Chapter Text
Dorian kept walking up and the down the length of his car as he waited for the cops to arrive, thinking about how to explain the situation while being able to save face.
‘I could say that I fell asleep at the wheel’ he thought, discarding the idea almost immediately. That would probably be put into his record, and he certainly didn’t want that after the several minor offenses he got over the years for driving slightly drunk.
‘What about an animal appeared in the middle of the road? That could work. And bonus points for being almost true and embarrassment free!’ he decided, then, as he saw the police car approaching.
From the car exited the biggest Qunari he had ever seen. It was not uncommon to see Qunari police officers, but this one sure looked intimidating, and the eyepatch surely helped the image.
The cop eyed the accident with interest. He had driven it against a pole, and while the damage wasn’t severe, the heat exchanger was probably gone. Unfortunately, there was no way he could have it repaired at 2 am, meaning he would need a ride home, and the damage to the public property had to be filled in by the police.
“Officer Bull” the cop said, showing his badge while he looked Dorian from top to bottom, showing half a smile. ‘Great, this one thinks he is clever’ Dorian thought, trying to keep his eyes focused on Bull’s face while he prepared to fill a form.
“So, Dorian right? You already gave your information through the phone, I’ll just need to know what happened and once the car is towed I can drop you by your home” he said.
“Alright” Dorian said, trying to focus on his cover up story. “I was going home, when I saw an animal right in the middle on my lane. I tried to dodge it but I ended up crashing into this pole”. He said, amazed how even his voice sounded.
Bull hummed and raised an eyebrow. “What kind of animal?” he asked. ‘Kaffas! I didn’t think that far.’ “I d-don’t know… a rat!” he blurted out. Dorian wanted immediately to hit himself. ‘A rat?! You just told him you tried to dodge a rat?! Who dodges rats on the road? Good job Dorian, you sure know how to use your brain.’
Bull smile widened. “Uh-huh. Riiiiight. Want to try again? And don’t try to lie, I can tell, believe me.” he said, crossing his arms and taking a step closer to him, showing that he wasn’t joking.
Dorian closed his eyes and sighed in defeat. “Alright, you win. I went to work in the library the whole day. Since it was hot when I commuted I might have opened the roof of my car”. Dorian said, trying to delay as much as possible having to tell the cause of the accident. Bull nodded, interested in the story so far.
“So, I might have forgotten to close it when I arrived there. Funny thing, when I looked up from my research it was almost 2 am, so I decided that it was probably time to go back home” Dorian continued, dreading what he was going to say next. Bull continued to look at him with a blank face, waiting for him to continue.
“I got in the car, closed the roof and started driving home, as usual.” he continued. “Then I saw something move by the passenger's seat head rest. When I looked to the side a… a sq...” Dorian couldn’t say it. He looked at Bull, begging silently for mercy with his eyes. “Go on” was his only reply.
Inhaling deeply and looking away, he finally said in a single breath, barely over a whisper. “A squirrel jumped on my face and I panicked and I crashed into the pole and then I called the police.”
Dorian felt like his face was on fire. Glancing at Bull he saw that he had his eye open wide in surprise. A couple of seconds passed before Bull started laughing like a maniac, placing one hand on the car for support while the other hit his knee several times.
“Hey! Would you PLEASE stop laughing? You are a cop, you are supposed to help!” Dorian yelled at him, but to no avail. Dorian gave an exasperated sigh as he thought that he could die to be spared from this.
After a full minute of non-stop laughing, Bull was able to reply between chuckles as he shook his head “I am sorry, but that was the most incredible cause for an accident that I’ve ever heard”.
“Well, if you’re done laughing at me I’d like to be taken home as soon as possible. It is late” Dorian quipped as he cursed his luck. Bull repressed the last of his laughter and filled the forms required, shaking his head from time to time in amusement as the towing service came and took his car.
As Dorian approached Bull’s police car, he pointed his finger at him and said “Not a single word about this. Not. One.” Bull raised both his hands, saying only “I wouldn’t dream of it”.
Little did he know that once Bull had left him at his house, he called his partner Krem at the police station and retold the story, laughing all the way back.