Chapter Text
“I’m leaving,” the brunette across the table huffed out.
“Oh,” was the only thing that the blonde boy managed to say.
It’s been 19 years as friends, 11 years as co-workers, and now it finally came to a close. All those videos, even if some were run by a greedy corporation, it all meant something to the both of them. Or that’s how Ian would put it into his own words. Besides the business side of all of their relationship, their friendship didn’t even matter to Anthony anymore. That was the knife in the back, the barbed wire hugged around his neck, and gut wrenching pain he felt knowing that all of it came to a close. An actual final close.
He would be delusional to say they’re still friends after this. Anthony’s resentment to the company slithered into his opinion of Ian. Ian is now the big villain according to Anthony’s eyes. Hell, even Anthony is praying for his demise. Yet Ian does not and will not blame Anthony for his feelings towards him. Was it well deserved? Who fucking knows, it’s not like anything that comes out of his mouth is convincing enough to get Anthony to stay. His words became deaf to Anthony’s ears. Even if he did try, and oh sure he had, there’s no point to beg for him to still be his friend.
So what's the next step? Letting go. Ian already did that. Letting go of that little friendship he had in mind. After all, it was a fantasy right? Ian felt dumbfounded, thinking they’re mature enough to mend the friendship back to what it was. Putting defy’s bullshit to the side, and focusing on what’s going on between them. Nope, their problems thicken slowly throughout the years. Until it casted a hard, bricked, stone wall between them. Anthony definitely knew what was going on, just didn’t care enough to tell Ian.
“I’m sorry” Ian broke their thick silence between them.
“I know.” Anthony’s words cut deeper into Ian’s head.
Not even a reassurance, that really added another brick into their towering wall. The blonde boy felt something rising to his throat, almost reaching his tongue, and he felt like he had to puke. Did he? Nope, shoved his feelings down back to his stomach.
The Smosh office felt denser as the tension from the both of them started to surface. Surface? No, more like a tsunami wave crashing into the grave of their once idealized relationship. Anthony leaving was reality slapped across Ian’s face. Anthony’s death stares into Ian’s doe eyes felt like daggers cutting into his throat. Not even a slight stab, a deep cutting twisting impale. Ian hated it, but knew whatever he did to cause this was more than deserved. He just let Anthony stare at him, resenting Ian for being so bland. While Ian is cursing himself for being so distant.
“Was planning to announce it next week. I was wondering if you could sit besides me and reassure the fans this was the right call,” Anthony added.
“Yeah, I think we should do that.” Ian in his life never felt more defeated than this moment. His shoulders became stiff and stomach dropped non-stop.
He really hated himself.
The day he finally had the courage to ask Anthony “Hey I really need a ride home,” during his high school years. Sending letters to Anthony, hoping he would get well soon because he was bedridden for months. The nights staying up late playing halo or to run their little clothing factory they had going on. All of that meant nothing, but a lesson to both of them to not let their creation get into the way of their relationships. They know little to nothing anyways according to how their friendship went. Anthony parted ways with Ian, and what could Ian do?
The nights Ian would stay inside Anthony’s bedroom when he felt too caved in his room. Hearing Anthony’s new shenanigans, his new interests of some post hardcore band, or the Zelda update, or anything Anthony could ramble about. Ian did not care, he liked having the company around Anthony. He sometimes let Ian sleep in his room, while Anthony sat next to Ian’s laying body. Thinking to himself how lucky he could be to call someone who was the embodiment of the sun as his friend.
They both loved each other that’s for sure, but didn’t have the commitment to stay with each other.
Take your hands off your neck and
Hold on to the ghost of my body
You know that good lives make bad stories
After Defy acquired Smosh, their only focus was to portray this beautiful friendship between the both of them. For sometime in the beginning, it was very much real. It was their special connection they had with each other, not letting anyone get in the way of it. Even if someone ran with scissors with their hands across the rope tied to both Ian and Anthony, it still would not break, not even nudge. Now step between both of them, one of them would disappear.
Years afterwards, their friendship slowly became more plastic. Defy’s ideologies and their shitty endeavors crossed between the both of them. It drove Anthony more than crazy to see what he made when he was younger snap into two, and brought into this disgusting buzzfeed like corporation bullshit.
It hurt more that Ian didn’t care. Yet Ian was so far behind Anthony’s thought process, or so he thought.
In reality, Ian was scared to lose Anthony. That’s all.
-
It was filming day, Anthony said his final words as a Smosh member. He was terrified of what’s to come to him, but knew this was the right thing for the both of them. It sounded selfish on Ian’s end, but he knew Ian would understand when time came by.
He was sitting next to Ian, seeing his eyes sulk. Sulk not only in sadness, but in fear. In a way, Anthony felt horrible because he would be running this channel all by himself. Ian didn’t want to leave with Anthony though, so this would be the best option for Ian. To stay.
Wouldn’t make much sense to Ian anyways. He’s always been the level headed, logically approach kind of person. It always has been. Even in high school, he never showed a sense of vulnerability to Anthony. He tried to find the logic in the madness. For a while, it made Anthony feel small. His emotions weren’t as complicated as he thought they would be, so it wouldn’t matter in the end right? His problems with the company were so small it wasn’t severe. That’s what Anthony thought, but the reality was it didn’t. It was severe, yet Ian refused to understand his point.
“Hey you’ll be fine, this was the best approach for you anyways,” Anthony wrapped his arms around Ian’s moping shoulders.
“I’m going to miss what we had,” Ian almost choked out in tears.
“I love you.” That caught Anthony off guard.
“Did he really say he loved me? The guy who refused to show any emotion just did.” Anthony’s thoughts became more scrambled in his mind. He really needed to leave.
“You’re fucking crazy,” Anthony got up and left
Just like that it was only Ian in the room.
Take my hands off your neck and
Hold on to the ghost of your body
I know that good lives make bad stories
You can text me
When punching mattresses gets old
What if it'll always be this way
Not comforted by anything you say
We were wrecks before we crashed into each other