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“Impulse!” Pearl whisper-yelled, grabbing the attention of the dwarf by causing him to almost jump out of his skin.
Here Impulse was, prepared for a nice walk around his base to clear his mind- and maybe ignore the fact that he still had so much more to dig out in his dwarven cave- and he nearly gets the life scared out of him! Talk about a warm welcome.
“Pearl! You can’t keep doing that!” His head whipped around, scanning the area for the perpetrator until finally he caught sight of her pale hair in the midst of a conspicuously placed bush. “Are you trying to follow in Bdubs’ footsteps? Because I think you need a better outfit if you wanna blend in.”
“No, look!” She pointed over towards Gem’s castle base in the little clearing that had yet to be fully decorated by the mega build.
There, sitting on the perfectly manicured lawn of Gem’s base, in the middle of the flowers, sat two women.
One was a deer hybrid with large antlers peeking out of messy brown hair that the other was braiding and inserting dandelions into. She was an elf, her pointy ears poking out of long red hair that cascaded down her back in a tight ponytail. She looked at the deer hybrid with complete concentration scrunching her face, carefully winding the hair together while the other stared off into the beautiful day. It was too far away to hear, but they seemed to be keeping up a conversation.
“Oh, does Gem have sisters?” Impulse asked. Having both a deer sister and an elf sister would be quite the weird family tree, but both seemed to share a similarity to Gem that was undeniable. It would certainly explain why Gem would be the deer elf hybrid that she was, as well.
“Did I miss a message from Xisuma?” He asked when Pearl only hummed in response. Usually the only time outsiders were even allowed to step foot on Hermitcraft was Friends and Family Day, which was planned months in advance with plenty of warning for any of the more reclusive hermits to avoid if they disliked interacting with outsiders. But Impulse was pretty sure he would have known about that!
“That was my first thought, but there’s nothing. No DMs, no join messages, nothing. It’s like they appeared out of thin air.” Pearl wiggled her fingers mysteriously before going back to staring through her spyglass at the two, writing a few notes down on a notepad next to her. Impulse strained his neck to catch sight of a few doodles on the page, and some sloppy notes.
“Are you trying to go on a spy arc?”
Pearl turned the spyglass to him, zooming in on his face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said seriously before concealing a few giggles.
“Well what’s the status report then, Agent Pearl?” Impulse crouched down next to her in the bush, looking over her notes- or should he say her bunch of scribbles on lined paper meant to look like notes. He probably should’ve been more concerned about the two seeming intruders right near their base, but they seemed entirely harmless picking flowers and giggling together. Plus it was likely they were just relatives of Gem, maybe there to surprise her when she got back from a mining trip.
“Looks like we got a couple of interlopers here," Pearl surmised. “I noticed a few minutes ago, seems like they’ve been here a little while.”
Impulse snapped his fingers as a light bulb went off in his head. “Could they be helsmits?”
“Do they look evil to you?”
“I don’t know! What would evil Gem look like?” Trying to imagine a truly evil Gem was like trying to imagine a square circle. Sure, Gem could be mischievous and even skilled with a blade, but truly evil?
The idea was laughable. Maybe even her evil counterpart(s?) weren’t capable of it.
“I dunno…” Pearl squinted. “Maybe Doc made a cloning machine?”
“I wouldn’t put it past him… But they’re not clones.”
“Well, I’m stumped.” Pearl threw her hands up.
“Why don’t we just go over there and ask?”
“But that’s not as fun!”
Impulse rolled his eyes, grabbing Pearl’s hand to pull her up. “You’re not gonna find anything else out by sitting here. Come on.”
Pearl humphed but didn’t protest any more. Impulse hopped off the edge of the cliff they were on, spreading out his elytra to glide down with Pearl by his side, landing a few yards away from the interlopers. Both women perked up as the two drew near, snapped from their reverie.
“Hi Pearl!” The deer hybrid said with a wave and a voice that sounded way too much like Gem for Impulse to feel comfortable coming from the mouth of a stranger.
“Hi Impulse!” The elf parroted, hopping up. Her hand grabbed the deer hybrid’s, pulling her up as well.
“Hi ladies…” Impulse trailed off, the mention of his name halting his prepared greeting. “What, uh, brings you here? We weren’t told of any visitors coming by.”
“Well it was such a beautiful day, and Tay thought we should spend it together!”
“Gemini thought it was too long since we’d seen each others’ faces as well. She’s such a sap.”
“So we decided to split up for a little bit and just enjoy the day.”
“Wait a second…” Pearl trailed off, sudden realization making her eyes grow wide.
The two women giggled. “I’m Gemini,” the elf introduced.
“And I’m Tay,” The deer hybrid added.
“You may know us as GeminiTay when we’re together.”
Impulse’s jaw hung open, gaping like a fish.
Gem… a fusion? The normal GeminiTay, who had none of the classic hallmarks of a fusion? No double limbs, no ‘we’ speak, no weird combinations or colors that were a glowing neon sign screaming fusion. She was just… Gem.
Except she wasn’t.
“What the heck, why didn’t you tell us!” Pearl exclaimed just loudly enough to jolt Impulse out of his stupor. There wasn’t any anger in her voice, just pure shock and joy.
“Well… it doesn’t exactly go over well in some places,” Gemini started, rubbing the back of her neck.
“And we know it’s totally okay here, but sometimes when people know you’re a fusion they treat you differently.”
“It’s like they’re always waiting for you to defuse. The idea of someone wanting to be a permanent fusion doesn’t make sense to some people.”
“They ask a lot of questions.” Tay giggled. “It gets old real quick.”
Impulse closed his mouth, stuffing all the questions he wanted to ask back in despite the fact that it felt like they were going to spill out any second. His mind was racing too fast, trying to reconcile the idea of one Gem being two. Should he have realized something sooner? He didn’t think there were any obvious signs, but wouldn’t a friend know that kind of thing?
“People start wondering what part of your personality is which, and they stop thinking of you as a real person. But we don’t really want to be just Gemini and Tay.”
The way Gemini and Tay spoke and finished each other’s thoughts, flowing into one another seamlessly, it was like they were still fused. They knew each other so well, blended so perfectly, it was like they were made for each other.
Was it being fused so long that made them that way, molding their minds to always be in sync, or was that what made them so perfect as a permanent fusion in the first place?
Did it matter?
(To Impulse it felt like it did. Was Gem still Gem if she was split in two? Was she still the friend he knew? Was she different as two people?)
“I’ve never met a permanent fusion before!” Pearl’s eyes were lit up, curious and understanding in a way Impulse couldn’t understand. How was she not feeling like everything she knew was turned upside down?
“You probably have, you just didn’t know it. They’re not as rare as you might think.” Was that Gemini or Tay that said that? Impulse couldn’t tell anymore.
(Was there a difference? Were they okay with being mixed up? Did they know how similar they were? Did they lose their sense of identity being fused so long? How was Pearl not bursting at the seams with questions?)
“Wait, really? I wonder if anyone else I know is a fusion…” Pearl pondered, setting up a spike of fear in Impulse.
“Not on this server that we know of,” Tay said. “Although for a while we were convinced Octo was one.” She laughed. “A lot of permafusions are more like me, without all the extra features, but there are some outliers so we weren’t sure.” Octo had four arms, large goat horns and dog ears, four eyes, and a mishmash of cybernetic enhancements. He screamed fusion in every way, unlike the perfectly normal-limbed deer elf Geminitay.
Although now that he thought of it, Impulse wasn’t sure he had ever heard of a deer elf hybrid before. Maybe that should’ve been a sign.
“Anyway, we actually have some base building to get back to, this wasn’t supposed to take that long. Tay wants to keep us on a schedule!” Gemini gripped her other half’s hand.
“And Gemini thinks that that schedule can be put off for more pranks, so be careful.”
And with that Gemini and Tay ceased to exist, and Gem(initay?) was back to one person.
“Oh boy.” Singular Gem took a step back. “It’s always a little weird being apart. Makes my head spin processing two of everything-” She was cut off by a hug from Pearl, almost toppling her over. Pearl said something to her that Impulse couldn’t make out over the wash in his ears, and he mindlessly grabbed for some of his rockets.
“This has been great guys, but I, uh, left my raid farm on! I gotta go make sure it doesn’t break the server!”
Before they could say anything else, he was flying off as fast as he possibly could.
What was he doing?! He hadn’t said a single word since they dropped the bomb, and then he said that and left?! Oh, they probably thought he hated them, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth!
Two Gems was better than one, right? More people to love!
But -and it was stupid. So stupid, he shouldn’t even be thinking it- but he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of… betrayal? No, Gem didn’t betray them. She just didn’t want to tell a secret she had, and that was her right. But still, had he made her feel like she couldn’t be herself around him? Had he done something to make her not trust him? Was he just a bad friend for never noticing?
Nothing would stop the swirling anxiety in his gut. The questions he had running through his mind about who his friend really was, if it was three friends he had, or two, or just one? What should he say, how should he treat them?
Why didn’t they trust him before?
Impulse tried to put it out of his mind. Emphasis on the ‘tried to’.
Whenever he caught sight of Geminitay, all he could think about was the stupid feeling that she didn’t trust him. And really, she probably shouldn’t, because he had a million questions he wanted to ask that she clearly said she didn’t want to answer. A good friend would respect that. So rather than facing everything head on, Impulse instead opted to avoid her.
His heart ached every time he turned a corner and caught sight of her, pounding against his chest like a drum, but what else could he do? It was his fault he was feeling like this, not hers. It was his problem to deal with.
Still the days went on and builds continued, but everything felt like it was at a stand still until the day he and Pearl were working near each other on their bases.
“Hey Impulse, can we fuse? I don’t wanna take more than one trip.” Pearl nodded her head to the shulker boxes laid out for her next project neatly, too many to carry for one person with two arms, but nothing for a fusion with someone like Impulse. He was the go-to guy for any fusion that needed extra bulk and muscle power.
Pearl had already reached her hand out towards him, glowing with Playfulness. And why would she expect him to say no? They had done this countless times before for any number of small things. Except if they did it now, Pearl would know all the thoughts rushing through his head and would probably think he was a terrible friend!
But if he denied her she’d be even more suspicious.
Maybe he could just try really hard to hide it? There were definitely things even fusions could hide from each other, how hard could it be?
Impulse reached his hand out to meet hers, clasping their hands together with breath held.
…Nothing.
“Uh, Impulse? You okay there bud?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m good, just give me a sec,” Impulse bit out.
Okay, so maybe he wasn’t feeling that optimistic right now.
Impulse was Optimism- most days.
Optimism was always looking on the bright side of things, always striving his best to lighten the mood and bring about a more positive future. It was making the effort to not let the mood down, and instead focus on the things in his control that he could have a positive impact on. Optimism was what Impulse strove to embody every day, and yet… It wasn’t coming to him.
Nobody could be truly positive all the time. Nobody, not even those who embodied the trait, could stave off the fears that came creeping in, the doubt that threatened their vision of the future. It was a trait that burned like the world’s brightest candle, but one that needed constant care and attention. And on days like today, that spark was dim.
He didn’t glow at all.
“I…” Impulse let out a forced chuckle. “I guess I’m feeling a little rusty today.” He rolled his shoulders out, pasting on a fake smile. “Phew, maybe I just need to warm up a little, y’know?”
“Impulse?” Pearl pulled her hand back.
“No, no, I got it!” He grabbed her hand, scrunching up his face in concentration. He could do this. There was no reason not to be optimistic right now! He was having a great time with his friends in a new season, with a cool new base and redstone machines to work on! Sure, one of his friends had been lying to him the entire time they had known each other, but that didn’t have to mean anything!
Impulse awkwardly stood with his hand clasped in Pearl’s for who knows how long until finally she pulled it back with enough force to snap him out of his concentration.
“Impulse, if you’re not up to fusing, you can tell me.”
“What? Oh, no, I am! I’m great!
Pearl shot him a skeptical look. “Right…” She stretched the word out. “And this doesn’t have anything to do with the fact you’ve been avoiding your friends for the past week?”
“Oh would you look at the time!” Impulse cut in quickly. “I left my raid farm on! Gotta go!” Impulse shot off a few rockets and deployed his elytra, speeding away as fast as he possibly could.
“You already used that excuse!” Pearl yelled into the wind.
This was so stupid, but he needed an outside opinion, and there was only one person he knew would see things the most objectively.
As everyone was filtering out of the community meeting that next morning, Impulse stayed seated, drumming his fingers on the table as his eyes locked on Xisuma. The entire meeting he had ignored Gem and Pearl even as he felt their stares burning a hole in his back (maybe it was paranoia? He couldn’t tell).
He should’ve shot them a smile, a wave, anything to make it seem like everything was great and he wasn’t questioning the very foundations of their relationship. But all he could do was ignore it like a coward.
And now he was going to their admin behind their back rather than just talking to them like a normal person.
“Xisuma, do you… know about Gem…iniTay?”
Xisuma frowned, his eyes flicking towards the door everyone had just left from. “What do you mean?”
“That they’re…” Impulse interlocked his fingers together.
“Ah, of course. I had to whitelist them both, didn’t I?”
She trusted Xisuma more than him? A feeling of… jealousy? Heartache? Betrayal? bubbled up inside of him.
“…Do you think it’s a little unfair?” The words spilled out of his mouth. They tasted like ash on his tongue and did nothing to soothe the ache left inside him. “I mean, we had to vote on who to let in, right? But we didn’t vote for Gemini or Tay… I feel like that’s important to know, right? Maybe?” Impulse trailed off, having no way to finish the sentence. He didn’t think it changed anything, but wouldn’t a little heads up be nice?
Xisuma leveled him with a stare that pierced through his tinted visor. It was like he could feel the disappointment through his gaze, causing him to shrink back slightly.
“Would that have changed your answer?”
“No, no, I love Gem…iniTay!” Oh Void he was messing this up so badly. Did Xisuma think he was that shallow that he would have changed his mind because someone was a fusion? No wonder Gem didn’t trust him!
“Then I think you’re asking the wrong question here Impulse.” Faintly he could see Xisuma glowing with Leadership, just enough that he could catch it on the edges of sunlight peaking into the room. Enough to make a point.
“What do you mean?”
“Why do you feel uncomfortable knowing what you know now?”
“I’m not uncomfortable! It’s her right to do whatever she wants, I don’t mind!” Impulse’s voice ticked up an octave. Void, he was not selling this. This was a disaster. Why did he even ask that in the first place, it was so stupid!
“But you think you should have been told personal information that has no bearing on her place on the server beforehand?”
“No! Of course not! I-” Impulse ran a hand through his hair. “I mean… Does it change things? I don’t even know who they are!”
“She’s Geminitay. The person you’ve been basing with all season long. The person who clearly trusted you enough to share a big secret with you.”
“She didn’t share it! We just stumbled across it, and then she had to tell us! And maybe it would have been easier if I just didn’t know because then at least I’d know how to treat her instead of constantly second guessing myself!”
“What makes you think you have to treat her any differently than you did before?”
“Well, she’s two people, isn’t she?- I mean, aren’t they? I feel like that’s pretty important! One could like totally different things than the other! And I don’t know either of them now!”
Xisuma sighed. “Maybe she doesn’t see herself as two people. I’ll be honest, I haven’t met many permafusions that I know of, Impulse, but the few I do know of? They don’t see themselves as separate beings anymore. They’re just one. To them, being unfused can feel like only being half a person… I don’t think we should wish that on anyone.”
The thought sent a chill down Impulse’s spine. He couldn’t imagine that. Just… not being himself anymore? Forever intertwined with another person, losing himself to an amalgamation? It sounded horrifying. But he supposed it could be kind of beautiful in a way? Loving someone so much you could never be apart, no matter what the world had to say about it.
He couldn’t understand it, but it seemed heartbreaking.
Something must have shown on his face, because Xisuma quickly asked, “Do you have issues with fusion?”
“What?” Impulse shook his head adamantly. “No, I fuse all the time!”
“For anything other than getting work done? Have you fused for fun? Or to get to know someone better? I seem to recall all your fusions being done for practical purposes.”
“Well… I…” He tried to run through the times he had fused in his head, flipping through the mental file of memories to try and find something. Every time recently he could think of was because of some kind of issue that needed the stronger build his fusions usually provided. Not a single one for fun came to mind.
Xisuma sighed. “I think I see the issue here. You have a fundamentally different world view from her about fusion. You think she lied because she didn’t share it with you, but to her she feels like it doesn’t change anything. You do.” He took a deep breath. “Impulse, have you tried talking to her?”
“She… she said that she doesn’t like telling people because they ask too many questions. I don’t want to do that to her. It’s my fault for feeling like this anyway. She shouldn’t have to deal with it.” Impulse said hoarsely.
Xisuma placed a hand on his shoulder, the weight grounding him. He glowed bright enough to light up the room. “She’s your friend. I’m sure she could handle a few questions for your sake if it’s troubling you this much.”
It only took a day after the conversation with Xisuma for Gem to come after Impulse with a sword.
Actually, scratch that, two swords.
She had carefully planned it so that he was inside his base, underground and unable to escape towards his nether portal. She had him completely trapped and at her mercy.
Impulse closed his eyes as she ran closer, sure that Xisuma had told her what he had said and she was coming to rightfully lop his head off for it. Instead, she stopped a few feet before him, one arm holding out the sword the wrong way, handle facing towards him. He peeked an eye open.
“Duel me.”
“What?” Impulse eked out.
“Duel me. One on one, right now.”
Impulse reached out to grab the sword, compelled by the sheer force behind her words. He felt the weight in his hand, shifting it back and forth a few times. It was iron, lacking the weight of any enchantments, but pristine without any damage taken to it. Newly crafted just for a fight.
“Gem, I-”
“Less talking, more fighting!”
And then a sword sliced at him, so fast he almost didn’t have time to duck down out of the way. Muscle memory took over, swooping him down into a crouch and sliding out of the way. He pulled himself back to his feet, parrying a swipe of her sword with enough force to push her back.
Adrenaline kicked in, honing his senses to that moment and nothing else. Impulse took the offensive, thrusting his sword toward her chest only to be met with the grinding sound of metal on metal as she deftly batted away the strike, smoothly following through the parry with a slash to his legs, connecting with them and swiping his feet right out from under him.
With his breath knocked out of him, Impulse paused for a few seconds to collect himself, giving Gem time to go for a kill shot on his back. The only thing that saved him was the instinctive roll his body threw him into as the sword connected with the ground just inches away from him.
He pushed himself back up, legs swaying and breath ragged. It had been a little while since he had dueled, probably a few months ago when he last faced Gem at this point. She had only gotten better, and she had already annihilated him in their last sparring matches.
He leapt out of the way of several more of her strikes, each one pushing him back further and further and she gained more ground on him. His back hit the wall, and in a desperate move he arced his sword downward right towards her head. There was an ear-piercing grinding sound as she blocked it with her sword, forcing the side of it down his until they hit pommel to pommel. With a powerful swing of her sword, his own weapon was ripped out of his hand, flying to the side and hitting the ground with a resounding clank. His head followed the blade, turning away from Gem as he watched it clatter against the floor, only for his physical form to shudder as a sword went through his gut.
In an instant he was back on his bed, the ache of respawn shaking through him, code rewriting itself with a new death added to his tally. Impulse groaned, pushing himself up from the plush covers and staggering back over to where his stuff had spilled on the ground. Thankfully he had remembered to set his spawn in his base this time, but that just meant that Gem was right there waiting for him within seconds, not even giving him time to think of an excuse to run away.
“You put up a good one there, Impulse.” Gem smiled, bodily blocking his stuff in what had to be a deliberate move to keep him from fleeing.
“I didn’t even get one hit on you. You’ve gotten better.” He ran a hand through his hair awkwardly, nursing his wounded pride. The only consolation he could give himself was that technically he was fighting a fusion, so the deck was already stack against him-
“I beat you fair and square, one on one,” Gem gloated.
“But it’s not one on one?”
“Gotcha.” Gem smirked, and Impulse’s sight tunneled. He had fallen right for her trap, the words spilling out like they were wont to do recently. It was like she had read his mind and knew exactly what he was thinking. Maybe it was written across his face, or maybe she just knew him that well.
“Was this all just to get me to say that?” He asked dumbly.
“No, I also needed some stress relief.” Gem shrugged, rolling out her shoulders through the motion. “Having one of your friends stop talking to you kind of makes you really worried you messed up.”
Impulse’s shoulders hunched in, his head turning away from her eye contact in shame, too afraid to see the betrayal painted across her face. He could already imagine it whenever he closed his eyes, he didn’t think he could handle seeing it in person.
“Impulse, did I do something wrong?”
“No, no, you didn’t. It’s… It’s all me, and I need to deal with it, it’s just me being dumb.”
“Your feelings aren’t dumb, Impy.”
“No, they are, you already deal with enough ignorant people in your life, you shouldn’t have to deal with a bad friend that’s struggling to understand you.”
“If you don’t get it, you can ask me questions, Impulse.” He chanced a glance at Gem, eyes catching on the desperate scrunch of her face as she reached out to him. There wasn’t any anger, just concern.
“But you said-”
“It’s different when it’s random people on the street. But you’re my friend Impulse. I don’t want you to feel confused about me. You’re one of my best friends.” She paused. ”Right?”
Something inside Impulse broke. Had he really messed up that badly that she wasn’t sure if they were best friends anymore? A twisting ache in the pit of his stomach opened up, threatening to swallow him whole.
“Of course we’re friends. If… if you still want to be friends with me.”
“Why wouldn’t I want that?"
“Because I don’t think about fusion like you…” Xisuma’s words echoed in his head. “I don’t get why someone would want to be a fusion all the time, I don’t understand why you’d want to give up who you are to become someone else. I don’t know how I should refer to you anymore. I’ve never dealt with this before, and I don’t want to mess it up! But I… I’m not a good friend if I don’t get over this. And I can’t hurt you by making you feel like you did something wrong when it’s all me.”
Gem placed a hand on his shoulder, sitting him down on a nearby slab and taking a seat next to him. “Talk to me Impy. What’s going through that head of yours?”
And that was enough for a waterfall of words to spill out of his mouth, the dam just waiting to be given permission to break. “It’s just… where I grew up, people didn’t fuse a lot. I mean, everyone did it occasionally because we knew it was good for you, but it was always something temporary, and always for some kind of goal.
“The fusions I saw were always either done for a specific task, or done out of necessity to dispel energy. I can’t remember anyone ever doing it for longer. It just wasn’t a thing. And then I moved out, joined a few servers, came to Hermitcraft, and it was like a whole new world! People fused even when they didn’t need to. They did it for fun, for community. They did it just because they could, and I started to understand the joy in it. But no matter what, my fusions always end pretty quickly, and they're always ‘we’ fusions.” The kinds of fusions where the minds weren’t completely merged into one, but instead like two different forces collaborating perfectly in time, thoughts flowing together but still obviously influenced by one or the other. Not like the ‘I’ fusions, where the minds completely merged. It was the difference between being dependent on another person, and completely giving yourself over to them. It wasn’t something consciously decided, but clearly his subconscious never wanted to take the leap and fully merge. Maybe it never would. He wouldn’t want to lose himself. “I’ve never had something like you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no right or wrong way to fuse, Impulse.”
“But I can’t understand you, and I feel so terrible! It’s nothing you’ve done, it’s all me. And I don’t want to burden you with my awful feelings.”
She took a deep shuddering breath. “I won’t say it doesn’t hurt that you don’t get it, but I’ve dealt with people feeling like that all my life. It’s not new to me, and you’re certainly not the worst. Tay’s own parents felt like they’d lost their daughter and cut me out of their life. They never even tried to accept me. But you’re here, and you’re trying, so clearly you’re doing a better job there. I can’t blame you for that.” She laughed softly. “You can ask whatever you want, Impy. I’ll always answer.”
Impulse wet his dry mouth. His heart screamed at him to take the life line, giving himself permission to finally let loose.
“Do… you ever miss being apart?”
“Nope. Never. Sure, sometimes we like to split up just so Gem can braid Tay’s hair like old times, or maybe once in a while we fight and have to take a bit to cool off, but it always feels like something is missing when we’re separated. It feels kinda like we were split at birth into half a person each, and we needed to find each other to become whole. And once you’re whole, you never want to feel alone again.”
“But don’t you feel like you’ve lost yourself?” Impulse bit his lip nervously.
“I suppose in some ways there’s things I- we’ve lost, but we’ve also gained so much more. People change every day, Impulse. They grow and become new people and have new experiences, and that isn’t losing themselves. That’s living.” Gem sighed. “Fusion is hard. Being a permanent fusion is near impossible. It means baring your soul to another person forever. Letting the world know that there is someone you care about so much you never want to let them go. Being comfortable with loving and letting yourself be loved. No matter what. And yet people do it all the time.
“It’s not for everyone. But for the people that it is? It changes everything. You don’t lose yourself, you finally feel like yourself. Gemini and Tay aren’t gone, they’re right here.” She held a hand over her heart. “And in here.” She pointed to her head. “They’re always there subconsciously. Being together, being me.”
The tight knot around Impulse’s heart loosened, the knowledge that Gem was perfectly content and hadn’t lost herself like a soothing balm to his worries. Maybe he had been projecting his own worries onto her, but like Xisuma said, she had a different viewpoint. And maybe he would never fully understand it, but she was happy, and that was enough. But it didn’t answer the one question that loomed above the rest, the one aching with a feeling of betrayal deep in his stomach.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Impulse’s voice broke. That was the crux of the issue, if he was being honest with himself. He didn’t care that his friend was a fusion. He just… couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed. Even if it was her right to keep it to herself. Some part of him still whispered that she didn’t trust him. He hadn’t been a good enough friend to earn that.
“Oh Impulse…” Gem reached out, grabbing his hand in hers. “That was our way of telling you.” Impulse snapped his head up. “I didn’t just spontaneously decide to unfuse that day. We chose to do that knowing you’d see it. We wanted to share that with you. It wasn’t just a coincidence. We just didn’t know how else to do it.”
“You trusted me?”
“I trusted you.”
Something Impulse was aware of on the edges of his soul, deep in his code, was that if he wasn’t Optimism, he would be Trustworthiness. The idea of being a dependable beacon of hope for his friends, someone they could always rely on, it was what drove him. His Optimism was fueled by the belief that if he was there for his friends whenever they needed him then nothing could truly go wrong. He could always manage to pick things back up again and work towards something better, as long as he had them by his side believing in him.
Knowing that Gem really did believe in him and wanted him to know? That she trusted him with the truest part of herself? That did more to settle his nerves than anything else she could have said. As long as she trusted him, and he trusted himself, they could get over this hurdle. Even if it took a hundred more conversations.
“Thank you.”
Gem smiled, and then she held out a hand. “Would you like to fuse with me, Impulse? I could show you how it works. ”
And a part of him wanted to. Really wanted to take that leap of faith and reach out, to grab on and let himself finally understand.
His Optimism flickered.
The creeping anxiety in his gut wouldn’t let go. The fear of losing himself was too strong, too overpowering. It snuffed out the flame of his soul, guarding it too close to let anyone in. But maybe he didn’t need to truly get it just yet. That wasn’t important. What was important was just being here with his friend. Being here with Gem.
He bypassed her hand, reaching in for a hug.
Everything was right.