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“Well… It’s time.”
Ryoji's there, just as Minato expected—perched on his bed just like so many times before. There's a flicker of Pharos in his expression, but Pharos has never looked so heartbroken. They are the same, yet also completely different entities.
“Hi,” Ryoji greets with a small smile on his face. Minato can see all of the worries in the world in his eyes, people drowning in their hopes and fears. He is sympathetic yet ultimately unmoving. “How many months has it been since the last time we chatted like this in your room, just the two of us?”
Minato tightens his grip on the pocketknife in his left pocket as Ryoji talks. It’s the same thing that he repeated earlier—if they kill him, their memories will be lost and their hearts will be put at ease. If they don’t, they will be forced to wallow in fear and terror, knowing their deaths are inevitable.
“Are you still unsure?” says Ryoji. “Or have you made up your mind already?”
With that, Minato unsheathes his knife and strides toward Ryoji, and he's met with no opposition. “This is the knife Yukari gave me on the first night I was attacked by a Shadow,” he says. “Aren’t you scared?” Aren’t you terrified of how easily I could break you? Minato can feel the warmth emanating from Ryoji’s skin—that’s how close they are. Proof that he is here, that he exists, that they exist with each other.
“Are you…?” says Ryoji, looking anything but scared. He ignores Minato's knife only a few inches from his throat, and instead stares straight into his eyes with that same soft, affectionate look that Minato’s grown so used to, that he’s grown to rely on for warmth. “I understand if you feel a certain resistance to the idea of killing me, but there is no need to allow that feeling to influence your decision.”
That’s not true, Minato wants to say. That feeling is everything. Ryoji is everything to think about, because he is the only other person standing here and now. Ryoji is breathing and Ryoji is alive, at least until the clock strikes midnight. Minato could end it all in a heartbeat—with a swipe of his knife he could slit Ryoji’s throat and watch him bleed out before him on his bed, staining his sheets and soaking them through. Would his blood be red like everyone else’s, or would he even bleed at all?
“As I said before, I will cease to exist either way,” Ryoji continues. “I feel no aversion to death. Sympathy is meaningless here.” This isn’t something as foolish as sympathy, though. At least that would be a kindness, instead of the feeling in Minato’s chest now. Selfish to his very core. He is only thinking about himself. How he would feel, how he would react, and how he would cope with the aftermath of Ryoji’s death. What it would be like knowing he ended Ryoji’s life by his own hands.
And then, Ryoji says:
“Between the two of us, you are the only one who is trembling.”
Minato’s grip on his knife tightens as his hand shakes even more.
Ryoji goes on. “I think believing in the future is a wonderful philosophy, but that is not to say that any other way of thinking is incorrect. No one really knows what path will lead to true happiness.”
What is happiness? Minato certainly isn’t happy now. He doesn’t want to do this, doesn’t want to kill someone he considers a friend. He doesn’t want to let anyone down, himself least of all. However, someone must be betrayed here tonight.
“I am not afraid,” says Ryoji. “In this moment, I am truly ‘happy’.”
Minato clenches his fist as his fingernails dig into his skin, an anchor to steady himself. Stop, he wants to beg. Stop talking. Don’t say anything else.
But cruelly, Ryoji doesn’t. “I can’t describe how glad I am that I met you. I imagine this feeling is what they describe as ‘happy’,” he says. “Thank you… really.” The little things—arcade games and hot springs and new headphones and karaoke. Ryoji, always right around the corner with a wave and a smile, waiting to kidnap Minato on another adventure. Had it really only been a month? No, it was much longer. Pharos can attest to that. Ryoji can attest to that, seeing how they are one in the same.
Minato stares down at his knife. It gleams as it practically begs to be used, to sink it into Ryoji’s flesh and carve out his heart—scoop it up and place it on a silver platter to be served to Nyx. It would be so easy, what with Ryoji pleading with him to do so, yet impossible at the same time.
Putting everything he has into it, Minato slams down the knife into his mattress, ripping a hole into his blanket as he does so. It’ll have to be replaced later.
He can’t do it.
“I can’t accept that this is ‘happiness’,” Minato gets out. His entire body tremors as he tries to hold himself together.
“I guess I didn’t do a very good job of expressing myself.” Ryoji sounds disappointed. “We still have a few minutes until midnight. I didn’t want to have to show you this, but… it seems you are leaving me little choice.” Before Minato has the chance to ask him what he’s talking about, Ryoji’s form starts to shift, changing into something oh so familiar, yet unrecognizable too.
Minato almost drops his knife.
“Behold… I am not human. My true identity is the harbinger of Death… I am bringing the end to this world. There is no need for you to stay your blade.” Yet even though Minato’s met with undeniable evidence that this is the case, he can’t help but feel it’s the farthest thing from the truth.
Once more, Ryoji pleads—kill me. Accept my pity, my apology. Forget everything. Leave your memories and live in peace while you still can. I am trying to be merciful. But the resolve in Minato’s heart has strengthened. He doesn’t want to forget all the memories he’s made, the bonds he’s forged. Including both Pharos and Ryoji.
“I… don’t want to,” he says. “I don’t want to kill you. You’re my friend.” Ryoji stays unmoving. His expression isn’t able to change, yet it’s easy to see something in him shift. Maybe it’s because they’ve grown to know each other so well. Minato holds out his hand—an offering. “It’s not just you… it’s all of my friends, and even those who are gone forever. I don’t want to forget anyone. Everything that’s happened since I arrived here, all of the tough choices we’ve made together, as a team.”
They stare at each other for what feels like forever, a silent battle. However, this time Minato is unwavering. He won’t take the coward’s way out. After an eternity, Ryoji relents, saying, “Very well. Your decision saddens me. But your lives are yours to live any way that you choose.” As he speaks, he changes back into the Ryoji that Minato is familiar with, that he’s grown to love. “I shall abide by your decision.”
Minato’s hand is still outstretched. Finally, Ryoji takes it. “Let’s go back downstairs,” he says. He may be Death itself, but his hand is warm, so impossibly warm in Minato’s own. “I will tell you how to get to Nyx.”
But they don’t leave. They stand there in silence, just looking into each other’s eyes. They’re both waiting for something to happen—someone to initiate what they’re going to do next. Minato has an idea, one that’s been on his mind for a while now.
“I’m going to do something,” he says. “Just this once.” They both know exactly what it is. Their faces are close, so close. Maybe they both leaned in instinctively.
“You're going to regret it,” says Ryoji, unrelenting in his kindness until the very end. It is not a rejection, but a warning.
“I won’t,” says Minato, because there would be no bigger regret than to not. This is the last time he'll ever be able to do this.
Ryoji smiles sadly and shakes his head. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I have.”
“I don’t care,” says Minato. Bracing himself for the best and for the worst, he cups Ryoji's jaw and closes the gap to kiss him.
For a sweet, blissful moment, everything feels right. If Minato closes his eyes, they can pretend that there is nothing abnormal about this. It’s a regular day, and they had just gotten out of school. Ryoji said something that made Minato crack a smile, and one thing led to another to where they are now.
This is normal. Ryoji melts into the kiss and lets go of Minato’s hand, placing it on his waist. Minato tilts his head properly and kisses him with everything he has.
This is normal. Ryoji kisses him back as if it’s the last thing he'll ever do, because it probably is. Soon the clock will strike midnight and his physical form will be no more. They don’t have enough time. Minutes, hours, days, or even weeks wouldn’t be enough. They could have all the time in the world, yet Minato would still be left wanting more.
This is normal. In another life, Minato would like to think they could’ve been something. Somewhere better, they are two boys whose only worries are being without each other. But that is impossible for the two of them here, Death incarnate and someone who has known nothing but loss for the past ten years.
Pushing the irony aside, Minato has never felt so alive.
This is normal—
All of the sudden, they break apart. Minato doesn’t know if he was the one to pull back first, or if it was Ryoji. Minato’s still cupping his jaw, though, and Ryoji’s leaning into it with a small smile on his face, one Minato’s never seen on him before.
“Is there any possible way I can change your mind?” asks Ryoji. There’s an edge to him that wasn’t there before. Almost… guilty.
“There isn’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
Minato frowns. “Stop apologizing.” He’s been doing so since the moment he arrived. This has been him screaming out for forgiveness, giving all of them one last chance they’ll never take.
“I—” It seems another apology was on the tip of Ryoji’s tongue, as he clamps his mouth shut and looks at Minato with a conflicted expression on his face. “I hope this wasn’t a mistake. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.”
“It wasn’t.” Without another word, the two of them break apart fully. Minato already misses it. He gestures toward the door with his head and says, “Come on,” he says, “let’s go. We need to tell the others.”
After a moment’s hesitation, Ryoji nods. Minato smiles, and something seems to click inside of him—a puzzle piece slotting cleanly into place.