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The wavering sound of Misato's voice was hardly comprehensible to Asuka, doing her best to stay alert despite intense exhaustion. Her patience was running low and her commander’s ongoing lecture was about to drain her dry, if the steady ringing in her ears or thumping in her head didn't get there first. Every pause where she expected Misato to finish and dismiss them was followed by another sentence, another, and another, it was torture. Her body begged for relaxation and her psyche was no less desperate. She was losing interest in whatever the violet-haired woman was saying as she waited agonizingly.
To her right the primary cause of her headache sported the same insufferable grin as per usual, her hands clasped neatly behind her back. Mari's mere presence was more than enough to irritate Asuka, but the condescending expression plastered across her face was pushing it. Asuka hated how carefree she was after the shit-show she put on during training, the complete lack of remorse from her “partner” almost made her miss Shinji’s overly apologetic nature. Asuka couldn’t wrap her head around why she was always paired with nuisances that only hindered her from reaching her full potential. Once again she was being reprimanded for Mari's wrongdoing, a regular occurrence following any session of partner training. Asuka stopped fighting Misato over it about a year into her partnership with Mari, but she still despised every minute spent with the Brit. Today was just another prime example of how incompatible they were as a team—why Misato insisted on their closeness was a mystery.
After several more agonizing minutes, Misato finally let the girls free and Asuka made a quick beeline for the door with the intent of getting a head start on Mari. Unfortunately, her escape was cut short with a sharp pain in her temple. She stumbled into the door frame and clung to it for stability, wincing as her head pounded in reproval. She didn't react when an annoyingly warm hand landed on her shoulder, too preoccupied with the pain.
“Careful princess~,” Mari cooed, smiling cheekily at the second child, “wouldn't want you to end up in the med ward again today ".
Asuka groaned and swatted Mari’s hand off, the older girl couldn't help but snicker as the redhead stomped away. Misato shook her head softly with the barest trace of a smile on her lips. "And Mari," she spoke again with a gentler demeanor, “Happy Birthday”.
Mari gave her superior a wide smile and she thanked her for the well wishes. Asuka gritted her teeth.
“How stupid,” she scoffed under her breath and out of earshot, “A birthday is no excuse for disrupting training,” her fists clenched tightly at her side, “nor is it an excuse to be a pain in the ass”. Birthdays became immaterial the moment they first entered an Eva, their lives were no longer worth childish celebrations that they had no time for anyways. She criticized Misato for even slightly enabling it.
She moved at a swift pace, hoping she was creating a decent distance between her and Mari. Avoiding her in the evenings wasn't an easy task considering they lived in the same quarters, on any other day she could cope with Mari’s clinginess if it meant she’d be left alone later on—but she had breached her limit today. Some minutes passed without the sound of clacking footsteps and Asuka stopped to peer behind her shoulder… Mari wasn't there. She huffed, slowing down for the sake of her aching body. They were free to do as they pleased during their off-time, Asuka couldn't care less if Mari chose to spend that time foolishly. As long as she keeps up in the daytime it’s really none of her business—but Mari wasn’t keeping up. If Asuka wasn’t so exhausted she’d chase the girl down and give her an earful, but in that moment it felt like a blessing and she was ready to recoup in peace.
She staggered into their room, collapsing onto the bottom cot before the door got the chance to fully close. She stayed still for a good while and allowed herself to soak in the lovely nothingness. She eventually reached for a small bottle of pills sitting on the table beside her and popped three into her mouth. The bottle was near empty despite opening it less than a month prior, the two pilots went through analgesics like addicts. It was a necessity for their demanding lifestyle, though admittedly Asuka relied on pain relief more than she should—some days not bothering to count how many pills she consumed as long as it made her aching stop. Wasn't like they were living long enough to see the damage done to their kidneys anyways. She’d ask Ritsuko for a new bottle tomorrow.
With painkillers now in her system, she stood and released her plugsuit from her body and let it fall to the floor with a gentle thump. With it came her interface headset, tossing the two pieces onto the bed and stepping out of the shiny red material. She stretched and ran her fingers through her free hair, massaging her scalp where the headset held on for hours. She ambled her way into the shower, immediately melting as hot water hit her skin. She was still as water cascaded down her face, cleansing her mind and dissolving her thoughts. The water didn't work as well as she had hoped and before long her mind began to wander and churn once more. She sank down to a sitting position, resting her head on the wall of the small shower. No matter how hard she tried to purge her mind of that girl, she couldn’t. She never could as of recently.
"Damn you, four-eyes,” she hissed, punching the hard wall.
She stayed on the floor of the shower until her headache minimalized, eventually actually cleaning herself and stepping out. To some relief, Mari still hadn’t returned by the time she had gotten out. Though it was a bit strange, she did spend an unreasonable amount of time in the shower—almost a full hour. She chose not to dwell on it, instead slipping a big t-shirt on and some underwear before climbing into her bunk and finally succumbing to her fatigue. She lay in silence, half expecting Mari to barge in at any moment while also hoping that worrying about Mari barging in would eventually lull her to sleep, or at least the closest thing to it. Five minutes turned into ten, ten to twenty, and over half an hour later neither scenario had occurred. Her headache was fully resolved and her internal monologue had nullified the sleepiness that plagued her earlier. Her thoughts kept her wide awake, Mari was keeping her awake. Now she was just pissed.
Soon enough she was out of bed throwing on a random pair of sweatpants as she couldn't be bothered to change into her plugsuit again. She cursed Mari for managing to disturb her relaxation from across the ship, but she cursed herself as well for caring so much about the idiot’s whereabouts in the first place. She stepped out of the dorm and began her march down the cold, empty corridor. She had one goal, she was to bring back Mari and nothing else. She had no idea where Mari could be in the first place, and considering how large the Wunder really was, the divisive fourth child could've been anywhere—but within the hour she would be back in the dorm with Asuka and that was that. She swiftly moved through halls and analyzed her options, though there really wasn’t much to go off of. She had been living with Mari in the same room for nearly two years, she knew enough about her to understand her primary interests. Mari typically preferred to spend her free time annoying Asuka or nose-deep in a book—two things she was not doing at the moment.
She peeked into every open room she passed and scanned the areas for the brunette. She rounded the corner into the cafe with certainty Mari would be inside scavenging for something to eat, but the room was dead silent. She grumbled, already regretting playing detective on the ill-fated scavenger hunt. However, she didn't retreat, continuing down to the next hall. She peeked into the med room, the lobby, and Misato’s office where they were just an hour prior, but still found nothing. She crossed the ship, slipped into the hangar and was met with eerie silence. She checked the gym, and the showers, even glancing into the engine room, Mari was nowhere to be found. Asuka progressively became more irritated as more and more of Wunder had been searched, climbing to the top of the ship in exasperation. She panted as she stood up and scanned the vast deck, the cold silent atmosphere suggesting Mari wasn't there either. She could’ve missed her at some point, knowing her luck Mari was back at their dorm already—but it’d be unlikely for her to stay put the moment she realized Asuka was some place else. Asuka tensed as her mind jumped towards other possibilities, rearing at the idea that Mari could be with someone else doing Gott knows what—knowing Mari it wasn’t an unrealistic outcome. They were prohibited from entering other corridors, but Mari had her ways. It wasn’t very easy to believe that the overly friendly, jovial fourth child was a dangerous individual, especially with Asuka by her side in comparison.
Asuka grimaced and decided she wanted nothing to do with Mari’s potential whereabouts, but just as she turned to leave her ear’s caught the faint hiss of a can popping open. She swiftly turned again, once more analyzing the shadowy darkness around her. Though the deck still appeared empty, she moved in further, now positive that she was not alone. It was nearly pitch black outside of the Wunder at night with nothing but half of a moon shining down on its cold metal. The lunar illumination was just enough for Asuka to make out boxes and structures, and hopefully any people up there with her. The deck was deathly silent aside from the gentle hum of the Wunder’s engines. She stopped, looking up at the night sky and letting the cool air blow against her skin.
It had been a good while since she had come up there at the hour, though it was once a routine back when she first started working for Wille. Two years had since passed she had woken up to her new world after the battle with the 9th angel. She came out of her coma to learn that during her sleep a near third impact had hit, Shinji and Rei were just gone, unit-2 was destroyed by some random British girl, and that her body had suffered cataclysmic effects from the battle and because of it an angel was now living in her eye—it was a lot to handle for a then fourteen-year-old girl, even if that girl was world-renowned Asuka Langley Shikinami. She had wandered out to the edge of the ship, sighing and gazing out into the expanse of space above her. A wave of nostalgia hit her suddenly and the bright stars began to sting. She dipped her head, wincing as unfortunate memories flooded her vision.
"Princess… are those my pants?”
Asuka nearly fell backward in alarm as Mari’s distinct voice shattered the silence around her. She could just barely see her partner in the dark, though the moon’s reflection on her glasses properly exposed her hiding spot.
"Scheisse, don’t do that when I’m on the edge of the damn ship! Are you trying to kill me? And no, these aren’t-” she paused, looking down at the grey sweatpants she had carelessly thrown on earlier—the pants far too long for Asuka’s short legs with a few extra inches dragging on the ground. Her face flushed as she turned away, hiding her embarrassment from the cheeky pilot.
“Whatever,” she scoffed, “that doesn’t matter, what the hell are you doing out here? You think you can just waltz around however you’d like after wasting an entire day like that? Seriously, the nerve!” she ridiculed, crossing her arms with unnecessary drama.
“It’s my right, isn't it?” she hummed and took a sip from a can, “Anyhow, you're out here too, doesn't a princess need her beauty sleep?"
Asuka rolled her eyes at the cockiness before processing what exactly Mari was holding, her mouth falling agape as she recognized the golden can in her hands. “Oh you have got to be kidding me!” she shrieked, storming up and snatching it from Mari, confirming her suspicions with a closer look at the familiar design.
"Beer? So what, you’re some alcoholic now?” she spat, “Don’t you have any respect for your work?” She shoved the can of Yebisu back into Mari’s hands, spilling some on her fingers in the process.
“Sheesh, someone's sure rowdy today,” Mari commented as Asuka fumed, “but anyways, princess, no, I’ve never been intoxicated a day in my life,” she said with some pride, resting her weight on the railing. She held her hand out like a cat's paw before licking the spilled beverage off of herself, giggling all the while
"Tch," Asuka shook her head in disbelief, “like I’m supposed to believe that after catching you red-handed. Sure would explain why you’ve been such a pain in the ass lately, is that even legal?”. Mari pouted at Asuka’s harsh words before quickly smiling again and moving in closer to her colleague.
“It’s a birthday present~ From Captain Katsuragi herself!” she exclaimed, “She says it’s one of her favorites, though I can’t say I’m a fan just yet,” she said while looking at the can curiously, reading the ingredients. She took another sip as Asuka backed away from her. “Yeah right,” she replied.
Truthfully, it would be just like Misato to slip a teenager a beer—if they were still at Nerv. She had a harder time imagining the Misato she knew now doing anything of the sorts. “Both of you are breaking the law, you know that, don't you four-eyes?” Asuka added, her voice less aggressive now. Mari didn’t immediately respond, looking down at the distant Earth below them. “Do you think any laws matter now, Princess?”
Asuka was silent, but Mari continued. “Back home the legal age of drinking is eighteen,” she swished the can around, “and as of today, I now fit that criteria,” she explained while Asuka rolled her eyes again. “That’s not how it works dumbass, the law is based on whatever country you’re in, your nationality doesn’t matter here”.
“Someone’s done her research,” she said as she closed their distance again, leaving just a few inches between her and the ginger, “but still, can’t her highness make an exception for the birthday girl? Pwetty Pwease?” She grinned as her bangs brushed against Asuka’s. Asuka met Mari’s eyes again, through the glare of her glasses she sternly stared back into her pleading puppy-dog eyes.
She sighed, swiveling and looking away once more. “Birthdays are irrelevant in the world we now live in, especially ours,” she began, “You and I? We’re disposable. When you became a pilot you signed away anything celebratory about your life.” Asuka’s gaze never left the ground, and Mari stared at her for a long moment, quietly examining her features under the dim moonlight.
“Well, that’s a rather depressing way to live, no?” The brunette rested her head atop Asuka's, who was too tired to object to the touch. “I see it as another reason to celebrate days like this, there’s no certainty that we’ll live to see another, so why not cherish our hearts beating today?”
Asuka ignored Mari, standing in silence as her partner rested more of her weight against hers. She thought about Mari’s words. Part of her was yearning to tell Mari that she wanted that more than anything, but she knew better. She refused herself the pleasure of ever getting close to Mari, they were business partners and nothing more. She couldn’t risk changing that. She had defied her strict morals when she let Shinji in, she let herself love the stupid boy who made her lunches—only for him to leave her behind. She'd never admit it out loud, but Asuka never wanted to relive the pain of discovering the third was likely dead.
And then Mari was thrown into Asuka’s life like nothing had ever happened, she had no time to grieve or process all of the new and awful changes, and now she was just as replaceable as he.
“Four-eyes,” Asuka eventually said, “why do you pilot?”
She knew she was being reckless—but she could at least have this one night.
“It’s fun,” Mari said flatly, Asuka huffing in response. “Don’t lie. There’s gotta be more to it, why the hell would someone just throw away their life for fun?"
Mari tilted her head against Asuka’s. “There isn’t anything else to it, really” she replied, enforcing her previous reasoning. Asuka frowned, unhappy with the answer. Her dissatisfaction did not go unnoticed by Mari either.
The brunette pursed her lips. "My parents were scientists working for the Euro branch, they were in close contact with Gendo,” she started, catching Asuka’s full attention. The younger girl shifted to look Mari’s in the face, whose teal eyes were staring off into space. “Big nerds, really enthusiastic about their work n’ all that stuff,” she sipped her drink slowly, “The second impact occurred just a year after I was born and I was practically raised in labs, but I never minded. I completed my high school and college education by the time I was fourteen, I surely would have gone into university if I didn’t know the truth about the second impact’s cause and what was to come for humanity”. Asuka couldn't read Mari’s expression.
“I didn’t see a point in more school when the world was practically destined to end two years later, so I told my parents I wanted to pilot instead and they were onboard with it”.
"What?" Asuka interrupted, pulling Mari out of her train of thought. She turned to Asuka, a bit puzzled. “I told you they were crazy Nerv scientists, why's that so surprising?” she pondered, adjusting her glasses. Asuka scoffed in bewilderment.
“Your parents aren’t supposed to just send their child off to do one of— no, THE most dangerous job anyone could possibly do—that’s not normal!” Asuka exclaimed, her voice rising again. Frustration boiled in her stomach, accompanied by confusion and a hinge of jealousy. Mari stared at Asuka blankly before shrugging.
“That’s just how they were. It’s not that they didn't… love me or anything, they wouldn’t have forced me to follow in their footsteps if I wanted something else—but this is what I wanted”.
Asuka stared at Mari in pure disbelief before shaking her head. "Meine Gott, you’re even dumber than I thought”, she mumbled, burying her head in her hands. ”Ah,” Mari frowned dramatically, “why is that, Princess?”
For a moment Asuka had genuinely forgotten just who she was talking to, she should've expected Mari’s genuineness to be short-lived.
“You and I aren’t the same, we never will be,” Asuka said grimly.
“You had a chance to be normal, to grow up and live your life, but me? I was created to pilot. I never got the chance to be normal” she grimaced, tightening her grip on the railing, “you’re truly an idiot to have chosen this life out of free will”. Her bitter words made the air dense between them. Mari raised her brows before softly smiling and clinging to Asuka again.
“Well, I suppose the princess is never wrong,” Mari teased, “but in case you haven't noticed, I wouldn't say I fit the criteria of normal".
Asuka grumbled.
“I do enjoy piloting, and I’d much rather be up here than down in that mess our predecessors have left us to clean up,” she looked down at Earth again with a soft, mournful smile on her lips. “And besides,” she turned to Asuka and gently caressed her freckled cheek, “If I hadn't chosen this life I would’ve never met my princess~" she hummed with a cheeky smile.
Asuka’s cheeks flushed as Mari pulled her hand back to take another sip of Yebisu. Asuka watched her intricately before her stomach abruptly sank, realizing time was repeating itself right before her eyes—eye, to be precise—yet she was paralyzed as the strange girl inches in front of her completely pacified her. Mari noticed Asuka’s strange gaze and giggled.
“Say, Princess… back in Germany, the legal age of drinking is sixteen right?” Asuka nodded mechanically, still lost in thought.
Mari gleefully extended the can out to Asuka, catching her off guard as she playfully nudged it against her chest. "No," Asuka said bluntly, shoving Mari and the can away. Mari whined and further insisted on Asuka taking even just a tiny sip since she didn’t celebrate her actual birthday three months prior, and since it could be her only chance to do so for a while. After more begging and pleading, Asuka gave in for the pure sake of shutting up Mari (who was surely beyond tipsy by now, leaving Asuka to assume this is not her first can of the night) and took a sip of the beer.
It wasn’t as bitter as she had anticipated, but her face still scrunched as she swallowed the malty beverage. She didn’t understand how Misato could down hundreds of those in a single week, but it wasn’t awful. Mari smiled in satisfaction, taking the beer back from Asuka’s hands.
“You know Asuka,” Mari said again after some quiet, surprising her colleague with the use of her real name, “I do understand your frustration”.
“But if I didn’t decide to become a pilot my life wouldn’t be any better than it is now, I probably wouldn’t be alive at all”. She explained, twirling a pigtail around her finger. Asuka didn’t speak, but she had an idea as to what Mari was getting at.
Following the Near Third Impact, the Japanese Military disposed of anyone associated with Nerv. Important personnel were protected from the bloodshed while most lower level scientists and other workers were left to their own devices. Asuka wasn’t sure exactly how many innocent lives were lost, but Misato had made it clear that it was far too many. As the two remaining living pilots Asuka and Mari's protection was detrimental. If Mari hadn't become a pilot, she would’ve been targeted alongside-
“What happened to your parents?” Asuka questioned. Mari shrugged. “No idea, but I’m sure they’re dead by now”.
She didn’t seem somber whatsoever, that confused Asuka, but there was another emotion on Mari’s face that she couldn’t decipher.
“They probably died doing what they loved, and the same will happen to me”. Mari said.
Asuka stared inquisitively at the smiling pilot. She had learned so much about the mysterious girl in such a short amount of time, yet all the same she had acquired so many more questions about her. She hated that. She hated how she wanted to know Mari more and even befriend her. She knew that it would bite her in the ass one day but she couldn’t deny the way the fourth child made her feel, like a moth to a flame Mari’s alluring nature overruled Asuka’s sense of reason. She was planning on socking her right between her glasses just minutes prior, but a wave of tranquility had washed over her while talking to Mari. Of all people, she thought, almost laughing at herself in pity. She didn’t realize she was smiling.
“That’s a brass reaction to me telling you my parents are dead,” Mari teased before Asuka elbowed her in the side. Mari whined in response, dropping the empty beer onto the deck. Asuka stared at her as the aluminum can rolled away from their feet, eventually Mari caught on and stared back curiously. For a moment, Asuka felt like she was freshly fourteen once again, talking to Misato on the phone and realizing that maybe opening up to others wasn't so bad after all. Part of her was killed that day—both mentally and physically. The thought of doing it all again was scary, everything about Mari was scary, but perhaps she was right.
Asuka had spent the last two years avoiding her, Misato, and her old friends that had been asking about her whereabouts ever since they heard the news that she was still alive. Only God knows how many more years she’ll live, how many more birthdays she’ll sweep under the rug, and how many more days she’ll spend by Mari’s side. She looked deeper into Mari’s eyes and her gaze softened.
If she could risk her life every day, why shouldn’t she risk this?
Asuka’s face flushed realizing just how close Mari had gotten to her, being the first to break eye contact. “Happy Birthday… four-eyes,” she mumbled, refusing Mari viewing access to her rosy cheeks.
Mari squealed in delight and wrapped her arms around Asuka, holding her tightly. “Aww, thank you princess!” she said enthusiastically as Asuka froze in her embrace. She knew Mari was tall, but in such close contact the height she had on her was more than evident. While Mari’s face rested atop Asuka’s head, her own was planted directly in Mari’s breasts—her face just as pink as the rubber plugsuit of the unknowing pilot. Mari bent down to whisper in Asuka’s ear, “Thank you for making it special~”.
Asuka simply sighed into Mari’s embrace and returned the hug, not worrying about anything else but the warmth of another body against hers. A minute or so passed before Asuka peeled her partner off of her, who begrudgingly complied.
“I’m still mad at you for being a dick today, don’t think I’ll forget just because you got all sappy with me after a few drinks,” Asuka said sternly, her hands still resting on Mari’s arms. Mari hummed in understanding. Asuka bent down to pick up the empty can—and two others she hadn’t noticed earlier without stopping to question how many Misato had given her—before grabbing Mari’s wrist and dragging her back to the exit.
“We have another day of training tomorrow, you’re not allowed to slack off no matter how tired you are, got it?” she ordered, and Mari nodded with a dorky smile. Sometime as they walked back to their dorm through Wunder, Asuka’s grip on Mari’s wrist had drifted down to her fingers, intertwining them with her own.