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The more they used the book, the less human they became. By the time the book was used for the final time, Vanitas had been more Vampire than he was human, the snap was quick. Unexpected, and ripped from the mortal in a horrifying scream.
The shadows swallowed him whole, as he choked on his breath, his body feeling as though it was burning in a blaze.
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He hated how much he enjoyed it. How for some reason his mind couldn’t rest like this. It was different than how it was with Jeanne, with Jeanne he didn’t think as much, he just let it happen, enjoyed it. But perhaps it was different now because he was the one doing the biting.
Because now he had Noe gasping under him, head tilted back, and sweet sounds reaching Vanitas’ ears only spurring him on further.
Noe’s hands pawing and gripping at his shirt sleeves, shaking with the need to find an anchor.
Noe’s body was so warm, it always was, he wanted to press closer. Pull Noe deeper towards him till they drowned in one another.
The pulse beneath his finger tips quickened, and Vanitas felt some sort of twisted pleasure from this, from knowing Noe would give him whatever he craved even when Vanitas still denied him this very same indulgence.
There was something dangerously intimate about drinking from someone. He pulled back, and lapped at the neck, almost a small mercy of sorts, a silent apology for being so rough. He pressed his nose against Noes bare shoulder, taking a deep breath and encasing himself in the lavender scented soap.
He gave Noe a moment to breathe, before pulling back just enough to see the crimson that painted dark skin. It was beautiful. It was tempting. And Vanitas was quick to clean up the mess he caused.
Noe in turn, struggled to stay still. Ticklish as he was, he was equally as sensitive when it came to feedings, rarely did Domi feed from him, it was usually him feeding from her whenever she offered. Those who had fed from him, did so without consent and roughly, he never had any reason to allow himself to enjoy it, and yet here with Vanitas, for as greedy and as rough as the doctor was, he did everything meticulously, It was never too much, and he offered silent apologies in the form of slow and gentle gestures.
A hand on his knee. A thumb brushing his knuckle in comfort.
It was dizzying.
He slouched in his seat, allowing Vanitas to silently clean him up. Fixing his shirt collar, before dragging lips against skin, just grazing. Never kissing.
No. Kisses were reserved for only Jeanne, Of that Noe was sure and it caused an ugly twist of jealousy to make itself known in the pit of his stomach.
However lost in his own thoughts as he was.
Vanitas was struggling in his own right. This was the closest he would ever be to Noe. He would never allow himself to touch more than this. To taint such a being would be sinful in its own right, and though they were creatures of the shadows themselves, it still twisted something ugly in him to believe that he would drag Noe down into the pits of despair with him. He dragged Jeanne down with him happily as she was already falling from grace. With or without his help, But Noe, Noe needed to stay in the light where he belonged. No matter how much Vanitas ached to drag him down with him so they may suffer together if only for the throws of pleasure.
So as much as allowing his lips to touch heated skin was a need, he would never allow himself to do so. For to do it, would be unleashing a beast that Vanitas was uncertain he would be able to contain.
Noe brought out a terrifying feeling within him.
This need of companionship. A desperate desire to keep. Had Vanitas been the honest sort with his feelings, he would recognize such a thing as love.
Unlike what he had claimed it was with Jeanne that night he danced with Noe, this was something else entirely. Something he rather not make himself aware of just yet.
This form something more twisted and selfish. He wanted to keep Noe. To have him, and yet to make Noe unaware of anything wrong with him. He didn’t want Noe to know anything dark about him, he needed the vampire to look at him with the same unwavering faith he had when it came to meeting a stranger. The belief that they were good. that is the only way such a love would be allowed to blossom, but it was already too late. Noe knew so much. He knew too much. He looked at Vanitas as though he was looking in a mirror. Unsurprised by anything he saw, and a silent type of acceptance of what was.
He hated it. Hated how vulnerable he was when it came to Noe’s eyes.
Noe saw him for what he was, and even when he didn’t understand his reasonings for doing certain things, he stayed. Watching and waiting with so many questions so that he could understand, and even when the answer wasn’t given. He didn’t leave. He just accepted Vanitas’.
It was beautiful in its own right. How strangely dedicated, boarding on obsessive Noe was when it came to Vanitas. The book keeper was sure that if he asked Noe to fall with him, he would. If he asked Noe to go to bed with him, He would.
But doing so would make something out of Vanitas that even the doctor feared becoming.
He could not allow that.
So, such a desire would have to be projected onto Jeanne.
He did not care as much if she saw the darker side to what he was. He could stand to see her disgust and disappointment, but with Noe. He could never imagine such a thing... To imagine Noe actually giving up on him. It filled him with more frustration and emptiness than it did closure and relief.
So., He pulled himself away from the others neck, this was a different type of intimacy. Not quite sex. But something just as raw and emotionally draining.
With pretty, clouded eyes, Noe’s attention was drawn back to him, cheeks flushed in a way you would expect after a run in the cold of winter, he looked tired, sleepy even. As if he weren’t sitting upright in a chair, he would pass out this very moment.
So, Vanitas reached forward, gloved hand cupping a cheek to which Noe leaned into so readily, eyes drifting shut, Vanitas thumb brushing just under his eye, sharp talon like nails, just brushing against white lashes.
Vanitas had been a Chasseur at one point in his short life. He was no stranger to religious imagery and symbolism. And if in his silent thoughts, he watched the vampire rest and concluded that if it were not for the fangs hidden past lips, he was certain this creature would be the model for a painting of the angels.
“It’s alright my friend, you can sleep”
His voice, unusually soft, as he dragged his hand away from Noe’s cheeks regretably. That was enough of such indulgences for today.
Noe already missed the small contact, as Vanitas pulled himself up and away from his lap, he felt nothing but coldness and disappointment, like a child being pulled from a sweet dream only to be dragged away to school in the early hours. He didn’t want to move, but he knew he had to.
Yet also, he couldn’t help but notice that this feeding didn’t last as long as it usually did, so worry mixed in with his slurring speech, as he pressed palms into his eyes, in an attempt to keep himself awake.
“Did you get enough Vanitas? We both know you become more... agitated- when you don’t eat enough”
His voice wobbled, as he pulled himself to his feet, a sudden rush of blood, making him feel a bit dizzy, but not so much so that he could drag his way towards his bed.
Vanitas watched with great amusement, mirth shining in his eyes as it was clear that Noe was unaware of how much he drank, he watched dragging feet shuffle their way across the ground.
The only light in the room before from the blue moon that shone through grand windows, typical architecture of Atlus.
It was amusing to see such a tall and graceful man, stumble from a little blood taking.
“I don’t think you realize how much I have actually taken from you tonight dear Noe”
He laughed to himself, already fixing his ruffled sleeves and searching for where he had thrown his coat when he barged in here earlier, unannounced. Doing everything in his power to ignore how tired eyes watched him from across the room. As Noe curled into soft satin sheets and wrapped himself around pillows to make himself comfortable.
It was a far too tempting sight, for Vanitas’ already fraying self-restraint.
“You should drink from me more often then, maybe you wouldn’t feel so shitty most days.”
His voice expressed concern and yet seeing as Noe wore his intent on his cheek, Noe’s expression betrayed him, and Vanitas could practically hear him adding ‘So that you wouldn’t barge in here unannounced and ambush me once a month’
It was a smart idea, Seeing as Noe was the only person who’s blood Vanitas was able to stomach without finding some negative attribute to complain about, it wouldn’t be odd for their visits to become more frequent, and it was only due to Vanitas holding back till he was practically on the verge of collapsing that these visits more often than not ended with Noe sleeping from the blood loss.
Yet, at the same time, as logical as that would be. He would not allow himself to indulge so frequently, less he slips up one night and becomes too comfortable taking what he wants from Noe. Or worse yet, if he became even more dissatisfied with, his and Jeanne’s endeavors. Such endeavors had lost their spark months ago, since he turned into the beast he was now, and since he discovered just how desperately he wanted every part of Noe, But to admit that and lose interest completely would be far too dangerous, It would mean losing his only vice that was keeping him in check.
Noe in turn just continued to watch from the comfort of his bed, As Vanitas searched around for his coat. He never lingered for long after these sessions. In fact- he rarely lingered around Noe in general, anymore since.... everything happened.
His chest ached as he had to force his gaze away, it always hurt less if he didn’t see him leaving. He missed Vanitas. He missed talking with him, fighting with him, exploring with him. It seemed like they never did anything together now a days. Vanitas only showed up when he needed a drink, and that should be good enough for Noe. After all, he would be upset with himself too if he were Vanitas.
Vanitas wished for the sweet salvation of death, and Noe failed to provide that. Instead forcing him to live as the one thing he never wished to be.
Noe didn’t blame him for leaving, but it didn’t mean he wanted Vanitas too.
Vanitas, Unaware of Noe’s rapidly growing storm of thoughts, finally located his coat and dusted it down,
“Perhaps Mon Cher, but to be honest~” he dramatically sighed with faux disappointment, “Your blood tastes rather bland. It’s a shame it’s the only thing I can seem to stomach but I'd rather drink it as little as possible its almost like bitter medicine” he claimed.
Rubbing salt in Noe’s wound, the insult enough for Noe to gather the last bit of strength he had to pluck a pillow from near him and fire it so hard in Vanitas direction, that the other barely had time to duck, but as he did, he happily hopped away cackling. Enjoying the wonderfully twisted expression of frustration that contorted Noe’s handsome features.
Perhaps he was a sadist for enjoying causing such an expression, or maybe a masochist for loving such angered reactions.
Either or, he took joy he waltzing forward to where Noe now sat, leaning on a wobbly arm, clear exhaustion in his eyes. To the point it appeared he lost his ability to speak.
Vanitas reached out once again, and with just a finger, poked Noe’s forehead, forcing the man back down into the sheets, Expression tender in a way that Noe so rarely saw, but would be quick to forget due to his tired mind.
“Sleep. Mon Cherie. You can yell at me tomorrow”
“You won't be here tomorrow” Noe grumbled, but still wrapped himself in his sheets, “You are never here for me to yell at you anymore” He appeared to be sulking, and Vanitas could not help the small burst of fondness he felt in his chest.
“Oh? Do you miss me?” He chimed, crouching down so his face was now eye level with Noe, an elbow rested on his knee, keeping his cheek in his palm he tilted his head. Seeming far too pleased with himself as he added, “I thought you would be pleased by my absence”
“No.” was Noes quick reply, “I- do miss you.” His eyes were drooping, his mind no longer awake enough to even try and come up with some roundabout way of ignoring Vanitas teasing, he simply fell for the bait. Rubbing his face into his pillow, he could only manage to mutter out one more thing before drifting off.
“You should stay”
Then the room fell to silence, As Noe’s breaths evened out, the frustration melting from his expression with ease. Leaving Vanitas awake, as he stayed where he was, surprised and a tad startled by such honesty.
How Noe could sleep so peacefully while knowing someone else was in the room he would never know. He was both envious of and annoyed with how easily the vampire could claim sleep, especially after dropping something so uniquely tender and vulnerable, that it left Vanitas head in a spin.
If it were anyone else, he would ignore such a plea and happily leave the other to their misery. But, he couldn’t. Not with Noe. And he swore the White haired man knew this too.
So all Vanitas could do was drop his head, concealing a tired grin that curled against his lips, Honestly. What was he going to do with Noe?
He sighed. And stood, glancing to the coat on his arm and then around the room he spotted a book shelf in the far corner, well, at least he had books to keep him distracted till Noe eventually woke up.