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Darcy had bought the shirt for almost this exact situation, but the the same time the total opposite.
Originally, the novelty shirt was purchased for herself for that one glorious day that Steve came knocking on Bucky's apartment door (or better yet, Jane) and she could answer in her novelty Jurassic Park socks, matching cute Dino undies and have the words 'Sex Machine' proudly emblazoned on her bra-less, bouncing free lady bags.
"And what, miss Lewis, are your qualifications to wear that?" Bucky had said when she first brought it home. He was over at her place that week, as per their rotational agreement. Hey, six months of dating is hardly move in time.
"Don't look so judgy- I'm quite the little trooper." She stated. "I've braved sweltering sheets to wake you up in one of the most pleasant ways possible, knocked my noggin' on the headboard, got a nasty rash on my arm from some cleaning product in Tony's broom closet after that one time you just couldn't wait- all on behalf of my love for sex with you."
"Well, you almost have me convinced." He smirked, backing her up against the kitchen island.
"Only almost?" Darcy wrapped her arms around Bucky's waist, her hands traveling under his hoodie. "And what would be the thing to convince you?"
"I can think of a few things, actually." Bucky bent his head to run his lips along her throat. Darcy tilted her head back to give him more room to go, as if he didn't already know her sweet spots.
Bucky's mouth traveled up to meet hers, Darcy mewled slightly into the kiss before pulling back. "You know, I think you should wear the shirt?"
"Why's that?" Bucky's voice was already thick and rough. He bent down to lift her up onto the island and started lifting her own sweater over her head.
"I may power through our little sexcapades." Darcy pulled on the zipper of his hoodie, smiling when she saw he had nothing underneath it. "But you're almost always the instigator."
"Mmph." Bucky started, discarding his own clothing and tugging at hers.
"Aw, come on my little sex machine," she pinched his cheek and crossed her still jean-clad legs. "Romance me a little."
"Doll." It came out in a sad rush of breath. With his hair hanging in his face and those big puppy eyes, Darcy almost took pity on him. Almost. She undid her pants and started to slide them down past her butt, giving a pointed look over her glasses.
"You've been gone all day..." Bucky ran his hands from her hip down her right leg, pulling the denim with it. Darcy shivered under the cool metallic sensation. "Do you know what that does to me?"
"What's that?" She played innocent, watching as he was just as sensual with the other leg.
Bucky sank to his knees in front of her, pulling her closer to the edge of the island. "It. Drives. Me. Wild." Between each word he placed a kiss on her thigh, closer to her hips each time.
"Well, shit."
After some time and rigorous evidence that he was the sex machine in that relationship, Bucky sat on the floor of the kitchen, Darcy tucked under his arm and swaddled in his sweater. She played with the metal fingers, watching the light catch them.
"It's like I'm looking at a Christmas tree." She said.
"I thought you were Jewish?" He kissed the top of her head.
"Nonpracticing. I prefer to call myself a child of the universe." Darcy chuckled. "And that doesn't mean I've never seen a Christmas tree."
"Speaking of, Steve wants to go get one of those this year. Cut it down ourselves and all- wanna come?" Bucky played with a strand of her hair as he spoke. "You don't have to if you don't want to."
"And miss the chance to live the lumberjack sex dream in the flesh? Never."
A knock on the door interrupted their discussion (which Bucky thoroughly planned on continuing- he loved hearing about her fantasies).
"That's probably dinner." He said. "I ordered just before you got home."
"My wallets on the counter-" Darcy made a whining noise. "That's so far..."
"I got this one, don't worry." Bucky stood up and picked out his wallet from his previously discarded sweatpants.
"Put a shirt on if you got pizza- that delivery girl's been taking too long checking out the goods instead of delivering them."
Bucky grinned and picked up the Sex Machine shirt, pulling it on over his head before opening the door.
Darcy heard a muffled 'oh my gawd' and cringed. She pulled on her jeans as quickly as she could and zipped up Bucky's hoodie before sprinting down the hall to see just what she had feared.
"Hey ma! Pop. Nana. How's um, how's it hanging?"
While Darcy's parents looked up at Bucky with open mouths, Nana Lewis was looking down. Specifically at a choice organ of his.
"Really well, from where I'm standing." The eighty five year old grinned before looking up. "Anyone tell you you look like that Barnes that worked with Captain America? Bucky, I think he was called."
"Who the hell is-"
"Don't you dare." Darcy glared up at him, stopping his sentence in it's tracks. "That's a terrible joke and you know it."