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El is absentmindedly looking through the teen magazines sprawled on the bed. She’s glad Max brought them over, as she’s always wanted to read one. They make them look fun on TV. Max herself is jumping around the room, singing along to some pop song playing on the radio. She’s not great at it, but El thinks it honestly could be worse. She finally chooses to open one magazine, “SuperTeen”, and she finds herself looking at a boy that occupies two whole pages. She’s not very sure what to think of him when she hears Max talk.
“Oh, you found Ralph Macchio”, she says teasingly, kneeling beside the bed.
“Macchio?”, El asks.
It sounds funny, and she wonders if Max’s messing with her. There’s no way Macchio is a real last name.
“Yeah, he’s the Karate Kid. Hai-yah!”
Max makes a chopping motion in the air and laughs, so El does too. She doesn’t always get the jokes people make, but she likes when they laugh. She has quickly discovered she especially likes when Max laughs.
“He’s so hot, right?”
El's not sure how she is supposed to know if he’s hot or not. She examines the picture again, looking for the tell sign of the supposed “hotness”. Staring back at her is this Ralph Maccio, who, in El’s opinion, just looks like a regular dude.
“I bet he’s an amazing kisser, too.”
Max talks with certainty, and El frowns. How does she know how he kisses from just a picture?
“Hey, uh, ” Max gets on top of the bed, sitting in front of her. El looks at her expectantly, waiting for the question to arrive. “is Mike a good kisser?”
The question shocks El more than it should, and she turns red, embarrassed. She had never thought about it, but even if she had, how is she supposed to know? She has no idea how a good kiss is supposed to be.
“I don’t know,” she expresses as much, “he’s my first boyfriend.”
“Well, Lucas is my first boyfriend, but I know he’s an alright kisser.”
Again, Max sounds sure when she speaks, like she knows what she's talking about. It’s one of her favorite things about her, she’s always confident in what she says.
“How do you know if you haven’t kissed anyone else?”, El asks, now genuinely curious. Is there something she’s missing? There must be.
“Well, I just feel good when we kiss. It’s like, warm and fuzzy.”, Max explains. “But maybe that’s just ‘cause I like him”
Max shrugs, and El is left even more confused.
“Warm and fuzzy?”, she asks, waiting for more clarification. How can you feel “fuzzy”?
“You know, like butterflies in your stomach.”
Max is looking at her funny. She frowns.
“Kissing Mike doesn’t make you feel like that?”, she asks, concerned.
The question makes El’s stomach drop, and she tries to think about it. It’s true she wouldn’t say she especially liked kissing Mike, but it wasn’t awful. It was just something that she had to do, because that’s what girlfriends do. And maybe it was good, and she just didn’t know. Still, she can safely say that there are no "butterflies". That sounds terryfing.
“I don’t know. Maybe? If I had kissed someone else, then…” She’s not sure what to say, really.
Max looks a little conflicted, like she wants to say something but doesn’t know if she should. El hopes Max tells her what’s on her mind. She doesn't like it when people hide things from her.
“I mean, if you really think that kissing someone else will make it clearer for you, then maybe I can help?”
Max's cheeks are tinted red, and she looks as unsure as she did that same morning, when El went to talk to her.
“How?”, El asks, curious.
“Well, if you want, we could, uh, kiss. You and me.”
El’s heart skips a beat. Or several beats, actually. She can kiss Max? She had never thought that was an option.
“Is that allowed?”
Suddenly, she really needs to know if two girls can kiss. She has never seen it, but she guesses it’s not that weird. The mere thought of it is enough to jumpstart her heart again.
“Of course!”
Max raises her voice a little, high-pitched. She looks upset.
“Some people will tell you it’s not, but that’s because they’re idiots.”
“Mouthbreathers.”
Max chuckles at the insult. El is happy she made her laugh.
“Yeah, mouthbreathers.”
The new knowledge that girls can kiss girls is opening up a million possibilities in El’s brain. If girls can kiss girls, that must mean girls can like girls. That must mean girls can date girls. It must mean she can do the things she sees in her soap operas with a girl. She suddently feels lightheaded.
“So, um, do you wanna? It’s fine if you…”
“Yes!” El doesn’t give her time to finish the sentence. Her heart is beating at a thousand miles a minute. She has never felt like this before. Not with Mike. She wonders if that says something about her.
“...don’t. Ok. So, uh, how do you wanna do it?” Max asks nervously. El thought it was impossible for someone to be that red, but today Max is breaking all of her pre established notions of the world. In a good way, she thinks.
“I don’t know” That seems to be El’s phrase of the day, but it’s true. She really has no idea. Sometimes she feels she has no idea of anything. With Mike it's always weird, and she doesn't want kissing Max to be weird also.
“Well, I- just-”
Max takes a deep breath, and then her hands are holding El’s face. Like, actually holding it. They’re warm. One of Max’s thumbs slowly caresses her cheek, and El’s stomach does a cartwheel. She hasn’t really had enough time to process Max’s hands on her face when she feels lips pressed against hers.
The world stops.
They are soft. Very soft. Warmth explodes on her chest, and she closes her eyes, ready to press back against those lips. But then, they’re gone. She misses the warmth.
El opens her eyes, confused. That was it? She looks at Max, who is still red. Her blue eyes are wide open, and they’re looking right at her. A few beats pass.
“So? How was it?” Max asks. She sounds like she doesn’t really want to hear the answer.
“It was a little, um, short? So I’m not really sure.”
It was short. El barely had time to enjoy it before it was over.
“Do you wanna… try again?”
Her heart rate picks up again. She thought she would only have one chance, but it looks like she was wrong. She licks her lips.
“If you’re okay with it…”
She hopes Max is okay with it. She really, really hopes Max is okay with it.
“Sure!”
This time El is ready, so when Max pulls her close she knows what to do. Her eyes shut close before contact, and when it finally comes it’s all she can think about. The press of soft, soft lips against her own, and hands caressing her face, pushing her closer. She suddenly feels a little useless, with her arms hanging at her sides, so she brings them up, trying to find Max’s face. Instead, she finds the back of her neck, but it works all the same. Now she’s closer, she’s actually touching her, and that’s all she wants.
Yeah, it’s definitely better than kissing Mike.
They kiss for a few seconds, and then it’s over, again. They separate, and she looks at Max.
Max, with her red hair and her red cheeks and her blue eyes and her gentle hands.
Max, laughing at the mall and making silly poses and letting her try her ice-cream.
Max, who sings along to stupid pop songs and talks about Ralph Macchio and skates and is the best at Dig-Dug.
They are not kissing anymore, but she still feels warm and fuzzy.
“That’s long enough for you?” Max says.
She’s teasing, obviously, and the way she says it is so undoubtedly Max that it makes El smile. She suddenly wants to kiss her again.
So she does.
This time their lips clash with force, fueled by El’s realization of how much she wants this. She wants to kiss Max again, and again, and again until she’s breathless and can’t anymore. She wants to make her cheeks red. She wants to hold her hands. She wants to be with her every day, at the mall, at the junkyard, at the arcade, at the cabin. She wants everything.
Max is kissing her back with equal force, moving her lips against El’s in a way that makes her stomach do all sorts of weird things. El pulls back to catch her breath and Max chases her, capturing her lips again, but El can't find herself to mind. She moves her lips in turn, and she actually has no idea of what she’s doing, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care, because she feels it. She feels warm, and fuzzy, and there’s butterflies in her stomach, but it's not terryfing at all. It's good.
It’s good, and that’s all that matters.
Some time passes and they have to separate for real, or else El thinks she will actually pass out. They both take a quick breath and connect again, and El feels like her head is spinning, but in a good way. She digs her fingers into Max's hair, twirling it around her fingers. Max smiles against her lips and pulls away, breaking the kiss. El opens her eyes to stare at her and smiles in turn.
"What?", she says. She can hear the smile on her voice.
Max laughs, grinning wider.
"It's just- only a day ago I was convinced you hated my guts. And now I've just kissed you for, like, a whole song. It's a little bit funny."
Now that she's listening she realizes Max is right: the song that's playing is not the one Max was singing before. She's amazed she didn't notice before, but then again she was kissing Max, so she can't really blame herself.
She's also just been reminded of how mean she has been to Max since they met. Suddenly she feels awful.
"I'm sorry. I treated you like garbage for no reason."
She looks away, grimacing. She really is sorry.
"Hey, don't worry, I get it. You went through a lot of shit and then I was suddenly there. You probably thought they replaced you or something. As if."
Max smiles at her reassuringly and moves so they're sitting side by side. She falls back onto the mattress, head on the pillow, and starts humming along to the song. She gestures for El to join her, and she lays back with her, shoulder to shoulder. She’s glad she doesn’t have to explain. Max seems to understand her in a way no one else has before.
The sound of Madonna fills the room while El stares at the ceiling, unsure on what to say next. In the end she decides it doesn't really matter, so she speaks.
"Mike is not a good kisser."
She feels movement beside her, so she turns her head. What she finds is Max staring at her with a baffled expression. Then, she cackles with satisfaction. There is a look in her eyes El can’t quite place, but it makes her stomach swoop.
“He isn’t?” Max asks with a smirk.
“He is not. You’re much better.”
A small smile is painted on her face. It’s true, kissing Max felt like everything, while kissing Mike felt like… well, lips.
Max crosses the space that separates them and gives her a peck.
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
A grin is forming on El’s face, but Max’s not done yet.
“But maybe it’s just ‘cause I like you.”
El’s heart decides that now’s a great time to stop working properly. It stops, and then it picks up again, much faster than before. It pumps warmth into her body, reaching her fingertips. Max likes her. Max likes her. Max likes her. Does she like Max? Memories of the day flood her mind, and she realizes that yes, she does like Max. Of course she likes Max.
Today’s certainly a day of revelations.
“I like you too”
The words sound weird coming out of her mouth, shaky, but she’s sure of them. Hanging out with Max is the best thing that she’s ever done for herself. She 's happy. Actually, truly happy, and it’s all thanks to her. She really wants to tell her that, but she doesn’t want to make things weird, so she doesn’t say anything.
“Oh. That’s- that’s great!”
Max’s face is that red color El has decided she loves, and she looks a little bit awkward, like she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do next.
Luckily, El does know what she’s supposed to do next. She takes a deep breath and prepares to ask what all those boys in the movies do.
“Do you want to go out with me?”
It’s said in a whisper, but she knows Max hears it. Her eyes widen slightly, and the smile comes back to her lips.
“Yeah, of course.”
The words are hushed back, and they make El’s heart speed up for the hundredth time that day.
“But…”
Max bites her lip, worried. Dread settles on El’s chest, and she’s not sure she wants to ask.
“What?”
Max shakes her head.
“Nevermind. I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
El doesn’t feel very reassured, but she nods.
“Now, do you want to read some magazines? You were checking them out before and I totally cut you off.”
Reading magazines is not the number one thing she would like to do right now, but she humors her. Max sits up and smiles wide again, all worry apparently gone. El follows and picks “SuperTeen” back up, as she didn’t really get to see anything.
“Ooh, I see you want to visit Ralph Macchio again?”
Max has gone back to teasing, but El frowns.
“Not really. I’m not sure what you see in him”
“Phoebe Bridgers, then?”
Max sends her a knowing smile.
El doesn’t really know who Phoebe Bridgers is, but something tells her she’s gonna like her.