Chapter Text
Song; Aldri by Razika
*
Eg kan ikkje forholde meg til blikket ditt etter det vi har gjort
Eg innser at allt er skrevet med kritt, det kan lett vaskes bort
Så går du ut av rommet sånn som mange ganger før
ser det ut som eg ikkje bryr meg, men hjertet mitt blør
*
Darcy watched as Steve made his way across the room with two beers; one for him and the other for Sharon. Of course he would start dating a Carter. Class A++ agent, with dark eyes and extensive knowledge in combat and gun-shooting bad-assery, what wasn’t there to love?
She sighed audibly and flipped the chunk of hair she’d been nervously playing with over her shoulder, aware of Bucky Barnes' knowing look as he weaves his way through avengers and friends to the bar she is moping at.
“That’s it, Lewis, give them that je ne sais quoi.” the owner of the huge mansion/avengers-clubhouse they were currently in sat down next to her and promptly stole her drink. Where had he come from anyway? Despite initiating this nice house party, she thought he was hidden in his shop.
“Oh fuck off, Stark,” Darcy shot back as she reclaimed her glass half an inch from his mouth. He pouted at her and picked a handful of her bar pretzels instead in retribution. “Didn’t take you for a strawberry margarita sorta guy.”
“Have you seen my girlfriend? Anyway, Bug, don't change the subject.”
“I wasn’t aware that there was even a subject to change.” She flipped the chunk of hair that had yet again made its way around her finger. Tony watched her movements with a raised eyebrow. He reached his hand out for her drink again, only to have it slapped away.
“Really?” he deadpanned. She didn’t deign his comment with an answer. “So you’re not pining for Captain Oblivious over there?”
Darcy merely chugged her drink with as much dignity one could with a sparkly straw in her eye and signaled to the spy-sassin behind the bar for another.
“Fine, Bug, when you try to get me out of my shop for sleep time, I’ll just not respond until you answer.” He smirked in challenge.
“Fine.” She said, keeping her face neutral.
“Fine!”
Tony took her fresh margarita, that Natasha had just handed her, in retaliation and stomped off like the giant three year old he was. Darcy smiled, Tony was easy to handle as long as you never dragged out your sentences. Giving him a childish power-of-will struggle and not being irked by his pestering was as good as a goodbye.
Natasha rolled her eyes but gave her another margarita with a nod similar to what Pepper Potts gave her that one time she made Tony apologise to Jane. It was nice, knowing that she had the approval of two total badasses.
Halfway through not-pining (nope, not at all) over Captain America’s smoking body, Steve’s gentle soul and his wicked humour, (which were now all being put to use wooing the CIA agent) her half-pint boss walked over to her, seeking out the napkins by her elbow.
After a minute of filling a napkin with notes Jane unceremoniously handed it to Darcy, snapping her fingers in the not-yet-a-scientist’s face to get her attention.
“Earth to Darcy. Could you just look over this and tell me if it’s the exact same thing I gave you yesterday or if it’s actually useful to the- Darcy, are you alright?” Jane dropped the excited-scientist air and started projecting her comforting-friend side. It was not a persona Jane projected a lot, since it had nothing to do with science, but once she did she usually went all in. And Darcy loved her for it.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Really?” Jane asked doubtfully. Unlike Stark-who was curious about everyone and everything and wanted to be all up in it, no matter what it was- Jane rarely asked about personal matters unless she really cared, which was why Darcy answered Jane whenever she asked, and blatantly ignored Tony whenever he did.
“You remember a few weeks ago when I came into the lab with, like, the best mood ever?”
“Yeah, of course, you’d had your brains fucked out and were meeting up with the guy later that night.” Jane smiled, “you wouldn’t shut up about it for a week. I almost had that ‘I am Dateable-Darcy’ shirt you wanted made for you.”
Darcy snorted at her past self’s antics and naivety. Could she claim to be a separate entity of her ‘past self’ if that ‘past self’ was only existing a few weeks ago? Hell yeah she could!
"Good thing you didn’t, turns out I was not as dateable as I thought.” She grumbled, trying her hardest not to let her eyes flick over to the corner.
“What happened?” Jane placed a comforting hand on Darcy’s arm.
Darcy shot a look over at the spy-sassin, but Natasha was busy making the ex-asset-sassin some ridiculous drinks to introduce him to the 21st century. They were currently discussing flavoured vodka and how they both hated it and though Darcy knew they were both probably listening, she honestly didn’t care anymore; it was not as if they’d tell Stark.
“Well, we met in DC when you held that speech there about something-or-other-”
“Theories in practical appli-”
“Yeah, yeah, I know what it was about, I type your notes, fix your power points, anyway. We went to this gallery opening and then we bailed out of there and went for a sort of exploradora-journey and ended up at his place. We fucked like rabbits over the weekend and when I left for home the next Monday we agreed to meet up here for dinner and a movie.”
“And, what? He stood you up?”
“Nah” Darcy swallowed and chanced another look at Steve and his ‘neighbour’. ”He dated me for over two weeks, two wonderful, magical weeks and then I realised he didn’t really date me, per say.”
“I don’t follow…”
“He didn’t date me because he liked me and wanted to be serious.” Darcy rolled her eyes, thinking back on it now she should have guessed, really. “He dated me because I was easy-” she held up a hand to stop Jane’s scoffing. “Hey now, that’s not what I meant. I just meant that we were easy. Everything came so easy and, you know me, I’m a bit of a people pleaser.”
“Not really.”
“Well, not to your face. But I was to his.”
“What?”
“I care about you, I care about you eating well, I love spoiling you and I love how you always value my input when I have nothing to contribute, that’s why I always cook for you, and get you those horrible pop-tarts, or get you coffee from that shop far away because you mentioned that you like them.”
“You do that? Oh Darcy-”
“And that right there, the-” Darcy gestured to Jane’s teary eyes, “-emotion! Is why I never told you. I like to please you, but I like to do it with attitude, yah feel?” Please don’t cry, Jane! I have a reputation to uphold!
“Sure.” Jane sniffed.
“No more wet stuff! Anyway, I did these things for him, but without the attitude but I really liked him and the sex was amazing, so when I confronted him about the fact that he probably projected another person onto me when he tried using jokes and expressions that I had never been in on, we had this awkward fight and then he said it was best if we just remained friends and I haven’t been able to look him in the eyes after that,” Darcy frowned at the corner where Sharon laughed at something Steve had just said.
“Not that he really notices that part anyway as he hasn’t acknowledged me since then, and he is too busy with perfect Sha-” Jane gasped, Darcy slapped her hand over her mouth and there was a second of tense silence before the ex-assins resumed their conversation about the horrors of jello-shots. She’d have thought that those two would have been more subtle than that. She’d have to try and get a hold of Fury and rant about S.H.I.E.L.D’s spy training. To Natasha's defense though, it had been Barnes who'd been the least subtle. What? As if Steve hadn't told him this already?
Shit, now everybody definitely knows who she’s talking about, especially with all the not-pining she’s been doing all night...
And as if she hadn’t already demolished the secrecy on her own, Jane decided to set the ruins on fire with a way-too-loud, not-really a whisper. “STEVE! The guy, you, he, you fucked Captain America!?”
“Keep your voice down, Miss Foster!” Darcy hissed back, doing her best impression of being possessed-by-satan/Smeagol. It was a good impression, she'd spent most her life on it.
The only good thing about their trip to Tromsø was when one of the Norwegian students had told Jane the Norwegian word for freak was misfoster and then stumbled over her words. The student had made it worse when she guaranteed she didn’t think Doctor Foster was actually a misfoster. Darcy had laughed her ass off and Jane had frowned for the rest of the day, fretting over whether the Swedish had the same word and whether it affected her chance of a Nobel Prize. As it turns out, it didn’t.
But Jane just kept staring at Darcy in shock with her mouth gaping wide, before her brow was set in anger and her mouth audibly snapped shut. Oh no. That’s the face she wore in London right before slapping Thor, (and Darcy had it on good authority that she’d also had the same expression before slapping Loki.)
“I will sock that bastard in his patriotic jaw for how he treated you!” she swore as she jumped off the barstool, throwing her notes in Darcy’s glass.
“Jane, no!” Darcy half-shouted and fished the notes out before the ink could bleed all over before hauling ass after Jane, taking her by the arm to divert her stalk towards happy couple in the corner.
“-and to think, dangling that woman in front of you like this, does he not care? At all? He will be demoted from Sweet-Steve to Shit-Steve right the fuck now. Oh yes, I’m gonna-”
Darcy rolled her eyes at Jane’s mutterings, oddly touched by her protective friend as she made the stalk into a loop and led her to the exit.
“Just gonna check over some notes,” she waved the slightly damp napkins in Tony’s face when he tried to intercept them and hurried them down to the labs; A sanctuary that was not only Steve-free but where Pepper had auto-locked the doors for Tony for the rest of the night.
*
Eg letar igjennom byens gatar
Det er mørkt det er kaldt det e dette eg hatar
Og eg finner deg ikkje der du pleier å være
Eg må gi opp eg e nødt til å lære
*
The Avengers had mercifully been called out a few days after Darcy had told Jane about her bleeding heart, giving Jane a week to cool off and another to relish in Thor’s return after the team no longer needed him to fight.
Darcy found solace in work. As an assistant, glorified coffeemaker and personal chef to the scientist who kept long hours, there was plenty to do, she even got some paper-pushing jobs here and there from the agents living on their base. Maria Hill even sought her out and handed her some notes that she needed her to look over, summarize and present to one of her SHIELD cells still in DC, giving Darcy the perfect getaway from spending a weekend without Jane and work.
The meeting had gone well; Darcy realised it was more of a formality and for Hill to pass on documents to a few agents in particular. Darcy was not stupid, she might not be a spy, but she did realize when her purse was heavier after being in the vicinity of Hill and lighter after some lady bumped into her around the corner from the SHIELD front-office.
All in all, she couldn’t complain as she had two whole days to explore DC again without being occupied with the Hot-and-Sensitive National Icon. She set out after the meeting (more like handshake, handover, thank you, byebyenow,) with a whole agenda drawn up of which museums to go to, what exhibits to see, getting a selfie in front of the white house, the usual.
She didn’t get farther than the Smithsonian and the stupid Captain America exhibit before she realised just how pathetic she was. Who goes to an exhibit of their ex-boyfriend all his dead friends? Well, all dead but one, anyway.
She took a turn, listening in on guided groups, smiling to herself as she matched up some of Steve’s stories to pictures and people. She also had fun looking at James Buchanan Barnes in his fashion-forwards (fashion backwards?) blue uniform, and the unusual short hair. What a cutie he'd been with his hipster haircut.
She continued around the whole Smithsonian and reminded herself to see that last Night at the Museum movie when she got home.
After a long day and tired feet she had resolved to get a good dinner. She made her way to the diner Steve had taken her to, ordering burger and fries as she scrolled through her phone (the diner had free wifi, she really was in heaven.) When the food was placed in front of her,she put away her phone with a happy sound (more like a moan, really); it really did smell delicious. She remembered how Steve had smiled at her when they’d eaten here the last time. He’d said how good it was to see a woman eat for once, and how he wished he could have treated girls to this in his youth.
She stilled mid ketchup-pouring. Maybe he dumped her because she was curvy? Could Captain America be shallow enough to break up with her because he thought he she was fat? She eyed the huge portion that she had every intention of consuming, frowning in thought.
Nah.
Steve was good people (mostly), he wouldn’t do that. She frowned and shook out the last splat of ketchup before she dug in.
And if that was the case, then Steve did not deserve her. She thought about the exhibit and realised Peggy Carter had been curvy as well, not quite as curvy or short, but still very similar to herself, and that thought both comforted and spooked her a little as she put her side of onion rings on top of her burger.
*
Aldri aldri aldri blir du min
Aldri aldri aldri blir du min
Eg e nødt til å forstå at mellom oss e det slutt
Ta jakken min og gå, finne meg en annen gutt
*
Two weeks of being back from DC marked a month after first seeing Sharon and Steve together at breakfast, sex hair included. Yeah, she’d been suffocated with the happiness in the room, and the sweetness between them was like a sucker punch to the gut, but she handled it. She really didn’t want any run-ins with Steve at all that day, not after visiting DC and the places they’d gone together. She found herself wandering around Brooklyn on her own, and ended up outside the Chinese place Steve loved.
Because, of course she was that pathetic, she went inside and -just to assure herself that she was indeed a masochist- ordered the same amount she would have if Steve was with her. Not because she was planning on eating all of it, but she liked that she could have a little of everything so she wouldn’t have to stick to one dish... not really feasible when you’re eating for one though.
Why did she do this to herself? She wondered as she looked at the total, dug out her wallet and regretted everything. They’d only been together for almost three weeks, hell she had not talked to him in almost twice that time, but he was always there; talking to Tony while she was holding stuff for him; using the kitchen when she was cooking for Jane and Banner; watching tv shows that she had got him hooked on with Barnes, taking the fun away from her as she had to go with her 2nd choices when she introduced the ex-asset-sassin to pop-culture.
And if that was not enough, his shield and merchandise were all over! His face was on the news all the time and he had a whole week dedicated to his life on the history channel. This week had been ruined for her.
So as she sat there, pathetically (starting to become a theme with her) waiting for her order and stewing in her own heartache and general pathetic-ness, she didn’t expect to see Steve’s motorbike pull up with a passenger on the back.
“For fuck’s sake” she grumbled. Her heart soared when the passenger was James Barnes, not Sharon Carter, and then the traitorous organ fell when it was Barnes that came in, and not Steve as the latter pulled out his phone and stayed outside.
Barnes nodded to her as he spotted her while doing his assessment of the restaurant; assassin eyes taking in everything. She knew it was hopeless to hide- not that there were any plants to hide behind for that matter- she had learned to appreciate the plants that had suddenly appeared all over after Thor came back. And Thor’s interior design tastes.
They had ordered ahead so Barnes merely paid and the nice lady behind the counter disappeared into the kitchen to get the takeout bag. To Darcy’s complete and utter embarrassment the other lady who worked there came out of the kitchen at the same time and loudly said; “Darcy?”
She flushed crimson and walked up to get her jumbo sized bag (she was one spring roll away from getting two bags, for sure) before Barnes could see exactly how pathetic she was being, but being the gentleman he was (stupid 40’s mannerism) he had taken the bag for her and handed it to her over the tall counter, raising his eyebrow slightly in question. Darcy was tempted to tell him that she was on a dinner run for the lab staff working late, but seeing as Tony was in California and Bruce had gone to Culver the lie could easily be blown when Jane stayed most of the night with Thor and the rest of them.
Instead, she squared her shoulders and raised her chin, meeting his eyes defiantly, and snatching the bag.
“Yes, there is way more food in here than I could possibly hope to eat on my own, yes I am pathetic and nostalgic and ordered for me and a serum-enhanced other, and if this is not pathetic enough I am also stopping by the 7/11 on the corner for the biggest chocolate milk I can find and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. But for now, I will just wait here until you and your buddy disappear into the sunset on your shiny-shiny motorcycle.”
Barnes was silent, then the corner of his lip twitched slightly and she could see the charming guy the history channel had been raving about (fine, yes, she actually watched some of them. Masochist, remember?) before he grabbed his own bags and thanked the lady behind the counter.
“I’ll be right back.” he smiled over his shoulder as he left.
Back?!
Oh God no. Please do not play matchmaker or get Steve in here. She prayed to all higher forces (other than Thor, because she did not want him to know about this… and Odin because he called Jane a goat.)
To her surprise though, Barnes just handed over the bags to Steve, motioned to the 7/11 and waved him off reassuringly. Steve looked bewildered, but seemed happy to see Barnes take initiative and obviously had other plans as he hurried off. Though not before Barnes had fastened his helmet on him, a discussion she had overheard them have in the hallway while she was hiding behind one of the huge plants there last week.
“There, sorry,” Barnes said when he’d re-entered, taking her bag from her, “you said you had enough leftover to feed a serum-enhanced other, I believe I qualify.” He smiled. She still just gaped at him.
“I also believe you said something about chocolate milk and a couple of fellas?” He extended his metal arm (concealed under his leather jacket and glove, but she knew which one it was) and she smiled, slowly wrapping her arm around his.
“Oh, I’ll introduce you to Ben and Jerry, alright.”
And they spent the night eating obscene amounts of Chinese food on her gym towel (unused, she mostly lugged around that bag for show), eating by the illuminated fountain in the park by her building, and eating Ben and Jerry’s as they watched sense8 on her Netflix.
It was a show that neither of them had seen before, but she had read reviews so she knew it was gonna be good, and Barnes didn’t blush like Steve did during sex scenes, which was a plus. Spending time with Barnes made that night the first time in a long-ass while that she hadn’t spent thinking about Steve.
They had two episodes left when the emotional strain of the week lulled her to sleep, head on the most cushy armrest of her couch, and feet on Barnes’ lap.
The next morning she woke up alone with her blankets tucked around her, and her netflix telling her that he’d seen the last two episodes while she was asleep.
She huffed and dug out the few leftovers from last night, sending a text off to Barnes while she waited on the microwave.
She got an answer as she sat down in front of her TV again with her food and a coffee, reading the first few words as she went to unlock it:
‘You’ll never guess what Wolfgang…”
“Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.” She threw her phone away and started loading the 11th episode, “I’m not gonna read your spoiler text, nope. Not gonna happen.”
*