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Aspett has never been as noisy as that evening, but it's not because of the circus and the merriment it brought through those streets. That night Aspett lit up with chatter and shouting because something terrible had happened. Something that Julia herself caused.
Sitting in the now dry bed of the canal, Julia still can't realize what she has just done, too scared of having destroyed not only the seal that allowed the water to fill it, but also the last thread that kept her clinging to her old life, to the old Julia. She just hopes that whatever she's done, whether was right or not, will bring her back home to her father. Maybe her life won't really be what it used to be, maybe with her gesture she just betrayed the nation she loved so much and was so proud of, maybe... maybe if what she did were discovered she would end up in prison and her father would be even more disappointed in her, but now none of this matters anymore, she just wants to leave that circus with Kamille, she just wants to find a way to go back to where she was born and has always thought she was spending the rest of her days. She wants that monotonous normality that made her feel safe and in control of every situation, where magic was still something unreal, she didn't have ghosts as roommates and her future was something predictable and already set for her.
And if she had to make rash acts like that, if she had to turn her back on everything she'd believed in up to that moment in order to succeed in her goal, she would do it with no regrets.
Suddenly someone calls her, they asks her if she's hurt and if she needs help, and Julia realizes only then that everyone can see her and that she still has a part of the plan to complete, perhaps the most important. Still in shock from what happened, she hurries out of the canal, regardless of the hat she has lost and the tools left close to the wall, stammering a "no, I'm fine" to the gentleman who tried to help her, and starts running towards the room of Sahed, the only one who reached out to her and tried to help her make her wish come true. She still can't trust him, but he's the only one she can count on, the only one who can give her the answers she seeks.
She will finally be able to put a stop to that story that shouldn't have even started.
Sahed welcomes her with a victorious smile as soon as she knocks on his door and tells him that she has completed her mission, then he takes her by the arm, dragging her inside the room. Julia can't help but blush at that gesture. She still can't understand why Sahed causes certain reactions whithin her even though she tries her hardest to suppress them.
Kamille likes him.
He is an Ah'kon.
Yet every time he speaks to her, every time he touches her, every time she hears someone mentioning his name, Julia can't control her emotions. Even in a delicate moment like this, after having just committed a crime, jeopardizing her reputation and betraying Kalgratt, the mere fact that Sahed's hand is tight around her arm makes her forget all the world around her to fill it just with the thought of him. Is this what everyone calls Love?
Julia doesn't think she wants to find out.
"Then? I want some answers, Sahed. How can I get home?” she asks as soon as the door closes behind them. She really hopes that this time Sahed will give her a solution that doesn't involve killing someone. The sooner she can leave, the easier it will be for her to rebuild her life, to put the circus behind her and... forget about him.
Sahed looks at her in silence for a moment, serious, then sighs. "We have to wait for Rainah to come back" he replies as he approaches her, then he puts both his hands on her shoulders while trying to look into her eyes. "You're shaking Julia, you should put on something dry" he adds starting to rub his hands on her arms to warm her up a bit. She blushes. She didn't even realize she was soaking wet and feeling the cold of the night stinging her skin.
"I didn't bring a change with me" she says softly, looking down embarrassed. Sahed spoke to her in a different tone than usual, as if he was worried about her, and this confuses her even more.
Sahed is weird. The way he treats her is weird. There are moments in which he smiles contemptuously and maliciously at her and he speaks to her as if she were the queen of chess in his hands – the strongest and most important piece, but still a pawn – which he only needs to capture the opposing king. Other times instead he stares at her with eyes imbued with infinite sweetness and he whispers sincere words to her, as if they were on the same level, two rebels in love ready to protect each other while they try to overthrow the tyrant who has committed cruelty towards them and towards their people, and Julia just can't figure out which of his two faces is the real one. Whether feeling affection for and trusting the second one could lead to her being hurt by the first. Not that it really matters, Sahed remains an Ah'kon and the object of her best friend's attentions. Even if he had good intentions Julia still could not give in to the temptation to love him.
"What's the problem, I'll lend you something of mine" says Sahed before opening a drawer and taking out one of his shirts and a pair of trousers from it.
"It's not necessary, really!" she tries to protest as soon as she realizes what he said to her, while the slight blush on her cheeks spreads all over her face, inflaming her, but Sahed puts the clothes in her hands and cross his arms over his chest. "Calm down, it's just clothes. You'll give them back to me tomorrow" he says amused, noticing her embarrassment. "Come on, change yourself".
"You could at least turn around..." Julia mutters, staring at the white shirt and black trousers that are too wide to fit her well. Incredible how every day Sahed finds a way to leave her dumbfounded, embarrassed or surprised. There isn't a moment where he does something that Julia expects, something Julia has already predicted. Not to mention the fact that offering one's clothes to a girl who is not one's wife is inappropriate to say the least, like staying in the same bedroom at night after all.
"Not that there's so much to see" he grins while turning around, alluding to her roundness, so little pronounced for a young woman. Julia decides to ignore that provocation, only letting out an irritated snort, then she begins to undress without taking her eyes off Sahed's figure, just to check that he's not peeking secretly. As she had imagined, his clothes look huge on her. His shirt reaches her mid-thigh and if Julia weren't so prudish she would only need that to cover herself decently. His trousers, on the other hand, are far too wide and long for her tiny legs, so she is forced to tighten the laces as much as possible and roll them up so as not to step on them. All in all, though, it's a comfortable wear, certainly more than her wet clothes. The only thing that goes to her head, aside from the fact that they belong to Sahed, is that they are imbued with his sweet and pungent scent, which is sure to linger on her for the rest of the night. The idea of going to sleep with that smell imprinted on her skin doesn't make her feel calm.
To drive that thought away, Julia coughs, she gathers everything she has taken off to place those on a chair and warns Sahed that he can turn around.
He does and stops to look at her as if dazed. Julia trembles a little under his gaze, she feels naked and doesn't know how to react. She would like to hate the fact that he looks at her like that, as if she were a palatable dish, but she finds herself craving those eyes of his on her body. She almost dreads the thought of wanting more, of wanting not just his gaze but his hands as well.
"You're really pretty like this, I should lend you something of mine more often" Sahed whispers, approaching her, breaking the silence that had been created. He scrutinizes her for a few more moments from his tall height, as if he wanted to memorize every detail of her, then he raises a hand and rests it on her hot cheek, moving a lock of hair that is still wet, wedging it behind her ear. Sahed is so close that Julia can feel his breath on her forehead.
In order not to have strange thoughts – such as the fact that it would be enough for her to stand on tiptoe to kiss him and send to hell what little sanity she has left – Julia lowers her gaze and fixes it on her bare feet, then she start to focus on breathing. Sahed has done it again. He's started acting again as if he really likes her, as if he wants her. Is this really what he feels? Does his heart also go into turmoil whenever she's by his side? Or is it just a tactic to tie her down and make her do whatever he wants? Julia doesn't know which of the two options is the worse.
"Sahed, you-" she tries to say after a few moments, Sahed's hand is still resting on her cheek. She raises her eyes and crosses his, a crystalline sea in which Julia thinks she can drown in. She doesn't know what exactly she wants to ask him, she doesn't even know if she has the courage to say something to him while he looks at her in that indecipherable way, but she doesn't need to say anything else because the door of the room opens and a female figure reaches them.
"I'm back" Rainah says before stopping to stare at them in amazement.
"What are you two up to? Do you think this is the time to flirt?" She asks in a serious voice, placing her hands on her hips.
Both immediately take a step away from each other and begin denying Rainah's allegations. Julia notices that this time she wasn't the only one blushing or fussing and this cheers her up a bit.
While Sahed explains the situation to Rainah, who sends a few glances in her direction not too convinced by the words of her roommate, Julia mentally thanks her for interrupting whatever was going on between them.
It doesn't matter what is behind Sahed's actions and words. It doesn't matter what he feels or the feelings that she now carries in her heart. She just has to find a way to get home, the rest is worthless.