Chapter Text
some mornings, it’s just obvious by the end of the day hanbin will wish he let the urge to knock over his phone charger win out over the responsibility of going to class. that way his alarm “accidentally” wouldn't go off, allowing him to sleep the day away, so that he would only worry about all the consequences much later. as he stares at the dark red see me after class printed on the top of his final project for his last teaching course, something that tastes like a sickening combination of bile and dread rises up in his throat. there’s a ringing in his ears, or maybe just in his head, and he flips through the pages uncertainly. the report is all there. there’s no mistakes that hanbin spotted instantly, and he’d been proud to submit the report a week ago. so what had gone wrong?
he can see a few of his classmates start to make their way over to his desk, so he swipes the paper away quickly, tucking it into his bag. not in the mood for conversation, he stands and gathers his things, pretending to be too engaged in something on his phone to acknowledge them. on his way out, he keeps his eyes planted firmly on the floor, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone, as if they would be able to see the shame written all over his face. see me after class. those words seemed to be burned in the back of hanbin’s brain permanently, but still he couldn’t fathom what about his report was so terrible it wasn’t even deemed worth a grade.
for the last month, he’d slaved away over the research, poring over articles upon articles to produce what should have been his magnum opus. alright, so maybe magnum opus might be a bit of an exaggeration, but still, he’d put his whole heart into that report. if he was honest with himself, one of the reasons he was so offended was because the subject had been so personal to him.
as an elementary education major, hanbin had decided to write his final report on strategies to incorporate more diverse viewpoints into the national curriculum. it was not something that could be taken lightly, especially in a country like south korea that was so focused on educating students to reach certain benchmarks on the exams that would design their entire futures. his plan wasn’t anything radical either, just adding a few new reading materials that hanbin thought better represented the diverse modern korea. hanbin had chosen the early education major specifically because he thought it would give him more freedom to introduce new ideas since there were fewer tests his students would have to take. apparently, his professor disagreed.
as he pushes out of the door, he spots a familiar pair of shoes in the hallway. he doesn’t need to look up to identify their owner. those sneakers belonged zhang hao, foreign exchange student and coursemate of hanbin’s, not a close friend, more like a friend-of-a-friend, but to tell the truth the boy took a lot more real estate in hanbin’s brain than their relationship should entail.
“oh, hanbin-ssi,” the older boy greets him politely. despite their mutual friend in common, hanbin’s best-friend-turned-roommate matthew, hanbin and zhang hao had never been able to move past the formal honorifics. not for lack of trying on zhang hao’s part, but hanbin always just became so tongue-tied around him that their conversations never lasted more than a few minutes. most of the information hanbin had gleaned about the older came from his friends. that’s how hanbin knew that zhang hao, despite being in the same year as him, was a year older. the chinese boy had spent one year in university as a geology major in china before starting over to pursue his true passion, music education. hanbin really admired the older for this, and there were so many times in these little conversations after class that he wished he could find the courage to tell zhang hao that, but every time it felt a little too personal when zhang hao had never told hanbin any of these things himself.
at the sound of his name, hanbin stops in his tracks. he looks up, then quickly bows, a bit too deeply to be considered casual. already, hanbin can feel the blush starting to rise up on his cheeks. raising his head, there’s an awkward moment where neither of them say anything, and just watch each other awkwardly until hanbin realizes it’s been his turn to greet the older this whole time. “zhang hao-ssi,” he starts to say, his mind reeling to come up with something, anything to say to follow it up with, “i’m sorry, but i have a meeting with the professor, so i can’t really chat,” he finishes. zhang hao’s face visibly falls and hanbin wonders why he can’t make a single decision right today.
“but you’re coming to matthew’s birthday party right? it’s this saturday at our place,” hanbin says rapidly, the words kind of all mashing together because halfway through he realizes he’s actually inviting zhang hao to a party at his apartment and the concept of zhang hao sitting on their couch, standing in their living room is only causing his heart rate to speed up further.
only in the dark of night, in the comfort of his bed, hanbin can admit he might have a bit of a crush on the older boy. what started as admiration turned into something deeper the more matthew told him. this didn’t make it any easier to actually talk to the subject of his affection, see exhibit a, this moment right now.
zhang hao seems delighted by the prospect of the invitation, hair flopping adorably as he nods, “of course i’ll be there. thanks for inviting me!”
hanbin feels the inexplicable urge to pinch his cheeks, so he shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket instead. no one could say hanbin didn’t have impeccable self control. he looks up to see the professor’s office door seemingly glaring down at him.
“sounds good! then i’ll see you saturday,” hanbin says, probably a bit too excitedly, as he darts down the hallway. better to face this head on before he keeps the professor waiting for too long. gathering his courage, he knocks loudly, and pushes the door open.
“professor yoon,” hanbin greets, bowing deeply and closing the door behind him. the professor looks up from his computer in acknowledgement, “sung hanbin-ssi.”
“you asked me to see you about my report, sir,” hanbin says, not wanting to seem nervous. it’s because he’s not nervous, he tells himself, there’s nothing wrong with the report. carefully, hanbin pulls the folded report from his bag.
“ah, yes,” professor yoon says, reaching out to take the report. he frowns, “i must say, i was quite disappointed with your work here.”
hanbin opens his mouth to ask for a reason, but professor yoon just continues without pause. he doesn’t bother flipping through the pages to re-familiarize himself with the work, just goes to hand the document back to hanbin. “yes, i think the whole thing will have to be redone, starting with the topic.”
something feels like it cracks in hanbin’s chest at those words, but he tries to keep it together, “sir, you approved my topic when we began the course, i’m not sure if there’s a problem with the methodology or‒”
professor yoon shakes his head to cut hanbin off again, “no, no. i wouldn’t have approved this. the whole thing needs to be done again, from scratch. but since you’ve been such a good student, throughout the year, hanbin-ssi, i’ll give you a second chance. there’s three days until the final grades need to be submitted. please submit your new report to assistant kim before then.”
while professor yoon seems satisfied by these terms, hanbin knows the task is impossible. “sir, there’s months of research, analytics, and surveys in my original report. it will be impossible to write a new report in three days…”
the professor makes a noise of acknowledgement, but doesn’t seem to be recognizing hanbin’s concerns at all, already looking back at his computer. “that’s the best i can offer, sung hanbin-ssi.”
biting his lip, hanbin nods and bows again, “alright sir. thank you for the second chance,” he takes his original paper off the desk and shoves it away into his bag.
“have a good afternoon, sir,” he says as he closes the door behind him.
thankfully, there’s no one left in the hallway when hanbin comes out of the office. if he had to try and make conversation with anyone at this point, he thinks he might just melt into a puddle and defy the laws of chemistry to dissolve into the linoleum floor. since that’s not possible, he’ll have to settle for a speed walk back to his apartment to have a nice scream into his pillow.
another incredible display of self control from sung hanbin in just a span of fifteen minutes. except he really feels like professor yoon might deserve to hear the physical results of the mental breakdown he had bestowed upon one of his most passionate students. only, he didn’t need a(nother) incident of his face plastered over the school gossip pages for something even more embarrassing than his first appearance.
he didn’t like to talk about it, but it involved him stumbling drunk out of his close friend taerae’s car in the middle of the night, captioned with something along the lines of omo, what happened to our perfect teacher mr. sung? do the school parents know about his wild side? hanbin was pretty sure one of his other friends had written the original post to tease him (curse you kim gyuvin), but then other students started commenting on the post, and hanbin had to beg everyone he knew to report it so it would be taken down. all this being said, it was not an incident he would like repeated, so he practically sprints the mile to his apartment and doesn’t even make it past the couch before he deems the cushions sound proof enough to scream his lung capacity into. and hanbin happens to possess quite a large lung capacity.
*
this is how matthew finds him, face pressed into their poor decorative couch cushion. the younger boy takes his shoes off at the door and makes his way over to hanbin, patting him on the back. this isn’t the first time matthew has found the older in this position, since hanbin tends to pick a coping mechanism and stick to it, though usually his freak-outs are more crush-induced rather than actual serious frustration.
“hanbin hyung,” matthew says, but he pronounces hanbin’s name cutely so it comes out more as hambin than hanbin. usually this would be enough to get hanbin to smile, but he can feel that his eyes started to grow wet about five minutes ago, and it would be too embarrassing to look up now.
“what did you say to him this time?” matthew says, assuming this is another one of hanbin’s usual post-class-post-zhang-hao meltdowns.
“why is it always me that has to have said something,” hanbin asks, voice muffled into the pillow.
he can feel matthew’s stare of doubt beating into his back. “ok, what did he say to you then?” he asks, playing along.
“and why do you assume this is about him?” hanbin continues, still not removing his face from the pillow.
hanbin doesn’t have to be looking at matthew to feel him rolling his eyes, “ok, so what happened then?”
instead of replying, hanbin just waves vaguely at his bag. matthew, like the best friend he is, intuitively understands and pulls out the crumpled report. after scanning through it, matthew pauses for a moment before asking, “not good news then?”
“he wants me to redo the whole thing, and he only gave me three days,” hanbin complains. matthew rubs his back and hanbin loves him a lot.
“that’s so ridiculous!” matthew grumbles, seeming almost more frustrated than hanbin, “i know you worked really hard on this hanbin hyung. you had so many people go over it. it’s probably perfect already.”
“that’s what i thought,” hanbin tells him, “but i guess not.”
“what did he say was wrong?” matthew asks, leaning down to wrap hanbin in a back hug. it’s a bit of an awkward position with matthew being so much smaller than hanbin, but hanbin appreciates it nonetheless.
“starting with the topic,” hanbin says and matthew winces out loud.
“i knew it was a risk but,” hanbin starts to say.
“it’s totally not fair hyung! just because he’s old and crusty isn’t an excuse…” matthew complains.
hanbin only shrugs and pushes matthew off lightly, finally getting up off the couch. matthew hands him a tissue for his tears wordlessly.
“this is ridiculous,” matthew repeats, stomping his foot and hanbin thinks there’s probably no universe out there where the two of them aren’t best friends.
“you know what you need?” matthew suggests, getting some kind of glint in his eyes that should really probably worry hanbin, “to let loose a little. you’ve been so stressed lately, and i heard ricky is having his birthday party tonight. you know he’ll have the expensive drinks at his penthouse.”
“i don’t know, i really should get started on my project…” hanbin is already getting the puppy eyes from matthew, though to be honest he’d already folded long before that.
“please hyung? everyone’s going to be there. you know they’ve all been complaining because you haven’t hung out with us lately,” he pouts.
it’s true, hanbin thinks, because the others will text him every few days to invite him somewhere, but he always declines in order to… work on his report.
“ok, you’ve won me over,” hanbin says, putting his hands up playfully, feigning that matthew’s pleas have succeeded. matthew cheers and whips out his phone, probably to text the group chat about his accomplishment of convincing hanbin to come out of his hermit cave for once.
hanbin leaves the report on his desk before he changes for the party. donning a simple white shirt and jeans, he doesn’t really have any intentions for the night other than just getting drunk enough to still be able to stumble his way home with matthew at the end of the night. while ricky’s apartment had plenty of places to sleep, hanbin had learned his lesson that whoever crashed thereafter one of ricky’s parties was obligated to help clean up the penthouse afterwards. he puts enough product in his hair to give it that tacky, slightly wet look that he knows he pulls off well and grabs his phone off the bed, not bothering to check any of the numerous messages in the group chat from after matthew announced his appearance at the party.
if he had, perhaps he wouldn’t have been so blindsided on what was to come.
*
matthew had gracelessly ditched hanbin before they even stepped in the elevator. the younger claimed one of his friends had never been to ricky’s apartment complex before, and so matthew had offered to wait for him outside. still, he’d shooed hanbin into the elevator with a smile, encouraging hanbin to find their friends in the penthouse that had already arrived.
the elevator doors were about to close but hanbin bolts forward and someone kindly holds the door for him. he looks up, of course it’s zhang hao grinning at him, dressed in a soft yellow sweater that stands out against the other neutral colored partygoers’ attires.
“thanks,” hanbin says to the other quickly, turning away so zhang hao won’t see the blush already rising on his cheeks.
he kicks himself internally, telling himself to get it together. so what zhang hao held the elevator for him? he would do that for anyone. zhang hao was known to be a kind senior, adopting underclassmen into his circle even when he was a foreigner and new to the school himself.
still, knowing zhang hao would be at the party threw a bit of a wrench in his plans. it made sense that ricky, another chinese exchange student, would be friends with zhang hao. but for the other to be wandering the same halls as hanbin made him reconsider his plans to get drunk tonight. who knew what drunk hanbin’s loose lips might reveal to the wrong audience. while his friends knew hanbin had a habit of spouting his love for them when he was under the influence, it might be a little awkward if he started directing it towards zhang hao, especially when he really didn’t know the other at all. in fact, he begins to reconsider being at this party at all. what seemed like a good idea at first seems to be growing worse by the second, and really he should be working on that project.
someone brushes his hand, but it’s probably an accident. then it happens again. it’s definitely the person behind him, hanbin thinks, and then his brain starts flashing red alert sirens as soon as he puts two and two together to determine what exactly that means.
hanbin moves his hand, stretching it out slightly, maybe he’s just in the way of someone, maybe this is their polite way of asking him to move, because the alternative is… something hanbin doesn’t think he has the brain power to process else all the blood in his body might rush to his cheeks and he’ll collapse out of lightheadedness. has he always been this dramatic, or is it just zhang hao who brings it out in him?
this is apparently what the other is looking for, because hanbin feels something press into the palm of his hand. he curls his fingers around it and zhang hao’s hand retreats. hanbin starts to turn his head in confusion towards zhang hao, but the older stops him with a hand on his shoulder, forcing hanbin to stay straight forward. slowly, hanbin raises his hand and opens his fingers.
zhang hao has handed him a pink sticky note with cute characters dancing around the perimeter. it’s cute, is hanbin’s first thought.
then he reads the note.
DON’T TURN AROUND.
when you get out of this elevator, ignore your friends that are waiting for you and meet me in the bathroom.
we need to talk.
hanbin’s second thought is that there is no way this note is meant for him. what could he and
zhang hao have to talk about in the bathroom of all places? and why was the note so cryptic? it’s not like anyone in the elevator would care if they started talking. he stares at the note in his hands, trying to decipher what the other wants from him.
unless, he had somehow found out about hanbin’s (less than platonic) feelings for him. matthew would never say anything, but his other friends, gyuvin in particular, couldn't always be trusted with secrets and oh god, what if zhang hao was going to reject him? hanbin didn’t think he could take another smack in the face from life today.
the elevator dings. they’ve arrived.
as the doors slide open, an excited gyuvin is jumping to greet him, dragging him by the hand out of the elevator and wrapping him in a bear hug. hanbin scrambles to shove the note into his pocket. “hyung! i missed you so much,” gyuvin cheers. hanbin can feel zhang hao’s gaze on his back as the other walks past and into the depths of the party.
is that it then? is it over? has he missed his opportunity? it’s not like he could have predicted gyuvin being right there when the door opened…
though it almost seemed like zhang hao had predicted it. he had written that hanbin should ignore his friend waiting for him.,.. it’s probably just a coincidence though, hanbin tells himself, shaking his head slightly and returning gyuvin’s hug.
the note probably wasn’t even for him anyway.
*
gyuvin drags him by the hand down the hallway and into the dining room. it’s quieter here than in the kitchen and living room, and to his surprise matthew is already sitting on the floor next to taerae. the four of them make an interesting group, and hanbin wonders why they’ve secluded themselves instead of joining the masses in the living room.
he slides into place next to taerae, who hands him a drink of some kind and says its gyuvin’s concoction. seeing how the younger boy already seems a bit tipsy, hanbin has a feeling whatever is in the cup is probably incredibly strong and disgusting to drink. still, when gyuvin looks at him expectantly, hanbin takes a sip and flashes a thumbs up. it tastes awful, but hanbin smiles anyway and soldiers down another sip.
“why are we hiding in the dining room?” hanbin asks, though he doesn’t mind truly. when gyuvin’s drink catches up to him, he’ll probably end up making his way to the dance floor. for now, he’s content to just sit amongst his friends.
“we’re hiding from gyuvin’s crush,” matthew whispers, but he doesn’t whisper, he basically shouts it. hanbin had passed gyuvin’s mystery drink to him, and it seems that matthew is the only who can manage to stand the taste. he also reconsiders his previous notion that matthew is good at keeping secrets.
“he’s not my crush!” gyuvin says bitterly, crossing his arms and pouting. it’s so cute hanbin has to stop himself from leaning over and pinching gyuvin’s cheeks or putting him in a headlock. the cute aggression is taking over once again. whatever was in the drink must have been incredibly potent, hanbin thinks, but he thinks it would be worse to ask for confirmation.
“then why are we hiding from him? in his own dining room nonetheless,” taerae giggles, poking at gyuvin.
“wait you have a crush on ricky?” hanbin asks incredulously. those two couldn’t be more different. like a sun and moon, the pair were practically opposites. ricky’s laid back personality didn’t seem like it would match gyuvin’s high energy at all. though, hanbin considered, maybe that’s what made them work.
gyuvin shakes his head and makes an x with his arms, “no no no,” he hisses, “don’t say it out loud.”
“he probably already knows,” taerae says, “you only almost squeezed the life out of him and then gazed longingly at him for five minutes when we first showed up.”
“ricky wouldn't be able to tell i liked him unless i spelled it out on my own forehead,” gyuvin says glumly, “besides, i don’t think he likes me back.”
taerae shrugs, “i dunno, he did let you try to send him to an early grave by hug.”
a sharp pain starts up behind hanbin’s eyes. maybe gyuvin’s drink was even stronger than he thought. “hanbin hyung, are you okay?” matthew asks worriedly.
“i’m fine. maybe i should drink some water,” hanbin suggests, and not to bring down the mood, “afterwards we should dance.”
taerae and matthew agree, though gyuvin seems unsure about leaving their hiding spot. in the end, hanbin just swings an arm around his shoulder, “there’s about a million people here gyuvin-ah, if you really don’t want to see him, you probably won’t anyway.”
that’s totally not the same logic he’s using as justification for avoiding zhang hao.
the kitchen is fairly crowded, drinks scattered across the countertop, but hanbin manages to find a cup to fill with tap water. he gulps it down, washing away the acrid taste of gyuvin’s drink, and the ache behind his eyes begins to subside. as he leaves the kitchen he passes the bathroom, where a faint light seems to pulse from underneath the door. that curiosity flares up again, should he go in?
it’s like the whole party seems to slow in time, and for a moment, there’s nothing in between hanbin and that door. he shakes himself out of it. it’s not like zhang hao would have waited an hour for him there. then his migraine starts to flare up again, so hanbin quickly speeds past, headed to meet his friends on the dance floor.
the music pounds in his eardrums, and whoever ricky had designated as the dj was actually selecting good music for once. swaying to the beat, surrounded by his best friends, this is exactly what hanbin needed. he doesn’t feel tipsy, but something about the environment just makes everything seem looser, simpler, like all those conversations weighing in the back of his mind have all just floated away.
the lights flicker once, twice, and the music stops for just a second. he looks around for the source of the disruption but no one else seems to have noticed a thing. somehow, they’ve migrated to the edge of the living room. when hanbin turns around, the dark bathroom door stares back at him.
matthew tugs on his arm, “hyung, what are you looking at?” he asks, craning his neck to look over hanbin’s shoulder.
“just saw someone i thought i knew,” hanbin lies. matthew accepts this and drags him back towards the group of dancers.
“where did gyuvin go?” matthew asks taerae, who’s now alone.
“ricky pulled him off somewhere,” taerae says with a shrug. hanbin squints for the sight of ricky’s familiar blond hair, but the two boys are nowhere to be found. he also finds himself unconsciously trying to spot zhang hao’s yellow sweater, but the older boy doesn’t seem to be in the living room either. ricky’s penthouse is massive though, so he could have gone anywhere.
“i want a drink,” matthew proclaims, pouting slightly. hanbin should probably stop him, the younger seems well on his way past tipsy already.
matthew’s eyes flick between hanbin and taerae, as if reading hanbin’s thoughts. “taerae, come with me to the kitchen.”
taerae acquiesces and tells hanbin they’ll be right back. hanbin just flashes the pair a thumbs up and finds himself alone on the dance floor. this isn’t a big deal, in fact the dance floor is one of hanbin’s favorite places. he usually has no problems making friends or finding someone new to dance with at a party. but tonight, everything is starting to feel a bit weird, and the once freeing feeling is starting to dissipate quickly. hanbin doesn’t want to go home, it’s not even midnight, and he hasn’t even wished ricky a happy birthday yet.
but if he had to put it into words, hanbin might go so far as to describe it as foreboding, the kind of feeling that makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight, like someone has been watching him all night.
just as hanbin begins to wonder what’s taking taerae and matthew so long, the lights go out again. there’s a loud thumping and someone screams. the relatively calm crowd in the room becomes a living sea, bodies pushing around in the chaos of the darkness. someone hooks their arm around hanbin’s elbow and pulls him down the hall. tripping over his own feet, hanbin hurries to keep up with them, eyes not adjusting to the lack of light until the mysterious person is pushing the bathroom door shut behind them.
he can’t believe his eyes at first, but there’s no one else at the party in the same baby yellow sweater. “zhang hao-ssi, what’s going on?” hanbin asks confusedly, eyes flicking around the empty bathroom. the other just stares at him, unanswering. the lights suddenly come back on their own accord.
“what happened?” hanbin repeats, looking the older up and down. nothing seems wrong with him. he looks just like he did back in the elevator, only now he isn’t saying anything and it’s starting to make hanbin feel a bit uncomfortable under the other’s piercing stare.
suddenly, zhang hao snaps to attention, like he’d been awakened from some kind of trance. “we don’t have a lot of time,” he says, and before hanbin even perceives the motion, zhang hao reaches forward to grab his hands, pushing him against the counter.
“zhang hao-ssi, i’m so confused, what’s going on,” hanbin repeats, like this time the other will answer his questions. the other is also too close into hanbin’s personal space for his brain to actually be able to come up with new thoughts instead of just recycling the last one from before he decided to crowd him into the tiniest corner of the bathroom.
hao just shakes his head, “i don’t have a lot of time to explain now because you didn’t come when i first asked,” he grumbles. finally, he lets go of hanbin’s hands and reaches into his back pocket, pulling something out that looks like a wireless headset. he shoves it at hanbin, who grabs it but doesn’t inspect it further.
“put it on,” zhang hao waves his hands frantically, gesturing towards the device, now tucked away into hanbin’s pocket, “we’re on a time crunch here.”
“so you’ve said,” hanbin replies, kicking his brain back into gear now that zhang hao has put some distance between them, “but i’m not doing anything until you tell me what’s going on.” he tries to keep his voice from shaking, and is proud that he almost sounds confident.
zhang hao rolls his eyes and it’s so out of character from the usually polite boy he knows that hanbin instantly knows something is wrong. he might be a little blinded when it comes to hao’s personality, but there’s no way he could be this off.
the older puts his hand over hanbin’s, their fingers pressed together with only the thin fabric of his back pocket between them. zhang hao’s gaze is piercing, and hanbin thinks the other can probably read every thought behind his eyes with how closely he’s watching him.
“to put it simply, there’s someone at this party who’s trying to kill you, and i’m going to help you stop them,” zhang hao says.
hanbin wants to laugh. so he does, just for a second, before he realizes that zhang hao isn’t laughing and looks really urgent.
after a minute of pause hanbin just asks incredulously, “are you serious?” because it looks like he is, but hanbin doesn’t have any enemies. he’s a college student in his mid-twenties and an education major at that. on his days off he sometimes helps out at his mother’s cafe, though he doubts anyone would try to kill him for accidentally serving their toast cold.
the disbelief must show in hanbin’s face because zhang hao sighs long-sufferingly and takes ten seconds to stare at the ceiling. “why do you always have to be so stubborn,” he says, more to himself than hanbin, but it’s obviously directed at him, “every single time i have to do this.”
before hanbin can work out a response, zhang hao moves, lightning quick, reaching his hand into hanbin’s pocket and pulling out the headset, then pushing his hair behind his ear to smoothly fit the earpiece in the shell of his ear. it’s really not the time, but if hanbin were brave enough to look in the mirror, he would be embarrassed to see the red already spreading up his neck.
when did the older get to have such fast reflexes? one of their first conversations had been zhang hao explaining to him how he’d had poor balance since he was a child. but this hao could move with calculated ease, and he was strong too, capable of dragging hanbin all the way to the bathroom.
zhang hao pulls some kind of device around the size of a smartphone from… somewhere hanbin missed entirely while he was lost in his thoughts.
“don’t hold your breath,” zhang hao says, and then he activates something on the screen.
there’s a stretching feeling behind his nostrils and then everything feels like it gets sucked up through his nose until he’s inside his own head. he fights to open his eyes and in front of him is a doctor in powder blue scrubs with a mask. his vision is kind of warped, almost like he’s watching through a tv screen what must be… his own life?
“we’re going to name him hanbin. sung han bin,” a younger version of his mother emphasizes each syllable in the same way hanbin always does these days, with the stress on the last sound.
then his view changes, like flicking through slides on a roll of film, and now he’s in elementary school, chasing his friends around the play structure outside his apartment complex.
his middle school graduation, his first dance class, meeting matthew in his high school homeroom, arguing with gyuvin over something petty in his dorm room, the first time he’d seen zhang hao when he’d introduced himself to all their coursemates, each moment flicks by faster and faster until hanbin can barely keep track of them. yet all the audio sounds like he’s listening from underwater.
hanbin takes a deep breath and stumbles slightly, coming back to that dimly lit bathroom where zhang hao stands in front of him, holding him steady by the shoulders.
“what- what was that?” hanbin stutters out, moving to take the earpiece out of his ear. zhang hao’s hand instantly comes up to stop him, and hanbin’s ear burns where their skin touches.
“every moment you just experienced is a jumping off point for a parallel universe based on what would have happened if you had made a different choice,” zhang hao says rapidly, hands holding hanbin’s shoulders in place so he’s forced to meet the other’s eyes.
“i’m not the zhang hao you know,” he continues, “i’m the zhang hao from one of those other universes. the one where we learned to actually jump between those universes into our other versions.”
this has to be some kind of elaborate prank, hanbin thinks. for some reason all his friends had gotten together to pull this incredibly intricate scenario off. everyone had to be in on it, even ricky because he would have had to have turned the lights and the music off, disrupting his entire birthday party in the name of this prank.
“we call that universe the zero universe,” hao explains, “because it was the first one recorded.”
ok, so hao is still playing along, hanbin thinks, “and what universe is this?” because maybe he doesn’t want to let the older one know he’s onto him already.
zhang hao looks down at his not-cell-phone-device where countless digits flash across the screen, “too high to quantify at a comprehensible level.”
“okay…” hanbin trails off because he doesn’t know what to say to that. they must have worked on this script for ages, hanbin thinks.
“you can call me zero hao, if it helps you distinguish,” zero hao says, helpfully. hanbin nods of his own accord because of course, that makes sense.
“where is my hao?” hanbin asks, and zero hao raises an eyebrow questioningly. fumbling to clarify, hanbin repeats, “i mean the zhang hao-ssi from this universe.”
“he’s fine. just taking a break for now so i can step in,” zero hao says, “but that’s not important. what’s important is what i said before.”
zero hao had said a lot of things before, but there’s one that’s the most pressing so hanbin jumps in, “that someone’s trying to kill me.”
at this, zero hao finally smiles, “you’re catching on.”
not really, but at least they’ve moved on from the “my hao” blunder that will have hanbin screaming into his pillow again as soon as he manages to get out of this bathroom and drag matthew home.
“there’s someone from my universe who is trying to basically destroy the whole multiverse, from my universe all the way to yours,” zero hao explains, “and you’re the only one that can stop them.”
the pair fall into an awkward silence since hanbin really wants to laugh again, but he knows he really shouldn’t laugh because that would give away that he knows about the prank. but also, that’s not an original ending at all! of all the thousands of hanbins hypothetically out there in zero hao’s multiverse, this hanbin is the one chosen to save the world? hanbin can’t even pass his teaching credential in this universe. thinking about his failed project is what causes hanbin to finally break and burst out laughing.
“what’s so funny?” zero hao asks, brow furrowing. hanbin has no idea how he’s managing to stay in character. zhang hao must be an incredible actor.
“i’m sorry, it’s just, you could have come up with anything else,” hanbin says through laughs, “you had me going for a bit there too… but really? i’m the chosen one to save the world? who would believe that?”
zero hao grows visibly angry, “i’m telling the truth! this isn’t a game,” he insists.
“oh come on, give it up, zhang hao-ssi,” hanbin can’t stop laughing. maybe he’s grateful for this whole prank thing because this is the hardest he’s laughed in weeks.
the floor begins to rumble and the lights start flickering again. hanbin wonders if all their friends have been listening at the door and are trying to do damage control to make hanbin believe in the prank again. zhang hao stomps his foot, “hanbin! there isn’t time for this, you have to believe me,” he implores.
“look, i really appreciate the effort you all put into this but–” hanbin starts to say, but if anything the shaking gets worse. hanbin has to grab onto zero hao as he almost falls over, steadying himself on the bathroom counter, “you can tell ricky to stop now. i don’t know how he’s doing it, but he can stop the shaking.”
“ricky?” zero hao questions, “you can’t tell anyone about this! not even me. i won’t remember anything after this conversation.”
the rumbling gets even louder and hanbin has to shift his hand from the counter to the wall because the whole room seems to be vibrating now. his migraine is back in full force.
“it’s too late,” zero hao says, fumbling for his own ear piece. “look, you need to try to jump now, before he gets here,” he rushes to say.
hanbin has so many questions. “jump?” is what he settles on.
“into one of your parallel selves, so he can’t catch you here!” zero hao reaches up to hanbin’s ear but he swats the other away.
“what? are you insane?” hanbin asks, “i don’t know how to jump? and don’t touch that thing,” he pulls it out of his ear and shoves it in his jacket pocket, “come on, just give up the joke. it was really funny. i’m cheered up now, i swear.”
someone starts banging on the bathroom door.
“it’s too late,” zero hao whispers and hanbin hears genuine fear in his voice.
there’s a metallic taste in the air, and before hanbin can try to find its origin, zero hao has crowded into his space.
“don’t forget to breathe,” he says again, only this time he comes even closer until their faces are only a breath apart. hanbin can’t help it, his gaze drops from zero hao’s eyes to his lips. he’s staring and he needs to stop, mentally slapping himself in the face, but from this close he thinks he can count every mole on the other’s face. while hanbin’s mind merely screams an incomprehensible internal monologue at him, zero hao takes only a second to consider, interrupting hanbin’s barely enunciated question of, “what are you–” by closing the gap and pressing their lips together.
it’s a chaste kiss, blink and you’d miss it, but hanbin doesn’t think he’ll ever forget this moment for as long as he lives. he can feel his eyes go wide, struggling to string together a single coherent thought in his head that is not what the actual fu–
the door swings open, and all the noise and shaking finally stops. the light from the hallway illuminates a shadowy figure. zero hao breaks away from him, breathing heavily.
it’s only matthew.
“oh… sorry,” he says, but discreetly gives hanbin a thumbs up before closing the door again, plunging them back into darkness.
hanbin reaches over to flick the light on.
“hanbin-ssi?” zhang hao asks, head tilted in confusion, “what are you doing in here?”