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“I’m tellin ya man, we went sailin. No exaggeration. Ten feet up in the air. The thing flipped and we all went flyin.”
“You said you did it nearly every year. Why do you flip the thing every time?”
“Dalton tradition man. It ain’t a lake day if we don’t flip at least one of the floats we got. You ever done somethin like that before? I mean you bein a California surfin boy and all.”
“Nah, I never really had a reason to go to the beach.”
“Really? Not even for a quick swim or nothin?”
“Never learned how.”
“No kiddin?”
“Nope.”
“Well, I could teach ya if you want. My little niece is star on the swim team at her school and I’d like to think it’s cuz of me; take ya out to the lake where everyone learns.”
“I’d actually really enjoy that. Thank you.”
It was a past conversation that was playing over in Jack’s head, one that had fought it’s way to the foremost of his mind. Because Mac’s tour was up, which meant his tour was up, meaning he was going home to Texas, and he was bringing Mac along with him.
“Can’t believe today’s the day.”
“Will you guys be okay out there? Not everyone’s as warm and welcoming as we are.”
“You sure you don’t wanna stay just a bit longer? Cover my shift?”
“I’m taking both of your pillows when you leave.”
Jack could tell Mac was nervous. Hell, he was pretty sure everyone Mac interacted with could tell he was nervous. His fidgeting knew no bounds, and he wouldn’t stop asking Jack if he was sure it would be alright for him to visit his home.
“I told ya once and I’ll tell ya every time ya ask, it’s gonna be fine. Yer gonna love it there, and I know mama would kill me if I didn’t bring ya to visit after the few times we’ve talked.”
“I just feel like I’m going to ruin your arrival. I mean, isn’t it weird to bring home some random guy from your squad?”
“If you think yer just some random guy to me after all we’ve been through—”
“No, it’s just—”
“I’ve had to give you blood more times than I would’ve liked, and by yer definition, that means we’re family.”
“You’ve only had to give me blood once.”
“Once is too many and just enough.”
Jack was also nervous himself, or more so anxious with seeing everyone and trying to adjust back to civilian life. The first time he tried, he failed; he couldn’t find the peace in a quiet life on the farm. Going back to being a Delta didn’t seem like the right choice either, so he went and joined the CIA. And when that had run it’s course, he went back to the army.
That time it felt different though. That time it felt right. Having Mac with him felt right.
When they finally touched down in Texas, all Jack’s nervousness faded away, replaced with giddiness. Being back after so many years, knowing he was going to see his family washed away any negative feelings. The only thing was it they seemed to be seeping deeper into Mac, and Jack had to keep reassuring him.
“You’re sure this is okay?”
“Yeah man. Answer hasn’t changed since the last time ya asked.”
“Because I can just get a flight to California and have Bozer pick me up.”
“Dude I promise ya, if you did that, I’d be right behind ya, and mama probably right behind me.”
It was Jack’s older sister Alice that met them at the airport, welcoming both of them there with open arms.
“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. Did you shrink? Aren’t ya supposed to bulk up while yer in the army? And you must be Mac. Thank you for keepin an eye out for my sweet little baby brother, and I’m sorry ya had to put up with him.”
It surprised Mac when she pulled him into a tight hug.
The ride from the airport to the farm wasn’t short, but it wasn’t long either. Jack had taken shotgun while Mac was fighting jet lag in the back. Alice had been telling them the basis of what had been planned; the rest of the family would start arriving tomorrow— and that was pretty much it.
Mac knew the words held a deeper meaning, even in his sleep deprived state. As to what that meaning was, he could only take guesses. He could hear the excitement in Jack’s voice, through the hums and noises that weren’t quite words, the laughs and snorts as Alice told of what her children had done when they found out their Uncle Jack was coming home.
Hearing it made Mac feel like he was intruding. He appreciated Jack letting him head to Texas, but being at a family party made him feel out of place.
Mac was on the verge of sleep when the car pulled to a stop, jostling him into a somewhat more conscious state. The house in front of him was exactly how Jack had described it whenever he talked about home.
“Mama likes to keep the outside neat enough; porch swing with nice new chains, railing always nice and clean with new paint, shutters on the porch open to let the day in and light out, ‘cept for one of the ones on the second story— thing halfway hangin on that she won’t let no one fix. Said it adds to the look. Wild flowers should be bloomin in front of the porch, her own special mixture that sometimes got the giant sunflower seeds in it. Might be some hangin from some pots, them or lanterns. The old welcome mat and boot cleaner that probably still haven’t been replaced— mama thought it would be real funny to be as stereotypical as she could. One time I got home from school and everythin was modernized. Scared the hell outta all of us, but mama was laughin. Left it that way for maybe a month before everythin got put back to normal.”
Mac watched from the back of the car as Jack and Alice exited, watched as Jack was greeted by an older woman, smothered in a hug that shouldn’t have been possible. He watched with half lidded eyes as she made gestures, checking Jack over once before he felt her eyes on him, still in the car. He could’ve fained sleep, but closing his eyes all the way just seemed like an idiotic thing, seeing as he was sure their eyes met.
His car door opened, and it honestly surprised him a bit. “Hey, I know back there is comfy but there’s a bed inside with yer name on it.” Alice placed a hand on his shoulder.
Mac rubbed the sleep from his eyes and maneuvered his way out of the car. He would be lying if he said stretching didn’t feel like the best thing in the world at that moment.
“And here is Mac.” The jet lag Mac was feeling must have been worse than he thought, because Jack’s mother had suddenly appeared in front of him and pulled him into a hug. “It’s great to finally meet you in person.”
Jack outright laughed at the slightest panic that flashed on Mac’s face. “Uh, thank you Mrs. Dalton. It’s great to meet you too.”
“Julia, please.” She pulled from the hug, still keeping Mac in arm’s length. “Jackie wasn’t lyin when he said you were merely bones. Lord knows nothin the army feeds you gives you anythin. Come on, I made a little of everythin for you boys.”
***
“This feels dumb.”
“It ain’t dumb.”
“People are watching us.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s— embarrassing.”
It was the third day of being on the Dalton farm when Jack suddenly asked if Mac wanted to go for a swim, a conversation months ago coming to the front most of his mind. The idea of learning to swim was still there, Mac still wanted to learn, but the sheer amount of people at the lake, sheer amount of Jack’s family at the lake made him lose any want to do so.
“Mac, there ain’t no one here that gives two licks bout you learnin to swim right now. And if anyone does, I got dirt on all of them that I’d be more than happy to spill.”
He knew it was a normal thing. Just about half the population didn’t know how to swim, but it didn’t make him feel any better about it. It was the feeling of inferiority, of feeling like people were judging him that chased the idea from his head.
“Hey, if you don’t wanna, we don’t have to. Ain’t no one gonna force ya.”
But being there with Jack made everything fine. Being there with Jack made it feel alright that he didn’t have the answer to everything. That he didn’t need to have the answer to everything.
“No, I want to. It just feels so late to be learning a basic skill.”
“Never too late to learn somethin. Ain’t it a sayin of next best time to chop a tree is tomorrow?”
“The next best time to plant a tree is tomorrow.”
“See? You get it.”
Mac smiled and shook his head. “Okay. Let’s get started then.”
Jack clapped him on the back. “First thing, ya gotta get used to the water and how it feels. Gotta be able to hold yer breath if anythin happens, but since we’re at a lake and there ain’t any waves, it ain’t really a problem of worryin bout getting dragged out to sea and yer legs giving out.”
“So…?”
“Ya need to take a deep breath and put yer face under, just to get used to the feelin and see how long ya can hold it. Don’t matter how long or short it is.”
Mac breathed out before taking a deep breath and put his head under the water. It was cool, refreshing against his skin in the midsts of the hot Texas weather. He started counting the seconds, waiting for the burn of his lungs to tell him it was time to surface.
Something else got to him first.
A memory from a few months back that had been hidden deep in his subconscious, and had been catapulted to the surface.
Mac was right back in the desert, several hands holding him still, one holding his head under. He could taste the dirty water, feel it going down into his lungs and cutting off his air supply.
He couldn’t breathe.
The more he fought, the tighter the grip of the hands became, and the one on his head became heavier.
He couldn’t breathe.
It didn’t matter if his head was pulled up for a moment. He couldn’t get a breath before it was plunged down again.
He couldn’t breathe.
The sloshing of the water in his ears drowned out everything except his own heart beat. Loud and fast; full of fear and dread.
He couldn’t breathe—
The hands pulled him out, taunting him with the hope of a full breath before being plunged back under. He could hear someone saying something. It was dull and foreign sounding; water in his ears didn’t help. He was being pulled somewhere. His lungs stung. His throat hurt. He was exhausted.
But he could breathe.
Quick and fast, not enough air actually being drawn in to make a different since his lungs were full of water. He’d heard about the concept of dry drowning and figured that’s how he was going to go.
He felt weak. His legs buckled and he felt himself on the ground. There was a hand on his chest, startling him slightly. His hand was grabbed, feeling it placed on something. Then gargled words found their way to his ears.
“…breath… in… and out…”
“Feel… breathin…”
“…with me…”
His hand was on someone else’s chest.
Mac could feel them breathing; deep, over exaggerated breaths coming one after another. He wished his lungs would do that, even just once. He tried to copy them, but his own breathing was still short and fast.
“…okay. Nice and deep…”
“Listen to… voice…”
“Feel my chest.”
That was Jack. Mac could tell his voice anywhere.
“Breathe with me Mac. Deep breath in… and out. I know yer head’s tellin ya ya can’t, but ya can. Keep tryin. Big one in… and out.”
Jack wouldn’t lie to him. Mac trusted Jack with his life. So if Jack was telling him he could breathe, he believed him.
He kept trying, holding in short breaths for longer and longer each time until he eventually was able to match his breathing with Jack’s.
“There ya go. Nice and easy. In and out.”
Exhaustion washed over him, and he didn’t stop himself from slumping forward, knowing Jack was the one in front of him.
“Yer okay Mac. I gotcha.”
“Is he okay Jack?”
“He will be. Grab me a towel, wouldja?”
“You can take the truck back to the house if ya need to. We can hitch a ride from someone.”
“Think I’ll take ya up on that offer.”
Mac felt something drape over him, and after a minute he was being pulled up. His legs barely wanted to work.
“Ya need any help with him?”
“Nah, I gottem. Wanna open the truck up for me?”
He tried his best to walk, but most of his weight was being held for him. After what felt like a marathon, he was sat again, and heard an engine start up.
“I’m gonna take him home, set him up in bed and make sure he gets some sleep.”
“You call us if ya need anythin, alright?”
The engine drowned out anything else that was said.
***
The pull of consciousness and sleep were fighting in Mac’s head. He didn’t feel himself fall asleep but was definitely awake, or at least attempting to be. His eyes couldn’t be bothered to open but his brain was telling him it was time to get up. The bed he was laying in wasn’t helping the fight on consciousness either.
After several minutes, he managed to push himself up, eyes searching for familiar things in the darkness. The clock on the side table had shown it was just a few minutes past one in the morning, also slightly illuminating a water bottle and his migraine meds. He could also barely see Jack’s sleeping figure on the other bed.
A wave a guilt washed over him. First time in years Jack had been able to see his family, and he was stuck taking care of Mac because he got scared of the water. He didn’t think he could go back to sleep after that.
He carefully and quietly got out of bed and out of the room, hoping that he wouldn’t wake anyone up as he ventured through the house and out to the front porch. It was a bit humid out, a warm breeze rustling the bushes at the front of the porch. It was so incredibly dark out. The porch lights, the barn light, and a few scattered around the field and near the road was everything, besides the neighbor that wasn’t exactly next door. Even the base had been more lit up than that place was
Mac wasn’t complaining though, because he grew up in the big city, where the only places that weren’t lit up were sketchy alleyways. It was peaceful there, on the Dalton porch. The sky wasn’t polluted with light, which allowed Mac to actually see the stars and admire the beauty of it all with minimal man made interference. It helped him clear his head and get his thoughts straight, though everything just seemed to be a jumbled mess at that moment.
“You should see it in the middle of the summer.” Jack’s voice startled him slightly, the front door clicking shut. “Fireflies pretty much light up everything out there. Real fun to go out and catch them, if yer okay with getting eaten alive by all the mosquitos ya kick up from the grass.”
“I had to do a project on them once in school; try to figure out how they lit up, but we didn’t really have them in California so I could never gets hands on to actually study them.” Mac leaned on the railing. “Made my own to show to the class. It caught fire.”
Jack snorted. “Think that might’ve been the wrong kinda fire for it.”
They stood in silence for a few minutes. Mac knew why Jack was there, and felt dumb thinking he’d be able to leave the room without waking him. Almost a full year together, and it still hadn’t gotten through his head that Jack was a light sleeper.
“I didn’t think it had that much of an effect on me.” Mac finally said, staring straight ahead. “I was only gone for a few hours before you found me.”
“Mac…” Jack’s voice so soft and understanding. “Bud, you were tortured. It don’t matter how long it was for. Could’ve been for just five minutes, and it still coulda had an effect on ya.”
“Why was it that that did it though? Why didn’t anything happen while I was bathing or— or getting a drink?”
“Different situations.”
It made sense, mostly. Maybe it was just Mac’s exhausted state on consciousness that wasn’t letting him think straight.
“Sorry I ruined your day.”
“Hey, none of that. Ya didn’t ruin anythin.”
“Made you leave the lake.”
“That’s fine. The lake’ll be there tomorrow, along with everyone else that wasn’t there today.”
Mac snorted. “Shoulda known that wasn’t your whole family.”
“Not even half of them. Everyone’ll be here in another day or two. That’s when it’s real fun watchin everyone flip.”
The scene kept replaying in Mac’s head, the pain still fresh from when it happened.
“I— wasn’t scared about what they would do. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to hold on until you got there.” He straightened up. “I didn’t want you to get there and find my body. Every time they pulled my head up, I took in whatever air I could, telling myself to hang on, because I knew you were on your way. It was my fault it happened anyways. I insisted we stop.”
“No.” Jack’s tone was firm. “None of what happened was yer fault. None of the reactions ya might have are yer fault. No part of what ya went through was yer fault.”
“But—”
“I’m sorry I didn’t get there quicker. Fuck Mac, I’m sorry I let it happen. It was my job to keep ya safe while you were out there, and I let ya get taken. I don’t even think I’m sorry can cover it; don’t know how I can even begin to ask for yer forgiveness about lettin that happen to ya.”
“You don’t need forgiveness. You found me.” Mac said those words so matter of factly that it caused Jack to stare at him. “The mere fact you came for me— in all truth, I didn’t think I was going to make it out of the sandbox. I didn’t have any plans for afterwords; still don’t. I had a purpose there that’s not needed outside of it. I don’t, uh, I don’t feel like I have any purpose right now.”
Jack placed a hand on Mac’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze before pulling him up and into a hug. “Ya don’t need a purpose. Ya don’t need to worry bout if yer being helpful or useful. All ya need to do is live.”
Emotions were swirling around in Mac’s head. Everything Jack was saying made complete sense and was utter nonsense. His head rested on Jack’s shoulder and arms wrapped around his back.
“I don’t know if I know how.”
It broke Jack’s heart, listening to just how scared and small Mac sounded. From what he understood, Mac’s whole existence was based around his ability to be useful to others, to be a tool they can use to get jobs done. He’d never had a chance to do things for himself without looking for recognition from someone else.
He never got the chance to just be him.
So Jack would give him the chance, give him the opportunity to be the dumb kid he never got to be.
***
“You don’t have to stay with me you know.” Mac said, eyes closed as he lay on the dock. “You can go have fun with everyone out there.”
“Who said I ain’t havin a good time right here with ya?” Jack said, as he sat, legs hanging off the side.
“You haven’t taken your eyes off the lake since we got here.”
“Ain’t nowhere to look but the lake.”
“Jack.” Mac pushed himself up. “Go out there. Go flip the rafts and break the record for how high someone goes.”
“I’m fine right here.”
Mac sighed. He waved to someone out on one of the jet skis, gesturing for them to head over. “What if I modify one of the jet ski engines so it can go double the speed what it is now?”
“Won’t say that doesn’t sound like a good time, but I think I’m gonna work on my tan.”
“You’ve had years in the desert to work on a tan.”
“Sun’s too intense there. Never got it quite right.”
“Hey!” It was Jack’s cousin, Maria, on the jet ski. “Finally ready to come flip? Mike and Teddy have been askin since you’re the one that seems to have a natural talent for it.”
“Yep. Jack’s definitely ready for it.” Mac clapped him on the shoulder. “Kept complaining that he didn’t want to have to swim out there and risk getting run over.”
“Hey—”
“Course he did. Always liked doin the flippin instead of gettin flipped. Hop on Jackie. You know everyone will want a turn gettin flipped by you particularly.”
Jack frowned at Maria and side eyed Mac.
“I’ll be okay Jack. Go have fun.” Mac closed his eyes and laid back down.
Jack sighed in defeat. “Fine, but I expect ya to judge and rate every single flip and tell me how to make them go higher.”
Mac snorted and listened to the jet ski ride off. He stayed on the dock, listening to the laughs and screams of joy from the middle of the lake. He still couldn’t quite believe how large Jack’s family was; first and second cousins, aunts and uncles, confusing bloodlines that just landed someone with the cousin label.
He himself only had three family members that he knew of, and with two being dead and one wanting nothing to do with him, he had no one to ask if he did have more blood anywhere.
He was a bit jealous, admittedly, but he felt that having a family that size would get a bit overwhelming at times. Just thinking of all the prepping and planning Jack’s mother must have had to do was giving him a headache. But there were hardly any frowns that he saw, at least not genuine ones. Sure, everything must have been a bit stressful, but every single Dalton he saw had a smile on their face.
And that included Jack.
Mac wasn’t going to make him sit around and miss out on his family tradition just because he didn’t know how to swim.
Mac had seen Jack scared and panicked; angry and defeated, and they just didn’t fit.
Mac would make sure that Jack’s face held a smile, because Jack did so much for him; happiness and joy fit so much better than anything else.
“What’re you doing?”
Mac opened his eyes, looking up at the tiny voice that called to him. It was one of Jack’s nephews, or cousin, that he hadn’t gotten the name of.
“I’m— just thinking.”
“I have to do that for school.”
“Thinking for school is a good way to show how much you know.”
“Sometimes I think about trees and dragons.”
Mac snorted slightly. “Those are good things to think about.”
“I’m too small to get flipped.” He pointed out to the lake, several people in the water, swimming toward a float. “Why aren’t you out there? Everyone needs Uncle Jack to flip them to see if they can break the record.”
“Well, I’m not out there because I don’t know how to swim.”
The boy turned to him, wide eyed. “You don’t?”
Mac shook his head. “I didn’t grow up near a large body of water, or have a pool, so I never learned.”
A frown on his face. “But— all grownups know how to swim.”
“Maybe I’m not a grownup then.”
“But you’re bigger than me.”
“And your Uncle Jack is bigger than me.”
Mac had to stop himself from laughing over the emotions playing on the kid’s face.
“Well, you need to be flipped. So you need to know how to swim. So I’ll teach you.” He pulled on Mac’s sleeve, urging him to get up. “Uncle Jack taught me so I’m a master.”
That did make Mac snort, but he did end up getting up and allowed the child to lead him from the dock, a few other children following in suit, and to the edge of the lake. They pushed him to sit on the edge; two boys and a girl got in the water, all talking at once, trying to explain what to do.
A few that were even younger had sat besides Mac, a little girl even crawling into his lap, all entranced by the children splashing around in the water.
“It’s kinda cold so you need to get used to it.”
“Sometimes you feel something slimy touch your feet. We don’t know what it is.”
“It’s kinda scary at first, so you can use my floaty.”
Mac just sat there, listening and offering his two cents every now and again, which went completely ignored while they did their best to explain and show him things.
At one point, Jack’s brother-in-law attempted a rescue.
“Hey, y’all ain’t causin trouble for Mac are ya?”
“Uncle Tony did you know Cousin Mac thinks for fun?”
“Well someone aughtta since none of you do normally.” He turned to Mac. “Ya don’t need to entertain them. Ya can always tell’em yer gonna play hide and seek and yer the seeker; get them outta yer hair for a while.”
Mac snorted. “Nah, it’s fine. I don’t mind.”
“Mama Dalton said ya were a saint. Shoulda figured you’d be fine around the kids since ya put up with Jack all this time. They’re probably a bit easier than him huh?”
“Don’t let him know.”
As the day went on, several more family members more or less checked on Mac while he was surrounded by the kids, asking if he needed saving of any sort, but he said he was fine, even with the half dozen or so floats on and around him.
He didn’t exactly know when it happened, but Mac found himself laying at the edge of the lake, void of the kids but with their remnants of a mess surrounding him. It was a nice feeling, surrounded by people calling him cousin, even though there was no blood relation. Mac always liked the thought of a large family, and Jack’s let him live the fantasy. They acted like they’d know him his whole life, completely ignoring the fact most of them only learned about him three days ago.
Jack’s mother Julia was a saint of a woman. She treated Mac like a second son, calling him honey or sweetie when addressing him. Even when they were still in the sandbox, she sent things to Jack but addressed to him. She made sure he was comfortable in the house and told him to let her know if he needed anything on request. She even scolded him like Bozer’s mom did when he was younger. Jack had laughed when it happened, leaving Mac wide eyed.
“Sorry bud, ain’t no one safe from mama.”
It was a bit incredible to think; that he had been welcomed with open arms he didn’t know he desperately wanted.
“Well, you look like you had an exciting day.”
Mac barely cracked an eye open at Jack’s words. “Your nieces and nephews take swimming very seriously.”
Jack snorted. “That they do. Gotta be able to swim under water before they’re allowed to take place on any floats.”
“You know, I could make it so the things are more aerodynamic; help them flip easier. It looked like you were having some trouble out there in the beginning.”
“I ain’t done it in years. Had to get back in the groove.” He sat with Mac. “Ain’t seen water like this in a long time.”
“Did you know there’s a shark that lives in the lake?”
“Oh yeah?”
“Sometimes it’s a dragon though, so you never see it.” Mac yawned.
“Noah‘s been tellin ya all about the history then.” Jack laughed slightly. He nudged Mac. “Ya fallin asleep? Gettin burnt out here is worse than the sandbox by far. Ya wanna head back home?”
Mac opened his eyes and pushed himself up. He stared at the lake, sun reflecting off its surface. He listened to the engines of the boats and jet skis, the splashes and laughs of people in the distance. It was peaceful there.
“Mac?”
He felt like he could breathe there.
“Nah. I’m okay right here.”