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Oda Sakunosuke was just a young man in his 20s, the prime of his life. He had an amazing-ish job, had a gorgeous and intelligent boyfriend, and yet he felt like something was off. It wasn’t until one day, he got a phone call that would change his life for what he hoped was the better.
Oda had just gotten home from work, he still had his work clothes on and honestly was too exhausted to take them off. He laid spread out on the small couch in his apartment’s living room, happy to just get off his feet. He was glad his boyfriend wasn’t over or he would’ve gotten a scolding for having his shoes on the couch.
He turned on his phone, the clock read 6:32 PM. As if it was waiting for him, he got a sudden phone call. But what surprised him even more was the Caller ID. It was a family member he honestly forgot he had. He probably got their number at some gathering and forgot about it. He hadn’t talked to any family member in quite a long time, there weren’t many left to talk to. So all of this made his phone feel heavy in his hand as he stared at the incoming call from his great-aunt.
He answers the phone as a small voice talks to him on the other line. “Ah, Oda, my dear. How are you?”
Oda sighs a bit as he responds, “Tired, but I’m doing fine.”
“Oh, yes. I hope work has been treating you well. Where was it you worked at again…? My memory isn’t like it used to be,” She chuckles.
“I work at a local daycare”
“Ah, I knew it! Well, that's perfect. Well, not entirely. I have some unfortunate news,” Her voice changes in tone.
“What is it?”
“My brother, not your grandfather, my other brother, has finally passed on. It was quite tragic, I hated to see him go so soon, even if he was going a little in the head. And to be murdered as well,” She sighs, “Well, at least he’s with his wife now. Either way, he was raising his grandson, about 14 years of age. The poor boy had lost his parents and now with his grandfather gone, he has nowhere to go. I’m afraid I would not be fit enough to raise him myself, which is why I'm contacting you.”
“You want me to raise him? I-I don’t even know who this kid is,” Oda tries to reason.
“I’m sorry to spring this on you, my dear, but I don’t have anyone else to go to. Everyone else has either kicked the bucket or is too old, like me.” It was no secret that Oda’s family was practically cursed. Death seemed to loom over the family as random people seemed to just go.
Oda sighs as he tries to imagine how she must feel. It is quite tragic, and he’s always had a soft spot for kids. He practically made it his life mission to protect them. He really was the best pick.
“Okay. I’ll take him in. Is there any paperwork I need to do?”
“I’ve already handled most of it, the government was surprisingly understanding and should be dropping him off in a few days,” She says nonchalantly.
“Just like that?!” He sits up.
“It was a dire situation. Plus, the boy is traumatized. He’s been surrounded by death his entire life. I know you have a kind heart, Oda. Please, help this child,” She pleads.
Oda sighs, she’s making it really hard to say no, “I will, don’t worry. I’m just a little overwhelmed. I mean, I don’t even know this kid!”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine. His name is Osamu.”
Oda spent the next few days getting everything ready. He had to contact the high school nearby and register Osamu, or Dazai he later learned. He would be a freshman this year. Oda informed his work about the situation and they gave him a few days off, which he was grateful for. He was lucky he had a spare room in his apartment, it was originally going to be an office but he never got around to setting anything up in there. He had to get furniture, adjust his grocery plans, and he honestly almost forgot to tell Ango about the situation. It did make him feel a little better when he told Oda that he was doing the right thing and would be there if he needed any help.
After a few days, Oda was exhausted. He had to give himself a pat on the back for getting everything done in such a short amount of time. He really needed to just lie down and get at least 10 hours of sleep. But all worries for himself were washed away as he finally laid his eyes on Dazai Osamu. Dazai was quite small for a fourteen-year-old. Not that he was short, he just didn’t have a lot of meat on his bones. Oda didn’t want to think about what that implied about his previous living situation. His dark brown hair almost hid his just as dark eyes. His eyes weren’t just dark in color, they were lifeless. Like large black holes that would suck any light into them and never let it out. Oda never wanted to just hug and protect a child more in his life. He wanted to run his hands through his hair and tell him everything was okay, to hide him away from the world.
As the government agent handed the boy off to him, it finally registered to Oda what a change this was making in his life. He was going to raise a child. Yes, he took care of multiple children almost every day, but to raise one? Oda looked down at the boy like he might break, he had a lot of work to do.
As days passed, Oda came to learn that Dazai was quite the spectacle. Oda couldn’t seem to express enough that he did care for Dazai. And it wasn’t like Dazai was ignoring him or didn’t believe him, he just seemed to not really care about his well-being. Oda found it quite strange. In fact, Dazai admitted to finding him quite interesting as well. He said, “It’s kind of weird that you are this open to just taking in a random kid, but who am I to complain,” and Oda really couldn’t argue. There was just something about Dazai that triggered something inside him. Like he needed to protect him.
Dazai seemed to close himself off every time Oda tried to get through to him. So eventually, it wasn’t that Oda stopped trying, but he loosened it up a little. And things actually went quite smoothly for a while. Dazai seemed to really appreciate not being “mother-henned”, as Dazai put it, and seemed to be doing well. He was able to convince Dazai to eat a substantial breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Even if it did take a while to figure out what he liked, which wasn’t a lot. But it wasn’t too much of a challenge, he worked with picky eaters at his work, so he knew how to convince a child. Even if this one was a bit… out of the age group.
Speaking of which, Oda did eventually have to go back to work and thus, he had to, reluctantly, leave Dazai alone while he was out. Dazai said he was fine, he had a small gaming console that he brought along with his bare essentials when he moved in. So Oda wasn’t too worried about him not being entertained. He was just a little sad that Dazai wouldn’t really have anyone to talk to. In fact, he just wishes he would go out and make some friends so Oda wasn’t the only person he knew. He looked forward to the upcoming school year, he hoped Dazai would be able to make some friends.
One day, Oda was able to return home earlier than normal. There weren’t a lot of kids at the daycare that day, and the ones that were there, were picked up early. Oda was excited to surprise Dazai by coming home early.
Oda climbed the stairs to his apartment and unlocked the door before entering quietly. He silently proceeded to the living room, expecting to find Dazai replaying the same game for the 10th time. He made a mental note to buy him some more games later. However, he was surprised to find the room empty and the television turned off. No sign of Dazai anywhere.
He walked around the apartment quietly, about to call out his name before noticing the small light under Dazai’s bedroom door. He slowly opened the door, knocking lightly as the room came into view. His eyes landed on the small figure laying in the bed, fast asleep. Oda smiled as he made his way over to the lamp, turning it off.
He looked down at the sleeping Dazai, happy to see him actually resting. His gaze is brought to his arms, as he notices how Dazai actually has his sleeves rolled up and his eyes widen in shock. Ever since Oda took Dazai in, he never actually saw Dazai’s arms. He didn’t think much of it, he was fine with Dazai wanting to be comfortable and thought he just really liked long-sleeved things. But Oda couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Oda’s heart sank even more with every scar that he saw. Some old, some newer. His heart cried out for this boy. This child. No child should have to go through this, to want to do this to themselves. He thought about what could’ve happened to this boy before he took him in, what his life was like. His great-aunt mentioned how Dazai was surrounded by death. At such a young age, he lost his parents, his grandmother, and eventually even his grandfather was murdered. He knew Dazai would be reserved, but he didn’t even think to expect something like this.
That evening, Oda left for the store. First thing, he grabbed some disposable razors. He wanted to make sure there weren’t any razor blades around the house which meant that he couldn’t use a razor that required them. He thought about eventually just not shaving at all, he knew he could pull off a stubble. He also decided to grab some band-aids and bandages, he knew there were plenty of other things Dazai could use to do that and if he couldn’t stop him right away, he wanted to at least make sure nothing got infected. He sighed when he thought about the talk he’ll have to have with Dazai when he gets home. He made sure to pick up some foods he thinks Dazai might like.
When Oda returned with a bag of peculiar groceries and a tense look on his face, Dazai was quick to notice. Dazai had finally returned to the living room, sitting on the small couch. As if Dazai somehow read his mind, his face changed as he seemed to fidget with his sleeves, which were now pulled down. Unexpectedly, Dazai was the first to speak up.
“I uh… guess you saw…” He mumbles.
Oda sighs as he sets down the bag, taking out one of the strangely flavored lollipops, and handing it to Dazai. He sits down next to him on the couch, putting his hand on his shoulder.
“I think it’s time we talk,” Oda suggests, trying to keep any aggression out of his voice. “I know you don’t want to, but we need to, Dazai.”
Dazai twists the stick in his mouth, humming while glancing away. He knows he isn’t getting out of this. At least he knows.
“Why?” Oda finally asks, softly.
“I don’t know why. To feel something? To have a sense of control? Because I deserve to feel it?” Dazai mumbles.
Oda grabs his other shoulder, pulling Dazai to face him. Dazai’s eyes widen as Oda can feel his eyes becoming more wet.
“You don’t deserve that,” Oda states. Because it is a fact. “No one deserves to feel that way. To want to do that to themselves, Dazai.”
Dazai glances away, an unreadable expression in his eyes. “I… but I do. I deserve this. Everyone else I’ve gotten close to has gotten up and died. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.” Dazai says like he’s made up his mind.
Oda’s eyes widen a little more as he slowly starts to realize. Does Dazai blame himself for his family's death? Is this some sort of survivor’s guilt? Or is he searching for a sense of control, because he couldn’t stop them from dying? Oda keeps his grip on Dazai’s shoulders, not to hurt him, but to keep him listening, to keep him grounded.
“Dazai. Your parent’s death, your grandparent’s death, they weren’t your fault. And I’m sure they wouldn’t want you to think they were. Yes, you couldn’t stop them from dying, because it wasn’t your place to. No one assumes that responsibility to that of a child.”
“How do you know?” Dazai’s voice comes out quiet.
“Because I felt the same way. I lost the majority of my family at a young age, and I somehow believed that I didn’t deserve to be the only one left. It took a long time, but I got away from that idea and realized, that was just how life worked. I was a child, and even if I wasn’t, it still would’ve put no responsibility on me to take on the burden of someone else’s life. People go, and those who don’t have no reason to feel bad for not going with them.”
Dazai’s shoulders seem to shudder as Oda notices how the brunet has his head down. A small sniffle sounds from Dazai as Oda finally realizes what’s happening. Oda immediately wraps his arms around the boy, hugging him as tightly as he can. Dazai buries his face into Oda’s shoulder, silently sobbing. For once during the entire time Dazai has been here, Oda finally sees Dazai express his true emotions. And it makes his heart break. How much of this has Dazai been building up? How many years has he had to deal with these feelings?
“T-thank you… Odasaku,” Dazai mumbles through sniffles.
Odasaku. Oda can’t help but smile at the nickname.
“You’re welcome, Osamu.”
Eventually, Oda was able to let go of Dazai. He waited, trying to evaluate how well Dazai was feeling. Dazai sat there, eventually speaking up.
“I don’t like how they look. They remind me of why I started them… so then every time I see them I’m reminded and I feel like I need that sense of control.” Dazai admits. “I hate how they feel on my sleeves. I hate it. But I can’t roll them up because then… I see them and…”
“It repeats.” Oda finishes for him, nodding.
Dazai nods slowly, “I just… I don’t know what to do.”
Oda thinks for a moment before grabbing the grocery bag again. Dazai watches him with confusion, his eyes widening as he sees the roll of bandages Oda takes out.
Oda hands him the roll, “Do you think these will help? They won't move against your skin and will keep a barrier between you and any other fabric.”
Dazai looks at the bandages with curiosity, his eyes wide like a cat. He nods before rolling up his sleeves, wincing a little as he sees the scars underneath.
“I can help you if you want,” Oda offers.
“T-that would be nice,” Dazai hands him the roll, turning his face away from his arms, his fingers twitching.
Oda nods as he starts to wrap the boy’s arms, asking him if it’s too tight or too loose as he ties the ends. He notices how the white bandages almost match Dazai’s pale skin. He really needs to get out more. Eventually, he finishes and Dazai is able to look back at his arms. Dazai feels his hands over the bandages, a small exhale that could barely be compared to a sigh of relief escapes his lips as he looks back at Oda.
“Thank you, Odasaku. Can I call you that?” Dazai quickly clarifies.
“Of course,” Oda smiles warmly at the boy.
Dazai grins, “Odasaku it is.”
For the next month or so, Oda noticed how Dazai started to wear his shirts with the sleeves rolled up, the bandages completely visible. Dazai said it was too hot to have them layered so Oda offered to take him shopping for some t-shirts.
Dazai was visibly more comfortable around Oda as time passed on. He would tell Oda about whatever new high score he got on his game or whatever interesting thing he saw happen outside and would listen to Oda talk about his day. It became their little rhythm. Oda insisted that he should go out and try to make friends, or at least go outside, he was as pale as a ghost. Dazai would just chuckle and brush him off. The approaching school year settled Oda’s nerves a little as he was excited for a reason to get Dazai out of the house.
And eventually, it came. Dazai’s first day at his new high school was one Oda was looking forward to for months. He made sure to go over the walking route many times with him as he would not be able to drive him to school. He probably could, but he wanted as much sun exposure for Dazai as he could get.
Oda couldn’t stop thinking about how Dazai was doing while he was at work. He really hoped he was getting along with people. To Oda’s relief, as arrived home, he found a very giddy Dazai texting on the couch.
“What’s got you so happy? I’m guessing the first day went well?” Oda smirked as he entered the room.
Dazai’s eyes seemed to light up as he saw Oda, “Yeah! It was great!”
Oda sits down next to him, “Who are you texting?”
“Oh, just this chibi I found impersonating a student,” He jokes, “In fact, he challenged me that he could beat me at the game I’ve been playing all summer. Yeah, that one! Can you believe it?”
Dazai laughs as he turns to Oda, a pleading look in his eyes, “Can he come over this weekend? I want to prove him wrong.”
Oda smiles, “Of course, I’m just glad you’re making friends already.”
Dazai’s eyes widen a little as he turns away, pink dusting his cheeks, “He’s not-” Dazai groans, “He’s not my friend…”
Oda chuckles as he pats Dazai’s head, “Sure. But yes, you can have him over. What’s his name?”
Dazai smiles a little at that, “Chuuya.”
That weekend, just as planned, a small redhead with strikingly blue eyes showed up at his door. Before Oda could even greet the boy, Dazai shoots past him and drags the boy through the door and to the living room. It was obvious that the redhead was not very fond of this as he yelled something along the lines of “Bastard!”. Oda chuckled as he expected a very long and loud day.
Oda watched from the kitchen as the two played their game. It was quite evident that the redhead, Chuuya, had some anger issues. Or Dazai was just that insufferable to him. Oda was quite surprised to see this side of Dazai, he seemed to take a lot of pleasure in teasing the shorter. Usually for that reason. But Oda didn’t miss the small content smile that Dazai had when Chuuya looked away. Oda chuckled. Oh boy.
Oda listened as every day Dazai told him about his day at school, and every day, his description of Chuuya became even more fond. Oda eventually cracked when Dazai asked him why Chuuya seems to “sparkle”. Goddammit, this child and his emotional constipation. It was quite funny to watch Dazai’s expression become more confused when Oda told him that no, Chuuya does not glow or sparkle.
But, he eventually figured it out. Oda was quite proud when Dazai finally admitted he liked the boy and he tried not to spoil his fun by telling him he knew the whole time.
Dazai and Chuuya’s relationship was quite the story to watch. It was funny, watching as the two obviously liked each other but both denied that it was possible, and thus neither confessed until a year later. It would be a lie to say Oda didn’t practically rejoice when the next time Chuuya was over, he was introduced again to him as Dazai’s boyfriend. Oda just patted the two on the shoulder, saying something along the lines of “Finally” and smirked before reminding them to keep the door open. Oda will never forget the embarrassed shriek that sounded from Chuuya as he left the room.
And if Oda was a poet or writer (maybe in another life), he would end this by saying the rest is history.