Work Text:
For the residents of the Xianzhou Luofu, specifically the long-life species, the Hanahaki disease is a chronic disease. People with the Hanahaki are already afflicted from birth but only show symptoms in late childhood or early teens, when they experience attraction for the first time.
Needless to say, having a crush is a pain for you.
“So,” Jing Yuan hands you a basket, “let me guess.”
He takes a seat beside you, still smelling like sweat from playing and training outdoors all day. Jing Yuan has made a game of guessing who your crush is based on the flowers you cough up. He used to have a small notebook with a catalogue of flowers but he seems to have memorized it all just five years after you were first diagnosed.
You were both children at the time, and he was worried. But, you guess, a few months with different flowers each week was enough to tell him that this is benign.
You take the basket from him and drop the flowers from your handkerchief.
“An orange dahlia, a symbol for strength and conviction. Perhaps, your main speaker for the debate club this year?”
“Shao Shan competed wonderfully. Even though he didn’t win. And have you seen how he delivered the final argument, it was-”
“Amazing, glorious, wonderful, and,” he says prolonging the word, “you’re in love.”
“Hey, don’t put words in my mouth. Besides, I gave him that argument and he presented it wonderfully. He likes me,” you hear Jing Yuan snicker. “I swear he does.”
“Yeah, and a hundred years older than us.” He laughs.
You cough again. Jing Yuan steadies the basket under your mouth.
The flower petals are pretty but the saliva and phlegm coating them is definitely nasty.
“Let me wallow in my unrequited crush,” you say pressing the back of your hand on your forehead and leaning back dramatically.
“Until the next one that is,” Jing Yuan says laughing as he leans back.
You smack his shoulder for good measure.
“This too shall pass,” you say.
===========
It has been 100 years since you last saw Jing Yuan but 300 years since the lion on your lap last saw his master.
You had wanted to bring Snowmoon with you when you were allowed to travel to the frontlines briefly as a member of the Alchemy Commission. But Jing Yuan’s commander did not allow it nor did the man himself want to.
Instead, you gave Jing Yuan a memento, cut off a piece of Mimi’s hair, and fashioned it into a trinket he can carry anywhere.
And for 100 years since then, you can only watch as Snowmoon loses his strength and become more susceptible to diseases.
The ways to keep the lion healthy were dwindling as time takes a toll on him.
“Mimi,” the lion turns his head towards you. It’s a wonder he can still remember that old name.
You were carding your fingers through his mane when the door opens.
You don’t even have the energy to prepare for a fight. Nothing seems to matter, the life in your hands is dwindling already.
“Is he?”
You look up to see Jing Yuan, his image is blurry.
“Mimi-” you start.
Jing Yuan kneels in front of you and the lion.
“You’re home.”
“Yes,” he reaches for the lion. “Yes, I am.”
Snowmoon stands up from your lap and approaches his master, laying his head on Jing Yuan’s lap for the last time.
Jing Yuan buries his head in the lion’s mane.
You take that as your cue to leave. You have done all you can and this is enough.
Fate cannot be changed but at least it has shown mercy.
===========
A couple of years after the war, Jing Yuan was officially promoted to general of the Cloud Knights.
You were at the bazaar, looking at the wares of people from all across the universe.
A mug? Something he might use to drink coffee and keep awake, but something tells you he’s just going to use that as a pen holder like the last cup you gave him.
An amulet? He doesn’t need much and the one made from Snowmoon’s hair is irreplaceable even to you.
A pen? There is a new type of pen being sold from Jarilo-II but a lot of well-wishers will probably give him the same thing.
Maybe it’s better to let the gift idea come to you than come to the bazaar with expectations on what to buy.
You are currently engrossed in a tea stall.
Green tea. The only time he’d drink any kind of green tea is when his sinuses are blocked.
You visited him the last time he was suffering from a persistent cold. Tissue littered the foot of the bed and boxes of takeout are piling on his bedside table. The man himself was huddled in bed, covered from head to toe.
Jing Yuan pulled the cover down the moment you called his name.
You brought a mug of green tea and a jar of honey.
He kept placing spoonful after spoonful of honey into the mug until you pried the jar from his grasp. By this point, the tea has discolored and increased viscosity. You’re not sure how much of it was still tea.
The face he made after downing the mug was adorable as his countenance communicated his disgust.
Darjeeling. You and Jing Yuan actually agreed on liking the taste. A couple of months after you finished the jar you brought; he bought his own.
By that time, it was past the season of that particular flavor and you both winced at the different flavor.
You laughed at his expense the first time. But still, the two of you found time to finish the whole jar.
Mint. Jing Yuan smelled like mint the last times you saw him. He was leaning over you reading over you as you read a book your friend recommended.
You can smell the mint from his breath as he starts reading aloud the passage by your thumb.
It was smut.
You shut the book close and threw it to the farthest corner of the room as Jing Yuan doubles over laughing.
He looked beautiful even as he was wiping tears from his eyes and apologizing, insincerely, for the predicament.
The merchant was explaining to you the properties of Ceylon tea when you feel an itching in your throat.
You excuse yourself from the merchant and find your way to a sheltered alley.
You’ve felt this before. It hasn’t shown itself in a while but you know it’s Hanahaki.
But somehow this feels more intense, unlike the itch you’ve felt when you were a teen with constant crushes this one feels like a cat has gotten inside your body and was using your throat as a scratching post.
You were bent over leaning on the wall trying to cough the obstruction in your throat out when you felt a gentle hand collect your hair.
“Easy there,” Jing Yuan says as he rubs circles on your back.
You muster enough energy to say a raspy “Thank you,” before resuming your coughing fit.
“I might have some ginger tea at home. You think you can make it there?”
You take a glance at your surroundings; Jing Yuan’s house shouldn’t be more than four blocks away.
You take a look at his face. Concern is written all over it but somehow you see a hint of hurt in his eyes.
Empathy? That’s probably it.
“I can try.”
The hand on your arm is steady even as he guides you to his couch and retreats to his kitchen.
Inside his house, surrounded by pictures and mementos of Mimi, Jing Yuan himself, and your friendship. You finally feel a petal at the back of your throat.
The cushion beside you deepens with Jing Yuan’s weight, he continues rubbing circles on your back when you lift your hand away from your mouth.
On it is a yellow petal, bloodied on the edges.
There was never blood before.
“A yellow rose,” Jing Yuan says, then as if consulting the flower almanac in his brain ever since meeting you. “Friendship.”
“Is it me?” he asks. And you can’t find it in you to look at him because-
There is no one else but him.
But Hanahaki is a manifestation of unrequited love. The closest to a cure is for the love to be reciprocated.
You can’t force him to love you. Without even touching the tea, you leave his house.
You only feel guilt.
===========
Your diet now mostly consists of the bare minimum to take pain killers, and ginger tea with honey. You find that nothing soothes your throat more than that.
You were able to avoid him by busying yourself with work.
Until he just straight up, enters your house, and sits himself at your kitchen counter.
“I tried knocking but you keep pretending you’re not at home, so I just used the spare keys you gave me since you bought this place and made myself some tea.”
“Jing Yuan, what do you want?”
“I want to help my friend.”
“Jing Yuan-” you were cut off by your own coughs. You find him immediately at your side.
“This is way worse than what you had when we were kids and I ... I never saw blood from those petals either.”
“We both know that there is no real cure to Hanahaki and-” You take a breath to prevent coughing in front of him. “This friendship is special to me.”
“You are to me, too.”
You smile at him. But this ridiculousness needs to stop. You do miss his presence in your life. “Crushes only last around half a year, I’ll get over whatever this is, and then-”
“Have you considered dating me?”
If words could give you whiplash, then this one did.
“What?”
“We go for a couple of dinners every week, meet up for a nice stroll around Starskiff Haven. Nothing really different from what we already do.”
You raise an eyebrow at that, Jing Yuan only shrugs.
Then, he raises his gaze back at you, an easy smile on his lips. “Just until we get bored, how about that?”
An easy arrangement for the up-and-coming lazy general. “For real?”
“Why not?”
You think it over, but a desperate part of your brain just wants the pain to end.
“Alright,” you concede. “But you tell me the moment you find yourself attracted to someone else.”
“Sure, sure,” he says dismissively. Pouring the rest of his tea down his throat.
Guess he’s also promoted to boyfriend now.
You were about to open the refrigerator, check for anything edible for dinner when you feel a hand on your arm.
“Hey, what do you feel like eat-”
Jing Yuan gently turns you around until you feel your back against the fridge. He’s standing close, faces inches away you can feel his breath on your skin.
He was drinking mint tea.
“Since we are dating now,” he raises your chin with a finger, “May I?”
You don’t move, captivated by the way his eyes stare intently at your lips.
Jing Yuan kisses you. Nothing passionate, just pressing of lips. But somehow the act makes your heart skip a beat.
He steals your breath away but the pain in your chest subsides completely.
When you both pull away, he has the most boyish grin you’ve seen on him in years.
The next day, on your first official date night. Instead of going out to a fancy restaurant for dinner, he offers to cook for you both in your kitchen. Wearing a frilly apron, with “Love me” written in bold across the chest and a shirt two sizes too small.
He steals a couple more kisses as you both clean the table and wash the pots and plates.
You swear he is testing your sanity sometimes.
The ginger tea in your cupboard stays untouched until its expiration date.
===========
Centuries fly by like that.
You find that despite knowing the guy since childhood, there are some things you’ve only now learned as his girlfriend.
Example One. Jing Yuan is an animal lover. You already know that before, but now you are privy to the number of birds that live under his hair.
Zero.
But there has been a time when you found Jing Yuan stopping himself from scratching the back of his neck and trying hard to hold still.
He couldn’t stop you from parting his hair and finding an actual nest at the base of his neck.
“Do you want me to...” You really don’t know what to say as you stare at a mess of twigs, hair, and three small, speckled eggs sitting at the hood of his coat.
“No? They might not hatch if you move them.”
You raise an eyebrow at him.
He smiles at you as if that’s the best explanation in the whole universe.
You find yourself feeding those chicks a few weeks later.
Example Two. Jing Yuan likes taking photos.
When his cute, apprentice Yanqing fell asleep on his shoulder after an intensive training session, he had you snap a photo of the boy.
To the boy’s chagrin, it stays as Jing Yuan’s lock screen until this day.
He already has pictures of you even before you were dating. But something about finally being your boyfriend told him that it is now acceptable to have a dedicated folder for your pictures.
His home screen is a slideshow of pictures of you alone or with him.
Even when you tell him that the slideshow is causing his aging jade abacus to lag, he tells you “But I want to see all the angles of your smile every day.”
Cringe, too sweet, and the pout he gives you is a little too much but you relent.
The only reason it takes him time to replace his jade abacus is because of the many photos he feels the need to transfer.
Example Three. Jing Yuan wears the tightest of shirts.
And being a living, breathing person with hormones and urges. This drives you insane.
His whole regalia as a general is well-decorated and may look bulky but allows for movement in case he needs to fight. And his training uniform, while a lot simpler, was still loose and light enough to be worn during intensive exercises.
So why is there an influx of tight shirts in his closet the moment you agreed to his dating proposition?
If you thought the shirt and the apron was a one-time thing on your first date. You were dead wrong.
He finds himself a day off without any obligations and he’s flaunting his body in your apartment.
Well, at least that’s how it looks to you. Arms and shoulders flexing as he reaches for the highest level of your cupboard. The movement raising the hem of his shirt to show a little too much skin on his lower back. If you’re seeing this right (which you’re not really sure you are given the rising temperature of your cheeks), Jing Yuan is even tiptoeing and you see how that accentuates his glutes.
He’s been in your kitchen enough times to know full well that’s not where you keep your mugs.
And if the smoldering look he gives you as he slowly turns around isn’t enough of an indication, then the “What are you looking at, dear?” he says with a smirk is a dead giveaway.
Because contrary to being called the “Lazy General”, you find him very energetic when he wants to be.
And, no, you are definitely not complaining. Not even if you wake up sore the next morning.
You clear your throat, and your head, as you listen to Tingyun give you her usual excuses as you confiscate the pictures of Jing Yuan she has for sale.
Your job at the Alchemy Division doesn’t give you authority to do this. Sure, you could threaten her with citizen arrest, but none of these pictures are particularly incriminating. Telling Jing Yuan he has paparazzi isn’t going anywhere either, he’s only going to laugh them off and ask why you haven’t bought any of the pictures yourself.
You’ve already done that and that was exactly how it panned out.
Twice.
But Tingyun doesn’t need to know that.
Tingyun hands you all of the printed photos and you watch closely as she deletes the files on her jade abacus.
Then, you see a picture of Jing Yuan that caught your eye.
“Wait.”
Tingyun looks up at you.
“Can you bring that up?”
Tingyun selects a photo and it fills the whole screen of her jade abacus. “This one?”
“Yeah.”
He was in close combat with a male with long black hair. They were at the docks, blades clashed against each other. It was clear even from that photo alone that the two fighters are on equal level in terms of skill. A terrifying smile is on Jing Yuan’s opponent, one that makes you fear for your lover had you not known that he came home just fine that day.
“Zoom in on Jing Yuan’s face for me.”
His lips were pursed in concentration that much anyone looking at the photo could see. But there was a glint in his eyes that you were familiar with, that you had been familiar with ever since you knew him.
He was enjoying the fight.
Did Jing Yuan know the man?
You clearly remember the day he came home from that fight. He was a little worse for wear but clearly fine. You tried to ask where the bruises came from but he deflected all of your questions.
He canceled on a weekly date the next night. And soon you found out that while the Cloud Knights were successful in arresting the criminal, he was able to escape in a few days.
You’ve never seen him more amused than that week.
He wouldn’t be that excited if everything was going against his plans. No, the most sensible conclusion knowing Jing Yuan is that he allowed that man to get away.
For what reason, you don’t really know. The rest of the events were a blur as the Astral Express crew got involved and the head of the Alchemy Division turned out to be the root of their problems all along.
But you do remember the Stellaron Hunter’s name.
Jing Yuan spoke the alias with the same reverence he talks about his teacher. The teacher you were quite sure he had a crush on before their relationship turned sour.
“Blade.”
“Yeah, that’s his name.”
You bite your lip. You need more information on him, on them. And you’re not sure Jing Yuan will be forthcoming with answers.
“Hey Tingyun, I’ve got something I need you to do.”
You feel a slight itch at the back of your throat. You should have known this day was coming.
===========
Jing Yuan hadn’t felt this kind of panic ever since the time he thought Snowmoon was a grimalkin and was slowly running out of resources on how to feed the growing lion.
He has been preparing for a possible retirement, finishing up on projects, and making sure that Fu Xuan is taught and prepared for anything she might need as the general.
Sure, it has been using up his time with you, but he is willing to put up the work for his goal.
Besides, your new position as the head of the Alchemy Division has been eating up your time in the aftermath of your predecessor turning out to be the leader of the Disciples of Sanctus Medicus.
Or at least that’s what he thought was eating up your time.
So why is he staring at ginger tea in your cupboard?
He was just browsing through your kitchen, planning a surprise dinner to be able to finally spend time together, when he found the box. You’ve always had honey in your refrigerator so that was that, but you had never touched ginger tea since you last had Hanahaki.
And that was centuries ago. The one in his hands was manufactured just recently.
The both of you didn’t fight recently. Dates have been postponed due to recent events and the resulting paperwork but there was nothing he could recall that told him that your relationship was going sour.
And Jing Yuan knows he is still very much in love with you. There is no denying that fact and there is no indication that the Hanahaki was because of him.
Could it be that you were in love with someone else?
Jing Yuan tried to look for the flower petals but even rummaging through the trash yielded no results.
You probably flushed the petals down the toilet and he has to prevent himself from summoning the Lightning Lord and investigating the drains directly.
He lost track of time going through your bins that he conceded to ordering delivery for tonight’s dinner.
It didn’t help his case that you were half an hour late either.
Sure, you didn’t know he was coming but you were usually on the dot when it comes to work.
“Welcome home,” he greets you as he reheats the stir fry for probably the second time that night.
“You’re here,” you say. There is a slight coarseness in your voice.
Your cheeks were sunken and your eyes seem swollen. The scarf he bought you tucked under your jacket.
How long has this been going on?
“You don’t look so good,” he says feeling your forehead with the back of his hand.
You feel cold to him right now, and he can’t tell if it’s because his hand was just heated or if it’s because of your condition.
You pull your head away from him. He tries to ignore the pang on his chest.
“I’m fine?”
“Yeah,” he tries to find something more to say as you crouch down to take plates and utensils from your kitchen drawers.
“Let’s eat. I’m hungry,” you say smiling.
Jing Yuan knows you enough to see that the smile doesn’t reach your eyes.
The conversation over dinner is habitual and he finds you lost in thought on more than one occasion. You also weren’t eating as much as you used to and were supposed to. Jing Yuan wished he bought something with soup instead.
Whoever is the cause of this Hanahaki is going to suffer his wrath for leaving you in this pain and even daring to take what is his.
===========
The next few days have been an epic disaster for Jing Yuan.
Not only is your condition worsening at an exponential rate, but he can’t find any leads on who the mystery person is.
He already found a stray petal after you visited his house. It looked like a yellow rose but it’s hard to tell when the petal is covered in blood and torn.
He surmised you would have only fallen for someone you already know but he already investigated everyone who has been working with you for more than a century. Everyone else he already knows from your friend group.
It didn’t help that you canceled on him for the last two weeks and he had just been itching to find out if at least you’re still breathing.
Well, at least he knows you’re still holding up. You both are seated on your couch as a projector plays a video in front of you.
You have been pausing the movie every now and then to excuse yourself.
And now is one of those times.
Jing Yuan could definitely approach you, help you with the coughing fit as he has done before. But he has an inkling you wouldn’t want him to see you in this state, nor is he willing to open the can of worms that is your unrequited love for someone other than him without a concrete plan.
“Dear, can I borrow your jade abacus?” he hollered across the hall. “Mine seems to have died a while back.”
“Sure,” you say as he hears the toilet flush. “You can play the movie if you want.”
“I can wait, just remembered I have to message Yanqing.”
You and Jing Yuan had borrowed each other’s phone before. So, it doesn’t take much for him to enter your passcode and scroll down your messages.
And as he was looking for Yanqing’s name in your inbox, he finds his name on the preview of your messages with Tingyun.
He leans back on the sofa and takes a peek at the kitchen. You were still boiling water, possibly for tea.
Jing Yuan takes it as his opening to click the message.
There he finds pictures of him and Blade during the recent conundrum with the Astral Express and back when Jingliu was still alive. Even the Imbibitor Lunae was in a couple of photos.
Jing Yuan was going to have to know how Tingyun got these photos, but the more pressing matter was the profile of Blade and the foxian’s conclusion.
“Jing Yuan has history with the Stellaron Hunter. He may be retiring to chase him across the universe.” The text said.
The petal he got a hold of was indeed from a yellow rose. The same yellow rose before the two of you started this relationship.
His beloved thought he was having an affair?
Jing Yuan felt the tension he was feeling this whole time release as if he was the one cured of Hanahaki.
He would have laughed out loud if only you weren’t in the next room.
You were already washing the mug you used when he remembered to send a quick text to Yanqing just so he can keep his cover.
But he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Even after he’d returned your phone and you seated beside him to play the movie again.
Jing Yuan pulls you closer to his side and kisses the crown of your head. He keeps his arm around your shoulders and he immediately notices you nuzzle closer to his side.
You hadn’t excused yourself that night again.
He already knows how to cure your Hanahaki.
For good this time.
===========
The sound of the doorbell is soft as the walls of Jing Yuan’s home filter the sound. You didn’t bother waiting for an answer before heading inside though. Jing Yuan had given you a key centuries before and the door was unlocked. Still, you lock the door behind you as you enter inside.
You had received a message from Jing Yuan to meet, while it was initially worded to ask permission to visit you. You had insisted on his house as the meeting place instead.
The coughing fit has gotten worse just this morning and there was a mess of flower petals from your bedroom on the way to the kitchen. Well, that is a sign it’s time to let him go sooner rather than later.
You’d rather not let him see that.
Besides, Yanqing may have just left only a while ago, if the unlocked door was any indication.
You make your way inside; his house was a lot larger than yours. It’s not that you can’t afford a bigger home, the hassle of having to clean a larger space just doesn’t appeal to you.
Besides, he bought this place knowing Snowmoon needed the space to move around in.
“Jing Yuan?”
“Over here,” he calls out from the garden.
You leave your purse and jade abacus atop the coffee table.
Jing Yuan is reclining against the ginkgo tree. A board game positioned just past his feet. The side nearer him lost a lot more pieces than the other one, yet it still looks like that was the side that won.
He was already facing the door as you exit the house and enter the garden. The falling leaves cast soft shadows dancing on his form. The scene looks so serene, inviting.
He smiles at you, and you engrave the whole image in your mind as he reaches an arm to you.
For this moment he is yours, you bask in that. This might be the last happy memory where you can call him that.
Finding a comfortable position beside him, you talk. Catching up with your days like you two weren’t together just last night.
But the stresses of the day, the fatigue of the Hanahaki tires you out. Before you know it, your head lays on his shoulder. And maybe it has been there for a while as Jing Yuan rests his own over yours. His outstretched hand fiddling with a golden leaf before you both.
When did you both stop talking?
You were about to fall asleep like that when Jing Yuan cradles your body in his arms and lays you down on his lap.
Yellow. The muted yellow of the ginkgo leaves framing his snow-white hair. The golden yellow of his eyes bearing its deep soul into yours. The warm yellow afternoon light softens his edges as he holds you in his arms.
The yellow roses you can feel growing in your lungs.
You can die like this and have no regrets.
“Jing Yuan, I have to tell you something.”
“What is it?” he whispers. He has an arm over your chest, his thumb brushing under the eye farthest from him.
You hold onto that arm, finding your words. But somehow all language disappears from your head. Just a jumble of emotions you don’t know how to express.
For you, there will be no one like Jing Yuan.
“Thank you,” you manage out, “for sticking with me.”
Your fingers let go of his arm, and you take a deep breath. As deep as a breath can get with flowers growing in your throat.
Jing Yuan keeps his eyes on you, lips pursed.
“But you don’t have to worry about me anymore, I can take care of myself.”
His fingers don’t stop caressing your cheek.
You can feel the moisture on your cheeks, his image is getting blurry. You keep your hands atop your stomach, fighting the urge to push him away and claw at your itching throat.
The silence seems to span forever until you hear his voice.
“I have found someone,” he starts. The hand on your chest leaves and goes back to his side.
“Fierce and beautiful. Stayed with me through thick and thin. But so willing to let me go if that means securing my happiness.”
Jing Yuan tucks a small velvet box under your hands.
Is this him asking for your opinion on his lover? He didn’t need to do that.
“I just wish you’d ask me if I want to be let go first, you know.”
He opens the box in your hands and you feel the cold metal touch your fingertips. You sit up, but he keeps an arm around your waist and back, helping you up but not easing up on the hug.
“Will you marry me?” Jing Yuan asks as he pries the ring from the box and wraps it around your hands.
You look at him. He’s not joking, this is real. The smile on his face is small, still anticipating the small possibility that you might reject him.
“I thought-”
“Blade and I have history but not that kind.”
“I thought he was the reason you wanted to retire.”
“I want to retire so I could focus on the future we want to build.”
There is a tightening in your chest the longer everything starts to sink in and you’re sure that this time it’s not caused by the Hanahaki.
“You’ve been the only one for me for as long as I can remember. Even before Snowmoon died, I knew that I love you and I don’t want to lose you in that way or in any other way.”
“Before I coughed out yellow roses?”
Jing Yuan nods. “Your Hanahaki expedited my carefully crafted plans into wooing you properly. This time too I suppose, but I admit I’m a little too cautious when it comes to us.” He carefully slides the ring into your finger.
You laugh. Cautious? He truly is a walking contradiction, but you’ve long learned to love that about him.
Holding your hand from the bottom, he tilts it sideways and you find yourself admiring the way the gem sparkles.
“You still have to give me an answer, dear.”
“Yes,” you say giving him a chaste kiss. “Yes, I will marry you.” and another “I just wish I could tell you I love you more elegantly instead of coughing up flowers.”
“You already did,” he whispers before cupping your cheek and holding you for a longer kiss.
And just like the last time the rose petals appeared, his kiss, his love allows you to breathe again.