop looking for anything else that might help Anne.”
Sebastian averted his gaze from you, furrowing his brows. You saw tears steadily collecting on the bottom lid of his eyes, despite his efforts to hide them. “Stop it,” he mumbled.
You shifted in your seat, your jaw set tightly in place. The beats of your heart against your chest were painful. The thought of Sebastian distancing himself from you was painful. So much so that you fear you’d be willing to do anything to fix it, within reason or not.
“I mean it, Sebastian, I will do anything-”
“Stop it! You don’t get it, do you?” He snapped, his eyes burning into yours again and shining under the candlelights. “I saw you laying on the floor of that damned catacomb and I thought you were dead!” The syllables broke and stuttered past his lips, the pain and fear he felt that day came back in waves and twisted his expression.
You were stunned to silence, watching as Sebastian opened his mouth, lower lip trembling as he searched for his voice again.
“Do you have any idea of what that felt like?” He whispered, words strangled and squeezing his chest until he had trouble breathing. You were nothing but a blur in front of him. Sebastian pursed his lips to try and keep himself from breaking. Speaking it out loud somehow felt like making it real. “I thought I’d just lost you, and… and it would be my fault.”
The feeling of your gentle thumb carefully brushing against his cheek brought Sebastian back to reality, and he realized his tears were already dripping down his chin.
“I would never blame you for what happened,” you shook your head, smiling sadly as you felt your own eyes sting, “you were just trying to help your sister, when everyone else had given up.”
“I will cure Anne… but not at the expense of you,” in some ways, he looked surprised at his own words; at the truthfulness of them. He gulped back a sob, “I thought I could control it,” Sebastian breathed in sharply, avoiding your gaze but leaning into your touch, “I went too far, as Ominis has probably told you a thousand times already.”
You chuckled softly, sneaking your fingers over his jaw and until they disappeared between the brown locks of his hair. Sebastian closed his eyes briefly at your comforting touch, allowing himself to melt against you. “He’s more understanding than you give him credit for,” you smiled.
That got half a smile out of Sebastian, his freckles highlighted by the candles around you. His hand inched closer to your free one resting on your lap, the tip of his fingers timidly closing around yours, craving more of you. His pupils were blown wide when he finally looked up at you again.
“I promise to never do anything this reckless again.” His low tone left no room for doubt.
You leaned in slightly, feeling his fringe tickle your forehead. You thought you heard him trying to suppress a gasp, but maybe it was your foggy mind playing tricks on you.
There was a glint in his eyes you’d never seen before, still shining with remains of his emotions; but vulnerable, calm, loving.
“I am quite fond of your reckless side, though.”
Your unexpected words brought an endearing blush across Sebastian’s freckles. You felt the shape of his teasing grin when his lips touched yours.