Chapter Text
The scrambled eggs were going cold.
Ant didn’t remember the last time he had a proper breakfast but to be honest he wasn’t sure when the last time he had a proper meal was. He leaned his elbow on the table and pushed the golden-coloured mush around the plate with the disposable fork.
“Do you want more?” Finn’s warm voice came from behind the kitchen counter, stopping the aimless rambling coming from Fontaine.
“I’m okay, thanks.” He replied with a small and emotionless smile.
An excited shriek came from behind the wooden counter before a giggling five-year-old emerged and jumped over to Ant.
“Look what I have!” Said the young voice, holding up a somewhat floppy piece of toast, slathered in what looked like to be Vegemite.
Ant couldn’t understand how she ate that stuff, but she had been addicted ever since he took her to mainland Australia for a short holiday after they had done work on the Great Barrier Reef.
“Wow, Fon! Are you gonna eat it?” Ant smiled down at the raven-haired child as she waved the bread in his face.
“Yeah! Watch Dad!” Fontaine proceeded to shove almost the entirety of the soggy toast in her small mouth, causing her cheeks to bulge in her attempt to eat her breakfast in one go.
Ant let out a genuine laugh and smiled at his daughter who had definitely picked up her father's tendency for trouble. He reached down and picked up the girl, sitting her on his knee. “You gotta slow down, Fon. Don’t want you to choke on your brekkie now, do we?”
“Aww, okay.” The little girl pouted at that but immediately perked up as the toaster popped out fresh toast. “Uncle Finn, can you make me another one?”
“What do you say, princess?” Finn reminded Fontaine before getting the Vegemite out of the fridge.
“Please!” The young voice piped up.
“Good job. You got to remember your manners, okay princess?” The black-haired man reminded his niece.
Ant watched, pained as Fontaine eagerly devoured her Vegemite toast, her enthusiasm reminding him of his own childhood. Despite the chaos that had often engulfed their lives, moments like these grounded him, reminding him of the people he had left that made it all worthwhile.
As Finn spread the dark spread on another slice of toast for Fontaine, Ant couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness for his brother-in-law. Finn had been a constant support since Ant's sister, Fontaine, passed away, stepping in to help raise Fontaine and offering unwavering love and stability in their joint grief.
Finn gave the bread to Fontaine and she jumped off her father’s lap and ran off into the halls of the Arronax squealing all the while. Ant stood up and tipped the mushy eggs into the bin, stacking it into the dishwasher. He could tell that Finn was worried for him.
“Ant, we need to talk-”
“No, we don’t. There is nothing to talk about. She is gone. They both are.” He stiffened and raised his voice at Finn.
Finn put down the pan he was holding and leaned against the white bench.
“Ant. It. was. not. Your. fault.”
“How can you say that? You weren’t the one that allowed a design flaw that killed your sister! You weren’t the one that couldn’t save her in time! How…” A cracked sob croaked out of his throat.
“How would you know what it's like to look your sister in the eyes as the life fades from them, only 6 feet away, knowing you could do nothing?”
Finn said nothing as he looked away.
Ant stared at the side of his head, tears burning with hot rage at himself.
Eventually, the black-haired man broke the silence.
“There may have been things that you did that you think caused that accident. But I promise, you did everything that you could to save her.”
Ant pulled back on the anger he felt roiling in his heart and pulled the emotionless mask back over himself. He let the silence consume him and calm his boiling thoughts back into the deep dark ocean he had trained himself to be.
He knew he was taking a toll on Finn even though he didn't mean to.
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen.”
Finn looked at him and gave a tiny smile. “Please, go have a swim, I think you’ll feel a lot better if you’re in the water.”
“Yeah. I guess so.”
Ant grabbed the remaining food items and put them back in their rightful places. He nodded to Finn who smiled in reassurance. He left the kitchen, making his way down the long corridors to his room he shared with his daughter, and his wife when she was still here. He pulled open his drawer to reveal his wetsuits, selecting one and throwing it on the unmade bed. He pulled his shirt over his head and shook his ear-length hair. The scars that littered his body were prominent today; he ran his fingers over his toned stomach and felt the tiny, minuscule lumps that marked each previous adventure.
He remembered the way Maddy used to trace all his scars with a gentle, soft touch, asking him about each of the stories behind the wounds. He breathed slowly, basking in the beautiful memory and taking his time to remember her exactly as she was. His eyes watered, knowing that of the many holes in his heart, hers was one of the biggest.
His hand came to a stop over his side, and feeling the rough, jagged outline of his worst scar broke out of his dream and stared at the many and diverse items littering the floor. Ant stripped the rest of his clothes off and he hauled the wetsuit over his body, making him feel secure and at home in the familiar material.
He walked out of the messy space and to the moonpool. He climbed into the shadow knight and got clearance from the bridge to launch.
“Ant, you are clear to launch… please take your time, think about everything I said.” Finn’s voice was patient as usual.
“I will… Thanks for looking after Fon. I'll be back in a few hours.”
“Good luck.”