Chapter Text
“Axel… what were you trying to do?”
Ha. Axel had never even stopped to answer that question for himself, and now he got to answer to the very person he had sought to destroy. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Served him right. But then, Sora deserved an explanation. He deserved to know about Roxas, just the same as Roxas had always deserved to know about him.
“I wanted to see Roxas.” A sun forever setting, the taste of salt and sugar, laughter that for once wasn’t manufactured or bitter. A place that was just for the two of them. “He… was the only one I liked.”
Axel felt a seizing ache in his back where his injury was eating away at him – just another gift from an old friend. Thanks to Saix, and his own idiotic need to put on a show, he didn’t have much time to make things right. He gritted his teeth, and looked back to Sora, ready to say… something, but-
But, Sora was looking down at him with a sorrowful, despairing look that was all too familiar. A look that Axel had done too many stupid things to try and prevent.
“He made me feel,” Axel remembered. “Like I had a heart.”
For the first time, at his sorry excuse for a deathbed, Axel let himself think again of the envelope Roxas had left for him, of the “winner” stick he’d never known the kid had been saving for months - all because he’d never want to cash in an award just for himself. Axel had always thought Roxas left him behind because he’d felt betrayed, because he had broken his trust. But, what if he had known what dangers were in store for anyone who went against the Organization, and all of this was because his stubborn ass of a friend didn’t want him to get hurt? Roxas had always been too gentle, too trusting and naive for the life he was born into. He couldn’t stand the thought of letting someone else suffer for his sake. Now he was gone.
But then, maybe Axel had learned something from him. He was laying here, wasn’t he? In the place of his greatest “sacrifice,” as minuscule as it was in the grand scheme of things. And he was looking at Sora, for the first time without searching for traces of someone else.
“It’s kind of… funny. You make me feel the same.”
Oh, how his chest ached, in that empty place where his heart should be. This was a child, barely older than he had been- than Lea had been when his life had ended. He didn’t deserve to be seeing any of his, or to be sent to the death trap Axel called home. But, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop him, the same way he had known he couldn’t stop his friend. All he could do was offer him safe passage, and trust his old companions to see reason the same way that he had.
What an awful last thought.
“Kairi’s in the castle dungeon. Now, go!” Axel mustered every ounce of darkness he had left and pushed it out from himself, punching a hole into the world that Sora and his friends could walk through.
For a moment, though, the only thing he could see was light. Had he failed? Was all of this for nothing after all?
But then – no. There was a figure standing there, her arms behind her back and a sad smile on her face.
“Kairi?” Axel pushed himself up from the ground, light as air. “I should have known you’d bust yourself out! And here, your Sora was about to get himself killed-” Axel turned over his shoulder to give the kid a grin, but he was gone. In his place, and in place of the entire in-between space they’d just fought in, was light. And that girl in front of him, that wasn’t Kairi, either, that was-
A flood of memories washed over him. The empty air in his conversations with Roxas, that strange bittersweet feeling he couldn't shake away whenever he walked past that certain door in the castle. Seashells, bags full of extra ethers, a hummed song that seemed to get stuck in his head out of nowhere.
“Xion?”
Impossibly, miraculously, she was there – one of his dearest friends, wrapped in light and wearing the cloak of the bastards that had created her only to kill her. She was looking at him with some strange mix of sorrow and relief, and Axel ran to her and wrapped her in his arms. Whatever had come between them in the past, whatever they had said to each other when everything was at stake, none of it mattered. She was here. She was real, no matter what anyone said.
Axel dried his tears with his sleeve and managed to smile through a world of grief and regret that had never truly left him. “Looks like the two of us had a next life after all.”
Xion smiled, too, her eyes puffy and red. He realized he had never seen her cry before. “It looks like we did.”
“Is Roxas-?”
“No. He and Sora…” Xion furrowed her brows for a moment as she searched for the right words to say. “Roxas still needs time to move on.”
“I see.” Axel looked around. “Well, I love what you’ve done with the place.”
Xion laughed at that, but in truth, the vastness of the light which surrounded them looked, to him, an awful lot like nothingness. He had never really been able to wrap his head around the concepts thrown about by Ansem’s apprentices before they were killed by their hubris like a bunch of assholes. If he had, maybe he’d have some ground-breaking revelation about this place that would make all their theories of the heart fall into their proper order. The conclusion he was able to reach (that being: place where I can see my friend = good) suited him just fine.
“Axel?” Xion reached and pulled Axel out of his thoughts with a hesitant hand on his arm. “What you did was really brave.”
“Nah.” Axel waved his arm like he could swat the sentiment out of the air. “Or if it was, it was the first brave thing I ever did.”
“I don’t think so.” Xion smiled. “You protected us. You were always protecting us. I’m sorry I never saw it.”
“I never let you see it.” Xion opened her mouth to speak again, but Axel wasn’t done. He placed a hand on her shoulder and made himself look her in the eye. “Xion, what I did... I don’t regret trying to protect you, or Roxas. But, I knew you saw right through it. I knew you would look for answers someday. I should have helped you the first chance I got, but I- Well, I guess I was scared. I was scared of what the truth would mean for all of us. I’m-” Axel’s nose began to sting and he cursed himself, looking up and away until he knew he’d be able to speak without his voice shaking. “I’m sorry, Xion.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
The absurdity of that made Axel come back to himself. His laugh came out sharp and short. “What for?” he said.
But, Xion wasn’t laughing. “For hurting you!” she said. “For hurting Roxas! I never wanted to make the choice I did. Even if it was for the better, I’ve never stopped thinking of how I should have done things differently. I should have stayed away from you both the second I realized that something was wrong. But, I just wanted- I thought-”
“Come here.” Before she could say another word, he pulled her into his arms again. “We’re both being ridiculous.”
“Maybe.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “I’m glad to see you again, Axel. I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Xion." Even though he didn’t know it.
For a while, they stood there in the silence with the weight of all that was between them. It was lighter now, but they both knew it could take a lifetime to sort everything out. Luckily they had nothing but time.
“So, what do you do for fun around here, huh?” Axel asked, wiping away a tear.
Xion grinned, and for the first time she looked like the carefree girl he’d once gotten to know. “What, are you asking if there’s ice cream?”
“No! Come on, is that all you think I care about?”
“Yes?”
“Alright. Fair. But, no, I mean… This place…” Axel gestured around them. “This can’t be all there is to it. Even for us nobodies.”
Xion shook her head. “No, you’re right. Actually, most of what I do is… watch.”
Before Axel could ask what she meant, Xion placed a hand on his arm and gently pushed him to the side. As he watched, she stretched out her arms and conjured buildings from the air, dark skyscrapers that had made up the skyline of their home. And there in the middle, when she stepped aside to show him what she’d done, was Sora and his friends, wandering lost through the streets. In Sora’s hands was his usual blade, but it looked different somehow.
“Hey, are those-?” Axel pushed past her and made his way into the scene to get a closer look. Sure enough, those were his chakrams, fashioned together into a rather unconvincing key shape. “Well, well. The kid’s sentimental.”
“Who? Sora?” Xion said, and Axel had to laugh.
“Okay, yeah. I guess I’m still surprised, though. Who would want to carry around a memento for the dead guy who kidnapped his-” Axel cut himself off, raised his eyebrow. “Girlfriend?”
“I’m not sure.” Xion shrugged. “It’s complicated.”
“Beyond us, probably.”
“Probably.”
“Still.” Axel turned back over his shoulder. Sora had an iron grip on his blade, but though the Heartless swarmed him, there was a hesitancy to his attacks that he’d never noticed before. “It doesn't make sense.”
Xion moved and stood next to him. “You don't know him very well, do you?”
Before, Axel would have scoffed at that. He knew Roxas, didn’t he? but now he had to think twice.
“I know what the Organization says about him. I didn't believe it before, but…” Axel’s eyes flicked again to the Keyblade. “If he really thinks me killing a couple Dusks makes up for what I did, for what I would have done? Maybe he is as naive and trusting as they say.”
“I think there’s more to it than that,” Xion said.
“‘Complicated’ again, huh?”
The way that Xion looked at Sora – a mix of affection and sorrow, admiration and jealousy – made Axel think she probably knew what she was talking about.
“He doesn’t know about Roxas…” Her words trailed off as she looked at him. Or me, Axel filled in for her, though he knew she’d never say it. “But, he knows there’s something strange about how we look at him. Something that, some way or another, is his fault. And he knows that when he looks at you, a part of his heart still thinks you’re his best friend.”
Axel nodded. “And another part of him knows I almost killed Naminé.”
Xion didn't have anything to say to that. Axel let out a heavy sigh and watched as the trio of world-savers passed them by.
“Can I-?” Axel hesitated, surprised he’d even begun to voice the question at all. He looked back to his friend, who was still carefully avoiding his gaze. “Can I see anyone with this?”
Xion looked back at him when his voice softened. “Who do you want to see?”
“You don't have to say yes. In fact, shoot me down as harshly as you want to – I know he made your life a living hell. And he doesn't deserve to occupy even the smallest part of your mind and, really, I shouldn't give a damn about him either, and it’d be better off for everyone if Sora finished him off at the door to the castle and no one ever had to deal with him again, but-” Axel expelled all the air left in his lungs and rubbed his forehead. He could feel sparks of fire in his fingertips, rising to his center and consuming him.
The look on Xion’s face quenched the flames in an instant.
“But…” he said, running a hand through his hair. “If all of this is going to be over soon, I’d like to see him, if I can. Saix.”
“Oh.”
“Xion, I mean it – we really don't have to-”
“No. I understand.” Xion stepped back from him a moment, took a deep breath. “You can see anyone you want to. You just need to think about them, and pick a spot for them to appear.” She gestured again, showing him the movement she had used before. “I’m just going to, um. Check on Roxas, I think. Okay?”
Axel nodded. “Okay.”
In the blink of an eye, she was gone. With her, the dark streets of their home had vanished, and Axel was alone. But, that was okay. He had gotten used to that.
Even though he was surrounded by emptiness, he turned again to the place he’d first seen Sora.
“Just think about him?” Axel said to himself and scoffed. “That should be easy. I can never seem to stop.”
And Axel turned his thoughts toward his oldest friend. Even at the mere image of his face, he felt a shooting pain in his back where the cold steel of his weapon had cut through him. But just as quickly, he remembered his laugh, a rare treasure that Axel- that Lea had always been trying to win.
Saix appeared in a shaft of artificial moonlight, staring out the window at his Kingdom Hearts.
“Is that what all of this was for?” Axel asked him, gesturing at the moon, a twice-fabrication in this space. “Or is it all still an act for your ploy to make it to the top?” Axel walked around so he could look him in the eye, but Saix’s eyes were glazed over, unseeing. Axel’s anger faltered, but only for a moment.
“Do you even know that I’m gone? Do you even care?” he shouted. When Saix remained motionless, Axel clenched a fist and moved to slam it against the glass. His arm flew through empty air.
“If you were here, and I was there,” he said, hating himself for it all the while. “Would you have cared to look?” There was a moment of horrible silence and then,
“Enjoying the view?”
Axel flinched and looked over his shoulder. Xigbar was standing behind them with his usual devilish grin, motes of darkness from his portal still surrounding him.
If Saix had heard the taunt, he showed no sign of it. Xigbar hardly waited for an answer.
“You made quite a show back there, you know. Must have been trouble in paradise.”
What? Axel looked at Saix and saw that though his face remained impassive, his eyes had drifted down ever so slightly. Xigbar came forward and flung an arm around his shoulder, and that was enough for Saix to react, pushing him away.
“What is the purpose of this visit?” he asked. “I know Xemnas didn't send you here.”
“Nope!” Xigbar grinned. “Too preoccupied with his Kingdom Hearts to tell anyone much of anything. But, I suppose the plan hasn't changed.”
Saix only stared at him.
“Well,” Xigbar went on. “It has changed a little. Shame we don't have our rogue assassin to do our job for us anymore.”
“He would never have done it.”
Axel, a ghost between the two of them, stared at his old friend in shock.
“Oh?” Xigbar said. “What makes you think that?”
“He changed after Castle Oblivion. He grew weak. Even if killing Sora would have brought back his ‘friend,’ he wouldn't have been capable.”
“Even if you had asked him to?”
“He never did what anyone asked of him – not unless it was already what he wanted.” The glow of the moonlight shone brighter onto Saix’s eyes. Though his voice betrayed only a fraction of anger, it was more emotion than Axel had gotten out of him in years. “He was a backstabber and a traitor.”
“No wonder you used to get along.”
Saix’s jaw set into a scowl. Axel had not looked away from him for a second.
“Shame to see a friendship fall apart. I only wanted to check on you, but it looks like I made things worse. Guess I'd better give you some space.” Xigbar clapped a hand onto Saix’s shoulder. “Don't worry. If Axel were here, I’m sure he’d forgive you.”
The pair of them watched as Xigbar walked off, waving an arm lazily through the air. “Take care now!” he shouted, and teleported out mid-step.
In the silence he left behind, Saix stood motionless. Then he turned his head back to the moon as if in a trance.
“A heart is more than anger,” he said. “A heart is more than pain or hate.” He placed a hand on the glass. “What more proof do you need that I’m ready?”
Axel reached a hand for his shoulder, but held back from even the phantom sensation of the touch. “Isa…” he whispered, though beyond that he had no idea what to say.
He was spared from his wondering by the sound of Xion’s footsteps running toward him. She shouted his name, and Axel waved his hands, dismissing the vision.
“Xion? What is it?”
Xion grabbed hold of his arms and caught her breath. She looked like she had just run a mile. “It’s Roxas,” she said, and Axel’s cloudy mind was cleared in an instant.
“He’s- I don't know how, but he’s challenging Sora. I think he’s really trying to kill him. I don’t know what’ll happen if-”
“What can we do?” Axel asked.
Xion took another breath. “I don’t know. I know he can’t hear me, but sometimes I almost think… he can? Maybe if it was you-?”
“If it was me?” Axel said. “What do you mean?”
Xion shook her head. “We can’t do this right now. You’re his best friend, and I don't exist. Just go talk to him. Or try – please.”
But, Axel wouldn't budge. “Don’t give me that. You exist. You’re standing right in front of me!”
“Axel-”
“No. Why should it be me?”
Xion let go of his arms, bewildered. “I just told you why.”
“You’ve been watching me this whole time?” Axel asked, gesturing around them. “Then you know I’ve done nothing but mess up my whole life. What makes you think I would make a difference? Roxas… Roxas won’t even want to see me.”
He was a backstabber, after all. And a traitor. Xion knew that better than anyone.
For her part, Xion took a long look at him, the two of them frozen in this moment in time. Then, without a word, her mouth pressed into a thin line, she reached out her hand.
Axel nearly protested further, but he stopped himself. This was stupid. They were both being stupid. Again.
“Together,” he said, and took her hand.
“Together,” Xion agreed.