Chapter Text
Greg Lestrade walked down the street along the side of a park. It was cold; the bitter autumn wind was blowing particularly hard that morning. Leaves of red and brown and orange blew across the cement beneath his feet like children playing a schoolyard game. Greg jammed his hands into the pockets of his over-sized coat and hunched his shoulders, determined to block out the world. His search for a new flat had taken him to some interesting places, but he had so far managed to avoid this particular location. To some extent, it was a shame; Michael would love the little playground in the back corner of the park. But this place was also home to something for which he had never quite forgiven himself.
He knew there was a bench somewhere to the left, with chipped paint and rusty nails that seemed so much more interesting in those quiet moments of pain. The first time he’d been there, they had read poetry; some long forgotten verse stirred in the chords of his memory. The last time he’d been there, it had been the day Greg walked away from someone for his own selfish purposes. He turned his cheek against the wind. He really didn’t want to be thinking about that right now.
Greg found himself stopping, facing the park with a simple turn of his shoulders. Trees, leaves dropping, the ground browned with dying grass and children playing on the multicolored play structure.
He found his feet carrying him along a familiar path, one he hadn’t walked in over six years. They brought him almost against his will to that red door he knew so well. The memories that still lingered inside that flat... he really shouldn’t be here. Somewhere in the back of Greg’s mind, he reminded himself he had an appointment to find a flat of his own, but he dismissed the thought. Missed appointments could always be rescheduled. He hoped the man he once knew was still behind that door and “I don’t ever want to talk to you again,” didn’t mean “I’m moving out of the country.”
Greg knocked on the door twice, two short raps in the place he’d come accustomed to knocking every time he’d visited. His posture shifted as he attempted to straighten himself and look as if he wasn’t four months divorced, living on his co-worker’s sofa and spending nearly 15 hours a day at the Yard.
A voice called out from inside the flat. His voice. “Can you get the door, babe? I’m busy.” There was some muffled reply. Greg’s heart leaped into his throat as the door swung open with a creak that hadn’t been there six odd years ago. He peered up at the man who had opened the door.
“Who the hell are you?” The man looked at him with barely-concealed contempt. His jet-black hair was perfectly smooth, his outfit sharp, screaming designer from the well-cut trousers to the finely-pressed shirt.
The voice called from inside the flat again. “Who is it, Jim?”
The man called back over his shoulder, “Fuck if I know. Some grey-haired guy. He’s just kinda standing here looking lost.”
Greg stared up at the man in front of him. He’d thought of a million possibilities of what had happened to that second voice, the one he recognized even in the distance, but a new relationship had been far down on the list. The voice was deeper than he remembered - apparently only Greg had quit smoking since they’d parted ways - but it was still familiar. He’d heard it so many times, calling to him, laughing with him, even whispering endearments into his ear and it pulled at his heart. Mustering up all the authority worthy of a Detective Inspector, Greg addressed the sharply dressed man at the door. “I’m looking for Sebastian Moran,” he said, training his eyes on the man’s forehead.
The man rolled his eyes. “Sebastian! Says he’s here to see you.”
“Be right there, babe!” There were muffled sounds of a chair scraping across the wooden floor, followed by footsteps getting closer. Then there were hands snaking around the strange man’s hips... very familiar hands. Sebastian appeared behind the man in the doorway, pressing a kiss to the strange neck. He looked up, suddenly seeing who it was that had come knocking on their door. He froze. “You...”
Jim scoffed. “You know this guy?” he asked, gesturing dismissively in Greg’s vicinity.
“I did...” Sebastian said softly into Jim’s hair. His eyes were hard as they locked onto Greg’s. “What are you doing here?”
Greg glared at the hands around the man... no, Jim’s waist before he turned to face Sebastian. He looked angry, confused... unsure. Greg cleared his throat. “I’m here to see you.”
Sebastian turned to Jim, sliding his arms away a bit reluctantly. “Give us a minute, yeah babe?”
Jim’s eyes darted from Sebastian, to Greg, back to Sebastian. “Whatever. I’ll be in the kitchen.” And, keeping his eyes locked on Greg’s, Jim planted a very deliberate and longer-than-strictly-necessary kiss to Sebastian’s lips, then turned and left.
Sebastian stepped outside and pulled the door closed behind him. “Seriously, Greg. What the hell? It’s been what... six years?”
“Five years, seven months to be exact.” Greg smiled in that tired way that tugged at the edges of his mouth slightly.
“Guess it just seems longer,” Sebastian said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Can’t say I disagree,” Greg paused. He’d often wondered what it would be like seeing Sebastian again, but he’d never really thought about what he’d say. “How’s it been?”
“It’s... well yeah, it’s been good. I mean, for a while there it... But it’s good now. That was Jim, by the way,” Sebastian said, gesturing towards the flat. “He’s... we’ve been together for a couple years now.” Sebastian shuffled awkwardly on his feet. “Look, do you wanna go grab a coffee or something? I feel like this isn’t exactly a conversation for my doorstep...”
Gregory felt his heart drop as if he’d just gone over the edge of a roller coaster. He’d hoped... well, that wasn’t true, he wasn’t sure what he’d hoped but it certainly wasn’t pleasant to hear that your ex had so thoroughly moved on when you still... hadn’t. He supposed a part of him had always wished they’d reconcile. “Yeah, sounds like a good idea. Is that place with the weird Swedish name still around here?”
Sebastian smiled weakly. “Yeah, still as pretentious as ever. But they make a good cuppa.”
“Shall we?” Gregory stepped back from the door and tried to avoid the insane urge to hold out his hand towards Sebastian.
“Yeah, just give me a second...” Sebastian fished his mobile from his pocket and tapped away at the screen, sending a text message apparently. Message sent, he nodded at Greg and started walking.
Greg followed Sebastian down the stairs from the door, watching the form he’d gotten used to during their two years together. Sebastian was dressing much more fashionably these days, undoubtedly an influence of that man in the designer outfit. His trousers were cut noticeably tighter than they used to be and Greg quickly shook his head. Sebastian was with someone else, he could not be checking out his arse. Sighing, Greg hurried to walk beside Sebastian as they made their way towards the cafe.
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Greg listened as Sebastian gave his order to the barista with a smile - chai latte, soy. That was certainly different from the straight earl grey he used to take. The woman behind the counter arched her eyebrows slightly when she saw the strange man behind Sebastian, but didn’t say anything. Greg ordered a black coffee, a habit from working too long at the yard,.Taking the warm paper cup in his hands in exchange for a few coins, he looked over at their usual table, taken by a young couple who were too busy staring at each other to drink their rapidly cooling teas.
Sebastian pulled a chair up next to a table by the window and sat down, blowing softly on the fancy latte in his mug. “So,” he started, lamely.
Greg moved to the seat across from him and watched the curling smoke coming from his cup, “So,” he repeated, unsure where to go from here.
Sebastian coughed slightly. “Um. Well. How have you been?”
“Not that great, to be honest. Wife and I broke up...” he paused to think for a moment, “4 months ago. She got our son, I go visit when I can though. I’m living with Anderson, ‘member him?”Greg took a small sip of the coffee, grimacing at the slight burning sensation.
“You have a son?” Sebastian’s expression was hard to read. “Wow. That’s... I mean congrats. That’s what you wanted, right?” Greg cringed and Sebastian quickly apologized. “Sorry, that came out wrong...”
“Yeah, well, I guess it was only partially what I wanted,” Greg turned away to stare at the door of the cafe, not wanting to meet Sebastian’s eyes. “His name is Michael , he’ll be four soon”
Sebastian fidgeted awkwardly, running a hand through close-cropped hair. After a few silent moments and sips of his tea, he finally got around to asking the question that was on his mind. “So why the sudden turn up on my doorstep? I mean, fuck, Greg. It’s a little unexpected.”
“I honestly don’t know,” Greg admitted, taking another sip of his coffee. “I guess it was the divorce. Made me realize I felt bad about the break up. “ He watched Sebastian for a moment, realizing how that last comment might be taken, “Our break up, that is.”
Sebastian stared pointedly into his mug. “Do you really want to have this conversation, Greg? It’s been six years. You couldn’t have this conversation then, what makes you think we should have it now?”
Greg scrubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m not over us? Maybe I still care about you?” Too many noise disturbance cases as a junior cop kept him from outright yelling, but his voice still rose as he spoke. “Maybe I don’t exactly feel good about how it ended.”
“You don’t feel good about how it ended?” Sebastian just laughed, a soft humorless chuckle. “You have no fucking idea what I went through, do you?” Sebastian finally brought his eyes up to lock on Greg’s. They were hard and cold, so very unlike the eyes that had once looked at him with love. “You destroyed me. You left me, left me for her because she could give you what I apparently couldn’t.” Sebastian took a deep breath, Greg recognized the calming breathing techniques they’d been taught all those years ago on the force. After a long draught from his mug, Sebastian continued. “And I still loved you, for years afterward. If it wasn’t for Jim...”
Greg cut him off, and his voice was strained. “I was selfish, I know.” Sebastian was right, this was not an easy conversation to be having. “But I never imagined my life without a family, and I thought that meant the textbook family - husband, wife, kids... I realize now that makes no sense. It wasn’t a happy marriage. We were happy, Sebastian.” He stopped and waited. The minutes dragged on in awkward silence. Just say something, Sebastian. Anything, give me a reaction... Greg watched him nervously.
“I’m not the man you knew, Greg. I’ve changed,” Sebastian said at last, shoulders bristling slightly. He didn’t look up from his mug. There was a buzzing sound and Sebastian pulled his mobile out to read the text he’d just received. A little smile slid onto his face as he sent a reply.
Greg was momentarily distracted, “What was that?”
“Sorry, Jim wanted to know where I was with a Detective Inspector of the Yard.” He looked up at Greg at last and his eyes had at least lost a bit of their hard edge. “Detective Inspector. Congratulations on whenever you got the promotion.”
“Thanks. Got it 3 months ago, guess they decided that since I was no longer responsible for a four year old, I could pull some extra hours.” Greg set his cup on the table, confusion showing on his face. “But how did Jim know...”’
“He has... connections. And he knows about my past with you, after all. What I went through.” Greg’s cheeks flushed a little at that, ashamed. Sebastian sighed. “What he had to help me through. Not unreasonable to think he might check up on you.”
It still made Greg a bit uneasy, to be honest. Something about that dark-eyed man had him feeling a bit defensive. He attempted a smile as he spoke again, though. “I suppose when one deals with Sherlock Holmes, one learns to accept that one’s life is no longer private.” Greg ran a finger around the rim of his cup. “How long? You and Jim?” He really didn’t want to ask that, but still.
Sebastian’s mobile buzzed again, and he sent a shorter text in reply. “Hmm? Oh, I guess... well we just kinda drifted together so I can’t really put a date on it, but that’s how it goes. Jim decides he wants something and it happens... I’ve known him for a quite a while though.” Sebastian danced around the question. “But anyway. So you’re staying with Anderson? That must be tedious.”
Gregory tilted his head slightly at the sudden change in conversation, but he decided not to press the matter. “It’s okay mostly, but he’s a complete neat freak. I left a sock on his sofa yesterday and I thought he was going to have a panic attack when he saw it.”
“God, I know the feeling. Jim can get so particular about our flat, especially when it comes to his closet... The man loves his suits.” Sebastian’s smile was warm and easy now (just like it used to be back when they were together) as he was speaking about his... boyfriend? husband? lover? Greg really didn’t want to think about that too much.
“Guess I was a bit more manageable in that respect? We never did manage to keep house.”
Sebastian grinned at the recollection. “Yeah, we were both a bloody mess and you never did manage to explain exactly how you always seemed to lose your keys in my refrigerator.” They both smiled a moment, some of the tension dissipating, but then Sebastian was averting his eyes. “I know I shouldn’t, especially after what you put me through, but I’ve...” He sighed. “I’ve missed you, Greg.”
“Would it be any better if I told you I missed you too? And that a part of me always regretted my decision?” Greg finished the last drops of his coffee and with a practiced swing, tossed the cup into the rubbish bin nearby.
“I wouldn’t say that makes it better,” Sebastian said, mostly to himself. He looked back up at Greg. “I am with Jim now, Greg. I’m happy, we’re happy, we’re right for each other. But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to see if you and I could be friends again. Like it started out.”
“We only knew each other a month before we started dating,” Gregory reminded him.
“Well, we were both single at the time.” Sebastian shrugged. “I doubt we would have gotten together at all if it wasn’t for that Halloween party at the Yard...”
“You did make a sexy wolf,” Greg grinned at the memory. Sebastian had been wearing a grey outfit, side burns and ears. The whole thing had been ridiculous, but it was one of the better costumes. “I wish I’d been Little Red Riding Hood instead of a superhero.”
“I thought you made a very dashing Batman.” Sebastian finished his latte, licking the foam from his upper lip. He got up momentarily to set the dirty mug in the collection tray above the trash can. His mobile buzzed yet again, and he looked at the screen in confusion. He sent out a rushed text and sat down across from Greg again.
“Thanks,” Greg frowned at the fact that Sebastian seemed to miss the comment’s intended innuendo entirely. Either that or he was deliberately ignoring it. “What’s up?” he asked, gesturing towards the phone.
Still staring at the mobile screen with a furrowed brow, Sebastian answered. “Jim says if you need a place to stay, you can have the guest bedroom...”
Gregory looked puzzled for a moment. “I wouldn’t want to impose on your little love nest.” The end of the sentence came out surprisingly bitter.
“Well it was just his suggestion, you don’t have to,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “He thought you might prefer a bed to your current position on Anderson’s couch...”
Oh, and so Jim knew he was sleeping on Anderson’s couch too? What didn’t the man know? “Well I am in the process of looking for a flat, so I suppose I wouldn’t be staying long.” Greg thought for a moment. It was odd living with Anderson, and it would be cheaper on a three way rent share. “As long as you’re ok with me paying rent.” Greg knew it would be awkward in that sort of living situation, but even still he missed his relationship with Sebastian, even the non-romantic, nonsexual bits.
“If you feel you need to, Jim owns the building so you wouldn’t really be putting us out.”
“Then I can do some odd chores around the place, earn my keep and all.” Feeling satisfied with this agreement, Greg stood.
“Fair enough.” Sebastian was typing rapid fire on his mobile, back and forth a few times with a small frown at the last text. He shook his head and cleared the look away from his face before turning back to Greg. “He says it’s free whenever you want it.”
“Well, I guess I can move in this weekend, if that works,” Greg did a quick check he had his wallet and drew out his phone. He needed to call and explain why he missed the flat showing.
“Yeah. Good,” Sebastian stood and pushed the chair back under the table.
Greg shuffled his feet a bit, unsure. “I suppose I’ll see you then, Seven.” He paused at the accidental slip of his nickname for Sebastian. “I mean, Sebastian.”
Sebastian looked pained at the sudden use of his old pet name. He gripped his mobile phone tighter. “Right, Saturday, then?” Greg nodded and Sebastian continued. “Okay. Well, I’d better get back to the flat. I’ve got a job... thing... tonight and Jim needs to see me before I go.”
“Still pulling long hours?” Greg asked as he turned around Sebastian to reach the door.
“Something like that,” Sebastian answered, a faraway look in his eyes.
“Right,” Greg wanted to talk some more, but his mind and heart were already swimming. Yanking the door handle open, he shot Sebastian one more look. “Thanks for the company, and thank Jim for the offer would you?”
Sebastian nodded, “I will.”
Greg shot Sebastian one more look that could be described almost as longing. “Bye,” he muttered as he shoved through the door and hurried away into the autumn chill.