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1. Don't seek to comfort your loneliness with those around you, even as a child.
- That would be your first mistake, but it is a common mistake. Please keep reading to amend it
2. Don't listen to the myths told by your comforters. Forget them, they will create dreams and they will create hope. They will plague you for the rest of your life.
3. Helplessly lose everything before your very eyes. Remember this pain, as it will serve as a reminder for why you can't get attached.
4. Don't trust anyone. They are out to get you: they will manipulate you and will not hesitate to put an arrow through your head if it means decent payment.
- If, by chance, you become suspicious of them caring, repeat to yourself that your presence will only bring danger to them. Leave their presence as soon as possible.
5. Keep your guard up, always. Learn to tell the weight of footfalls, keep an ear out for whispers.
- Optional: develop an uncanny memory for each muscle twitch, each habit of every person you've ever made eye contact with.
6. Join pirate crews. It's easier to blend in: they're inherently monsters, just like you.
- Learn to be useful so they will accept you.
- Bribery is an acceptable form of forcing yourself in.
7. Be selfish. Put your desires over everyone else's.
- Learn the skill of deception, and learn it well. It will make this step much easier.
8. The second you are not completely satisfied, be it because of you or your crew's performance, betray them.
- Do not feel guilty about it.
- On occasion, give yourself a pat in the back and celebrate it with a bottle of stolen wine.
- Rinse and repeat for 20 years.
9. Once you have enough experience, look for a crew that is not only well-organized, but may also have ways to feed your selfishness.
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Be loyal to the organization you join. Climb the ladder until you become the leader's right hand.
10. Manipulate the leader into helping you.
11. Do not disembark on the same island as the Strawhat Pirates.
12. Do not, by any means, save Monkey D. Luffy.
- If you do, be it by a severe error in judgment or otherwise, abandoning your plans is worth consideration.
- If you think yourself more capable than the subject, you may keep reading for advice.
13. Do not choose an area near the Strawhat ship as a place to break down.
14. Repeat step 6.
- Do not find Monkey D. Luffy's easy trust bewildering.
- Do not find the blond or the other girl's reactions to your bribery amusing.
- Do not be fooled by the tanuki's innocence.
15. Remind yourself of step 4.
16. Remind yourself of step 5.
17. Do not indulge in the conversations they try to hold with you.
18. Do not indulge in listening to the conversations they have on deck.
- "Hey, what do you think happens if a fish eats a Devil Fruit?"
- "Zoro, can you help me out with these earrings?"
- "And now, we begin operation Keep The Monster Out Of The Fridge–"
19. Don't smile when they celebrate making it to the Sky Island.
20. Don't feel hope when you see a clue for your dream.
21. Ignore the ring of the Golden Bell.
22. Don't picture them achieving their dreams. Don't daydream their joy, much less imagine yourself with them.
23. Don't grab any mementos of your adventure.
24. Don't put them anywhere near the shelves.
25. Don't feel calm at the mundanity of a board game while the others wreck havoc at a rival ship.
26. Grit your teeth in shame when Aokiji rears his head.
27. Don't be grateful for the time spent to thaw you out of his ice.
28. Remind yourself of step 4 as many times as necessary.
29. Don't laugh when Zoro and Sanji fight over nothing.
30. Don't let the echoes fade away during meals.
Note: If you feel fear for them when an old threat rears its head again, you have failed this guide and have gotten attached. Please keep reading to amend it:
- Embrace the fact that you love them.
- Embrace the fact that they love you too.
- Let them save you.
- Indulge in the hope of having a dream.
- Live.