Work Text:
It’s after a particularly rough practice that Matt received a knock on his dorm room door.
Tonight was one of those nights where the girls kicked all of the guys out to have a girls only night, so he knew it wasn’t one of them. He swung the door open to reveal Neil, who was standing there with a nervous expression and a hoodie so big on him that it entirely dwarfed him. It took him a moment to realize it was actually his own? When the hell did Neil steal that?
“Hi, Neil! How’s it going?” Matt said, stepping aside to let Neil in. He walked back to the living room and fell back into the couch and waited for Neil to follow suit.
“I’m fine.” Neil replied automatically, wincing at the slip as he sat down. “Sorry, i'm doing okay.”
“Glad to hear it.” Matt smiled. “Also, is that my hoodie?”
Neil looked down as if he hadn’t even noticed. “Oh, yeah it is. Does it bother you?”
“Not at all!” Matt reassured quickly. “I just didn’t know you took it, that’s all.”
“Oh.” Neil glanced away shyly, and Matt noticed the embarrassed blush crawling up his cheeks. “I actually took clothes from just about everyone, i think. Don’t tell the others.”
“Your secret is safe with me.” Matt nudged his shoulder playfully and waited until Neil hid the quirk of his lip in his hand. “And to what do i owe the pleasure of your visit?”
Neil sobered up abruptly, all of the softness slipping away in an instant. That put Matt on alert, fear that something bad came up. The fear must’ve shown on his face because Neil held up a hand to get his attention.
“No, no, no. It’s nothing like that, I promise.” Neil laughed, but it was humorless. His eyes looked so far away, too reminiscent of last year that it left an ache in Matt’s rib cage. “I actually wanted to give you a truth, before I share it with any of the others. The only people who actually know are Andrew, Wymack, and Abby. And, well, sort of Kevin but he only knows bits of it.”
“I’m listening, Neil.” Matt said softly. He’d not admit it out loud to Neil now, but it warmed his heart any time Neil opened himself up a bit more to Matt. “Whenever you’re ready, you can talk to me.”
“It’s actually not necessarily words.” Neil tugged at the sleeves of the hoodie where it felt down past his knuckles, and it was only then Matt noticed that the hoodie was covering all of Neil’s scars, not a single scar showing aside from those on his cheeks. “I want to show you my scars. I want to try to get comfortable with not hiding them anymore, and I thought you’d be the best option to get a bit of a start to it instead of just changing out with everyone.”
“Oh, okay! Yeah, you can show me. I promise not to ask too much.” Neil smirked a little at the addition of ‘Too much’, knowing well enough by now that Matt might ask things but that he didn’t mean any harm.
“You can ask.” Neil said. “If I’m not comfortable answering, i know you won’t push. I know the others probably will.”
“I won’t pry. Whatever you’re comfortable sharing is enough for me.”
Neil took a steadying breath and slipped the hoodie over his head before he lost his nerve.
Matt thought he was ready to see the scars, but he was wrong.
Despite knowing that he was the son of the Butcher of Baltimore, it still seemed impossible that the scars could be so bad. With how strong Neil had always seemed, he figured it was bad but not like this .
The scars littered his entire torso, and Matt noted that Neil hadn’t worn his arm bands either. He was baring his entire upper body to Matt and trusting Matt not to judge, not to pry, just to see and listen to help Neil familiarize himself with others seeing him.
“Jesus Christ, Neil.” Matt continued before he could show the pity he knew Neil wanted to avoid. “Are they all from your father?”
“Not all.” Neil cleared his throat and fought to keep his arms from covering himself instinctively. “A lot were from my father’s men, some were during escapes from them, and some are…from Riko. When I went in December.”
“I’m glad that bastard is dead.”
“You and me both.” Neil laughed hollowly. Matt raked his eyes over Neil’s skin, trying to keep his expression impassive. He caught sight of the iron burn, which Neil had mentioned in passing, and beside it was what looked like a gunshot wound.
“Someone shot you?” Matt asked quietly. Unconsciously, he reached out to Neil, who just stepped forward into his reach. He didn’t do more than just lightly touch the puckered skin but it made him nauseous just thinking about it.
“Yeah. We were trying to get away from some of his men.” Neil sighed. He gestured just below the wound. “I was wearing a bulletproof vest too. But it ended here.”
“That sounds terrifying.” Matt fought back the urge to grab Neil and pull him into a fierce hug. “Is…are these all of your scars?”
“No, but I’m sure you’re not surprised by that.” Matt gave him a small smile. “The others aren’t too bad. I only have a couple on my back and legs. None are as bad as these.”
“I wish you didn’t have any of them.” Matt breathed deeply. “Show me your back too? That’d be what most people see anyways.”
Without a word, Neil turns in front of him. He was right, there weren’t many scars there at all, just a handful of small knife wounds. The worst is a long scar that goes from around his ribs in a downward angle towards the small of his back. It doesn’t look deep, just enough to scar.
“Any questions?” Neil asked eventually.
“Surprisingly? No.” Neil raised an eyebrow and Matt laughed. “What? The only thing I could probably ask is what happened and I know you won’t want to talk about it.”
“True.” Neil smiled. “I can tell you about some of them, just…not now?”
“Of course, buddy.” Matt held out a fist for a fist bump, which Neil returned. “Thank you for showing me. I'm here to listen if you decide you want to talk about them.”
“Thank you, Matt.”
Neil slipped Matt’s hoodie back on and flopped down on the couch. Matt slung an arm around his shoulders and leaned back. Matt took a deep breath in and thought.
“Wait. I do have a question.” Neil looked over at him and waited for him to continue. “Did Andrew find out before or after you started your thing?”
“Before.” Neil thought for a moment. “I showed him right after he got back, but he’d felt them before.”
“He-” Matt paused and gave Neil a weird look. “He felt them? Before you two were…whatever?”
“It sounds so stupid but you can’t be shocked by that.” Matt nodded and dodged the elbow Neil jabbed at him. “Anyways, it was right before Andrew left for Easthaven. I was trying to convince him that he could go, so I offered to protect Kevin. He said he didn’t trust Neil, so I told him to trust me. I gave him my real name. Or, well. Real middle name, and because there were people there I put his hand under my shirt.”
“Neil, buddy. I get the name part, but why the shirt?”
“Think about it. Do you think someone who has been through the stuff I have would’ve been scared of Riko ?” Neil said, and yeah Matt could see he had a point. “That was actually when Wymack first hinted at something between us.”
“Damn, hindsight has opened my eyes to so many things.” Matt said. “Makes sense why Coach sent you out to stop him from breaking Dan and Kevin.”
“Yeah, I didn’t get why Wymack was laughing at me for that or praying for Andrew until months later.”
“Neil, love you.” Matt said with a laugh, squeezing him tight into his side.
“You too, Matt.” Neil muttered, almost shyly. Matt didn’t comment, not wanting to embarrass him, but internally he was screaming. That was the first time he’d ever said it back! Or, sort of. It was close enough. Neil cleared his throat. “Want to watch something?”
“Sure!” He dug the remote from between the cushions where he stashed it and passed it over, letting Neil decide what to put on. The movie left in the DVD player was Spider-Man, which Neil had seen once and loved, so they didn’t change it.
Matt breathed deep and then slumped further into the couch. There were so many times he felt like he wasn’t getting through to Neil. He knew they’d never be as close as he is with Andrew, but he was opening up more and more to him. The trust Neil continued to show left him feeling warm and fuzzy inside, and he cherished every bit of truth or affection that Neil was comfortable allowing.