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Changbin already has the video call with Jisung set up when Chan arrives, fifteen minutes late for their weekly lunch date.
“Hi, hi, sorry, sorry, I’m late, I know, I’m sorry.”
He collapses down next to Changbin and starts pulling out his kimbap and coffee, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.
“You’re all right, hyung! I was just telling Changbin-hyung how the washing machine broke and now—”
“I met the most beautiful man in the world,” Chan blurts out. Fuck. So much for keeping chill about this. “Shit, sorry, Jisung-ah. You were saying?”
“No, no,” Jisung takes a bite of his rice. “This is way more interesting than Minho-hyung insisting I don’t know the right way to hand-wash his socks.”
“He’s so beautiful.” Chan sighs. “I met him at the international students’ info session. It felt like staring directly into the sun, but in a good way.”
“Wow,” says Jisung through a mouthful of rice.
“You don’t sound too happy about it,” says Changbin.
“Yeah, well. Immediately afterwards, I met his boyfriend: the second most beautiful man in the world.”
Chan hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it. There he was, talking to the most beautiful man in the world, and the most beautiful man in the world was Australian and talking back to him, and then someone called his name out and when Felix turned to see who it was, his entire face had lit up with an even more beautiful smile before the second most beautiful man in the world came up, wrapped his arms around Felix’s waist, and tucked his face into Felix’s neck.
“Shit,” says Jisung. “That sucks.”
“Yeah,” Changbin agrees. “Anyway, how hot is he? What’s his instagram?”
“Yeah, Hyung.” Jisung is already pulling out his phone. “C’mon, share. What’s his name?”
“Lee Yongbok, but his instagram is Felix underscore Lee.”
There’s a moment of silence as both of Chan’s best friends search for the handle. Finally, Changbin turns his screen for Chan to look at.
“This him?”
Chan glances over. That’s definitely Felix in the profile picture—and Felix’s name next to a sunshine emoji, rainbow emoji, Australian flag emoji, and Korean flag emoji. Nearly all the actual posts are of Felix and his almost-as-beautiful boyfriend Hyunjin.
“Yeah, that’s him.” Chan sighs again. “See what I mean? He’s so gorgeous. They’re both so gorgeous.”
“Yeah, they’re cute,” Jisung says, this time through a mouth full of cabbage.
Jisung turns his phone screen to the camera to show them one of the posts. It takes a second for the webcam to adjust to showing a screen, but once it does, the picture is visible. In it, Felix and Hyunjin are both wearing cat ears and holding their hands up in little claws. Both of them have their tongues out; Felix has tiny, delicate whiskers drawn on his face.
“Hyung, I don’t think these guys are dating,” Jisung concludes.
“What? No, they’re definitely dating. Look!” He takes Changbin’s phone and scrolls to a post from about a month ago: a set of the two of them celebrating Valentine’s Day together, complete with matching pink sweaters and a clearly homemade cake frosted with Hyunjin’s name on it inside a heart. The caption is just three of the growing heart emojis.
Changbin takes back the phone and scrolls through the whole post.
“Hmm. I guess?”
“No, seriously, look!” Jisung waves his phone at them again. This time it’s a shot from a dance studio, both of them sitting on their knees with their backs to the camera, looking over their shoulders and blowing kisses at the mirror while Felix takes a photo of them. “I bet you money they’re just friends. Best friends, sure, but just friends.”
Chan sighs. He’s not going to be able to convince Jisung, not without introducing them. Jisung hadn’t seen the way Hyunjin had hugged Felix close and rested his head on Felix’s shoulder while they talked, the two of them leaving the info session holding hands and giggling quietly to each other.
Chan sighs a third time. “They’re definitely dating. I’m positive.”
“Sorry, Hyung..” Changbin pats his arm. “Anyway, he’s just some guy. It’s not like you’ll have to see him ag… Oh, Hyung,” Changbin says, interrupting himself as he assesses Chan’s body language, “what did you do?”
“Well, um…” Chan avoids looking at either Changbin or Jisung. “He mentioned that he’s from Sydney. And, like, I’m from Sydney, and he said he’s been kind of homesick lately, so I was like, ‘Oh, let me know if you want to hang out sometime,’ just because like… Yeah.”
He drops his head into his hands. “Seriously guys, he’s just so beautiful. He’s so beautiful it makes me stupid.”
“Yeah, we got that,” Jisung sighs, squeezing the bridge of his nose.
Chan meets Felix for coffee a few days later. One of the things Felix had complained about most at the meeting was how hard it’s been to find good coffee in Seoul. Obviously, Chan had immediately told Felix about the place he’d found not far from Hongdae, run by another Aussie ex-pat and her husband from Gwangju. After that, it’d just seemed obvious to ask Felix if he wanted to go some time; Felix had looked so happy at the offer that Chan can’t bring himself to regret it, not even after Felix’s boyfriend had shown up to drag him away.
Even now, Chan still doesn’t regret it. He holds his coffee up between both hands, trying to disguise the fact that he’s not actually drinking coffee he doesn’t actually like. Felix sits across from him, taking tiny, bird-like sips of his flat white. He’s just finished telling a long story about his sister back home and a battle with a tenacious seagull.
The story’s so funny. He’s so funny. When Felix smiles his whole face scrunches up and his laugh is so cute and Chan wants to count all the freckles on his face before deciding which is his favourite.
God, he’s a mess.
“...So like, yeah. Olivia wouldn’t go to the beach for, like, a whole month after that.”
“I can’t blame her.” Chan smiles. He probably looks like an idiot, but he can’t help himself.
Felix takes another tiny sip of his coffee. His phone buzzes with a KKT notification, revealing his home screen to be K/DA. Chan becomes even more entranced—
Until Felix puts his phone back on the table, this time with the screen face down, and Chan sees the mini polaroid of him and Hyunjin with their arms around each other tucked inside his phone case. A reminder that it’s not actually Chan’s place to be ranking all of Felix’s freckles.
“Chris?” Felix asks, smiling softly. Chan realises he’s completely zoned out.
“Oh, sorry! I’m just… It’s nothing. Um, how’s Hyunjin?”
“Hyunjin?” Felix furrowed his brow a little. “He’s fine.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah? I mean, he hasn’t said anything. I, um. I didn’t know you knew him?”
“Oh, no, I don’t!” Chan says, aware he’s speaking way too fast. He mentally kicks himself. “I just thought it’d be polite to ask, seeing as he’s your, y’know, um…”
“...Yeah.” Felix does not look any less confused. “Well, he’s great, so.”
“Yeah, I figured! He’d have to be, yeah?”
“...Yeah?”
When they leave, Felix stops to get Hyunjin an iced americano. Chan holds the door open for him on the way out.
“This was fun,” Chan says as they hover outside once the door swings shut.
“Yeah, uh, it truly was.” Felix smiles softly, tucking his hair behind his ear. “We should, um, we should do it again sometime?”
“Oh, yeah, that sounds great!” Chan squeezes Felix’s shoulder, careful not to hold on for more than a couple of seconds in case he’d be making it weird. “You should message me! Or I’ll message you! Either way, yeah, let’s—again.”
“Cool.” Felix smiles again, finally taking a step back. He waves at Chan with the hand that’s holding Hyunjin’s iced americano as he turns to leave. Chan waves back just as Felix starts to walk away.
“See you round!” He shouts, just a little too loudly after Felix’s retreating back.
Felix looks over his shoulder and smiles harder. “See you round!”
When Chan gets home, he kicks his shoes off and collapses face first on the couch. His forehead bounces off of Changbin’s thigh.
Changbin pats him on the shoulder and goes back to the procedural drama he’s watching.
“Do you think it’s possible to die from unrequited love?” Chan asks into the couch cushion.
“No.”
“I’m serious, Changbin-ah.”
Changbin sighs and pauses his drama before turning to face Chan. “Yeah, me too.” He takes Chan’s hand in his. “Hyung, it’s fine. You’ll hang out a few times and then you’ll either drift apart like you never knew each other, or you’ll stay friends. In a couple of months’ time, you’ll have entirely forgotten how obsessed you were when you first met him.”
Chan frowns. If he had to choose, staying friends with Felix— even if that means having to constantly see him and Hyunjin together, cuddling and holding hands and presumably, at some point, even kissing—is better than never seeing Felix again.
“You’re right.” Chan sighs. “He’s just, like, a really cool person. On top of being y’know… You know.”
“I know.” Changbin pats his shoulder again.
“So, like. Yeah. Yeah! I’ll just be his friend. He’ll be a great friend. I’d be so honoured to be his friend. I’ll be fine.”
For a second, it looks like Changbin might challenge him on that; instead, he unpauses his drama.
“Anyway, if you’re getting desperate—”
“Thanks, Changbin-ah.”
“I’m just saying. If you are, let me know if you ever want me to introduce you to anyone. My boyfriend has a lot of friends.”
“Thank you, Changbin-ah, but I think I’ll pass. Everyone he knows would be more than I can handle.”
“Yeah, that’s fair,” Changbin agrees. “But if you change your mind.”
Chan only goes to the next international students’ event because he’s hoping to see Felix, but it’s shaping up to be a waste of time. The session started ten minutes ago and Felix is nowhere to be seen, nor is the topic of this session particularly interesting for Chan. He’s contemplating trying to sneak out before they’re too far in when someone shuffles through his row of seats, murmuring a string of sorrys and mianhaeyos before dropping into the seat next to him.
When he glances to the side, Felix smiles back at him, blushing just a little. He mouths another sorry. Chan’s just about to reply when the session leader coughs, loudly and pointedly. Chastised, Chan just smiles back at Felix before turning to face the front of the room.
There’s a short break about fifteen minutes later. Felix nudges Chan with his elbow as soon as it starts, gesturing towards the door. They both grab their bags and try to sneak out as carefully as they can, bumping way more knees than Felix had on the way in.
“Sorry,” Felix says as soon as they’re outside the door. “I hope I didn’t, like, drag you away when you wanted to stay or anything.”
“Who, me?” Chan grins. “You mean you don’t love getting a headstart on post-graduate visa applications?”
“Oh yeah, that’s me, definitely.” Felix laughs softly. “I was just, like, noticing, well, you looked a little bored, so. I figured you might want a handy escape.”
Chan had been bored, and he did want a handy escape. He feels bad, both that he only showed up to the session to try and see Felix and that now he’s dragging Felix away when he’d presumably had some better reason to attend the lecture than Chan had, but Chan can’t actually bring himself to be mad about it.
“So, um,” Felix continues, “do you want to, like, grab a coffee or something?”
Chan says yes immediately. He’s happy to fake his way through another coffee if it means getting to stare at Felix between sips.
The cafe is only half-full when they arrive, mostly small groups huddled around tables and talking quietly. It takes Chan a minute to convince Felix to sit down and let Chan get their drinks, but it’s worth it: Felix’s face lights up when Chan pushes a chocolate cookie across the table for him.
“Oh, wow. For me?”
“Oh, yeah! Like, last time, you mentioned you kind of had a sweet tooth, and I couldn’t stop staring at the cookies while I was waiting in line, so… Why, is it weird? I can take it ba—”
“No!” Felix reaches out for the cookie. “No, I want it, it’s just, um. I wasn’t expecting it. So uh. I’m like, a little surprised.”
“Oh. Well, surprise!” Chan wiggles his fingers in a tiny approximation of spirit fingers. Felix laughs and covers his face, then reaches for the cookie to take a bite.
“Thank you.” Felix covers his mouth while he chews. When he’s done, there’s a smear of chocolate at the corner of his mouth and a few crumbs clinging to his lips.
Chan sits down across from Felix. There's a moment of silence underscored only by the soft sounds of Felix taking tiny bites of his cookie. He still hasn’t realised he’s got chocolate on his mouth. Chan can’t help but stare at the spot where it’s smudged along the curve of his lip.
Felix puts the remaining half the cookie down. He licks a crumb off the middle of his lower lip.
“So—”
“So—”
They cut each other off. Felix laughs, covering his mouth with his hand.
“You fir—”
“You fir—”
Chan scrunches his eyes closed with a giggle as Felix laughs again. He finally cracks one open to see Felix still smiling, then watches as he mimes zipping his lips.
“So. Yeah, um, how’ve you been?” Chan asks.
“Oh! Haha, yeah, I’ve been pretty good. It’s just been hitting the, like, seriously serious part of the semester, yeah? It feel like I forget every time, and the first couple of months ease me in so gently that then, it’s suddenly like, oh my god… Assignments…”
“Oh, wow, yeah.” Chan laughs. “I, um, I totally get that. Sometimes my brain is just like, ’Well, you’ve been working on so much,’ and then Changbin has to remind me that like, uh, none of the music I’ve been working on is actual school stuff, and that unfortunately, I do have to do that at some point.”
“For sure, so real.” Felix laughs. “But at least if you’re doing, like, music and stuff, you could, I guess? Submit something? Like, in an emergency? ‘Sorry, professor, this wasn’t what you asked for, but…’ I can’t, like, tell my instructor, sorry, but I’ve been putting in a lot of hours on League.”
“Oh god.” Chan swallows. “I don’t know if I could submit some of these, even in an emergency.”
“For real?” Felix tucks his hair behind his ear. “What, uh… What kinds of songs are you working on?”
“Haha, I mean. Like. Nothing weird or anything! Just, like—” Chan swallows again. He casts his mind over literally any of the lyrics he’s written lately, trying to scrounge up one he’s willing to share, but not a single normal thing comes to mind. He can’t just tell Felix he wrote a song—multiple songs—about him, not when they barely know each other. Besides, Felix has, Felix has…
“So, um, you play League?”
If Felix notices the awkward topic shift, he doesn’t let it show.
“Yeah! I’ve been playing for years. The internet in our room is really terrible though; it’s totally holding me back.”
The “our” pulls Chan back in a bit; he pinches his thigh under the table.
“Do, uh. Do you and Hyunjin play together?”
“Hyunjin?” Felix’s eyebrows pinch together. “Hyunjin doesn’t really play games much. He likes when I go to PC Bang and he can paint by himself with his own music and not me, like, swearing loudly ‘cause I keep dying.”
“Oh, that’s cool,” Chan says. “It’s cool that you guys have, like, fun, separate hobbies.”
“... Yeah?”
There’s another moment of silence. Felix’s cookie is finished. He passes his half-full cup back and forth between his hands.
“I, um, I play League too?” Chan says. “If you maybe wanted to play together some time?”
Felix’s smile returns, relieved that Chan’s broken the silence. “Yeah, that’d be awesome.”
Since it’s been two days since Chan has seen sunlight, Changbin hustles him out of the studio and out to the nearest park so he doesn’t shrivel up like a jujube. They’re just coming out of the convenience store with a bagful of kimbap and soft drinks when they bump into some other customers, nearly dropping everything in the process.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I—Chris?”
That’s Felix’s voice. Chan looks up at Felix and Hyunjin.
“Oh, hey! Um, Changbin-ah, this is Felix - Yongbokkie - and his, um, Hyunjin-ssi.”
“Hi.” Changbin bows to them both. “Chan-hyung’s told me all about you.”
Chan doesn’t quite manage to elbow him in the side before both Felix and Hyunjin smile at that news.
“Oh wow,” Felix says. “But I feel like we’ve barely talked. What has he even told you about me?”
“Well, mostly that you’re—”
“Changbin-ah,” Chan tries not to snap.
“—Australian,” Changbin continues, ignoring Chan. “He was really excited to meet another Aussie here.”
“Oh.” Felix blushes a little. “Wow, that’s so nice.”
“He was super excited to meet you too, Chan-ssi,” Hyunjin says, yelping immediately afterwards.
“Hyunjinnie!” Felix hisses. Hyunjin pouts.
“Yongbokkie, be nice.”
“Oh, he’s very nice,” Chan says, immediately wishing he could sink into a hole, “I mean. I mean…”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Changbin says, cutting Chan off before he embarrasses himself even further.
“Thanks,” Felix says, shyly. “Are you guys going to class, or…?”
“No,” Changbin answers. “We were just grabbing some snacks. I’m taking Chan-hyung to the park to force him to see sunlight at least once this week.”
“Oh wow!” Hyunjin claps his hands, “We were going to the park too! Why don’t we join you?”
“Hyunjin-ah! I’m sure hyung doesn’t want us interrupting—”
“Yongbok-ah, at least let Chan-ssi answer himself—”
“But he doesn’t want us—”
“Chan-ssi?”
Chan blinks. All three of them are looking at him now.
“No, uh, no, I mean, that sounds great! Let’s, uh, let’s all go. To the park. Together.”
Hyunjin smiles widely. “Thank you, Chan-ssi!”
“No problem?” Chan is still a little confused as to why Hyunjin would decide to interrupt a date just to hang out at the park with him and Changbin, but he’s not going to turn down hanging out with Felix. “And you can call me hyung, too, if you want.”
Hyunjin smiles brightly and hooks his arm through Felix’s again, the pair of them standing aside so Chan and Changbin can lead the way.
The park isn’t too busy when they get there. The weather is finally nice enough to hang out outside without worrying about sudden rain, but it’s the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, which means there aren’t many families milling about. Hyunjin and Changbin break off to scout ahead for a good spot to sit down; Felix and Chan drift closer to each other as they follow.
“So, um.” Felix tucks a few strands of hair behind his ear, his cheeks pink. “How’ve, um, how have you been?”
“I’ve been uh, good, yeah,” Chan offers, trying to sound smarter than he feels. “Yeah, good. Just, like, working away on some stuff. Probably working too hard, if I’m honest, but you know how it is when you’re just like, in the zone? And you can’t think of anything else, and you don’t want to stop in case you suddenly aren’t in the zone when you try and start again, and then who knows when you’ll be back in the zone and uh… Maybe that’s just me?”
“No, wow, yeah, I totally get that,” Felix says. “It’s like, sometimes, yeah, when I’m dancing—”
“Oh you—you dance?” Chan mentally kicks himself for interrupting.
“Yeah.” Felix grins. “We both do—” he points at Hyunjin, “—but I get you, like. Sometimes when I’m dancing, it’ll just be like, ‘Oh no, it’s like, midnight,’ and I’m just like, where did the time go?”
“Yeah,” Chan agrees. “Exactly.”
“Right? It’s good though.” Felix tucks more hair behind his ears. “Sometimes just getting lost in that feeling, yeah? It’s good.”
“Yeah, it’s good.”
Chan trails off and they’re both silent for a moment. He tries desperately to think of something to say that isn’t going to start him rambling incoherently at Felix until he flees the park, but nothing comes to mind. They’ve been staring at each other for too long to be normal. Chan is just about to start panicking and blurt out the first thing that pops in his head when they’re rescued by Changbin yelling for them to follow.
Chan hadn’t even realised they’d stopped walking.
Changbin and Hyunjin have picked their spot near a patch of trees that breaks up the small amount of wind still blowing. The trees cover just enough of the sky that the sun isn’t directly in their eyes, but there’s not so much shade they’ll get chilly. It’s a pretty perfect spot for an impromptu picnic; Hyunjin smiles when Felix tells him that.
They’re all mostly silent when they eat, just the low murmur of pleased sounds and the occasional request to pass some sauce or a plastic bag for garbage. Chan and Changbin trading some of their kimbap for Felix and Hyunjin’s honey butter chips and fruit jellies. After they finish, Chan volunteers to take the garbage to the nearest bin. Felix jumps up to walk with him. It's still nice out, so neither of them are in a rush as they walk through the park.
"So, um, how've you been?" Chan asks, "Oh wow, you already asked me that. Ignore me, haha, I'm kind of out of it today."
"No, no, it's fine,” Felix says with a laugh. "Besides, I only asked you. You didn't ask me."
"Right, right." Chan swallows. "So, how have you been?"
"I've been good, yeah," Felix dips his head to tuck his hair behind his ear, then looks up at Chan from under his eye-lashes. "Just, like, school, and stuff, um, like that. I keep running out of time to do readings, so I tried audiobooks, just so I could like, read while I'm doing stuff? But I keep losing my place. Or, like, falling asleep? So it's not working. So I need a new plan, but like… one that actually works."
"Oh wow, yeah," Chan says, "That sounds tough."
"Yeah, but I guess until then I can just, like, try and read the actual books?"
"Yeah! A classic method," Chan agrees, grinning. "Can't hurt."
"Yeah," Felix says. He breathes in to say more, but gets cut off when he slips on some wet grass. Chan reaches out to catch him.
"Oh my God! Are you okay?"
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry."
They drown each other out. Chan laughs.
"Why are you sorry? You're the one who fell."
"Yeah, but like." Felix chews on his lip, still in Chan's arms, "It's my fault, so."
"It's nobody's fault." Chan carefully sets Felix back on his feet and rubs his upper arms reassuringly. "See? All good."
"Thanks, Chris." Felix smiles. Chan feels the need to pinch himself.
It's only a minute or two more before they're back with Hyunjin and Changbin, who have been watching YouTube videos the whole time and barely noticed they were gone. Felix drops down next to them and rests his head on Hyunjin's shoulder; Hyunjin pats his knee.
Changbin checks the time and looks up at Chan.
"I'm heading to class soon, so you're free from your enrichment activities, Hyung."
Honestly, Chan would be fully prepared to jack in his plans for the rest of the day and just spend it in the park, but he can't intrude on Felix and Hyunjin's afternoon any longer, not after dragging Felix away from Hyunjin as long as he has.
"Oh, okay, cool. I'm gonna head back then. Bye, guys."
Felix and Hyunjin wave goodbye and Changbin stands to follow Chan back to the street. They've only gone a couple of meters when a shout stops them.
Hyunjin runs up behind them and faces Chan. “Hyung, I actually had a favour to ask?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“I’m not doing so well in my English class at the moment. I was wondering if you’d be able to help me with some stuff? Felix says your English is great.”
“Me?” Chan asks. “I mean, yeah, sure, I can help, but what about Felix?”
“He told me to ask you! He talks to me in English a lot so I can practise, but sometimes, with grammar stuff, he doesn’t know the right Korean to explain it to me in a way that makes sense.”
“Oh, okay.” That makes sense. “Then yeah, if you need some grammar help, sure! Get my KaTalk from Felix and we can plan to meet up and go over it.”
“Thanks, Hyung!” Hyunjin waves wildly and runs back to Felix.
Hyunjin suggested they meet in a Starbucks a little way away from campus. Chan agrees immediately, thankful Hyunjin didn’t ask him for ideas; he’d rather not justify to himself as to why he wouldn’t take Hyunjin to the cafe he goes to with Felix.
Chan had been worried Hyunjin was going to actually be awful—that Felix had suggested he get a different tutor because he couldn't bring himself to tell his boyfriend he was incoherent—but Hyunjin's speaking is pretty good, even if he blushes a little when he forgets a word. When Hyunjin pulls out his last few assignments, though, Chan sees where some of the problem is. Honestly, the issue is less the English grammar and more that Chan is fairly sure Hyunjin has never paid enough attention to the technicalities of Korean grammar for someone to be able to explain the English version quickly. Chan does his best anyway.
They’re taking a cookie break after half an hour when Hyunjin slouches down in his seat and sighs.
“I miss my boyfriend.”
It can’t have been more than a couple of hours since Hyunjin’s seen Felix, but honestly, that’s fair. If Chan was dating Felix, he would miss him literally the second he left the room.
“You’ll see him soon though, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.” Hyunjin sighs, pouting a little. “Sometimes it feels like I’ll be waiting forever.”
Chan doesn’t really know what to say. Felix isn’t even out of town. He’d texted Chan this morning to complain that he’d sneezed while overextended in his lane and died immediately.
Chan leans across the table to pat Hyunjin’s hand. “I’m sure it won’t actually be that long.”
Hyunjin looks down at his hand and smiles.
“Felix is really great,” he says, pulling Chan’s hand a little closer and leaning in. “He’s like, so cool and nice.”
“Oh wow, yeah,” Chan agrees.
“Did you know he dances?” Hyunjin lets go of Chan’s hands to rest his chin on his palms. “He’s such a good dancer. And he bakes for me all the time.”
“Oh, yeah, um—” Chan scratches his head, dipping his eyes down to the tabletop. “He’s mentioned dancing a few times.”
“You should come watch one of our practices sometime!” Hyunjin says. “He’s really sexy when he dances.”
Chan desperately cannot think about that. He’s been doing everything he can to not think about the fact that Felix dances ever since he found out. He cannot handle Hyunjin forcing him to think about it now.
“Oh, wow, yeah.” Chan sips his drink, hoping his red cheeks are hidden by the cup. “I’ll bet.”
Hyunjin smiles like he’s pleased with himself, then sighs, picking up his text book and opening it again. “I guess we should get back to this.”
“Right.” Chan pulls the book close enough to see the page heading. “Future perfect, yeah.”
Changbin’s on videochat with Jisung while Chan gets ready, occasionally relaying comments back and forth when Chan’s too far away from the computer for him and Jisung to hear each other.
When he comes back into the living room and waves to the camera, Jisung wolf-whistles at him.
“Looking fresh Channie-hyung! Please tell me you have a hot date.”
Chan blushes, “Ah, no, I mean, nothing like that. I’m just meeting the guys.”
“Right,” Jisung says. “Your straight friends.”
“They’re not all—” Chan sighs. “Yeah, those friends. Mingyu’s celebrating… something, I don’t remember. We’re going to some barbeque place he likes. Jaehyun has an early class, so it probably won’t be a wild night, not like… Well, not like last time.”
Last time, Jungkook and Mingyu had gotten absolutely hammered and snuck off to the restrooms to switch clothes so they could pretend to be each other when they returned to the table. Two girls had nearly gotten in a fist fight over which of them was allowed to flirt with Dongmin first, then Jaehyun had passed out with his face in his plate of chicken and Chan had had to call his roommate to come pick him up. The roommate had ended up picking up one of the girls fighting over Dongmin instead, leaving Chan to pour Jaehyun into a taxi home on his own.
There’s a reason why it’s been a few months since he’s gone out with them.
Jisung turns away from the camera, murmuring something to whoever else is in the room. When he turns back, he’s blushing just a little.
“How’s Minho-hyung?” Changbin asks.
“Um, he’s fine.” Jisung tucks his hair behind his ear. “He says hi.”
“Hi Minho-yah!” Chan yells in the computer’s general direction while he grabs some water from the fridge. “How’s Japan?”
Jisung murmurs something off-screen again. “He says it’s fine. He’s got practice tonight, so.” He leans so far he nearly disappears off-screen and says something so low it’s basically inaudible. When he reappears, he’s smiling, a little flushed.
“Sorted your flight home yet?” Changbin asks.
“Hmm? Oh no, I’m gonna do it soon. There’s like, a whole science to booking flights, it’s so complicated. But Hyung says the airline usually does a sale around now so I’m just waiting for that.”
“Uh huh.”
Chan pats his pockets to check he has everything, then turns to Changbin. “Are you sure you don’t want to come? You’re definitely welcome.”
“Come hang out with you and all your straight friends? I’ll pass.”
“Hey, they’re good guys,” Chan insists. “And they’re not all straight! Jungkook will be there.”
“Okay, all your straight friends and Jungkook. I’m still good. Jisungie and I are going to watch Ghibli movies while Minho-Hyung is at dance practice.”
Chan waves goodbye and heads out, pulling his phone out of his pocket once he gets to the train platform. He deletes a bunch of spam emails without even opening them and switches to KaTalk as the train pulls in.
Hyunjin: Hyung, thank you so much for your help! I did really well on my last homework assignment
Chan: Oh wow that’s great! Glad I could help
Hyunjin: Do you think we could meet up again before midterms? There’s some other stuff I still need to work on
Chan: Yeah that’s no problem! Just let me know when you’re free and I’ll see when I’m around
Hyunjin: Thanks Hyung!!!
“Ah, you’re late!” Jungkook yells when Chan finally arrives at the restaurant.
“Sorry, sorry. Subway delays,” Chan says, sliding into the seat between Mingyu and Dongmin. He begs forgiveness and orders a sikhye while the rest of them pass round soju and beer, arguing over who gets to be in charge of the meat. Chan goes out in the first round of the elaborate game of gawi bawi bo; eventually Jungkook wins, pounding his chest with a fist and snatching the tongs off Jaehyun.
Chan’s phone buzzes as they polish off their final round of meat.
He flicks open his notifications. Felix has tagged him in a picture of a muffin in what's clearly the cafe where they had their first da—meeting. Chan smiles and sends him back a thumbs up with a smiley face. When he looks back up, all the guys are staring at him.
“What?”
Dongmin nudges him. “Who ya texting?”
“Oh, it’s just Felix.”
“And who’s Felix?” Jaehyun asks.
“He’s… just, like, a friend from International Students,” Chan explains. “He’s also Australian.”
“Is he cute?” Jaehyun asks.
“I mean, yeah, he’s cute—” Cute doesn’t begin to describe him. “—but he’s just a friend, really. It’s not like that.”
“Hmm,” Mingyu says, “I’m unconvinced. Is everyone else unconvinced?”
Everyone nods their heads.
“Show us a picture, Channie!” Dongmin reaches out his hand for Chan’s phone. “Don’t hold out.”
Chan sighs and opens Instagram again, scrolling to a selfie Felix took in the library a couple of days ago. He looks a little sleepy, face soft and propped up on his fist while he chews on the end of a pen. He holds his phone out. They all lean in.
“Oh, he is cute,” Mingyu says before turning to Jungkook. “I’m right, right? He’s cute?”
“Yes, he’s cute,” Jungkook confirms. “He’s cute and he’s exactly Chan-ah’s type, soooooo. I have questions!”
“Yeah, Channie-yah,” Jaehyun says, re-filling everyone’s glasses. “Why aren’t you trying to hit that?”
Chan waits for a moment while everyone drinks. “I can be friends with a hot guy without immediately wanting to get into his pants.”
“Yeah but like, why?” Mingyu asks.
Chan sighs and slouches in his seat. “He has a boyfriend.”
“Ahhh,” they say in unison.
Mingyu takes Chan’s phone off him and scrolls a bit. “Wait, is this his boyfriend?” He turns the phone around so Chan can confirm, then holds it out to show Jaehyun. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
The post Mingyu has pulled up is from a couple of months ago, before Chan met either Felix or Hyunjin. They’re lying on a blanket in the grass, Hyunjin’s hand held up to block the sun from their eyes. Felix is biting Hyunjin’s cheek where it’s round from squinting at the camera. In the second picture, Hyunjin is laughing and pushing Felix away.
The caption reads: “he’s so cute I could eat him 🥰”
Mingyu purses his lips as he examines the picture. “Maybe they’re just friends?”
“No, believe me, they're not. Here.” Chan takes the phone back and scrolls to another photo. This time, Felix and Hyunjin are in sitting up in bed together in matching silk pyjamas and My Melody eye masks, blowing kisses to the camera, their matching rings visible.
Jaehyun takes his phone and looks carefully at the image. “Are you sure they’re dating? This really looks like they’re just friends. I’m not getting that dating vibe off these.”
“And you’re an expert in vibes now?” Chan asks.
“Well, yeah.” Jaehyun replies.
Dongmin takes the phone off Jaehyun. He stares at the photo for a second, zooming in like that’s going to tell him anything.
“Inconclusive.” He dodges Chan’s hand to give the phone to Mingyu. “But they really do just look like friends. Like, best friends, sure, but just friends.”
“Just friends—” Chan scoffs, taking his phone back to scroll again. “Here, look at this! This is absolutely not just friends behaviour.”
The evidentiary post is one he's shamefully looked at more than once. It’s a boomerang of Felix and Hyunjin facing each other, both leaning in to kiss either side of a large, heart-shaped lollipop. It’s only a second, but the way Felix’s face scrunches up when he purses his lips to kiss the lollipop has been the subject of at least three of Chan’s recent daydreams.
“This is not making your case well,” Jaehyun says. “I’m even more convinced they’re just friends now.”
“What are you talking about, c’mon!” Chan waves his phone again. “If this was a guy and a girl none of you would question it.”
The three of them pause for a moment, then they all turn to look at Jungkook. He looks up from his beer with his eyes wide.
“Um.
Chan shoves the phone into his hands, nearly dropping it when Jungkook doesn’t expect how vehemently he’s handing it over. “Jungkook-ah, back me up here. They’re dating, right?”
Jungkook wrinkled his nose, “Um… I don’t… think so? I’m sorry, Chan-ah. They both just seem… like… friends.”
Chan snatches his phone back and shoves it in his pocket. “I can’t believe you’re betraying me like this.”
“I’m sorry!” Jungkook yelps. “I tried hard, for you, but I can’t see it!”
Chan grumbles under his breath and tries to take a sip from his empty water glass. At the other end of the table, Mingyu calls for the check.
“Chan-ah.” Jungkook slides up next to Chan when they get outside. “Later, when you find out we’re right and—”
“So never?” Chan grumbles.
“When you find out we’re right and he’s single and you can slide into his dms and profess your undying love, yes. When that happens, do you think you can get me his friend’s number?”
“Jungkook-ah,” Chan whines. “I thought you of all people would have my back!”
“I have your back! I have your back so much. I’m telling you this as part of having your back: those two guys are not dating. Trust me.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Well, because they’re both—”
“Jungkook-ah!” Mingyu yells from the corner. “C'mon! We're leaving!”
“Shit, gotta run.” Jungkook claps Chan on the shoulder. “See ya.”
Felix: Hey
Felix: I was wondering
Felix: Do you want
Felix: To go see
Felix: The new
Felix: Marvel movie
Felix: With me
Chan: Oh yeah, that sounds great! When do you want to go?
Felix: Maybe
Felix: The end of the week Felix: Sometime? Felix: Like Felix: I’m free Felix: Thursday Felix: If Felix: You are
Chan: Thursday sounds great! I’m free after three so just pick whichever showing you want and let me know
Felix: Cool
Felix: Thanks
Felix: Chris
Chan: No problem! I’ll see you there!
On Thursday, Chan heads to the movie theatre to meet Felix. It's finally hit the part of Spring where it’s reliably warm most days and typhoon season is still a ways off, so he walks instead of taking the subway, enjoying the sun on his face. When he arrives at the theatre, Chan finds a patch of sunlight to wait in. It's even warm enough that he slips off his jacket while he waits. He's wearing a sleeveless tee, and his biceps are so pale compared to his forearms that Chan resolves to spend more time outdoors in the next few weeks.
Felix had warned Chan he'd be arriving pretty close to the start time, so Chan flicks through his notifications while he waits. Changbin and Jisung are arguing about something monumentally insignificant that Chan only cares about enough to occasionally try and rile one of them up; two of his classmates have messaged him asking for notes for different classes; and his mom wants to know when he’ll be free for her to call him. He’s ignoring everything except his mom when he looks up from typing out his answer and Felix is standing in front of him, smiling softly.
“Oh hey!” Chan pockets his phone. “Sorry! I hope you weren’t standing there for long, sorry.”
“No, no, it’s fine!” Felix smiles a little wider. “You looked like you were doing something important.”
“I was just texting my mom,” Chan says as he holds the door open. “Is it just the two of us?”
“Um, yeah?” Felix flushes a little. He’d probably rushed here from the subway. “Sorry, did you want to ask someone else?”
“Hmm? Oh, no! No, I was just wondering if Hyunjin was coming.”
“Hyunjin?” Felix frowns a little, his forehead scrunching up.
“Yeah, cause you guys are like…” Chan waves his hands around like he’s physically grasping for the word. “... y’know.”
“Did you… Um, did you want to see him?”
“Oh, uh, no? I just thought, like, 'cause you guys live together and all…”
“We do stuff separately all the time.” Felix folds his arms tightly over his chest. “He’s at a poetry thing.”
“Oh cool! That sounds fun.”
Felix fiddles with the button on his sleeve, his eyes focused somewhere on Chan’s left shoulder. “Yeah, I’m sure he’s enjoying himself.”
Chan isn’t entirely sure what’s going on. It feels more awkward than it should be for just two friends meeting each other for a movie, even if they haven’t been friends all that long. Felix is quieter than Chan’s used to, barely even arguing back that it was his idea so he should pay before Chan swoops in and gets both their tickets. The start time is only ten minutes away, but Chan’s mind is suddenly blank of any conversation topic.
“Um, popcorn?” Chan asks.
Felix blinks and shakes his head before giving Chan a tiny soft smile. “I love popcorn.”
The lights are already dimming when they make it to their seats. Chan pulls out his phone to put on Do Not Disturb and realises he forgot to exit KKT before shoving his phone in his pocket. He’d been halfway through a message; Chan cringes when he realises he’d accidentally sent his mom three normal words and then a long string of gibberish.
Mom: What?
Chan: That was an accident!! I’ll explain later haha.
The film is honestly not that great. Chan loses an important plot thread about halfway through.
He leans over to ask Felix: "Do you know who that is?" Chan whispers.
"Not really," Felix murmurs back. "I think he's from one of the TV shows? But I'm not caught up."
Luckily, everything is easy to follow once the fighting starts.
Felix is still eating their leftover popcorn as they leave the cinema. Chan has to concentrate very hard not to watch the way he stops chewing to lick salt off his fingers every couple of bites. He almost thinks Felix catches him staring once or twice, but the smile doesn't drop from his face, so he can't have noticed.
"Do you, um.” Chan tries to think of anything to do that isn’t going to require pretending to like coffee again and fails. “Do you want to go grab some coffee? I mean, like, if you're not in a rush to get home."
"I'm not in a rush." Felix smiles. "I don't know if I should have coffee this late in the day, though."
"Oh, yeah, right," Chan says. Other people have bedtimes. "Sleeping."
"Yeah, sleeping," Felix says through a laugh. "I could do, like, ice cream or something, though?"
"Ice cream, yeah," Chan agrees, kicking himself for not thinking of that first. "Ice cream sounds great."
As they walk, Chan learns that Felix and Hyunjin are working on a dance show and trying to schedule in their own rehearsals in between all the group practises and their own classes is becoming more of a struggle towards the end of semester. Chan can relate; even if he has way less class time to work around, trying to coordinate writing days when Jisung is only available via facetime is also a challenge.
At the ice cream place, Felix gives each flavour his full consideration before settling on strawberry bubblegum. Chan watches Felix carefully lick the sample spoons clean, tapping his finger off his lower lip as he thinks after each taste. When it's his own turn to choose, Chan's mind goes entirely blank.
He ends up with plain vanilla.
Chan pays before Felix has a chance to; Felix tries to pout at him, but can't keep from smiling long enough for it to work.
He nudges Chan as they leave. "Me next time, right?"
"Sure," Chan says, equally thrilled at the prospect of a next time and determined that he's going to keep paying.
He follows Felix back to his train platform, even though it's not the same train he needs.
"Thanks, Chris." Felix stands close enough to him that Chan feels Felix's jacket brush against his arm when Felix tucks his hair behind his ear. "I had a good time."
"Oh, yeah, well. No problem." Chan laughs. "Thanks for thinking of me."
Felix looks up at him for a moment, biting his lip. Just as he opens his mouth, the train pulls in. Chan steps back.
"See you 'round, yeah?"
"...Yeah." Felix waves a little as he heads for the door, sounding a little distant. "See ya."
Chan: Hey Felix!
Chan: Some friends and I are going to noraebang on Friday if you want to come?
Felix: Oh
Felix: Yeah 🥰️
Felix: Cool
Felix: Sounds fun ~
Chan: It'll be me, Changbin, and a few other people
Felix: Cool~~~
Chan: Oh, and bring Hyunjin too! The more the merrier haha
Felix: Oh yeah
Felix: Sure ~
Felix: I'll
Felix: Ask
Felix: Him 💙
Chan's on stage when Felix pokes his head in the door of their noraebang room. He nearly drops his mic when Felix waves, missing two lines of the song waving back until BamBam smacks the back of his head. Chan only just manages to come back in in time for the last verse.
The moment the track ends, Chan runs over to say hi.
"Hey." Chan smiles, waving again.
Felix’s face lights up. “Hey."
"Hi! I mean, hey, yeah. It's cool you came."
"Thanks," Felix says. "For like, inviting me, I mean."
"Of course!"
"You were, like, really good on stage," Felix says, rocking back and forth on his heels.
"Oh wow, thanks." Chan ruffles his own hair. "I'm not much of a singer, but it's fun."
"Well, I thought you were good at singing, personally, but like, it's not just about singing, yeah?" Felix tucks his hair behind his ear. "You've just got, like, great… um… stage… presence."
Felix looks up at him from under his eyelashes, short-circuiting Chan's brain for a moment. He stands there like an idiot, distracted by Felix's freckles, until Felix lifts his hand to drag his finger over his lower lip. Seeing Felix's couples' ring reminds Chan who Felix is really with.
"Hyunjin couldn’t make it?"
Felix blinks at him silently. Chan raises his eyebrows and hopes he looks supportive.
"Oh, um, no, yeah, he’s here... He's just, like, in the restroom, but um, he'll be here in a minute."
"Cool!" Chan takes a step back and claps his hands together. It’s good that Hyunjin’s here. Chan doesn’t want anyone to feel like he’s trying to monopolise Felix’s time, even if Chan could easily spend hours talking just to him. "Alright then! There's drinks on the table, help yourselves if you want anything! The song list should be… uh, somewhere."
"Oh, yeah.” The sound of the current song drowns Felix out a little. “Okay. Thanks."
Chan flashes him a thumbs up and ducks away, doing his best to avoid letting BamBam catch his eye and try to ask him about what happened on stage. He’s talking with Lalisa when he realises Hyunjin’s shown up, already deep in a conversation with Felix and Sana. Chan waves at him from across the room; Hyunjin waves back before getting pulled back into the conversation.
Another few people pick songs before Sana drags Chan back on stage. She’s picked a harder song to keep up with, and Chan zones in on the lyrics, the crowd fading into the background .
After their performance, Chan hands over the mic and flops down on the couch next to Changbin. He stares at the table for a second, overwhelmed by how many glasses there are, until Changbin points out the ones that are just water or soda. At the other end of the couch, Felix has slung his knee over Hyunjin’s lap while the two of them leaf through the song book to pick something out.
“You’re staring,” Changbin says.
Chan’s gaze snaps back to the table. “No I’m not.”
“He was watching you sing, you know,” Changbin says. Chan can hear his smile in his voice. “Couldn’t take his eyes off you.”
Chan darts a glance over to the end of the couch. Felix has his head bent, listening attentively to whatever Hyunjin is saying. Felix looks up, almost like he can tell Chan is watching, and gives a tiny wave with two of his fingers, his eyes crinkling softly when he catches Chan’s eye.
“Yeah, um—” Chan breaks eye contact with Felix and looks down at his hands. “I’ve been kind of getting, like, a… vibe, sometimes.”
“A vibe.”
“Yeah,” Chan scratches the back of his head, his eyes drawn back to Felix. “Sometimes, when Felix and I are hanging out, I get, like, this kind of… flirtatious vibe.”
Changbin leans in close to Chan, his eyebrows nearly at his hairline. “Are you sure?”
“No,” Chan sighs. “I can’t tell if I’m just, like, seeing things, or if he… But it always feels like he’s flirting, and anytime I mention Hyunjin, he gets his look on his face. I don’t… I don’t know. I don't know what I think.”
“Hyung…”
Chan shakes his head, scratching his eyebrow. “No, it’s probably nothing. I’m just reading into it, obviously. Like, look at them, right?” He looks over at where they’re sitting. “They’re so like, yeah. Y’know. Like, perfect.”
Changbin follows his gaze to the other end of the couch. Felix and Hyunjin seem to have picked a song, the book lying abandoned on the table. Felix is holding up the flashlight on his phone to give Hyunjin better lighting for the selfie he’s taking. At Felix’s instruction, Hyunjin opens his eyes a little wider and pouts a little more; Felix ruffles Hyunjin's hair a little bit before flashing him a thumbs up. After taking the photo, they both lean over Hyunjin's screen, heads together, mumbling while Hyunjin types. When he’s done, he shoves his phone in his pocket, blushing furiously. Felix kisses him on the forehead.
“See,” Chan sighs again, trying not to feel as miserable about it as he does. “They’re so in love.”
Before Changbin can answer, the current song ends and Felix jumps to his feet, pulling Hyunjin behind him. Hyunjin covers his face as Felix drags him up, but as soon as the music starts, he stands up straighter as two of them strike the opening poses for Catallena.
They're both a little tipsy, and Felix’s opening scream is cut off by his own laughter. They keep missing words every time they have to raise their hands for the choreo, forgetting they're also supposed to be singing, but Felix looks so cute every time he wiggles his shoulders that Chan can't look away.
They come together to do an ending fairy at the end, forming a giant heart above their heads and blowing kisses to the rest of the room. One of Felix’s is aimed directly at Chan and he mimes grabbing it out of the air and tucking it in his pocket; Felix laughs, stumbling a little. Hyunjin catches him and whispers something in his ear that makes Felix blush and push him away. As they leave the stage, Chan tells himself he’s only staring to keep an eye out in case Felix stumbles again, even if he’s linked arms with Hyunjin again. Hyunjin drags Felix back to the couch and shoves him down next to Chan before disappearing off towards the restrooms.
Felix’s hair is fluffy from all the movement, haloed around his face and making him glow in the low lights of the noraebang room. His cheeks are a little flushed from dancing and he smiles brightly when Chan offers him a glass of water, biting his lip instead of taking a sip.
"That was fun, yeah?" Felix pushes his hair back from his forehead. His hands are wet from the condensation on the glass; a drop of water forms on his hairline
"Yeah," Chan agrees, tracking the drop of water as it slowly trails down Felix’s temple towards his neck. He has to stop himself reaching out to brush it away. "Yeah, it looked like lots of fun."
"It's been ages since I've done this." Felix turns his body to face Chan more, crossing his leg over his knee and leaning in close to speak.
"Oh yeah?” Chan shivers from the brush of Felix’s breath against his neck. He has to stop himself reaching out again, Felix’s knee so close to where his hand is resting on his own knee. Felix is just trying to make sure Chan can hear him over the rest of the crowd. “We do this all the time, you should definitely come next time."
"Yeah?" Felix’s face softens, his eyes scrunching up happily. He nudges Chan’s calf with his toe. “I’d like that.”.
"Yeah." Chan allows himself to reach out and give Felix’s knee a quick squeeze, trying to stop his heart from beating faster when Felix smiles. “It’ll be fun.”
"Thank you so much, Hyung," Hyunjin says, smiling happily while he puts away his notes. "You’ve been so helpful. Yongbokkie was so right about how smart you are.”
“Oh, haha,” Chan says, tugging on his ear and blushing a little. “It’s not like I’m that smart or anything. I just have, like, a lot of experience speaking English, so.”
Hyunjin hums. “I think you’re just smart. Yongbok also has a lot of experience speaking English, and he couldn’t explain what a participle was.”
“Well, I’m sure he has, like, other stuff he’s great at. Better than me at, even! Haha, yeah. Lots of things. Yeah.”
“Obviously.” Hyunjin rolls his eyes a little. “Yongbokkie’s amazing,” His face goes soft for a second. “He’s so good. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
Right, yeah, Chan thinks. Obviously, Felix’s boyfriend thinks he’s as perfect as I do.
“So, you said you might want to go over things once more before your exams?” Chan asks, feeling guilty that he can’t handle any more of Hyunjin’s besotted face. “How’s next week?”
“Oh.” Hyunjin purses his lips. “I’m actually super busy all next week. We have rehearsal pretty much every day.”
“That’s no problem. I’m pretty flexible, so whenever you’re free is fine.”
“Thanks, Hyung.” Hyunjin smiles, relieved. “You’re coming, right?”
“Coming… where?”
“To the show! Friday night! Hasn’t Yongbok told you about it?”
Felix has probably mentioned it a couple of times. It's just that whenever he starts talking about dancing, he’ll move around in his chair, almost like he’s doing the dance right then. Chan can’t help but get distracted.
“Oh, yeah, I mean, he has? But he hasn’t, like, said anything specific, about when it’s on or if he wants me to go, or like… anything really, so.”
Hyunjin’s eyes nearly bug out of their sockets. “Oh my god, no! That’s probably just a mistake! He probably thought so much about telling you that he forgot to actually say anything. But he definitely wants you to come! He’ll be so upset if you don’t.”
“Yeah?” Chan tries hard not to let that affect him, but it’s nice to think about someone—anyone—wanting him to see them perform. “ I mean, if you’re sure…”
“I’m so sure, Hyung.” Hyunjin pulls out his phone. “I’m going to get him to send you the information now. I can’t believe he forgot.”
“I mean, I’m sure he’s just busy...” Chan laughs a little
“He is,” Hyunjin agrees, nodding firmly like it’s a serious matter. “He’s so busy right now. Some days, he comes home and just flops on the couch right away. I even brush his hair for him so it doesn’t get too tangled. He’s working so hard.”
For a second, Chan is distracted by the thought of being the one to brush the nightly tangles out of Felix’s hair. When he zones back in, Hyunjin is waving his phone in his face.
“See! He’s just forgetful.”
Chan looks down at his own phone and sees a growing flurry of messages from Felix.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Chan smiles softly. It’s an effusive string of messages—it feels great to know how much Felix truly wants him there. “Thanks. I’m excited.”
“You should be.” Hyunjin bounces happily in his seat. “You’re going to love it, I promise. One of our hyungs helped us choreograph it! Yongbokkie is so good, he’s going to be so excited for you to see him."
“Yeah, I can’t wait.”
Chan wonders if he should have brought flowers. That’s what you do, right? You bring flowers to performances. Sure, no one’s ever brought flowers to any of his performances, but all of Chan's performances have a very different vibe than this one. There’s a curtain and everything.
He shoves his hands in his pockets so he’ll stop fidgeting. The show doesn’t even start for another ten minutes, and he’s already about to lose his cool just from looking at the program.
His phone pings.
Changbin: Do I need to remind you to take a deep breath ^^
Chan: Thank you
Changbin: It’s just dancing, Hyung!!! You’ve seen lots of dancing
He has seen lots of dancing. It’s just that usually he’s watching Minho dance; Minho is a good-looking guy, but Chan has never been so overwhelmed by his face as to run to the bathroom in the middle of a coffee date just to make sure he didn’t accidentally suggest eloping back to Australia.
Chan: Yeah lol I know
Chan: I’ll be fine haha
Changbin: Good for you!!!!!
Chan: It’s like, a school thing anyway. How bad can it be??
Changbin: Exactly ^^ Now put your phone away ♡
Chan: Thanks
Chan turn on Do Not Disturb and slips his phone into his pocket just as the one minute warning announcement goes off. He flips through his program again to keep himself busy, even though he already knows that Hyunjin and Felix are on sixth for a duo performance, then on at the end again when their cohort has a group number.
The lights dim and the curtain goes up. A delicate piece of orchestral music plays while four girls perform an ethereal contemporary ballet piece. It’s really beautiful. Possibly the least erotic thing Chan has ever seen. The second performance is traditional dance.
Chan finally lets himself relax into the chair, instantly reassured that everything’s going to be fine.
He doesn’t know that much about dancing, but all the performances are good. He’s paying much better attention now that he’s not occupied by his anxiety.
Only when the music starts for the sixth performance does Chan realise he's made a mistake letting his guard down. The curtain opens to the sound of an incredibly slow, almost sticky R&B track, revealing Felix and Hyunjin in matching black jeans and white tees.
Then they start to dance.
Their movements start slow and in sync, speeding up as the song does. Chan tries his best to watch both of them, but he can’t. He’d feel bad about how little attention he’s paying to Hyunjin if he could take his eyes off Felix long enough to remember he's there. The way he moves his body across the stage is mesmerising. When Felix falls to his knees, arching his back as he pushes back up to standing, Chan has to cross his legs and start counting backwards from 100.
The performance ends with Felix flat on his back, Hyunjin balanced above him, slowly lowering himself down as the end of the song plays out. The fade out of the song almost sounds like heavy breathing. The curtain closes on that image, the two of them nearly pressed together. Chan has to pick his program up to fan himself a little while the rest of the audience politely applauds.
The next performance is a more lyrical contemporary dance, but Chan’s attention is shot. He can’t stop thinking about Felix on his knees, back arched, head thrown back far enough for the sweat on his neck to be visible. He barely pays attention to the remaining acts. When Felix and Hyunjin are back on stage for the final group number, Chan tries hard to watch everyone and not just zero in on Felix, but he can’t help himself.
Afterwards, he stays in his seat until the auditorium is mostly empty, holding his jacket over himself and shuffling out quickly as soon as the coast is clear. He goes to the bathroom and stares himself down in the mirror, taking a few deep breaths, trying to will the flush off his face. He doesn’t even want to think about the fact that he’s half-hard just from watching a friend dance for three minutes. By the time his face is no longer pink, he can mostly manage to think about something other than the long line of Felix’s neck, and his body is cooperating enough that he can go back out in public without embarrassing himself.
Chan: Wow, that was so good!
Felix: Omg
Felix: Chris
Felix: Thank you
Felix: That’s so
Felix: Nice ~
Chan: I don’t know if you’re busy or anything, but I’m in the lobby if you want to say hi
Felix: Oh
Felix: Wow ~
Felix: Yeah
Felix: Just
Felix: Give me
Felix: Like
Felix: Five
Felix: Minutes 🥰️
Chan: No worries! I’m just by the door whenever you get here
Felix: 🥰️🥰️💗
Barely three minutes later, Felix emerges round the corner amid a burst of sound, alongside Hyunjin and two of the girls from the first contemporary performance. Felix hugs the three of them and waves at someone on Hyunjin's phone, then walks over to Chan with a spring in his step.
“Chris!” Felix’s face lights up when he arrives beside him. “Wow. It’s so cool that you came.”
It takes Chan a second to respond. Felix is glowing. His hair is pushed back from his face, still sweaty, and he has a few tiny patches of make-up along his hairline where he clearly hasn’t been careful enough in cleaning it off. His eyes are still lightly lined; the contrast against his slightly red skin from being scrubbed quickly clean is more than Chan can handle.
“Oh man, I wouldn’t miss it!” Chan says, instantly regretting how enthusiastic he sounds. “I mean, of course I came, you invited me. You guys were really great, yeah. You really stood out.”
“Oh, yeah.” Felix blushes, tucking his hair behind his ear. His hand trails down his neck to hook a finger into the neck of his t-shirt. “It was kind of a risky choice, yeah? Just because everyone else was doing something a little more… like, I don't know, chill? Hyunjin was worried, he thought it was going to be too sexy—” Felix voice drops down to a whisper for the word ‘sexy’, “—but I think it worked out, yeah? It wasn’t too much?”
Chan swallows. He doesn’t know how to answer that question.
“No, yeah… Uh, I mean, it was fine! I thought you guys were just, really, um… great.”
Felix smiles again, tugging a little at his collar. “Thanks, Chris.”
The moment stretches silently between them. Chan is so close to reaching out to touch the tiny patch of clavicle Felix’s fidgeting has revealed that he can nearly feel Felix's skin under his fingertips, but he remembers himself just in time.
“So um, do you have plans?” Chan takes a step back and claps his hands, clearing his head a little. “Going out to celebrate a successful show?”
“Oh probably not?” Felix laughs a little awkwardly. “Everyone’s still got, like, exams and stuff, for their other classes. So, like, people are busy. I’m kind of starving, though… I’d kill for Maccas right now.”
“Yeah?” Chan grins, trying hard not to look as obviously eager as he feels. “Okay, well, lets hit Maccas then! My treat.”
“Yeah?” Felix’s face lights up, rocking back and forward on his heels.
“Yeah!” Chan abruptly remembers where he is and who else is here. Felix probably doesn’t want to celebrate a successful show with just him. “Do you wanna grab Hyunjin, or…?”
“Hyunjin?” Felix glances back across the lobby to where Hyunjin is still on facetime, leaning against the wall, chewing on his thumbnail. “No, um. Hyunjin’s—Hyunjin’s fine. He probably has his own plans.”
“Sure?” Chan hopes they don’t get the feeling that he wouldn’t want to hang out with the two of them at once, regardless of whether or not they're going to be coupley. He likes them both, even if it’s a struggle sometimes to not think about just how much he likes Felix in particular.
Felix’s hand drops to the hem of his sweater, thumb dragging across the stitches. “Yeah, sure. Unless, um, unless, like, you don’t want—”
“What? No, of course not!” Chan cuts him off, desperate not to have Felix thinking Chan doesn't want to hang out with him. “C’mon,” he slings his arm around Felix’s shoulders, “Maccas awaits.”
At McDonald’s, Chan sends Felix to sit down while he orders. He tacks on a fudge sundae and is rewarded with Felix’s eyes lighting up when he pushes it across the table. He should have remembered the last time they’d eaten ice cream together before buying it, but now it’s too late. Chan tries not to make it obvious when he has to close his eyes while Felix starts with dessert, taking tiny kitten-licks off the spoon with his eyes closed in enjoyment, occasionally stroking a finger along the edge of his lips to catch some stray fudge sauce.
Under the table, Felix stretches his legs out until his calves brush against Chan’s. Chan traitorously doesn’t withdraw. He lets Felix press their knees together and watches him eat his way through his fries and ice cream, pushing the remainder of his own fries over when it’s clear Felix isn’t done eating yet.
When their trays are clear, Chan piles them together and pushes them onto the neighbouring table. All that’s left are their drinks, and Chan's cup is already empty of everything but melting ice.
Felix sits in silence with his cup in his hands, fiddling with the straw. Finally, he stops and reaches across the table. For a moment, Chan imagines Felix sliding his hand under his and linking their sticky fingers together, Felix’s small hand cradled in his own. But Felix stops just short, leaving his hand flat on the table just close enough for their fingertips to touch.
“Chris,” Felix bites his lip. “I was just…”
He trails off. Chan’s heart stops in his throat. The air feels thick around them.
Just as Felix opens his mouth again, his phone buzzes, a text from Hyunjin popping up on the screen. Chan doesn’t even mean to read it, but he catches sight of an indistinct emoji and the words guess I’m not waiting before Felix snatches the phone up and shoves it in his jacket pocket.
Chan’s heart drops to his stomach. He can’t believe he thought, even for a moment, that Felix wanted to offer anything other than friendship. He stands up, brushing off his lap.
“We should get you home, yeah? C’mon.”
Felix looks up at him for a moment before dropping his eyes back to the table top. “Yeah, okay.”
When he stands, Felix shoves his hands in his pockets and keeps his gaze down, following Chan silently out the door. Neither of them say anything until they get to the train, where Felix turns back and doesn’t quite face him.
“I’ll be fine the rest of the way myself, you know. You don’t have to come the whole way.”
“Oh.” Chan bites his lip. He must be acting even weirder than he realises if Felix has picked up on it. “If you’re sure? It’s late.”
“Yeah, I’m good.” Felix glances back at him for barely a second before looking away again, blinking a couple of times. "I’m not far from my stop.”
“Oh, okay.” Chan shoves his hands deeper in his pockets. “Well, um, congratulations again, yeah? You were great.”
Felix doesn’t quite smile. “Thanks.”
“Hyunjin too. Let him know, yeah?”
“Yeah, of course.” Felix tilts his head towards the entrance. “I’m gonna… yeah.”
“Yeah, of course.” Chan tries to smile. “See you, yeah?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Chan watches Felix disappear into the train station. As soon as he’s out of sight, Chan buries his face in his hands, groaning deeply.
Fuck.
It’s been a week, and Chan and Felix have barely spoken. Felix had sent a message when he got home to let Chan know he was safe, and Chan had texted him a dumb meme about seagulls on Tuesday that had only gotten a 😂 response, then nothing. Chan desperately wants to know what he can do to make whatever is wrong right again, but he doesn’t want Felix to feel under pressure to say anything before he’s comfortable.
Chan and Hyunjin are just leaving Starbucks, making plans for one final meet-up before Hyunjin’s next exam, when Hyunjin screams, drops his coffee to the ground, and sprints down the street. Chan looks up from where the coffee got on his pants to see Hyunjin throw himself into the arms of a stranger. He hangs back a second, letting Hyunjin say hi to his friend in peace.
Chan checks his phone for notifications. When he looks up again, the stranger drags Hyunjin into a kiss. Hyunjin enthusiastically kisses back.
His legs start moving before he’s even thinking, and he’s reached them by the time the kiss breaks. Hyunjin turns to face him, smiling widely.
“Channie-Hyung! This is—”
“What are you doing?!” Chan cuts him off.
“Um.” Hyunjin tucks his hair behind his ear and blushes, glancing back at the stranger. “Kissing?”
“What about Felix?”
Hyunjin furrows his eyebrows. “Yongbokkie? What about him?”
“This is like…” Chan trails off, trying to articulate exactly how horrified he is. Hyunjin clearly picks up on something, because his whole face falls. He bites his lip, looking back and forth between Chan and the newcomer with big, wet eyes.
“Hyung?” He asks. Chan still can’t speak.
The newcomer looks back and forth between them, then smiles like a lightbulb has gone on over his head.
“Oh, yeah, they’re not dating,” he says, “but you’re absolutely not the first person to think so.”
“Wait, what?” Hyunjin’s jaw drops. “Who thinks that?”
“Everybody? For at least a bit. Most people figure it out pretty fast, because you’re both so—”
“Did you think that?” Hyunjin cuts in, sounding scandalised.
"Babe.” The guy laughs. “The first time we met you guys made out in front of me."
"Well, yeah." Hyunjin is now scarlet. "But that was, um…"
"Don't be shy," the guy says cheerfully. "It worked, didn't it?"
He kisses Hyunjin's forehead and Hyunjin surges forward to press their lips together again. Chan is left flabbergasted on the sidewalk again as they make out.
*I'm sorry, what?" He asks.
Hyunjin breaks away from the other guy’s mouth, pouting a little reluctantly. He turns to face Chan.
“Hyung, this is my boyfriend,” he explains. “He’s been on a semester abroad since January, but now that his exams are over, he's back!”
“I’m Kim Seungmin.” The guy bows as well as he can with Hyunjin still clinging to him. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
Chan bows back reflexively. He’s still so confused.
“Wait, so… You’re not dating Felix?”
“They’re just friends,” Seungmin confirms.
“Best friends,” Hyunjin insists. “Practically soulma—”
“Baby, you’re not helping." Hyunjin blushes at Seungmin's laugh.
“So Felix is…” Chan can’t quite believe what he’s saying. Everyone had kept telling him he was wrong, but he still can’t quite believe how wrong he was. “... single?”
Hyunjin’s whole face lights up; he nods so fast he hits his forehead on Seungmin’s temple.
"Ow," says Seungmin.
“Oh my god, Hyung, yes!" Hyunjin steamrolls over Seungmin. "He’s single, he’s sooo—”
“Hyunjin-ah.”
“But I don’t mean he’s pathetic or anything,” Hyunjin clarifies, frantically re-directing himself. “I just mean that he is very single. He’s been single for ages, and um, maybe you should do something about that?"
Chan stares at Hyunjin. Hyunjin smiles back encouragingly.
“Okay." He laughs. It feels like all of Chan's blood has started to fizz inside him. "Okay! Yeah, I’m gonna… I’m gonna go.” He turns and runs.
“Good luck, Hyung! Fighting!” Hyunjin yells after him.
Chan only catches the first word, already too far away to hear much. He’s so glad he’s never fallen into the trap of neglecting cardio in favour of more lifting, because even though he’s out of breath by the time he makes it to Felix’s dorm room, he does make it without having to stop for longer than a green light. He knocks on the door and winces immediately; that was maybe a little too loud.
“Chris?” Felix opens the door, looking a little confused. “What are you doing here?”
Now that Chan’s stopped running, he’s realising may be more out of breath than he thought.
“Seungmin,” He gasps. “Hyunjin. Seungmin. Boyfriend. Hyunjin.”
Felix stares at him. “Y..es? Chris, what’s going on.”
Chan takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, feeling his lungs start to return to normal.
“I don’t like coffee,” He says, finally able to speak again.
Felix doesn’t look any less confused. “Okay?”
"The first time—The first time we met, I just started talking about coffee because it was the only thing I could think of that wasn't going to, like, be incredibly embarrassing, like, oh, hey, did anyone ever tell you your freckles look like stars, or something."
"My freckles?"
"Yeah, your freckles. They're like, really… nice. Star-like."
"Chris, I'm just really confused.” Felix bites his lip. “You say things like that, or you look at me like… I don't know, I don't know what to think."
"No, yeah, that's what I mean! It's just—" Chan takes a deep breath, "—Hyunjin."
"Ah," Felix says, a little defeated. "Yeah." He drops his eyes to the ground and shoves his hands in his pockets. "Hyunjin is, um, he's really really good looking, yeah. But—"
"No, wait—"
"You really should know that he's alre—"
Chan cuts him off: "I thought you were dating Hyunjin!"
Felix stares blankly at him. Chan tries to look normal.
"You thought… I was dating Hyunjin…?"
Chan blushes. "Yeah."
“You thought… I was dating Hyunjin…”
Chan sighs. “Yeah.”
"But why?"
"You guys are like, really close? Really, really close."
"Yeah, but…” Felix furrows his eyebrows. “Dating? Really?"
"If it helps…” Chan scratches the back of his head, smiling bashfully. “Everyone told me I was wrong. But then today, Hyunjin and I bumped into Seungmin, and Seungmin, um, he explained everything."
"He's good at that," Felix says absent-mindedly.
"Yeah, he is." Chan nods quickly, trying not to loose his momentum or his nerve. "But um, yeah. That's what's been happening. So. Yeah. Hate coffee. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you."
“Chris,” Felix interrupts.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t like coffee either.”
It takes Chan a second to connect the dots. When he does, he can feel his own face lighting up. “Yeah?”
“Can barely swallow it,” Felix grins, stepping closer to Chan.
“Oh wow,” Chan says. Felix lays his hands on his shoulders, “So like, this whole time, I should’ve been k—” He cuts himself off, eyes dropping down to where his hands have somehow come to rest on Felix’s waist.
“Should’ve been what?” Felix asks, leaning in even closer, so Chan has to look at him again.
Chan kisses him instead of answering. Felix's lips are soft and wet from how he's constantly licking them, and he gasps gently when Chan's mouth presses against his. His mouth drops open just a little and it takes everything Chan has not to surge forward and take full control of the kiss. He can't keep from sucking Felix's lower lip between his own, pressing down with just a whisper of teeth. After what feels like forever, he forces himself to pull away. He can't move very far back though, because Felix's hands are now tangled in the back of his hair.
Felix blinks at him, a little dazed. "...Wow."
Chan blushes. "Yeah, haha."
"So, um," Felix twists his fingertips in Chan's hair. "Do you want to come in for some, um…"
He trails off, a little pink. Chan squeezes his waist gently.
"For some, um… coffee?" He fills in the end of Felix's sentence.
Felix laughs, pressing his forehead against Chan's. "Yeah, for some coffee."
"I'd love to," Chan presses another fleeting kiss to Felix's mouth. "Lead the way."
Felix grabs Chan's wrist and pulls him into the apartment.
Chan: Hey guys
Chan: So
Chan: Funny story, hahahahahaha
Chan: I owe everyone a drink!
Jungkook: 👀
Dongmin: 👀
Jaehyun: 👀
Mingyu: I fucking knew it.
Mingyu: 🥃🥃🥃
Chan: Yeah, you guys were right, they're not together
Jungkook: VICTORY
Jaehyun: Cool
Dongmin: So he is single then?
Chan: Well
Chan: He isn't anymore.
Jaehyun: Nice
Dongmin: Nice
Mingyu: Nice
Jungkook: Wait, Channie you promised
Jungkook: 🥺
Chan: Ah yeah
Chan: Sorry JK
Chan: The other boy is also taken
Jungkook: I'm going to die alone
Mingyu: Yeah probably
Jungkook: I know where you fucking sleep.
Mingyu: It's cute you think that's a threat
Dongmin: Congratulations Channie
Chan: Thanks!
Chan: When are you guys free next? I can tell you the whole story.
Jungkook: Tonight
Mingyu: Tonight’s good.
Dongmin: Yeah I can make tonight work.
Jaehyun: Yep.
Chan: …
Chan: Yeah Okay.