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We have not touched the stars,
Nor are we forgiven, which brings us back
To the hero's shoulders and the gentleness that comes,
Not from the absence of violence, but despite
The abundance of it.
- Richard Siken
It was a dreary day made worse by the slightly suffocating nature of the Hades cabin. Will sighed and turned over on the bed to gaze out the window. The windows had been purposefully installed when Will started dating Nico and insisted that he needed some natural light in order to survive. Luckily, the Hephaestus cabin wasn’t as into what the Aphrodite cabin called “the cutest couple at camp” and installed them with little fuss.
Now, Will had some windows to look out of when he spent the day with Nico. It was still dark, even when it wasn’t raining, but it was something. Will sometimes caught Nico sitting in the ray of sun that fell on his bed in the morning. It made him smile, both because his boyfriend was a ray of sunshine and because he desperately needed the vitamin D.
There was no sunshine today though. It rarely rained at Camp Half-Blood before Mr. D had insisted the campers needed “A randomized weather experience.” Now it rained every few weeks, much to Will’s dismay and Nico’s delight.
Nico loved the rain. He loved not having to leave his cabin or interact with anyone he didn’t want to interact with. If Will wasn’t there to force it, the son of Hades would never leave the comfort of his cave. The Harpies would provide cabin service (at an outrageous price, but whatever) when it rained so that the demigods wouldn’t have to get drenched. All this talk from Mr. D about “normalizing them” and “providing a realistic mortal experience” was great, but none of them had umbrellas. Will secretly thought Mr. D did this on purpose so he wouldn’t have to deal with the demigods all the time.
The cabin service had been good for Nico, especially. The two had never spoken about it, but Will knew Nico found eating in front of people to be difficult, excruciating to be frank. Will could see it in his face at every mealtime. His heart hurt for Nico. Sometimes, he would smuggle snacks and other non-perishable foods into Nico’s cabin for when he was feeling up to eating. They didn’t speak about it, but Will was thrilled when the snacks started disappearing.
“Hey, Nightlight,” a blanket was thrown over Will’s face, “Whatcha thinking about?”
Instead of removing the blanket, Will wrapped it around himself and sat up. Nico was perched at the end of the bed. He’d been reading a book on astronomy, something about dark matter and black holes.
“Absolutely nothing,” said Will. Nico raised his eyebrows and smirked.
“You were literally having a Hallmark movie moment, staring at the rain with longing in your eyes.” Nico set the book down on the floor and crawled over to join Will by the window. He rested his head on Will’s shoulder and sighed a bit.
“What are you thinking about?” Will asked, grateful for the physical contact. Nico hadn’t always been one for hugs or physical touch, so it made Will appreciate the contact even more.
“Absolutely nothing,” said Nico, breaking into a grin. Gods, Will loved that grin. Will wanted to kiss him. He sat in his longing for a millisecond before remembering he could kiss Nico basically whenever he wanted now. They were still sitting shoulder to shoulder against the window, so Will lifted one blanket covered arm to cover Nico too. Nico went with the movement, adjusting so they were angled in towards each other, both wrapped in the blanket. Then, to Will’s surprise, Nico kissed him first, along his cheekbone until he reached Will’s nose, which he kissed a bit harder. Then he giggled. He honest to gods giggled.
It wasn’t like it was rare to see Nico like this, this side of him had been peeking out more and more recently. The softer side. The big eyes, toothy grin and quick to giggle side. It always made Will melt, no matter what. Even when they were in Tartarus, the gentle kisses and soft presence kept him going more than ambrosia ever would. All the light in the world would never come close to Nico’s effervescent glow.
Nico had rested his forehead against Will’s chest for a moment, and they both sat there in silence. Only their breathing and the rain outside could be heard. Will lifted Nico’s chin and stared at his face. Nico stared back. Will didn’t like eye contact normally, it made him uncomfortable. But he could stare into Nico’s eyes all day. He couldn’t imagine how many stars existed behind Nico’s eyes. Couldn’t imagine the depths of Nico’s brain. But he tried. He wanted to know everything. He wanted to read a book about Nico. He wanted to write a book about Nico. Those eyes, his nimble hands, his soft features. His messy mop of hair that he sometimes put up in a ponytail to keep it off the back of his neck. The small but toned muscles that he’d gotten from his years of monster fighting. So many years of chaos, and yet here he was. Here was this boy who defied everyone and everything and in the end came out gentle.
Will had gotten lost in his thoughts and Nico had enough of waiting so he moved down to press his lips against Wills. It was bliss.
They didn’t get much farther than that before the door swung open to reveal Rhonda, one of the harpies. She practically slammed the food tray on the floor before eyeing the boys. There was a moment of silence before she rolled her eyes and stepped out, slamming the door behind her.
They waited a second, almost thinking she’d be back with Mr. D to scold Nico for hiding Will in his cabin. It was always Will’s fault when they got caught, even if Nico was the one who insisted upon locking themselves in the Hades cabin. Nico had tried to take the blame in the past, but for whatever reason, Mr. D thought very highly of him and refused to scold or punish him. Even the bitter wine god had a soft spot for Nico.
“You are especially stuck in your head today, Carebear.” Nico leaned in as if to kiss WIll again, but pulled away at the last second with a sly grin on his face. He made as if he were going to get up, which Will found extremely rude, but instead just readjusted himself to be pressed closer to Will. He was fully sitting in Will’s lap now, running his fingers lightly up and down Will’s arm. So so gentle. So so quiet.
They sat for a moment like this, listening to each other's breaths. Then, poking Nico a bit, Will sat up and stretched. Nico followed suit and Will heard every bone in his body crack as he stretched.
“Every time you stretch I worry your bones are genuinely broken,” he laughed.
Nico responded by popping his shoulder out of its socket, a sly grin on his face.
“That is literally so unhealthy and if you were anyone other than a child of Hades I would scream,” said Will.
“Oh please, Glowstick, you know you still want to scream,” Nico said as he popped his shoulder back in. Will shivered. It could not be good for Nico’s joints, but there was no stopping him.
“Maybe I will scream,” Will said.
“Do it. I dare you.” Said Nico.
Will opened his mouth as wide as it could go, sucking in air and contracting his diaphragm, but Nico stopped him by placing both hands over his mouth and giggling.
“Noooooo.” Will tried to remove Nico’s hands from his face but Nico held on tight. Will thought briefly about licking him. So he did.
“Erugh!” Nico fell back against the pillow and snorted.
Will didn’t know his heart could feel this big.
“Okay, okay. I’ll only lick you sometimes.”
“Sometimes? How about never?”
“What if I let you lick me back?”
“... Deal.”
Nico leaned over and pressed the tip of his tongue to Will’s nose. His breath smelled like the cheap kids toothpaste Nico used. Will loved it.
“Now we’re equal,” said Nico, looking satisfied.
“That we are,” replied Will.
They sat quietly for a second before Will sat up fully and nearly fell out of the bed.
“I meant to do that,” he said solemnly.
“Sure you did,” said Nico, just as serious.
They stared at each other for a moment before simultaneously bursting into laughter.
They were still giggling as Will went over to grab the food basket that had been delivered. He hoped it would be something easy, knowing Nico found certain foods stressful to eat. It had been such a lovely day and he didn’t want it to be marred by lasagna.
Will opened up the basket to find sandwich supplies. Basically anything you could ever want on a sandwich was in the box, just waiting to be assembled. It looked wonderful. Assembling their own sandwiches was perfect, there were many options so it was guaranteed Nico would find something appetizing.
He began unpacking, but soon realized there was no table in Nico’s cabin. A bedside table, yes, but no table for eating. Will supposed it was because he’s never needed one. No one else stayed in the Hades cabin, with the exception of Hazel on occasion, so there was no need. In the Apollo cabin, there were three tables and counting, with mismatched chairs packed in tightly. Everyone had a place to sit if they wanted. Nico could just sit in his bed. There was no use having more places to sit.
Standing up, Will set the basket back on the floor and walked to the other bed in the room. There were only two, obviously, but this one had been empty for a while. Hazel wouldn’t mind, Will reasoned. He pushed the pillows to the side and started stripping the bed.
“We’re having a picnic,” Will declared.
“In the cabin?” Nico asked.
“No, in a puddle outside. Of course in the cabin.” Will said as he spread the blanket on the floor.
This time, Nico nearly fell off the bed as he stood up. Well, not nearly. He did fall off the bed, bringing the bedsheets with him.
“Well.” He said.
“Well.” Will said.
“Guess we’re having a giant picnic,” and with that, Nico unwrapped himself from the sheets and started spreading them out on the floor.
It was perfect.
***
A few hours later, the sandwiches having been eaten and the basket thrown to the side, Will and Nico lay curled up on the pile of blankets and pillows they had made. Nico ran his fingers through Will’s hair, humming a lullaby his mother had taught him when he was very young. Will was little spoon, per usual. He closed his eyes and listened to the rain outside and Nico’s soft song.
Once Nico’s song had come to its end, instead of repeating it, he went quiet. They listened to the rain for a few minutes before Will spoke.
“You are so gentle,” he said. His throat grew tight and he could feel tears right behind his eyes. NIco laughed softly.
“So are you, my love.”
“No,” Will said, “not in the way that you are.”
Nico’s hand stilled. “What do you mean by that?”
Will wiggled a bit and sat up so he could look at Nico’s face. Nico stayed down, his hair wild on the pillow.
“You’ve… You’ve been through so much.” Will was crying now. “You’ve been through hell and back. You’ve experienced things that would drive even the gods crazy.”
“Don’t forget you’ve been to hell and back too,” Nico interrupted.
“But not in the way you have!” Will was really getting worked up. “You were born in the 1930s only to get trapped in a crazy casino for years. You are so young yet so old and I don’t know how that doesn’t drive you crazy. Even when you were saved from the casino, as a child of Hades, the world was literally working against you.” He stopped to breathe for a second. Nico sat up and used the corner of the blanket to wipe Will’s tear stained face.
Will continued, “It’s just… you have been through so much. You’ve experienced so many horrible things. So much violence and hate. And yet, despite all of that, you are still gentle. The world made you hard, but it didn’t reach your heart. You are still good. And I can’t bear how much I love you.” Nico was crying now too, and fell into Will. Will wrapped his arms around Nico and never wanted to let go.
They cried together until they fell asleep, still wrapped up in one another. The rain had slowed and the moon could be seen.
There were so many stars.