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It's been so long since everything had started. I came out of the oven, I survived, I was so scared, but then, my family was there.
Well, at the time I didn't call them family, but we became family. More cookies got recruited, and the kingdom grew, I even found myself a mentor with the same fighting style.
He helped me get stronger. I battled, follow the hound, try to save everybody, we came across and it was fun.
I feel like I was defeating the fear of the unknown, but now, I fear the known. I feel like I'm stuck, like I'm always in battle, I should be used to this by now, but I'm so weak.
Every single little noise that used to make me freeze now reach for my weapon. I haven't been able to fall asleep because I feel like something is going to attack me at any second, and whatever I close my eyes I return to the battle.
This is usual for me. All those things made me feel like something has changed inside of me. Something deep, and I'm not the only one.
I already had good hearing and extravigilance. I hear everything. I can hear her pacing around, mumbling, trying to plan for the kingdom. I can hear her slamming drinks, thinking about how she's going to belong.
I can hear it. I'm quietly crying in bed, letting go of their bravery, and I can hear the mumbling and the pages turning into an easy way to escape.
Only one of us sleeps peacefully, and sometimes he still wakes up. Maybe these are just intuitions, but I've been with these cookies since I was basically born.
I know how they were like, and I could feel that they changed a bit.
I wish I was brave enough to talk about it, I wish I could help, not just escape, but we are stuck.
Something about my family's broken. Something about me is broken. Like there's a wound inside of us that is so deep, but we don't say anything.
Maybe, if I become more stronger, then, I can help with the wound, help with the pain.
So that morning, I woke up and went to the training area. He was there, the cookie who had the same fighting style as me, who helped me become stronger, purple yam cookie. He stopped when he noticed me and smiled, he only did that to me.
"I want you to help me become more strong."
"But, you're already really strong."
He had a puzzle expression. I was starting to regret it.
"But, I need to be more strong, for everybody's sake."
"Okay. I like your commitments, so, do you remember everything that I have taught you?"
"Of course! Focus your eyes on one thing so that you don't get dizzy, keep your weapon relatively straight, and swing with your whole body."
"Good, good. Now, show me an example."
I swing with all of my strength. After 2 years of practice, my form is almost perfect.
"Good, you don't seem to be needing my help, but we can practice together if you want."
"Of course."
After that day, I came to the practice area every single morning, and I practice with him. I started going out solo expeditions or with him.
I felt myself getting stronger, perfecting my form over and over again to protect everyone.
The promise that I made to myself, that I will protect my family even when I was scared and weak, and I can do this with him by my side.
Although I felt like something about him had changed slightly, but still, we started to become more close, and neither he or talk that much about it.
Our relationship was perfect. Just the way that it was, at least I thought.
We continued like that for some time, until the day that I found myself laying on the floor.
It was a vicious fight, too many cake hounds, she's getting stronger.
"Hey, hey! Are you okay?"
"Yeah.."
I tried to get up, but I was too tired.
"Stay here! I'm going to bring a healer.
"No. I don't need a healer."
I got up. I'm trying not to cry, trying to be strong.
"It's fine. This is nothing, I have dealt with worse. Let's continue.
I tried to get up, but he stopped me.
Even if it's not that serious, muscles need time to heal. Cocoa Cookie told me that, so we are going to relax here for a little bit.
His voice was robotic, like somebody else told them to say these things. He had genuinely changed, and then I felt tears come out of my face. This used to be normal for me, but there was no point in crying on the battlefield. Before I knew it, the words that I cannot control started coming out of my mouth.
"..But I need to train to become stronger.. so that I can protect them,so that I can save them, so I can help them!"
He sat down next to me, trying to have the softest voice possible. It was pretty hard for him.
"..What do you mean?"
"To me, something is wrong with everybody, and I can't protect them from it. I can hear it, I can see. They have changed, and if I'm stronger, then maybe I can do something. Maybe, I can help then."
"Oh, I get it. Look, I'm smart enough to know that I'm not smart enough to help you with all of this. But, Cocoa Cookie can help. She helped me a lot. I think you should go to Cocoa Cookie about your struggles. You can cry as much as you want, but I can't help you with those struggles."
He seemed to be guilty that he has changed, but I guess this is for the better.
"You did enough today."
That day, I continued sobbing next to him for who knows how long, and then I went home, and then I broke an appointment I might start booking for everyone.
"Did you know that muscles need time to heal? Cocoa Cookie told me."
"Yeah, but it's just that I need to defeat it."
I let myself fell on the ground. He was right I need to rest, I was exhausted, but..
"I just don't know what to do. If I don't defeat it, something is going to happen."
"What are you talking about? The fight with dark enchantress is far away at least. I think is she comin.."
"NO!"
I lashed out. I couldn't keep it inside anymore.
"Something is wrong with my family, and if I get stronger, then I can help them. I can defeat what is wrong."
"..Why do you think that?"
"..I don't know. It's just.. I thought it might work. If I got stronger, then I might be able to help them, but I don't know, I haven't even helped myself."
I felt tears coming. This wasn't unusual for me, but I feel like I lost. I couldn't get stronger, I couldn't be a better cookie, I can't help them, but I felt him touching my shoulder.
"Look, I kind of understand your struggles. I also felt like I needed to get stronger, to defeat a threat that was actually inside of me, but now, I'm kind of better. Sorry that I can't really help you, I'm not really good at it. But, I know a cookie that can help."
"..Who is it?"
"Cocoa Cookie. She's a therapist. She helps you with the emotional problems and helped me deal with my anger issues."
"Oh, I never thought about her. But, do you think that would be a good idea? I'm one of the founders, and we need to be like role models.."
"She would often says not to be afraid to seek mental health."
I thought about it, and after a short rest, I went home. After getting bandaged up, I went to her office. Maybe this is the bravest thing I've made.