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In the serenity of Razan Garden where Kaveh sits and studies his blueprint, he heard running footsteps and that familiar quickened breathing. He smiled to himself.
“It’s the time of the day already?”
He lowered the parchment paper from his face and as expected, gray-haired kid was looking at him while holding on the railings of the garden, catching his breath.
“Senior Kaveh!” the kid called and slowly approached him, still huffing.
“You don’t have to run everytime, Alhaitham. You’ll wake the flowers.” He reached out his hand to ruffle Alhaitham’s already messy-from-the-run hair.
“Senior Kaveh, is it true that you’re leaving?”
Kaveh paused. He studied his junior’s face while trying to compose the appropriate words to say, as he sees fit in the situation. There was discomposure on Alhaitham’s usually calm face. His brows furrowed and tears brimming from his innocent eyes, his tiny lips twitching despite catching his breath. And Kaveh felt his heart breaking from the worried look of his dearest junior.
Kaveh met Alhaitham when he was still a student. The kid just entered the Akademiya and was having a hard time making friends, or how Kaveh likes to put it. Alhaitham was aloof even at a young age and was different from the other kids. He felt that the kid would be dealing with a bigger problem sooner or later if Alhaitham didn’t get to make himself at least a few acquaintances. So he approached the newbie. He thought that he’s going to be rejected, but it was a relief that the younger seem like just waiting to be approached. A shy one, as common to other first-timers.
Alhaitham gladly took his offer to have a tour around the Akademiya on their free time, and showed his favorite place to concentrate: the Razan Garden. And up to date, he knew how much Alhaitham loved his favorite place too. After classes, they often meet there to play or study together. It was a sight to everyone in the Akademiya, including the Sages, how the two of them works together even when Kaveh is only a year away to his graduation while Alhaitham was years younger. Kaveh finds it funny though. As the senior, he should be the one helping Alhaitham with his assignments and projects, but it was the opposite. While it is true that Kaveh shines amongst the Ksharehwar darshan, and his creations among other students are top-notch, he would often consult Alhaitham to exchange concepts and ideas about. The kid was simply a genius. He can only share a few things about arts and technology, and Alhaitham excels in language and logic. He’s fond of how the kid thinks and figure things out in a second, then already drawn a plan in his head about all the possible answer Kaveh could use as a counter-argument.
This fondness, however, drew Kaveh in the most confusing situation.
“You promised me!” Alhaitham sobbed. “You promised that we’ll always be together!”
“Hayi…” his voice soothing while reaching for the kid to sit beside him. “We can always be together. Presence isn’t always about being where you are, right?”
“Do you really have to go?”
He nodded. Alhaitham followed his gesture and sat on the bench. Kaveh reached his hand to stroke his gray locks, hoping it could soothe him better.
“Now that I’ve graduated, I have to make a living. The Akademiya won’t be funding for me anymore now that I’m out of the school responsibilities.” He started explaining. “Just when I thought about trying my luck on the dessert, I got invited to work in Inazuma.”
“Inazuma is far from Sumeru, senior Kaveh. The desert sounds more accessible and you could save from all sorts of rentals and expenses if you’re here.”
“I thought you’d say that. And honestly, I’ve considered that too. But the offer… aside from they will shoulder my living expenses, I’ll also get to see Inazuman arts for myself, the structure of their buildings, how they make designs on the fireworks, the way their waveriders are made compared to the boats here in Sumeru. I’d also like to explore the ruins there if I ever get the time, I heard there were ruins locked by certain mechanisms that even other Inazuman hasn’t figured out up to this day.”
Alhaitham lowered his head. He noticed that the kid is making a fist on his knees, crumpling his uniform in the process.
“How long will you be gone?”
“Hmm? Ah… it should be five years maximum.”
Alhaitham didn’t respond.
“Don’t be so sad about it. If you perform well in the Akademiya, we might meet there soon enough when they send scholars for research.” He tried to cheer up the kid and gave him motivation.
“I can wait for your return after five years. If going to Inazuma will make you happy, I won’t stop you even if I want to.”
Kaveh can feel his heartbeats begin to race. Not again. Not this time.
“But… What if you meet someone out there and asked for your hand in marriage? How am I supposed to fight for you?” his junior raised his head to look at him, staring sternly into his eyes.
Alhaitham… my sweet sweet Hayi… he thought to himself as he can feel his lips involuntarily curve into a small smile.
“I’m in love with you, Kaveh! Please marry me.” The younger confessed.
His smiled dropped. He was taken aback. It was a surprise for him that the kid feels that way for him… too.
He didn’t know when he started to feel this attraction towards his junior, but he keeps ignoring the feeling, considering their age gap. He’s already in his twenty’s, and Alhaitham is still at the beginning stage of his adolescence. Although their bond grew deeper through the years, Kaveh couldn’t let himself harbor so much feelings to this kid. In any angles he looks at it, it feels wrong.
Yet at this moment, Alhaitham had their gazes locked, and he can see the sadness and sincerity in those turquoise orbs. He felt his chest clenching, aching to tell the truth but it wasn’t – in any way – acceptable and better be kept under all his covers. He is still sane to take Alhaitham away from his own potentials and the bright future that awaits him, the opportunities ahead of them.
Not knowing to respond, Kaveh chose to react in the safest way he could think off.
“Pffft!” he forced a snort. “You’re still too young to be married, Fourteen isn’t the age to be married. You’ll have to wait five years or so before you could even sign your family register.” He chuckled.
“Then I’ll marry you once I turn nineteen, when you’re back from Inazuma.” Alhaitham hasn’t broken his serious profile. “Five years from now---“
“Five years from now, I’m already twenty-seven, Alhaitham. It’s already the ideal age to settle and form a family. And you’re still young for that.” he tried to reply coldly.
“Then… then wait for me to grow up. Just a little more. Just a little wait, Kaveh. Please.” The soft hands of the youth reached to hold his. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“You’re still young to be saying all these things, Alhaitham.” Although it tears him apart seeing Alhaitham almost – if not yet – begging for him to choose him to be his lifetime partner, and Kaveh would oh so willingly dedicate his life even without his junior asking, he has to say what Alhaitham needs to hear. Feelings be damned, he needs to reject this proposal.
“We’ll never know what will happen in the next five years. And in those years, I want you to enjoy your life while I’m also having my time. I’m going to have my priorities, and you should focus on your studies too. And… who knows? You might meet someone who’s more deserving of your love and attention.”
“But Kaveh---“
“Don’t you think you’re being impolite with your senior, Alhaitham?” his voice strict. He has to. He needs to slap some reality on Alhaitham’s emotions before everything turns out of control.
Alhaitham stopped and just stared at him, seeking for any answer.
"Archons, I can’t. I can’t lie in front of those innocent eyes."
Kaveh tried to drink that lump in his throat, followed by an arduous deep breath.
“We never know what lies ahead, Hayi.” He called the kid with that nickname he gave Alhaitham, letting the other know that he wasn’t mad about the situation but rather carefully taking consideration to the topic. He would usually call Alhaitham “Hayi” when they start to have heated discussions, to break the tension in the atmosphere. And it works everytime.
“I… I’m sorry. Senior Kaveh.” Alhaitham lowered his head. “I may be too young to think about these matters but I’ll keep it in mind to always respect you, and always look forward to days like this where I can share my thoughts and feelings with you. And… I’ll work hard. To gain your love. Prove myself to you that this isn’t just a gush of adolescence but what I truly feel. My feelings are logical and valid. I can show you proof and write a whole thesis about this. My heart… my head… everything in me is pointed at one conclusion.” He can hear Alhaitham’s labored breathing as held his chest, tightly clenching on his uniform.
“I’m sorry too, Hayi. But you know? I’ll look forward to what you’re gonna be, five years from now. I don’t need you to prove yourself to me because I believe in all your potentials and that you deserve a good life. I only need you to do me a favor.”
“Anything!” the younger was quick to reply.
“Then promise me that while I’m away, focus your life on YOUR life. Dedicate your time on the things you want to achieve. Don’t focus on me because you might end up hurt, and I’d be guilty about it.”
Alhaitham silently stared at him. He can see the hesitation in his eyes glimmering with tears. “I… promise. But will you promise to write me letters?”
“That’s already a given. I’ll tell you everything about my adventure in Inazuma. So, wipe those tears now and show me the smile that will welcome me back.”
Alhaitham obediently wiped his tears on his uniform’s sleeves and looked back at Kaveh. His brows still lightly knotted but his expression is better than it was few moments ago.
But Kaveh broke his promise.
Not long after he arrived at Inazuma, the whole region was locked down, with no options to escape but death. The Sakoku Decree had everyone in the nation terrified, cautious of their every movement, vision holders were hunted, and surreptitious groups were formed against the Raiden Shogun.
At first, Kaveh thought he wouldn’t be affected by it, complacent that the decree only applies to their citizens. Until Kaveh stopped receiving letters, and his own writings washed away, along with the ships that sunk through the bottom of filth-filled ocean. He was doomed to cut any connection with Sumeru.
And Kaveh had to break his promise.
He tried to focus on his work there. He met several outsiders who were trapped in Inazuma too. Some were only to deliver goods when the decree was issued, some only wanting to have a vacation, there are scholars from the Akademiya too who were conducting research. But despite all his efforts to live peacefully in the foreign land, he simply couldn’t. His heart lives in Sumeru. among its damp forest and scorching deserts, and nestles with his thoughts of nothing but reuniting with his dearest junior again.
Kaveh cries at night. Sure, he met friends, and even had several love confessions in his stay there. But none of them fills the emptiness he felt to be home. The longing of spending the sunsets at the Razan Garden, with Alhaitham beside him, either holding a book or the TCG cards while they play. And the moon-lit Treasures street they stroll along before he sends the boy home then he’ll get have his goodnight rest next door. It makes Kaveh cry and let those thoughts and tears lull him at night.
Five years passed in a blink of an eye. He’s finished several construction projects and has established his own name in Inazuma. A lot has applauded him, admired him, aimed to be with him, abhorred him, attacked him. But none of these had given him anymore motivation to stay.
Yet the thunderstorms around the nation still raging, fiery and unforgiving to anyone who tries to enter nor leave Inazuma.
Holding a bottle of fermented lavender melon, Kaveh sits on the plank by the docks of Ritou, facing the direction of Sumeru as he remembers from the map.
“Don’t you think it’s dangerous to be sitting there with an alcohol in your hands?”
“Thoma.” He looked at the guy behind him.
Thoma is one of the closest friends he made in Inazuma. Like him, the guy was from another nation but was locked in Inazuma for years now. They became friends when they both had a drastically failed attempt to escape but lucky enough to be saved by the Yashiro Commission. And now they both work for the Kamisato Siblings. Kaveh helps them design an affordable but durable shelter for the residents of Narukami while thunderstorms are being wild, while Thoma calls himself an “errand boy”, the guy simply has a lot of connection to begin with and Kaveh need not know what Thoma’s duties are.
“Missing home?”
Kaveh nodded. “Always. It’s so far, not even the Divine Tree can be seen from here.”
“Lucky for me…” Thoma sat beside him and faced the direction of Mondstadt. “At least I can see the silhouettes of Dragonspine.”
They both sighed.
“It’s been five years… I wonder how he’s doing.”
“Wanna try your luck?” Thoma moved closer and whispered in his ear. His eyes widen, hopes sparked from his chest.
Yae Publishing House began operating to deliver books and news international. Using Thoma’s connection, they might get to sneak a letter or two to Sumeru.
Or maybe Kaveh hoped a little too much.
A days have passed since he tried to send a letter.
Then a week.
Two months.
Three years.
Kaveh lost his final hope. He tried countless times but haven’t heard of a single reply. He started to accept his fate. The fate of Inazuma. That he will live the rest of his life in that foreign land with deafening thunderstorms, eating rolls and fried meals using two sticks he took months to master using, drinking fermented lavender melon to drown his thoughts away from his hometown.
But they never know fate. When things will turn. When life will be given back to everyone in Inazuma. The archon turned from her people, and people turned from their archon. There was war, there were conflicts. And there was union, there was peace. The Sakoku Decree has been lifted. The docks opened, ships from all over Teyvat anchored on the recently filth-filled now blue as the sky ocean of Inazuma. Irodori Festival was held.
Freedom was given to everyone, and Kaveh found his chance to get his life back. Excited as he was, he still celebrated a little of the festival, finding out that there will be special guests in the form of an artist, like him, and an author, whose works he thinks will surely be within Alhaitham’s taste. Then he packed his things and boarded the next ship bound to Sumeru. In his voyage, he held that yearning in his chest and let the memories of his childhood and the important person he left in his homeland keep him warm. He’ll be home at last.
Port Ormos has grown bigger, and the number of merchants doubled, or even tripled. Eight long years has passed and a lot has changed in Sumeru.
Including the smile, he expected to welcome him.
“Hayi…?” he hesitantly called.
In the serenity of the Razan Garden, a gray-haired muscular man sits on his favorite spot.
His hesitancy vanished upon gazing at the turquoise orbs that he loved.
But it was different.
The roundness of his cheeks, the innocence in his eyes. Eight years passed and it turned Alhaitham in to a man, sturdy and tall, yet delicate in his eyes.
The younger didn’t speak, only stared blankly at him. Not even the smile he was promised with ever present.
“Alhaitham? Hayi, have you---“
“Have you been waiting for me?”
“Have you been waiting for me?”
He wanted to ask those words himself, but it came from someone else. A lady, younger than him, probably a year or two younger than Alhaitham. Red haired, her blue dress flowing as she walk across the garden, approaching Alhaitham.
The books he held by his chest fell to the ground. And he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him alive when he caught their attention. Alhaitham remained unfazed, but the lady recognized him immediately.
“Senior Kaveh! It’s you, isn’t it?”
“Hi!” still hesitant and stunned, he forced a greeting.
“It really is you! Can you recognize who I am?” she sounded jolly meeting him.
He was trying to rack his mind to recall who this girl was when Alhaitham held her by the elbow and gently pulled her away from Kaveh.
“Let’s go, Nilou. It’s already late.”
“Oh! I’m sorry, Haitham. The dance practice took longer than usual. But look! Don’t tell me you don’t recognize senior Kaveh?”
Nilou. One of Zubayr Theater’s dancers. She was among Alhaitham’s peers and was really cute and small far as he remembers.
“Ah. Of course, I know.” Kaveh couldn’t figure it out. Alhaitham’s voice sounded cold towards him, but he’s being gentle with Nilou. And what about the cute smile he’s looking forward to? “Welcome back, senior Kaveh.”
He almost gasped at the greeting. As if cold knives stabbed his chest, every minute making him speechless and feels as he was in a different Sumeru.
“Y-you…” he cleared his throat to hide his stammers. “You grew a lot since we last met, Alhaitham.”
The younger only nodded.
“And this is my wife, Nilou.”
He heard the raging thunderstorms right by his ears. Buckets of water from Dragonspine’s frozen lake poured onto him. His sanity taken by the storm. He’s conscious, walking, breathing just fine, but nothing registers in his mind.
Eight years have passed. Eight long years of why’s and what if’s filled his mind. He endured to return home, and yet agony welcomes him back. Why didn’t he think about it? He was the one who told Alhaitham to live his life. And what’s so wrong now that he comes back to Sumeru and Alhaitham did live his life?
In the serenity of Razan Garder where Kaveh collects the pieces of his shattered dreams, he heard the careful, familiar footsteps. His lips curved into a sad smile.
“This is the time.”
He wiped the tears from his eyes and cheeks, took a deep breath and wore that practiced smile.
“Kaveh…”
“The flowers will awaken to eat you if you are impolite to your senior, Alhaitham.” He tried to sound the way he used to chide the kid.
“Stop treating me like a kid.”
“Oh? But you are. And in my eyes, you always will.”
“Five years, Kaveh. Five long years---“
“I know.” From the distant gaze in the Sumeru City, he turned to look up at the taller man. “I know, Hayi. I’m sorry.” He almost whispered.
“Every day, I waited.” He heard Alhaitham’s breath hitched. “I waited for your letters, Kaveh. I waited. Anticipated. I… It almost drove me mad thinking about you. About how you’re doing. Every single day, for five years.”
Kaveh pursed his lips and closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears he’s tired of holding back.
“I broke my promise.”
“You broke my heart.”
“I’m sorry.”
Alhaitham drew a deep breath, followed by a sniffle before putting his hands inside his pockets.
“Everyone thought you were gone. But I didn’t. Until five years passed and I still haven’t heard anything about you or your whereabouts. And… that’s when I gave up.”
He once again threw his gaze to a distance, nowhere in particular, just overlooking the outskirts of Sumeru City while listening to whatever Alhaitham has to say. Whatever it is, he deserves to hear them.
“Only a year ago that the Akademiya found out about the Sakoku Decree. I was already with Nilou.”
“It’s good… that you decided to give up.” He felt Alhaitham gaze down on him. “I can’t blame you, nor I want to keep you waiting for uncertain things. I myself thought that I will be forever stuck in Inazuma.” He chuckled, then his eyes were pinned to the ground.
“What if you meet someone out there and asked for your hand in marriage? How am I supposed to fight for you?”
The voice of young Alhaitham echoed in his mind. That innocent proposal in that very same place. Only to realize those words should be his worries and not the youngers, for Alhaitham found someone he asked her hand for marriage, and he couldn’t even stand for his own feelings. It made him smirk. Then laugh. A loud but dry laugh.
“Kaveh.”
“SENIOR. Kaveh.”
Alhaitham didn’t say a word. They just stay there, staring at each other.
“At least you did me a favor.” Kaveh got up from his seat. Ah… his cute little junior is even taller than him now, more muscular, more matured. “Thank you, Hayi. For taking care of yourself and living your life just the way this senior imagined you would. Now…” he stood straight and firmly held Alhaitham’s arms, gently squeezing them in an encouraging way. “Time to go home. Someone’s waiting for you, and you shouldn’t make her keep waiting.”
For the last first and last time since they met eight years apart, he smiled to Alhaitham. A painful but genuine one. Before turning his back and started walking away from the garden.
“And you? Where would you go? Is there someone waiting for you, Ka--- senior Kaveh?”
“Unn!” he was quick to reply. A lie.
“I only came to visit and collect my old things. An artist I met in Inazuma is waiting for me in Mondstadt.” Another lie.
“I wish for your happiness, Kaveh.” Alhaitham’s voice was soft and low, but it didn’t escape from Kaveh’s sharp ears.
Kaveh couldn’t hold his tears anymore and just let them stain those tired cheeks. He waved his hand without looking back.
Feelings be damned. It’s time to let go.