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The party was far too posh and hipster for Stede. As a middle-aged dad and kindergarten teacher, he felt completely out of his element in the opulent LA beach house filled with scantily-clad twenty-somethings sucking on vape pens and drinking negroni sbagliatos (whatever the fuck those were). A group of young people were "sharing their socials" when he entered the party. He didn't have socials, he didn't think, and the question just annoyed him more than anything.
"Hey, Daddy," a very thin, very young Asian man said as he squeezed by Stede in the cramped hallway.
Stede froze, confused, then a bubble of laughter escaped him. "I'm sorry young man, you're confused. I'm not your father," he said, shaking his head as the man gave him a quizzical once over then rolled his eyes and walked away.
Stede had no idea how the guy could have mistaken him for his dad, but maybe his father and him have similar builds or haircuts? He shrugged it off and headed to the kitchen for a drink.
His friend Roach was catering the party and had invited him, saying it would be good practice to get out of the house and talk to actual adults. Interacting with children all day was making him weird, Roach had told him. "You can't just lapse into characters at any point in the conversation and expect people to take you seriously, Stede," Roach had warned him. "To 5 year olds, you're hilarious, they act like you're a gift from God, but to adults our age… Well, it's weird."
Stede tamped down the urge to make a fake door creaking noise as he pushed open the swing door to the kitchen. Be cool, damnit, he thought.
A young man with sideburns that would have been fashionable when Stede was a kid (maybe they're coming back?) was mixing drinks behind the kitchen island. He's in an animated conversation with a bald man. Stede picked up a beer from an ice bucket and pretended to read its label while listening to the couple argue.
“I don’t know how many times I have to tell Fang. I’m a sub. I’m just not programmed to take initiative in the way he wants me to,” Sideburns said.
Twisting off the top of the beer bottle, Stede took a sip and leaned against the countertop. He watched as a beautiful man in head-to-toe leather walked into the kitchen and went straight for the ice bucket, picking up a beer of his own. He had long graying wavy hair in a half-up-half-down style. He shrugged his leather jacket off and tossed it over the back of a chair. His arms are covered in tattoos and Stede caught himself staring at them. He caught Stede looking and gave him a long once over then smiled at him.
Flustered, Stede turned to Sideburns. “You’re a sub?” Stede asked. Everyone in the kitchen stopped talking and turned to Stede. He blushed. (Is talking about work not appropriate for a party?)
Sideburns quirked a brow at him, looking at the bald man then the man in leather with a slight smile. “I am, are you?”
“Oh no, not for years now, but I’m always on the lookout for a reliable sub,” Stede said and the man in leather almost spit out his beer.
Sideburns head tilts and his smile brightens. “Oh, really? Are you in the market currently?”
“Always. You have no idea how hard it is to find a good sub in this city,” Stede said, sighing.
The man in leather stepped up to the counter. “I know what you mean, man. I’m always on the search,” he said.
“Oh, do you enjoy teaching?” Stede asked.
The man pondered the question for a moment and hummed in thought. “Haven’t really thought about it that way. But yeah, I love teaching a new sub. Probably one of the best parts of the process is getting to know them and their boundaries.”
“That’s what I’m talking about,” Sideburns said. “Boundaries are so important and some folks just don’t get it. I like to say that the subs are really the ones in charge.”
Stede nods. “I guess I could see how that would be a helpful way to look at things. I think communication is key with any sub relationship. I always give my subs very clear and concise directions so there’s never any questions about what I need from them.”
The man in leather stopped drinking and put his beer on the counter. His eyes lit up as he extended a hand out to Stede. “I’m Ed by the way,” he said.
Stede took his hand and gave a firm handshake. “Stede. Or Mr. Bonnet, if you will,” he joked. Ed’s brows raised and he grinned.
Sideburns giggled and gave a limp wave. “I’m Lucius and this is my partner Pete,” he said, pointing to the bald man beside him. “So what kind of directions are you giving your subs, Mr. Bonnet?”
Stede took a sip of beer while he organized his thoughts. “Oh, the usual. I make sure to give them adequate notes for the day, remind them to bring water, hydration is so important, you know,” Stede said and Ed’s face gave a curious look, eyes squinting as Stede continued. “I make lesson plans for them and have them follow a strict reward system.”
Lucius brightened. “Reward system? Oh, I like the sound of that.”
“Oh, yes. You have to have good rewards. I like to give my subs games to play while I’m away. It’s like a little treat for everyone, you know?” Stede said as he spotted Roach across the room, bringing a tray of food into the dining room. Stede lifted his beer in the air as a wave to catch his eye and Roach gave a distracted wave back then disappeared behind another door a moment later.
“What kinds of rewards are we talking about?” Ed asked. His arms flexed as he gripped the edge of the countertop across from Stede. The gorgeously inked biceps caught Stede’s eyes and he had to tear his gaze away to look Ed in the face. Ed noticed and it made Stede flush.
“Sometimes the best reward is simply undivided attention,” Stede said and Ed’s breath caught.
Lucius looked back and forth between the two men and gasped. Stede thought he could hear Lucius say something under his breath like, “Oh my god, this is happening,” but Stede had no idea what that meant.
Ed hummed in thought and took another sip of beer, studying Stede.
Stede turned to Lucius, feeling hot under Ed’s gaze. “Have you always wanted to work with kids?” Stede asked and Lucius balked at him. Pete dropped the glass he was drinking from.
“What?” Lucius almost yelled.
Stede took a step back. (Okay, so maybe he doesn’t work with kids? High school substitute teacher maybe?) “Sorry, I guess I just assumed. What age group do you usually work with?”
Ed made a noise like, “ahhh,” to his side but Stede was focused on the absolutely horrified expression on Lucius’s face.
“Please tell me you’re talking about littles,” Lucius said.
Stede shrugged. “Sure, I guess you could say I work with littles,” Stede said, confused. (Who calls kids “littles”?)
Lucius sighed audibly and placed a hand on his chest. “Jesus, Stede. Watch how you talk about these things, people are going to get the wrong idea! I mean, I’ve done a bit of D/L play in my day, but it’s not really my thing. I’ll call a guy Daddy any day, but I’m not wearing a diaper. Hard limit. No shade, but no thanks, you know?”
“What?” Stede asked, completely lost. Ed had begun to laugh next to him. “I’m sorry, did you say diaper?” Stede asked, clearly having misheard. Ed was wheezing with laughter across from him, doubled over with his hands on his knees, gasping for breath, beer forgotten on the counter.
Lucius handed Pete a dish towel to clean up his spilled drink then gave Stede a curious look. “Yeah, diapers have never been my thing. I don’t see the appeal. Scat and water sports are not my cup of tea, but I don’t yuck anyone’s yum. You do you, boo.”
Stede tried to catch up but was so turned around that he felt like his head was spinning. What do water sports have to do with teaching? What exactly did Lucius teach? “I’m sorry but, what the fuck?” Stede began then Ed stepped between him and Lucius. He was laughing so hard that it took him a minute to start speaking.
"Lucy, I'm stealing this man away from you before you traumatize him any more than you already have," Ed said and took Stede by the arm and physically turned him away to push him out of the kitchen.
"Wait, what kind of substitute teacher are you?" Stede said as Ed hauled him out of the room.
"Ohhh," Lucius and Pete said at the same time, which didn't help Stede understand anything. The door swung closed behind Ed as he pushed Stede into an empty back hall.
Frazzled, Stede pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "How do I fuck up adult interactions every time?" he said, mostly to himself.
Ed placed a hand on his shoulder, still beaming with mirth, then his expression turned pitiful. "Honey, you have so much to learn," he said.
Stede looked up at him, concerned. Ed placed his hand on the wall behind Stede and moved closer. Stede wanted to ask what he meant, but the way Ed was looking at him made him lose the ability to speak. "Would you be interested in, uhm," Stede started, his eyes flicking down to Ed's lips, then back up to his eyes, "teaching me?"
Ed licked his lips and smiled. "Indeed I would, Mr. Bonnet," he said and leaned in, taking Stede's chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting his face up to catch his mouth in a brief press, lips brushing against his for a breath before pulling back. "You can call me Mr. Teach, in fact. I'm glad we found each other. A good sub is hard to find."