Work Text:
The soft whirring of the sewing machine accompanied them in their late-night work.
In the lonely little workroom, Akiyama Mizuki’s eyes traced the fabric wedged under the needle of their sewing machine. Every time they push in a stitch, they remember the events that led them to where they were. That meant remembering the painful past that they would rather forget.
Niigo….
They were once a video editor for a music circle in their high school years, with the goal of saving people with their songs, yet it was a tale from five years ago. Mizuki loved that music circle with all their heart, finding comfort in them as they finally found a place where they could be true to themselves, not just in the confines of their bedroom, but outside, as well.
Mizuki found themself altering dresses more often as they got to know their music circle members on a personal level, particularly because of their partner in MV making, the illustrator Shinonome Ena, who shared the same interest in fashion as they did. In turn, it led them to finding a small goal to achieve–becoming good enough to create dresses from scratch.
They were fun times, and while painful, they found that sharing that pain was how they bonded with Niigo, even if they all had their demons to fight.
But it was because of that very illustrator that Mizuki ran away.
Leaving Niigo behind.
Leaving Shibuya behind.
Running away to a completely different prefecture to live on their own.
Now Mizuki was all alone in their workroom, five years later, creating dresses for clients, as well as for social media. Once again keeping people at arm’s length. They work alone, and clients are just clients.
Mizuki chuckled bitterly, shaking away the thoughts that circled their mind. With a soft sigh, they took the formed dress out of the machine and placed it back on their worktable. They gathered up the embellishments they specifically picked for their project and started to hand-sew them onto the dress.
But as they looked at their sketch, they couldn’t help but notice one thing.
“Ena’s measurements….”
They laughed pitifully again, taking a pause from sewing. After placing the needle down once again, they picked up their sketch and observed every note they jotted down. Not only was the dress measured to Ena’s exact numbers, having fixed up enough articles of clothing for their old acquaintance, yet they also had notes directed to Ena.
Mizuki might have run away, yet they could not keep Niigo or Ena out of their mind.
The dress before them was only something they started making without any particular inspiration. It was simply a way to pass time during a sleepless night while waiting for a response from a client. Yet even before they could even pick up the pencil that evening, before they could even look at the swatches of fabric they collected, Mizuki’s mind subconsciously wandered to the music circle they ran away from.
Did they really value Niigo so much that five years later, they would still be thinking of them?
Mizuki sat back, throwing the paper onto the table without a care before picking the needle up and continuing once more. It wasn’t as if Ena would wear this dress, they thought, but it would be a waste if they just threw away an incomplete, yet perfectly fine project.
But their mind wandered again the more embellishments they sewed on. Going back to Niigo, and the happy days they lived with them.
As well as the most terrifying day they’ve experienced.
The evening they told Niigo their secret.
“Everyone…. Thank you for gathering here on short notice….”
Mizuki was in Sekai that evening, unable to hold their gaze up for so long. Their circle members gathered around them after they had called them for an impromptu, yet serious meeting.
“It’s okay, Mizuki. Though it’s a surprise that you’d call us to Sekai,” admitted Kanade, and ever so gently she flashed the cinematographer a reassuring smile. “So, what was it you wanted to tell us?”
Mizuki still could not look up, instead only focusing on their trembling hands which gripped their dress tightly. They kept telling themself that everything was going to be fine.
It’s okay. Kanade, Mafuyu, and Ena are kind…. They wouldn’t push me away for this kind of thing…. It’s okay….
They gulped.
“Y-you see…” Mizuki started. There was no going back anymore. They had to continue, as everyone looked at them with expectancy and patience.
They had to say it.
“I’m…————. I-I’m sorry for keeping it from you guys….”
The air felt stagnant. Mizuki managed to squeak out the secret they’ve been keeping from Niigo. They wanted to cry then and there, yet as they looked up, Kanade’s smile remained, and Mafuyu’s indifferent expression remained.
“Ah, is that so?” Kanade said without hesitation, but the way she said her answer felt so different from the other times Mizuki has encountered it. She approached the trembling Mizuki, placing a gentle hand on their shoulder. “Thank you for telling us. It…must’ve been tough. Truthfully, I am shocked, but for Mizuki’s sake, I want to understand.”
Mafuyu followed after. While she kept her distance, she hummed a little. “...Mizuki is Mizuki….” She added. “It’s…strange…but I don’t think it’s inherently bad. It just means…you’re able to live the way you want to."
They felt the weight on their shoulders lift ever so slightly.
Kanade and Mafuyu accepted them. They understood, or at least wanted to. It was more than they could ever imagine.
But their eyes landed on Ena, who only stayed silent.
Why isn’t Ena saying anything…?
“E-Ena…” Mizuki called out, hesitant to approach the illustrator. “I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you….”
Ena backed up, stopping Mizuki in their tracks. Her chocolate brown eyes merely stared at the cinematographer. She did not look quite disgusted, but instead a look of confusion painted her face, one of which they’ve also seen with people trying to be respectful of their revelation.
Seeing Ena with such an expression hurt them more than any looks of disdain they’ve ever gotten in the past.
But Mizuki foolishly held on, thinking that Ena was just taken aback like Kanade and Mafuyu were. After all, Ena was more expressive than the music pair.
“...is..that true…?” Ena whispered, ultimately shattering whatever hope Mizuki had left.
Ena, the one person who promised to wait for them…
…didn’t accept them.
Mizuki could only laugh. “...yeah. It’s true….” They replied.
Ena looked away, shame painted on her face.
I messed it up….
“Well…! That’s all there is to it…!” Mizuki suddenly exclaimed, trying to keep their smile intact despite it desperately wanting to crack. Kanade and Mafuyu thought nothing of it, though they also did not take notice of the way Ena had turned back from the group. “We can go back to work now!”
“Ah, you’re right. Let’s go start the meeting,” Kanade said, dismissing the group as they all returned to their homes.
But throughout the meeting, Mizuki noticed that Ena said nothing else.
A week passed, and even both Kanade and Mafuyu noticed the rift between Ena and Mizuki.
The two of them would remain quiet during Nightcord calls, only responding when Kanade needed them for something. Other than small conversations about the music video, the chatter between the two significantly died down, until one day, Mizuki stopped talking completely, even falling into a deeper silence than Mafuyu.
Kanade had tried to contact them about it multiple times, only for Mizuki to dismiss the composer’s worries. In a way, they felt bad for Kanade, who wasn’t used to the absence of the usual atmosphere in the Nightcord meetings.
A week passed since Ena looked at them with such disdain.
Mizuki kept thinking about her reaction. They thought that if anyone would accept them, it would be her, who earnestly thought about their feelings and conveyed it through the promise of waiting.
So what went wrong?
Was it Ena considering the possibility of getting involved in Mizuki’s mess? Was it the fact that Ena was now aware of how disgusting they actually were? Was it…just their whole existence?
Surely that must be it.
Then…would it be better if they just left?
It was the only option Mizuki had at this point. But they needed a second voice to assure them that it was the right choice. Kanade and Mafuyu were out of the question, and troubling anyone outside of Niigo would only end in a chaotic mess.
So they visited Sekai one morning, where they knew no one would come as Mafuyu’s at school and both Ena and Kanade were sleeping. Mizuki sought out one person, who–much to their luck–showed up without much trouble.
“There you are, Meiko,” they greeted the brown-haired Virtual Singer, though without the usual smile they’d give her. Meiko turned to them, aloof as ever, yet she took note of the ametrine coloured eyes looking back at her.
“Mizuki, what happened?” She asked, but Mizuki only laughed.
“You already know.”
Meiko couldn’t say anything else, only sighing.
“It’s okay, right?” Mizuki began, their lips curling into a broken smile, shaking Meiko to the core. “It’s okay for me to leave, right? To run away from Niigo. It’s the only thing I’m ever known for doing, after all.”
The Virtual Singer turned away, shaking her head. “If you want to leave, then leave. It’s up to you, and I’m powerless in stopping you,” she replied. It was more than enough for Mizuki to come to terms with their decision. “Though…. I don’t know how those kids would take it.”
“They won’t miss me much, I bet,” Mizuki sharply replied. “Anyway. Thanks for the insight. I guess this is goodbye, then.”
Meiko said nothing more.
Mizuki gave her a wave and immediately left Sekai. With their newfound resolve, they began to prepare.
They hopped into Nightcord, noticing that no one was available. Giving them the perfect opportunity to say their final goodbyes and not get questioned about it right away. Mizuki attached the incomplete files for their upcoming MV, and stared at the chat box for a few moments.
Was it truly the right decision? Sure, it was impulsive, but Meiko gave them the okay. Mizuki knew that things could still be fixed, but how could it be, when Ena showed through her actions that they would only be troubling her?
Before they knew it, words were reflected on the chat box. An apology and an explanation of why they needed to leave. But their sentences were too long, and they knew the others wouldn’t have the patience for this.
Mizuki had a lot to say, yet they decided against it, cutting their last words to a mere short paragraph.
Amia - 9:43 am
「I’m sorry for the sudden announcement, but I’m going to be leaving Niigo as of today. It’s been fun making MVs with you all. I’m sending over all the data for the upcoming MV. Sorry I couldn’t complete it.」
Mizuki felt content with it, and as they pressed Send, they knew there was no going back.
After a few clicks, they left the server. There really was no turning back anymore. But as they moved to delete their account, they hesitated once more.
Is it really necessary to do this…?
Nightcord was a place of escape for them when things went south. It was their second home, where they could forget all the bad things as they crafted MVs in hopes of reaching others. They had too many memories not just in the Niigo server, but also in the direct messages.
The invites from Ena to go out on a shopping spree or to catch a limited edition food item, their daily check ups on Kanade to make sure she was taking care of herself, and their short messages to Mafuyu to try and get help from their school assignments.
Mizuki hated to admit it, but there were a lot of memories within the Nightcord account.
Their cursor hovered over the Delete Account button, yet their finger remained frozen.
Huh…? Why can’t I click it…?
Their hand trembled, but seeing as they weren’t getting anywhere with it, they simply exited the page. Deleted the Nightcord application from both their computer and their phone. Mizuki cleared any data and applications pertaining to Niigo, and eventually, even removed any way they could be contacted outside of Nightcord.
But as they came face to face with Untitled, their devices seemed to refuse to delete it. “Ah, that’s right. Mafuyu….” They only mumbled, wryly chuckling. Mizuki turned their computer and phone off.
The rest of their morning was unusually silent, yet comforting.
Cold, but befitting for them.
Mizuki couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that they were only going to worry both An and Rui if they attend school after leaving Nightcord.
They knew that they looked terrible, having undergone a transformation after they sent their unexplained goodbye to the music circle. Perhaps they lost control, gradually stripping themself away of the identity they desperately clung onto for the last two years.
Cutting their hair short, replacing all of their dresses with neutral clothing that lacked their trademark cuteness, getting rid of all of their accessories in favour of one black cap.
What faced back in the mirror was no longer the Akiyama Mizuki that everyone knew.
Their parents, while worried, seemed to understand the situation, and agreed to their abrupt request of transferring schools after two weeks of isolating themself. It worked out, as they also cut everyone from Kamiyama High out of their life. An, Rui, Toya, Akito…
Maybe they felt bad for suddenly ghosting their acquaintances, but Mizuki had to do it to protect what little they have in their broken heart.
Mizuki attended a school that was a farther trip from their house, but starting school with a brand new identity, in a place where no one knew them, was simply refreshing. With this, they could forget their time with Niigo and focus on trying to find a way to pass time as they grew older.
That meant finding a dream to strive for.
But the only thing they were good for is making clothing, and so they haphazardly chose that as their career path the moment they were to submit their future plans to their homeroom teacher.
Mizuki lived the rest of their high school life with people they only considered to be no more than acquaintances, before moving out of Tokyo completely to leave the rest of their old life behind.
Ultimately killing off “Amia” of Nightcord at 25:00.
Killing off Akiyama Mizuki.
Now they were in Saitama, all on their lonesome.
Sitting in their tiny workspace, answering to clients and making dresses for them. It wasn’t what Mizuki pictured themself doing as an adult, though Mizuki never really tried to form an image of their future to begin with.
But it was more than enough to give Mizuki a sense of purpose. Making outfits that pays the bills, while they lived their life in solitude. They got used to it fairly quickly…
…yet there was no denying that by each passing day, they only realized that they couldn’t completely forget Niigo.
Nor Ena.
Mizuki’s mind would wander to the group far too often, sometimes wondering what they could be doing as adults. Though perhaps it was also the influence of Untitled still existing in their phone, even after getting it replaced within the five years they’ve left. Surely enough, Meiko took this to her advantage while Mizuki still had it, visiting the tailor whenever they were engrossed in their work just to keep them company and act as their second pair of eyes if they misplaced or dropped something.
Before they knew it, the dress before them came to life. Yet as they held it up for further observation, they could only fall into such a daze staring at it, unable to take notice of the holograph popping up from their laptop screen.
“...that dress looks…familiar…nostalgic,” Meiko mumbled, though her words fell into deaf ears as Mizuki stood up and hung it on a free mannequin, carefully laying the ends of the dress out to let it fall into a natural wave. Meiko, however, was used to being ignored by Mizuki, no matter how much she tried to strike a conversation with the tailor.
But Mizuki remained in a particularly heavy daze, even as they took their phone and snapped a few photographs of it.
They had no particular use for the dress other than to promote their business, and as they gave the lighting a few edits to accentuate the details of the outfit, they opened up their PicShare page.
Mizuki stared at their screen for a while, thinking of a caption to no avail.
They typed a single sentence. One that was too on the nose, yet vague enough for an anonymous dressmaker such as themself.
“A dress based on an old acquaintance of mine.”
They sighed, and without much thought, posted the pictures after adding the measurements just as they always would as well as the appropriate hashtags just to get traction. Mizuki immediately closed their phone after putting their phone back on the table before pushing the mannequin to the corner of their room, away from the other displays they had.
The dress had no model to wear it, after all.
Mizuki listlessly made it back to their worktable, only placing their head down in an exhausted stupor, feeling the tiredness of the day seep into their body. They barely even registered Meiko disappearing from their monitor, who never got a chance to spark another conversation with the tailor. Their mind, however, tirelessly ran in circles. The dress, it’s supposed model, and Niigo in general.
They once again started to ask themself why they created such a dress, when Ena, of all people, was the one who thought of them as disgusting for not being the person she thought they were.
“Would…she even wear this dress…? If things went well…?”
As they kept thinking about Ena, replaying the reaction she gave to them on that horrible day, Mizuki bitterly chuckled to themself. Their heart began to fill with malice the more they thought about what Ena had done to them.
Akiyama Mizuki was not the type to hate people for hurting them, but they sure were someone who held a grudge for a long time…
..and unfortunately, Mizuki was also someone who could not let things go so easily, no matter how hard they tried.
The evidence of that was the very dress they had just created.
Combining the two things made for a rather terrible mindset for someone so lonely as them. One that ate away at the very little protection they have left on their broken heart. It had been a rather amusing thought to Mizuki, having to realize that they could be such a bitter person all because of someone they thought they could trust.
Mizuki didn’t hate Ena, but they weren’t sure if they could ever forgive her.
Not now, not ever.
Even if they knew it wasn’t her fault.
But Mizuki was also prepared to never see the illustrator for the rest of her life. It wasn’t as if Ena would be looking for them, after all.
“Haha…. I’m…such a coward,” they whispered, attempting to curl their lips into a smile yet only failing to even muster up the strength for it.
Come to think of it, when was the last time Mizuki smiled?
They couldn’t even remember how to do it.
Mizuki eventually got up from their dazed state, staring at the digital clock tucked at the corner of their worktable. Upon realizing that they’ve zoned off for an entire hour, Mizuki sneered, but even more so at the time displayed on their clock.
1:00 am.
A time that Mizuki was all too familiar with, yet held no meaning anymore.
Oh, right. My client….
They fished for their phone, eventually grabbing it from a distance before tapping it open. However, what they got wasn’t a notification from their client displayed on the screen, but instead several messages from a different user in PicShare.
A user Mizuki never would’ve thought they’d come across anymore.
With a seed of doubt in their mind, they hesitated to open the notification, sending them straight into the DMs with a user named “Enanan”.
Mizuki widened their eyes, dropping the phone back onto their table as a single tear rolled down their cheek.
Enanan - 1:00 am
「Mizuki, this is you, right?」
「I’m sorry.」
「Please…come back.」