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It was a beautiful day outside, but more importantly for Nikolai, it was White Day.
…and to celebrate it, Fyodor had gifted Nikolai something special: a whole country, for him to be the ruler of.
As such, Sigma found himself (begrudgingly) trudging after Nikolai in a large building, where he presumed Nikolai would reside in as the new leader of the nation.
The walls were tall and made of marble, the sunlight of the setting sun seeping in through the windows and illuminating the hallways with a warm, yellow glow. Sigma’s heels clacked against the marble floor, echoing through the halls. Nikolai, with his outfit, stood out like a sore thumb among the otherwise fancy and easy-on-the-eyes color of the building.
Nikolai clapped his hands excitedly as he walked down the hallway, spinning around with a large grin to look at Sigma. “Sigma!” He exclaimed, exaggeratingly extending a hand and pointing at the other, “You have a very special job!”
Sigma blinked, pausing as he stopped walking. Nikolai looked like he was practically about to burst if he couldn’t say what was on his mind. He stared at Nikolai for a moment. He had a really, really bad feeling about this. He looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to speak.
“You…” Nikolai began, pausing for dramatic effect as he looked at Sigma with one wide eye, the other, as usual, being covered by the card,
“...Are going to be my consultant!” He announced with a grin, clapping cheerily, “After all, you’re so normal-person-ish I figured you would be good at this!!”
I’m going to be Nikolai’s consultant? Sigma thought, tapping his chin in thought as they continued to walk,
Hm. Maybe this won’t be as much of a mess as I thought… Sigma mused in his head as they made their way to a meeting room, I suppose I have some experience, being the manager of my casino. That's it! I know just how to make my customers happy and keep everything under control…my Casino is my own little nation, in a way. It can’t be that different to ruling an actual nation, can it?
Sigma couldn’t help but break a smile as he thought about his precious Casino. He was so lost in thought, he bumped into Nikolai, not realizing the latter had stopped walking. Rubbing his nose and peeking over his shoulder, he saw that they had arrived in their meeting room, with a large table in the center and spanning across the room, a whiteboard, a TV, and many office chairs. Nikolai gave an excited giggle as he ran forward, practically leaping on one of the chairs, (which was notably the one at the front of the table,) and spinning around in it.
“Ahahaha! Oh—I love— this place—Sigma!!” Nikolai exclaimed while throwing his hands up excitedly, pausing momentarily with each word due to spinning rather rapidly, “I wonder if—my tiger—can be brought—into this room…”
The silence that followed was deafening. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Sigma sputtered.
“Your-“
“ Your tiger?! ”
Sigma stared in shock at the jester while Nikolai giggled amusedly, the spinning of the chair finally slowing down.
“Sigma! Your reaction is so normal-ish, it’s funny! But yes, my tiger!” He continued rambling, “I got him just to ride around the halls. I called it Atsushi, after that tiger boy from the agency! It’s cos’ he looks a lot like him. Hey, do you wanna see him?!” At the last part, Nikolai slammed his hands down on the table and leaned forward, staring excitedly at Sigma’s eyes with a grin.
Sigma took a moment to recover from the initial shock, sputtering, “No thanks, Niko-“
He was quickly cut off by Nikolai, “Alright, that’s fine. I’ll just bring him to you later.” He said with an innocent little shrug, “Now! Consultant!” He exclaimed, “let’s start with this whole country thing! What do we do first?”
Sigma sat on the chair nearest to Nikolai on the side of the table, putting his elbows on the table, interlacing his hands and placing his chin on the back of them as he thought.
“Well, not much, really…I mean, this country already has its laws and everything in place, right? You just need to be a good leader.” Sigma concluded.
Nikolai scoffed. “Ugh, that’s no fun! What was this country's name again? Romania-whatever-whatsit?”
Sigma nodded in confirmation as Nikolai continued,
“What a dull name! I have a new name for my country. Ready to hear it?” He didn’t wait for Sigma to answer, as he quickly followed up with his answer that he had creatively come up with,
“Nikolaination!”
“ Nikolaination? ”
“Yep! Nikolaination!”
Sigma frowned. “I’m not sure the people will be too happy with the name cha-“
“Anyways!” Nikolai exclaimed, “Second things second, I don’t think this flag isn’t very reflective of all of us,” he said, pointing at the Romanian flag on the wall, “So I made a new one!!”
With that, he reached into his cape, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and unfolding it, which revealed a drawing of a flag made with crayons. He slammed it down on the table, explaining it to Sigma,
“White and black for me, dark purple for my dear Fedya, and I added a strip of lavender for you as a bit of credit!” He explained cheerily. Sigma could already tell this was going to be a stressful day.
“Uh…alright, then.” Sigma said cautiously, wondering what reaction the name change and flag change would invoke in the citizens of ‘Nikolaination.’ At the very least, he was relieved that Nikolai had no crazy idea to change the la-
“Oh!” Nikolai exclaimed, as he folded the paper back up and put it in his pocket, “I almost forgot! We need to change the laws to fit my view better!!”
“No!” Sigma exclaimed. This is a terrible idea!
“Yes!” Nikolai retorted. “As the new leader and owner of this country, I can do-!“
“No!” Sigma exclaimed, again. “Now, as your consultant, I-!”
Nikolai blew a raspberry. Sigma was utterly stunned into silence.
“Now then! As my consultant, you gotta agree with me on this stuff, okay?” He said, lightly clapping his hands together, “Now, as my first order of business: no pants! Free the crotch!”
Sigma blinked.
He blinked again.
Finally, he uttered a single word:
“What?!”
“You heard me!” Nikolai declared with a grin, “Free the crotch of the people! That includes you, Sigma! So cmon, show those tighty-whities!” He did another spin, before stopping in a spot that faced Sigma and looking at him expectantly.
“Nikolai!” Sigma gasped, “No! That’s a terrible law! What about in winter?! Do you know the climate here?! People's genitals are going to freeze off! Are you insane-?!”
“Yes.” Nikolai answered simply.
“You don’t even know how to lead a country!” Sigma continued, after a short pause of mild surprise from hearing Nikolai’s response, “Do you even know how to make your citizens happy? Do you even know what it takes to manage a country? You have to make sure everyone’s well-being is accounted for, and-“
Nikolai blew yet another raspberry at Sigma, whose shoulders slumped in defeat.
Well, I can’t win this.
With a defeated sigh, and one final glare directed at a certain someone in the room, Sigma begrudgingly and reluctantly dropped his pants, folding them up and holding them in his arms.
Nikolai clapped. “Yay! At least I didn’t have to bring the city's police in here to enforce my new law on you!”
Sigma’s eyebrows knitted together in a frown. “...can you even speak Romanian?”
Nikolai paused, staring at Sigma for a moment, before he giggled. “Ehh, Google translate will do. It can’t be that hard to communicate in Nikolanian.”
Sigma nodded with a defeated sigh, pinching his nosebridge, before he realized something.
“...Wait, how come you can still wear pants but everyone else can’t?”
“Good question!” Nikolai said, who had now grabbed a cane which was resting against the wall and spinning it in one hand, “It’s because I’m the leader, so I don’t have to follow my own laws! Plus, only Fedya can see my-“
“Okay, okay, I understand now.” Sigma quickly interrupted before the conversation got off track. In his mind, Fyodor and Nikolai were like an annoying couple at a highschool.
…Not that he had ever been to one to know, but he had once spent all night researching on how the experience of going to school was like, so he figured that was at least a somewhat accurate description.
Meanwhile, Nikolai had made his way to the whiteboard—even though he only had a permanent marker, he figured it would be alright to use while writing. They’d just…figure out how to get it off the board later.
Sigma sat by, watching with a dumbfounded look as Nikolai began writing down and verbalizing his ridiculous ideas for laws.
Well, they were less ideas and more I’m going to tell you all my ridiculous confirmed ideas to see your reaction .
Nikolai cheerily began writing down all his ideas for laws on the board, explaining them while using one hand to write and the other to ‘talk using his hand.’
“We’re gonna make it so every Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday are opposite days!!”
“April fools say is my birthday, so everyone will gather and hold a blood ritual for me on behalf of that birthday every year! If they don’t attend, they get chainsawed in half!”
“All pets are gonna be released onto the streets, I’m the only one allowed to have a pet, where I’ll ride my tiger, Atsushi, down the street instead of using a car!”
“We’re gonna bring back gladiator fights and every week gather in a colosseum I’m gonna order to build, where we’ll have math teachers from all across the country fight to the death! Don’t attend, and you’ll be put in there too as extra entertainment!”
“Everyone now has to wear clown costumes or they’ll be publicly executed! Speaking of which, bring back public executions!”
“Murder and all crimes are now legal!”
“If you see someone not in a clown costume, it’s legal to beat them up!”
“No speaking bad about me! I don’t like it when people speak bad about me.”
As Nikolai rambled about more and more ideas, Sigma had now sat himself down again, burying his face in his hands while he rubbed his face frustratingly. He was so done.
“...and that’s about it!” Nikolai concluded a full five hours later, the whiteboard now covered in writing with a permanent marking.
Sigma groaned, shaking his head.
This didn’t work out like I thought it would…
Remind me never to invite Nikolai to my Casino to help out with anything.
…………………….
Sigma woke up a day later to loud banging on the windows of the house he and Nikolai were in, having slept on the floor next to Nikolai’s giant bed.
“Huh…?”
He sleepily rubbed his eyes, sitting up and fixing his hair, before he looked out the window. He couldn’t say he was surprised at the sight.
Thousands if not tens or hundreds of thousand people had surrounded the house, banging on the doors angrily, various weapons in hands and all yelling angrily in a language Sigma didn’t understand, considering it was Romanian Nikolaian.
It was still dark outside—Sigma guessed it was probably around 3:00 or 4:00 Am—and he could already hear the front door, even from a few floors down, being violently and loudly broken open.
Nikolai had already woken up, stretching in his bright pink and polka-dot pattern pajamas and joining Sigma in looking out the window. He gasped dramatically.
“ În nici un caz !” He exclaimed, before giggling as he pulled out his phone and turned to Sigma, “That means ‘No way’ in Nikolanian. I used Google translate to learn that!”
Sigma sputtered. “That’s- okay, but we’re kind of having an issue right now!” He exclaimed, pointing out the window.
Nikolai looked over the scene one final time, before he shrugged. “Aww, they’re rioting! How cute!” He said with a cheery little clap of his hands, “Anyways, it’s okay Sigma! I’ll get us out of here! We’ll just have to come back later.”
With that, he quickly grabbed Sigma’s hand tightly, and with the sound of yelling down the hallways, the storming of feet, and the clashing of weapons, he threw his cloak over Sigma and teleported them out of there.
After a while of slowly but surely transporting them there, they eventually landed back at their hideout once more. Sigma landed painfully on his back with a loud thud, while Nikolai landed gracefully on his feet.
Fyodor was reading nearby. He calmly looked up from his book, looking at the two with a curious gaze as he closed his book and set it down on the table next to him.
“Kolya,” he greeted with a small smile, looking at the two curiously, “Back so soon?” He glanced at Sigma, “Where are Sigma’s pants…?”
“Fedya!” Nikolai exclaimed happily, rushing over to him and clasping his hands in his with a smile, “The country kinda went into a revolution. They interrupted our beauty sleep, you know.”
Fyodor couldn’t help but look amused. “Did they now?” He said, gently squeezing Nikolai’s gloved hands, which were noticeably bigger than his, “We’ll deal with it tomorrow, then. I can go over and help.”
Sigma sighed, rubbing his back. Hesitantly, he spoke up.
“Do I have to come tomorrow…?”
“Yep!” Nikolai exclaimed, “Of course! You’re my consultant!!” He walked over and have Sigma a quick succession of pats on the shoulder, before he walked off with Fyodor, ready to fix the issue with Nikolaination tomorrow once they had gotten some rest.