Archive of Our Own ^beta

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The first thing I remember after the accident is standing with Jane over a woman in the park. It's the weirdest thing, I'd struggled so long to control my reaction to seeing bodies and now that I felt nothing at all, I almost missed the nausea. The team figured out a baby was missing, and I thought that maybe I felt that nausea after all.

Seeing Garcia in the station, it finally hit me. There was so much that I hadn’t finished. The database we had been working on together was just one thing of many that would have to go on without me. I really was gone. I wouldn’t be the one to pick on Vince for “upgrading his look” or Jane for her suspicious new sense of smell. In that moment, I started to feel myself fade away and I figured that was that.

But then I was back, standing in an apartment hallway with Vince and Jane and I was certain that something about Raymond Murphy and his wife felt off. Maybe, it wasn’t quite my time to leave and I could help Jane solve one more case. A while later, I tried to follow Frankie to somehow communicate a hunch about the wife and that nasty photographer creep and I ran into Frankie talking with Maura in the hallway. Fortunately, that particular ship had sailed, no offense, but I had another hunch that Maura preferred a different Rizzoli and not just because of the office pool going around the precinct.

I hadn’t figured out that aluminum can trick from Ghost, but Barry Frost is, or I guess was, nothing if not a computer whiz. The lack of a corporeal body actually makes data access pretty easy. A well-timed gas station advertisement popup got Frankie following where my hunch had led me and soon enough, the team resolved the case and the baby went to a deserving home with his aunt. Case closed. Happy day.

And then the phone call came.

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There’s a line from The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers that says, “No parent should have to bury their child”. That seems kind of obvious, right? But seeing the broken way Mom walked into the station to talk to Jane and Korsak ached in a way I can’t put into words. Of course, Jane immediately stepped up and volunteered to help. Hearing her talk with Frankie really made me feel known (and thank goodness she didn’t invite that idiot of a mayor).

I figured I should probably keep trying to help her, so when “Jessica Doe” showed up in the precinct covered and blood and suffering from amnesia, I decided to test my limits. I had this sense that if I could manifest just long enough to get Jane’s attention, maybe the teacher would see the students walking toward and spark her memory. The act was exhausting, and I could only hold it for a minute, but it gave the team enough of a clue to find her school and set the rest in motion.

It was really sweet of that Todd kid to say nice things about me, but I still wasn’t ready for Dr. Isle’s response. Even though it hurt to see her like that, I realized that helping them let me go, might help me move on, too. So, while Frankie was in my apartment, I nudged the turntable (not enough to spook him, just enough to catch his eye) and helped him pick out my favorite jazz cover album. I could almost hear the strains of Louis Armstrong playing when I found Jane in her apartment that night. After the beautiful eulogy she gave me, I wanted to show myself again, but the earlier attempt had wiped me out. All I could do was give my partner a sign of how much she meant to me: A post card. A silly idea at the time. I'd gotten over my crush on Jane a year ago, but even as friends, San Diego seemed so far from Boston. And maybe a part of me knew that I might never see her again. Damn. Letting go is hard.

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Finding myself in Jane’s exam room was the last place I expected to appear next and I quickly averted my eyes. Hearing them talk about Casey, I started to second guess myself. I mean, yeah, obviously Jane is a strong independent woman who can take care of herself, but raising a kid is no easy task.

Soon enough though another case popped up and that had my focus. Until I heard Korsak reveal he used to be a musician? That’s wild! And was Chang flirting with him? It’s always hard to tell with the Forensics team whether they were flirting or just making conversation. Still, I had a gut feeling Vince would be in for another heartache if he ended up pursuing Chang. Maybe I could push the Kiki thing while figuring out what to do about Rizzles?

A while later, I heard Korsak telling Jane they were going to replace me, which felt kinda harsh, but I still wanted to do something to tell Jane it would be okay. If only I wasn’t so tired! Ever since that stunt in front of the Tandoori Restaurant, I’d felt so weak.

Computer stuff I could still manage and brightening a few pixels to highlight a highway sign was easy enough. Later though, when Jane hit the ground and all I could do was watch as Frankie helped her stand up and finally breathe again, I realized just how helpless I was. I had the sinking feeling that a time was coming would need my help and I wouldn’t be able to do anything but watch.

But there someone else who was still very much alive. A little pop-up ad in her phone may or may not be the reason Jane decided to take Maura up on her yoga offer. It takes a village right?