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It felt like Atsumu had been running away his entire life.
From his mother’s tears and guilt. From his father’s rage and spittle. From those thunderous footsteps, fists knocking against door frames, the crack of the belt against bare skin.
It didn’t stop there, of course it didn’t. Just when he thought he and Osamu were far away from harm’s reach in his hometown, the worst was awaiting him in the big city. There too, he kept running - from blood-thirsty criminals wielding guns. From wicked strangers willing to hurt his new-found family. From greedy men who eyed him up and down as if he were a lump of meat, ready to use and sell and exploit to their hearts’ content.
All those things often brought him to his knees, bruised and hurt. But he’d always find it in himself to get up. He’d always find it in himself to keep running, because that was perhaps the only constant in his life; the one thing that reminded him of the blood pumping through his veins, the air heaving in and out of his chest, the burning sensation of worn out limbs. As long as he could run, that meant he was alive.
To his surprise, that night was the one time he wasn’t running alone - he was being led up a flight of shadowy stairs by Shoyo, with his hand around his wrist.
Atsumu’s legs ached as he climbed two steps at a time, and he was gasping for air. “Where are we goin’, Shoyo-”
“You’ll see when we get there - it's a surprise!” he hissed - but when he turned around, he was smiling. In the dark, his teeth gleamed brightly, and his eyes glowed. He tightened his grip around Atsumu’s wrist.
Atsumu didn’t have it in him to complain. He knew it would be futile to stop and ask where they were heading. They had already had that argument at their apartment; Atsumu had insisted that their room was Shoyo’s only safe haven, and that they should stay hidden there until the coast was clear for him to leave. The last thing he wanted was another chase from rival gang members. Another possibility of further trapping Shoyo into my own fuckin’ mess .
But of course, Shoyo heard from one ear and let the words out from the other. Of course, he stood in front of him with his fists balled up like a toddler, with an expression Atsumu couldn’t read even if he wanted to. Of course, he said nothing - but he kept staring, with his chin tilted up in defiance. It was alarming how Shoyo could match their difference in height just through sheer, bloody conviction - so much so, that Atsumu found himself leaning back, eye twitching. What’s with him and this… hunger of his?
Whatever it was, he couldn’t fight it anymore. With a sigh, he had to forfeit - and that wordless admission was enough for Shoyo to break in a smile, grab his wrist, and drag him out of their apartment, and up the stairs.
And so they kept climbing one step at a time, until they were facing the rooftop’s entrance. But before they opened the door, Shoyo stopped in his tracks, and turned around. As he stood there two steps above, Atsumu quickly realized how Shoyo’s eye level just reached his own. So many times, Atsumu had stood close to Shoyo - close enough to notice the height difference. But something about Shoyo not having to tilt his chin up to look at him made his cheeks burn. His heart skipped a beat at the proximity.
Shoyo seemed unfazed, however. He only leaned closer, and whispered: “Close your eyes.”
Without hesitation, he did. Out of habit, he felt his shoulders tense up, almost as if he were ready to pounce if anyone jumped behind him. But then, that tension melted away when he felt warm hands around his own, guiding him up one step, then another, then another - until a creak resonated, and then a gust of wind blew right at him.
He still kept his eyes closed, letting Shoyo guide him to his surprise. One step after another, and the darkness behind his eyelids began to melt into a deeper red and orange. The sounds of cars honking began to fade in, too. A few steps more, and he began to sense a skip in Shoyo’s steps.
“Open your eyes… now!”
When he did, his eyes first adjusted to the zigzags of a massive metal screen. Then, the world beyond focused into his view: a brilliant expanse of city lights, glimmering like the most expensive jewels. Skyscrapers stood sparsely too, and every window was lit up like ornaments shining on a Christmas tree. Streets were filled to the brim with vehicles of all kinds, their headlights swimming through the streets like candles floating through a calm river. Atsumu tried squinting through the gaps of the meshed wall, but he couldn’t tell a limousine apart from a regular cab. From up where he stood, where he could ignore the cars honking, engines revving and people yelling, the world below looked nothing like the dingy city he was accustomed to seeing every day. A land of a billion lights , was what he had heard people call that city, when he settled there for the first time, with nothing but a pocket full of change and Osamu by his side. And at that moment, it seemed to be true.
To be fair, this wasn’t the first time Atsumu was seeing the city lights. But it was definitely the first time he was sharing this view with someone.
When he glanced to his left, he saw Shoyo with his nose pressed up against the metal wires, as if he were a kid eagerly waiting for his turn to ride the Ferris wheel. The lights below were so bright that they cast red and orange hues across his skin, and they danced in his amber eyes. There was a strange fondness hidden in the lines etched at the corners of his lips, so faint yet prominent; they were proof that he had spent a lifetime smiling. Atsumu wished those lines never faded.
All of a sudden, Shoyo broke the silence between the two:
“D’you like this surprise?”
Atsumu hummed in agreement, mirroring Shoyo’s stance; he let his left hand dangle beside his hip, until his fingers began tracing the gaps within the metal mesh. By that point, he couldn’t help himself: “How’d ya get this idea, huh?”
Shoyo turned his head to look up at him, his smile growing. “I know I don’t know you much, but… but you’re always… running. I figured you don’t get the chance to stop for a while and enjoy the world around you.”
To say Atsumu was at a loss for words was an understatement. Ever since they crossed paths, they definitely had been constantly running - away from crooks, away from enemies, away from harm. Atsumu was used to it, but he could imagine how new it all was for Shoyo. He was new to the hustling life in the city, new to having criminals constantly nip at his feet. He wasn’t used to living life in danger, wasn’t used to seeing his friends die right in front of him.
Hell, Shoyo was new even to him , and yet not once did he question Atsumu's life, his upbringing, his lost family, and the one he found himself. Not once did he feel it necessary to judge his character, his choices - the good, the bad, and the bloody. It seemed obvious to Atsumu that Shoyo had made up his mind the day he stood at the prison’s visiting room, where he first saw Atsumu clad in an orange jumpsuit. That was the day they had first met, the day they first locked eyes; he still remembered how Shoyo looked at him so deeply, as if he had known him his entire life. He still recalled how the warmth of familiarity ran through him that day.
That was the day Shoyo had decided he was going to run with Atsumu. And although there were moments he was afraid, there was never an ounce of regret weighing him down.
The thought made his chest heavy with fear. He gulped down the lump forming in his throat, and kept his eyes trained at the cars trudging along below.
“Yeah, well, ya can’t blame me for runnin’ - all these lights look pretty, but this place isn’t always this beautiful.”
Shoyo hummed as well. Maybe it was a trick of the lights below, or the shadows behind him, but it seemed as if he got closer.
“That’s true, but… I think this place is actually beautiful. Otherwise I wouldn’t have brought you up here.”
While that made Shoyo giggle to himself, Atsumu snapped his gaze at him in shock. “Oh really?”
“Yes, really - I mean… I met you here. A place like that has to be beautiful, in my eyes.”
Of course, Shoyo looked past the blood and grime of the underworld Atsumu had to show him. Of course, he ignored the anxiety, the fear, the uncertainty that never seemed to escape the two of them, wherever they ran. Because Shoyo had made up his mind: he was going to run with Atsumu.
The thought made Atsumu’s heart skip a beat - but then it sank once more.
“Shoyo…” Why d’ya have to make it harder than it already is?
“I’m sorry, Atsumu,” said Shoyo, as he sheepishly looked away. “Y’know I’m a bad liar.”
His heart squeezed in his chest, and he had no clue what to do: he looked away quickly, blinking at the world below him. He wanted to cry, he wanted to shout, he wanted to scream why, why, why me, why did he have to stick to me, it's all my fault . Most of all, he wanted to run .
All those thoughts seemed to melt away the moment he felt warmth wrap around his left hand - Shoyo, reminding him that he was right there. Atsumu held onto him for dear life.
Atsumu still didn’t have it in himself to look at Shoyo, afraid that he’d crumble.
“Doesn’t bein’ near me scare ya, Shoyo?” Haven’t I dragged ya into my mess deep enough?
His voice was barely a pathetic whisper, nothing like his booming, confident tone he’d always carry when he addressed his friends, when he raged at his enemies. That version of himself was gone, this was someone else entirely. Someone far more fragile - full of shards that he had scratched himself with far too many times.
But this was the one thing Shoyo was not afraid of. He only grabbed his hand tighter, almost tugging at his arm, forcing Atsumu to look at him. When he did, he was met with a stare that transfixed him entirely. The lights below seemed to have dulled down a bit, as a deeper red washed over the freckles on his cheeks. There were those faint smile lines… even shadows couldn’t get rid of them.
Shoyo stepped closer, until only a breath’s distance was left between them.
“Do I look afraid, Atsumu?”
Of course he didn’t. Of course he didn’t.
At some point, Atsumu had stopped holding onto the meshed wall, and instead held Shoyo’s face close to him. At some point, Shoyo’s own hands rested on his chest, not once letting his stare waver. At some point, Shoyo was done holding back, and Atsumu was done running away.
At some point, their lips met, and each other’s taste and warmth made them forget about the city lights below them.