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Shadow would never admit it, at least not out loud, but there’s a lot that he notices about sonic.
In theory, it’s nothing special. Everyone notices him, he’s sonic the hedgehog after all. Hero of Mobius, a nationwide charmer . It’s hard to keep your eyes off of a blue hedgehog who runs faster than anything and saves villages in his path, all the while keeping his signature smirk plastered on his face.
So it’s not like Shadow thinks it’s weird when his eyes start following Sonic more, or when his brain becomes filled with thoughts of the other. How he does it all, how he goes through so much and still keeps a smile on his face. Shadow finds himself most intrigued by that, why does Sonic bother? Shadow hardly ever feels the desire to smile at anything , let alone throughout exhausting fights, plus dealing with the long after parties thrown in his honour after each thwarted Eggman attack.
But Sonic keeps grinning, keeps cracking jokes and checking up on everyone else.
It’s another one of those annoying after parties, and usually Shadow wouldn’t even make an appearance, but there was something he had noticed during the fight hours earlier, and he just wanted to observe. See if his assumption is correct.
Sonic is in the middle of the room, the life of the party. People crowd around him, hanging off his every word, eyes dripping glitter as they stare at the saviour of their town. Sonic tells stories, makes jokes, smiles brightly as ever.
Shadow’s in the corner, sipping some disgusting drink that Rouge had shoved into his hand, “let loose a little, ok hun?” she’d smirked as she passed it to him. Shadow thought it was stupid, his tolerance was insanely high and some sugary drink wouldn’t do anything. But it was nice to have something to do with his hands. He takes another sip and grimaces, watching as Sonic excuses himself to use the bathroom. His smile drops as he takes a step, it’s so small it’s practically unnoticeable. Shadow notices, and subsequently sets his drink down on a side table and slips up the stairs after Sonic.
He sees sonic step into the bathroom and opens the door after him. It’s risky, Sonic might actually be taking a piss or something, but Shadows instincts tell him that’s not true.
Sonic has his head resting on his knees, squatting on the floor, when Shadow walks in. He hears the surprised nose that Sonic lets out, as he jumps up and plasters that stupid smile on his face again.
“Shads! Hey man uh—just drank a bit too much, um…there’s another bathroom downstairs—“
Shadow stares at Sonic, “You’ve been drinking cola all night, that’s not what’s wrong.”
Sonic’s ears fall back, fur nervously bristling at being caught, “how do you know—?”
“I’ve been watching you the whole time,” Shadow responds casually. It takes Sonic’s eyebrows furrowing for him to realise how weird that might sound. He pushes through despite that, “I know you hurt yourself, I noticed during the fight. I was just…watching to make sure I was right.”
He watches as Sonic’s ears go back to normal, and his usual, annoying smirk finding its spot back on his face. “You worried about me, Shad?”
Shadow huffs, “never mind,” he goes to leave, but Sonic grabs his arm with a laugh.
“I’m sorry” he laughs into his hand, pulling Shadow back in. “Thanks for noticing, man.” He rubs at his left lower leg, “I messed it up bad the other day during a fight, it’s been kinda hard to let it heal with how much Eggman’s been doing lately.” He sighs, rubbing at his quills.
Shadow’s eyes widen a tiny bit, “It’s been that long?” He unconsciously clenches his fists, “have you told the fox? or maybe even Amy rose?”
Sonic shakes his head with a small smile, “don’t wanna worry them!” he grins, “plus i’ll be fine, i always walk this stuff off. Or, well—run it off.”
“You can’t run off a leg injury, hedgehog!” Shadow growls, feeling uncharacteristically worried about the thought of Sonic pushing himself so hard. Since when did he care whether Sonic got hurt or not? Or maybe he’s just angry at Sonic’s stupidity. Yah, that makes sense.
“Sit down,” Shadow says, motioning to the closed toilet.
Sonic’s expression loses a bit of its humour, “okay don’t tell me what to do—“
“Sit. Down.” Shadow says, pushing sonic to sit. He doesn’t bother looking at the other, he can hear him huffing indignantly and just ignores it. Instead, he kneels on the ground, and holds Sonic's leg to inspect it.
He can tell that whatever Sonic did to his leg, it isn’t good, what with the way he hissed the second Shadow’s gloved hands make contact with it. He slowly feels around, paying attention to which areas make Sonic flinch for a better idea of where the pain is. He’s no doctor, though at this moment he wishes he was, but what he can tell—is that Sonic has been in extreme pain for days. For days he’s struggled through this without relying on anyone, while putting on a brave face, while working hard for others. It makes his chest ache in a way he can’t explain.
“You,” Shadow starts, seriously, “are going to take a break.” Sonic groans, a hand rubbing at his face, “you know I can’t do that dude, people need me.”
“Exactly!” Shadow says louder than any of his previous words, “they need you! So don’t permanently ruin your body by putting so much stress on it, you fool!”
Sonic’s eyes widen a bit, and his leg that’s still held by Shadows hands starts to barely shake. It causes an odd feeling to spill through Shadows body. It’s strange and warm and makes Shadow a little nauseous as he realises how much he wants to fix it all for Sonic. How much he wants to absorb his pain, calm his nerves, make him feel as effortlessly fine as he appears to others. He realises with a clutch in his stomach, that if he could, he would trade bodies with Sonic, go downstairs and be Sonic for the world—while the hero slept soundly without a care.
Shadow hates being the centre of attention, he hates people pleasing and people. But his stomach continues to turn as he realises that if he could, he’d do that for Sonic right this moment.
Sonic looks down at him nervously, “are you okay, man? You look kinda sick.”
Sonic’s question is answered quickly, as Shadow promptly throws up in the bathtub.
“Shit!” Sonic yelps, hands covering his mouth as Shadow empties his stomach contents over the edge of some poor person's dirty tub. “Are you—okay?” Sonic asks anxiously, “I didn’t even realise you could throw up! Like I don’t know, kinda assumed the ultimate life form would be exempt from that kinda stuff.”
Shadow groans, “yes, insult me hedgehog. I can’t get much lower than this.” he rolls his eyes, hanging his head. What an embarrassment he was.
“No that’s not—“ Sonic starts, standing up, and Shadow hears him pace a little, like he’s not sure what to do. “One sec!” he squeaks, as Shadow listens to footsteps go down the stairs. He puts his head in his hands. Had he really thrown up over just thinking about Sonic? But he knew. There was a sickness that reared it’s head whenever his thoughts trailed too much. He was…scared to care about his rival so much. He hated the part of himself that worried about Sonic, that cared for him, that—ached in his presence.
It’s a minute later when Sonic bursts through the door, so much for resting his leg Shadow thinks. But then Sonic’s leaning beside him, and he’s placing a can into Shadow’s hand.
“Gingerale,” he says softly, “you should probably just rinse and spit with the first sip though, you know, get the puke out.”
Shadow rolls his eyes at the charming language, before swishing and spitting.
Sonic’s hand rests on his back, and he bristles.
“Sorry!” Sonic says immediately, retracting his hand, “just…worried.”
Shadow closes his eyes and takes a breath, “it’s okay,” he mumbles, “just wasn’t expecting it.”
So Sonic’s hand finds its way back to Shadow’s back, rubbing gentle circles as the agent comes down from the experience.
His breathing is finally returning to normal, stomach settling, when Sonic’s hand starts to travel up.
First it stops at his upper back, fingers splaying to reach more ground, but then it goes up more, and Shadow holds his breath. Slowly, Shadow feels fingers slide behind his ear, touching gently. His stomach turns again, but it feels different.
He wills himself to turn his head, looking at Sonic with heavy lids. His eyes meet green, a curious gentle expression on Sonic’s face. He can barely feel Sonic’s warm, nervous breath.
“I was supposed to be checking on you,” Shadow says, purposefully ruining the moment. But he wasn’t sure how much longer he could manage. The silence, Sonic’s surprisingly gentle touch. Sonic.
He stands up, successfully getting Sonic to remove his hand. The loss of warmth makes his quills bristle, but it’s better than the turning in his stomach.
Sonic’s looking at him with the expression of a lost puppy, and Shadow allows himself a split second to think through his next decision. It’s not really long enough to weigh the negatives, but he can’t help it. Feeling his body take control of itself, grabbing Sonic by the wrist and pulling him close.
Sonic’s eyes widen, and he’s about to open his mouth to question what Shadow’s doing, but then Shadow uses chaos control to blip them to Sonic’s house.
Sonic looks around a little dazed, before gaping, “is this…my house? ”
“Obviously,” Shadow says, rolling his eyes, and drags Sonic over to the couch before pushing him down.
Sonic squeaks at the motion, and something in Shadow’s heart jumps. “Yah but,” Sonic sputters, “why are we here?”
He looks nervous and flushed, and Shadow wonders over it for a moment before he realises the undertones of what he’s just done, he robotically walks towards the door.
“You’re going to rest. ” He says matter-of-factly, glaring at the blue hedgehog. Sonic breathes a sigh of relief, before he comes back to his senses. “Wait,” he starts, “you expect me to just—lay around by myself while my leg heals!?”
Shadow scoffs, “it would do you good to learn some patience.”
“Dude, I can barely watch a movie without, like, playing a game on my phone at the same time. And I need someone talking beside me at the same time too or i’ll like, fuckin implode.” he rants, waving his hands around with an exasperated tone. God, Shadow finds him incredibly irritating. But, there is a tiny tiny part of him that cares. The part that can picture Sonic on the couch, anxious and itching for something to do. Biting his lip and desperately waiting for someone to show up and put him out of his misery. Luckily for Sonic, that tiny part of Shadow manages to win.
“I guess…” he starts, looking anywhere but at Sonic, “I can stay until the fox returns.”
“You could also just take me back to the party,” Sonic grins, smiling wider when Shadow glares. “Hey, it was worth a try,” he laughs.
Shadow isn’t fast enough to shut down the part of his brain that thinks it’s almost… precious, that Sonic could easily ditch Shadow and head back to the party, but here he is, letting himself be taken care of. It makes Shadow feel uncharacteristically soft as he sits on the couch. Sonic never listens to him, it’s a good feeling….being trusted.
“You’re pretty cute, huh.” Sonic smirks, leaning in to press his finger into Shadow’s cheek, who snarls as his face warms up. Sonic laughs, “quit pretending to be tough, now I know how much you care about me.”
Shadow feels everything go cold for a moment. It’s terrifying and it’s…. true . He does care about Sonic, more than he’s ever wanted to admit. He cares about him in a terrifying way that he can’t understand. The way he feels pulled towards the other, aching to run his hands along Sonic’s face, down his shoulders, until they fall to his hands, entangling their fingers together. He aches for the others hands to find their way back to his head, rubbing the space behind his ears like they had less than an hour ago.
Somewhere along the line Sonic had become an unwanted interest of his. The more he fought the other, the more he wondered how it would be to touch him under different circumstances. To patch up his wounds after battle. Run his fingers down his back and feel him shiver, not from fear, but…something else.
Sonic was still grinning, but it looked forced. An obvious byproduct of Shadow’s awkward existence in the room. It made Shadow angry, to be on the other side of Sonic’s pretending.
“You don’t have to smile,” he says unceremoniously, and watches as Sonic’s smile falters.
“You got a problem with my smile?” Sonic responds, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms.
“Yes.” Shadow says seriously.
Sonic gapes, before furrowing his brows, “Okay well, thanks for your help today. But you can go now so you don’t have to be bothered by my dumb smile, or whatever.”
Shadow realises he’s said things wrong again, and sighs with his head in his hands. “No, I'm saying that…you don’t have to smile for me. You’re in pain, I just stole you from a party, and now you’re stuck on a couch with me . I know this isn’t your ideal night.”
Sonic opens his mouth but Shadow doesn’t give him a chance to speak, “you’ve been in pain for days but you’ve kept that smile stuck on your face because you can’t stand making people uncomfortable or something. But I don’t care. You don’t have to smile, we can just sit here. You don’t have to perform your hero routine right now.”
Sonic stares at him, his expression unreadable. Shadow expects to hear some tangent, but oddly enough, Sonic doesn’t say anything.
It’s not until 5 minutes later that Sonic speaks. His voice barely a whisper, “I like doing that,” he says.
“What?” Shadow asks, looking away from whatever show Sonic had put on.
“I like making people comfortable,” he says, louder this time, “I’m not forcing myself, I just like making people feel better, and I hate feeling bad. If I can convince other people that everything’s great, I can convince myself. I don’t….I don’t wanna get dragged down by stuff. I’m Sonic, I’ve built my whole like— self image on feeling good, I don’t know who I am when I’m not.”
Shadow isn’t sure what to say, he didn’t really expect Sonic to even talk to him about this stuff. He’s quiet while he thinks about it, noticing the way Sonic nervously fiddles with his fingers.
“Okay,” he says, finally, his eyes meeting Sonic’s. “But, if you want a break, you can take one. I don’t care if you’re good or not.”
Sonic hums in response, looking away. After a moment he peeks over at Shadow, “so…you love me no matter what?” he smiles.
Shadow rolls his eyes, “I wouldn’t say it like that.” Sonic laughs, Shadow feels that warmth again. “You’re so unimportant to me that I couldn’t care less about whatever you do.”
“Oh really,” Sonic grins, leaning closer to Shadow, “So you don’t care if I do this?” He leans his head on Shadow’s shoulder, one hand coming up to rest on Shadow’s bicep.
Shadow’s breath hitches, “I do not,” he says, ignoring how Sonic’s smile widens, like he knows something, like he can see right through Shadow. It’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
Sonic sighs, relieved air ghosting Shadow’s fur. “Thanks Shads,” he says gently, barely nuzzling into the other's neck.
Shadow grunts in acknowledgment.
It takes just one more episode of Sonic’s dumb show for the magnet in Shadow’s body to become overwhelming. The urge to touch , to be closer, almost eats Shadow alive. It’s terrifying, but he’s avoided contact since Maria, and has never had someone pull him in as hard as Sonic before.
He’s practically looking at himself from the ceiling when his hand reaches out, starting with a brush against Sonic’s arm. He feels the blue fur stand on edge, but Sonic says nothing, so he gently slides his hand up, cupping Sonic’s jaw, slowly swiping his finger along the edge of it.
Sonic’s breathing is heavier, or maybe it’s his own. Shadow’s lost track of time and every other certain thing. He’s floating somewhere else, where every sound except Sonic’s shallow breath, the sharp intakes whenever Shadow touches somewhere else, they don’t exist.
Sonic stares at him, gaze open and a little lost. Shadow feels the same, touches sonic like he’s braille, like he’s just trying to figure out the words. He thinks, though, as Sonic slowly leans in further, nuzzling into Shadow’s hand, that the answer to everything in the universe is right here. It’s sappy and stupid and not like him at all but at this moment he feels like Sonic is the only real thing he’s ever known.
And It’s fucking terrifying.
“You finally stopped smiling,” he huffs, flicking Sonic’s forehead. A feeble attempt at shutting down feelings he’s not sure he’s ready for. His skin goes clammy, guilt and shame like he’s just run away from a fight, even if he hasn’t gone anywhere.
Sonic yelps, moving away from Shadow, “it’s cause you’re so boring” his retort is quick—normal, but the air is thick with whatever the hell that was a second ago. A terrible misstep, Shadow thinks, but the magnet hasn’t shut off, if anything it’s stronger. Nauseatingly so.
“Uh, Shadow? You’re not planning on puking again are you?” Sonic asks slowly, nervously watching the other whose face has gone pained.
“Not planning on it, obviously,” Shadow responds.
“Did Rouge do something to your drink? I saw her pass you some mixed drink that looked all kinds of terrifying.” Sonic shivers, and Shadow almost laughs, but he’s smart enough to hold it back.
“Sadly no, my illness is something else entirely, but it’s none of your business Sonic.”
Most people would get offended at that, assume Shadow is purposefully being an asshole, but he’s lucky that Sonic isn’t like that, he knows how shadow is. He knows he’s just blunt like that, so he laughs and leans his head back. But that’s almost worse, because the sound is warm and sharp, and reminds him of her in a way that makes him want to run away for real this time.
Run from Sonic, from warmth, from getting too close to something that he can’t hold onto. It’s not something he focuses on too much, prefers to shut his feelings down, but somewhere in his core he’s always stuck between two wishes. The desire to lock up every single thing he comes to care for—stop them from leaving, from being hurt, from ever being lost; and wanting to cut off every single person who opens up his heart despite his desperate attempt to keep it locked up, ever since Maria.
All Sonic did was laugh and suddenly Shadow can see him running far, far away. Can see him bloodied and bruised on the ground, telling Shadow goodbye . He thinks of Sonic who’s sitting on his couch with a fucked up leg that he’s been hiding from the people around him, thinking he could just run it off . He wants to grab him and lock him up far away, where no one can touch him, where he can’t hurt himself, where he can’t run.
But there’d be no point in that.
Because the reason he’s here, is that he knows Sonic, because he begrudgingly even cares about him. Because he met him, because they fight, race, even sometimes work together. Because Sonic is himself, because he wouldn’t be himself if Shadow never let him go.
“Sonic?” A voice calls from the entry, making the both of them jump a bit at the sound.
“Tails! you’re back already?” Sonic calls back, moving to get up to greet him, but he’s pulled down by Shadow—shaking his head and motioning to Sonic’s leg.
“Well it’s not much of a celebration without the hero,” Tails snarks good-naturedly, before stopping in his tracks when he sees Shadow. “So, uhhh…what’s happening here?”
“Well…” Sonic scratches the back of his head, searching for a lie so he doesn’t have to admit he’s hurt.
Shadow gets up, “His leg is hurt, he was trying to put up with it like a fool, but I made him rest.”
Tails’ eyes flash with worry, “your leg—? what happened, how long has it been hurting?”
Sonic grins, “don’t worry little bro, I'm totally fine, Shadow here is just a big ol’ worrywart!”
Shadow stares unamused, “Anyway, I must get going, make sure the idiot doesn’t try to ruin his leg more.”
Tails nods, “uh…thanks Shadow?”
Shadow nods back, and teleports to his home—not before looking back at Sonic though, who’s smiling at him all too fondly.
It’s a good thing Shadow’s home, because that makes the nausea hit all over again.
“Sonic the hedgehog…” he grumbles, as he nearly empties his stomach contents again, but the name sounds sweeter on his tongue than he intended. And surprisingly, he falls asleep feeling better than ever.