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At Choi Han's fourth birthday, his soulmate mark came with the words Holy shit, that bastard was right. You're just one emo motherfucker.
Ignoring the plethora of curses, what else was his four-year-old self with all the wisdom of a toddler gonna do other than to decide to dedicate his whole life (or the next few years of it, give or take) to be the world's most emo-est emo person to find his soulmate?
Even if in his first day of being decidedly emo, his first thought was to use a black permanent marker to draw on his face because what else could those blank ink in people's faces be?
His family, despite being weirded out at first when a four-year-old Choi Han decided that white paint and heavy black make-up, black clothing, black items, and black everything that would make him emo enough were and would be his thing since that day and up to the foreseeable future, were still very supportive.
It helped that his reasons were soulmate related. And soulmates for the Chois is not only one of the most important things for them but is also one of the most sacred.
But looking back, maybe it wasn't the wisest decision of his life. But who ever was wise at four or as a child in general? Definitely not him. Nor his five-year-old up until his twelve-year-old self since up until that point, he would wake up at dawn just to paint his face with heavy makeup. It's only because of his family's strong genes that it never did ruin his face.
___
Cale knew even at a young age that his soulmate's words were very . . . sad. Depressing even. He was young, not dumb. He saw it on his parent's faces when he ran excitedly to them to show his soulmate mark the day it showed up. The looks they exchanged. Again, he was young, not dumb. Nor an idiot.
He also knows that a soulmate was the only person in the whole world that's perfect for you. That was what his mother told him when he asked what the word soulmate meant when his father mentioned the word one day.
And ever since he knew what a soulmate is and what it entails, he believed that no matter what the words written in his torso meant, it won't matter in the long run. Because what else was a soulmate other than the person who would understand you no matter what, just like what his mother said.
And he believed in it.
Or used to believe in it.
Maybe in some sense, it was true. But there is a possibility that it wouldn't be. For him at least.
It didn't help that Mom Jour died when he was eight. Or how Dad Deruth found Violan and got re-married the same year that Jour died.
In some sense, Cale got a wake-up call from life that soulmates were never a cemented faith for you. And for a bastardly child person like him, it wouldn't be a surprise if his soulmate doesn't want him. Not with the words forever tattooed on his torso.
(His father doesn't love him like he used to. His father who was supposed to be one of the people aside from your soulmate who would love you unconditionally. But maybe the unconditional love for him died alongside his mother.)
He absently touches the part of his torso where his soulmate's words rest as he watches Deruth smile at his new the family from afar.
There is an infinite amount of hope in this universe . . . but not for us.
'Or just for me in general'. Cale thinks bitterly.
__
Choi Han had never been more thankful in his life that his mother was right about him being an emo just being a phase. A certainly long phase but just a phase nonetheless, which was fortunately over by the time he reached the age of his first year at being a teenager.
He got smarter and wiser. Or just more smarter and wiser than his four-year-old version. Because someone pointed out he realized how his soulmate mark never used the words 'look like an emo' but rather the term 'just one emo motherfucker'.
And along with the realization, someone suggested he discovered that there are other ways where he could be referred to as an emo.
It was the day that make-up-powered emo Choi Han finally rested in peace and emo-poetry-writer Choi Han was born.
__
Cale proceeded to keep everyone at arm's length through the years.
Or tried his best to.
It wasn't his fault that an annoyingly fake bastard wormed itself into his life. Or the trio who suddenly appeared and decided that he needed them. Well except for Roksu. In his eyes, that bastard never did anything wrong in his life.
But the point is, he prepared himself for the inevitable of meeting his soulmate and having them reject him at first sight. Because what else would it be other than a rejection? Especially with Cale being the person he is.
("Maybe he's just an emo motherfucker." Roksu says with a stoic face when Cale decided to open up to him one day about his thoughts about his own soulmate.
And Roksu for all of his self-sacrificial self, never really know what to do when it comes to comforting people when they're down so Cale should've predicted that he'd reply with something along those lines. But he didn't because Roksu was nothing but unpredictable.
He barks out a short laugh and buries his face on his knees. He flinches a little when feels the other boy's hand patting his head before leaning into the comfort because Cale is a bastard. A touch-starved one at that. And very self-aware.)
Cale rehearsed a lot of different ways to answer the words that his soulmate will tell him one day. He does wonder a lot of times what his soulmate's mark was to make them hate him on sight. But growing up and acting in the trashiest way possible, he stopped wondering why.
___
In the first year of Choi Han's High School years, he was referred to as the 'emo kid from middle school'. Which was not a lie, but a bit-no, a lot embarrassing reputation to have.
He defeats the title with the power of friendship by befriending every person in the school.
It completely makes everyone forget his previous reputation. Well everyone but his stupid nephew-cousin Choi Jung Soo and his soulmates who loved to remind him every chance they get.
But at least he was only labeled as the 'literature-lover-kid' by everyone when they hear him reciting his emo poetry. He recites every new piece of sad poetry he knows and composes himself at any random place at any random time.
He decides that he had a higher chance of meeting his soulmate that way.
Emphasis on random places. Random public places even. School. Parks. Public bathrooms. Parties.
Even public bathrooms at parties even, which is where he is currently headed.
Choi Han stared at his reflection and fixed his short bangs to the side to fully commit to the power of emo and started reciting his next piece.
"Upon the depths of the cosmos, our love drifts like a lonely comet. Its radiance fading amidst the infinite tapestry of the stars,"
___
Maybe the world hates Cale in a way.
"Within the cosmic symphony, fate's black hole wrapped itself on our love, vast gravity pulling it to pieces just to extinguish the flame of our affection,"
Because no way did someone just enter the public bathroom and started reciting emo-poetry shit while he was peeing the alcohol out of his system.
It was the easiest way he could think of where he can leave the pretentious masquerade party as early as he possibly could without causing havoc like he usually does.
He pulls up his zipper as he daydreams of booking it out of the bathroom lest he hear more about the emo poetry of unfortunate unrequited lovers. Booking it out of the party even.
"There is an infinite amount of hope in this universe . . . but not for us."
Cale promptly freezes before exiting his cubicle hurriedly, all his rehearsed replies wiped away from his mind as he opens his mouth.
__
Choi Han almost jumps out of his own skin from the loud bang of a door opening before his sight was invaded with red.
Red, red, red, and so many more shades of red.
Burgundy eyes (Ha! See what he did there?) were visible from the face mask that covered the upper half of the stranger's face. They stared at him in the eyes intently.
The stranger suddenly blurts out, "Holy shit, that bastard was right. You're just one emo motherfucker!"
Disbelief palpable from the tone alone that it doesn't even take Choi Han a whole second to realize what the words were before his mouth splits and stretches out into a wide grin.
"Well hello to you too, soulmate."