Work Text:
That again in the field I think..
What would life be like if yoichi never came into our lives. What would've life was if I never met kaiser? Damn.. soccer really is a big change in your life isn't it? How'd it go from being just a little ass dream to this?. ... Thinking must be a pain.. All I'm feeling currently now is just exhaustion and Pain What would've happen if I just Disappeared? .... Just then I heard a name call out.
"ness!"
?
"NESS!"
..
"NESS!!!!!"
All this is so frustrating..
for a Moment I thought I was dreaming. Is this real? Am I really just gonna give up? It might be so...
I'm sorry micha..
....
Huh?
What's all this?
Where am I..
I opened my eyes after blinking a few times if this was all real.
Just then I look up.
There was a boy. He looked about just 12..
"Hey.." I spoke to get the boy's attention.
"...Ness?." He looked shocked seeing me.
"Wait..kaiser?.." now we had shared the same reaction to each other.
"Is that you..but older?." He had asked. Right.. he was just 12 years old this time.
"Yeah.. I'm guessing your 12 correct?" I questioned.
"Mhm.. wait what happened to your hair?" Oh right. He noticed the features on my hair.
"Well it's kind of a long story but it was all your idea haha.." I replied back to his question laughing.
"Oh I mean I would've guess haha" he laughed back. Just then I had remembered something.
"Hey you ok? You look quite pale in the future. Is everything okay??" He worriedly asked.
"Oh! It's nothing really yeah everything's okay.. it's just that it's really rare to hear your real laugh nowadays in the future." It's also been while since kaiser had asked me if everything was okay.. fame does really change you huh.
"Oh is that so... I guess I did change in the future huh." He quite looked disappointed.
"But don't worry! It's alright. I don't mind.. at least we're still together. Kinda..." I stopped for a second before finishing my sentence.. he looked at me with a questioning look.
"Well either way I just hope future me does change. I don't wanna lose you ness." He spoke with a warm smile.. that smile.. it was the smile that he used to share with me back then..
I stared at him back with soft gazed eyes filling then with tears.. word's could not express how much I missed that smile.. just seeing it after for so long just makes me tear up..
Just as I close my eyes for a while.. I opened them.
Just to actually snap back into reality...
I had woken up into a white cold room. The breeze was cold. I had noticed the window was open.
I looked around to check my surroundings I was laying down in a bed. I'm guessing I must've passed out. My head felt a bit light headed but I managed to get up.
I noticed there was a small balcony area in the room.
I walked over to check it out. The breeze was cold. It was night anyways. For a second I thought about what had happened..
Just then the door opened with a click. There was a girl about her 20's who had walked In.
"Ah I see you're awake now. Please come sit down." She spoke her voice was calming and sweet. It sounded like a lullaby just listening to her talk. It was pleasant to hear.
As I walked over to the bed and sat down I noticed she had a clip board with paper and pen. She sat down beside me with a small chair.
"So how are you feeling?" She asked.
"Uhm.. my head feels a little light headed. But I can move myself around." I answered. As she listens and writes down. Just the sound of the pen hitting the paper board as she writes was annoying. I felt uneasy.
"Well that's about right. You stressed out yourself too much and pushed your body too far causing you to pass out. Here drink some water it'll help you calm down." She stated as she writes more onto the paper.
After writing she hands over a glass of water. I hesitated before taking it from her hand and drank slowly.
After drinking she looks at me. I felt uncomfortable as she looks at me with bright hazel eyes starring onto my pink-magenta eyes.
"Is there anything you need to tell me? I'm always here if you need someone to talk too. " She called me out. It was like she could read my expression.
"I wanna ask a question." I spoke after a small pause of thinking.
"Feel free to ask me anything." She smiled after speaking.
...
"Do you ever feel like you just wanna die." I spoke looking down at my lap. I knew I regretted saying it as the room felt quiet that you could hear the clock ticking.
...
Just then I felt a body hug me.
"Oh dear.. such a young beautiful child how could you think of that.." the woman was crying as she stuttered speaking.. this time I hugged back. As tears fill my eyes.
...
"Is it okay if you do me a favour?." I asked looking back at her.
"What is it dear?" She looks at me in pity. After pulling back the hug.
"If he comes back. Will you tell him I died." I answered.
Will this be a better option? I don't know. It's like you tried everything to show how much you care and love him all these years but he still decides to ignore it.
I'm getting tired of it. He doesn't see all the efforts I do just for HIM. It just hurts. It hurts so god damn much seeing just the person you love ignore all the efforts you're doing for no one but them..
Maybe having a life without kaiser might be better after all..?
"... very well... If that's what you want dear.. but please. Take good care of yourself. Get therapy try and get better.. your such a young beautiful child. I want you to make life worth okay?." She placed her hand at my left Cheek. It was warm. Warm as the sun. As she smiles and was about to leave the room but I tucked her shirt.
"What Is it dear? Is there anything else you need?" She looks at me and sat down again. Waiting for my response..
"Is it okay if I write a letter and you could give it to him if he comes back.?" I asked politely as I look back at her.
"Of course. I'll be waiting outside the door. I'll come to check on you after a while okay?" She responded as I nod in response.
As I heard the door click after she stepped outside I saw the paper beside me with a pen for me to write at the table. I took it and started to hesitate a while.
"Don't worry ness! No matter what happens we'll always stick to each other side by side you got that?" Ness closed his eyes re-thinking how kaiser and ness was back at their apartment after getting a invitation
To participate as player's from a team to the upcoming match that was gonna happen in a week.
"Always stick together huh.. fame changed you micha.."
I mumbled as I gripped tightly on the pen gritting my teeth as tears starts to fall from my eyes..
I start writing fast. Letting out all the feelings I've been holding every single fucking day. I was sick of it. I was sick of him. I kept writing and writing. Until. I was finished. I folded the paper and noticed the envelope at the table drawer.
I took the envelope and placed the letter inside. I sighed as I put it at the table beside the glass of water I drank from. Just then I noticed the window was open. I looked over to my side as I let the cold breeze fall upon my face. I looked over at the clock. It was about 11:00 pm.
Since I still had the energy to walk properly I managed to get up and walk towards the balcony. As I reach the balcony I rested my arms over the rail. The view was beautiful. It reminded me of when me and kaiser was only 16..
_____
"C'mon ness!!! It's almost time!!" The man yelled as he ran up all the way to the hill.
"Eh?! Wait up micha!!" I yelled. As i run fast catching up to the blonde-blue haired boy.
"Took you long enough aha!! Come lay down with me." He laughed as he lay down the grass. I agreed and went to sit next to him as I kay down.
"The grass is really soft." I spoke out of the blue. He looks at me for a moment and looks back at the night sky with stars.
"It really is, I noticed it earlier." The man answered as he keeps looking unto the beatiful view.
"Hey look! A shooting star! Wanna know what I wished for ness?" He looks at me as I look back. He looked glorious.
"Sure. What is it?" I responded looking back at him as our hair waves because of the splendid breeze.
"Well I wish for.. that we could become better pro soccer players in the future. Where I would wrap my arm around your neck as we celebrate a winning goal."
He smiled as he looks back onto the night sky stating his wish. I was stunned. Kaiser Is really something..
"That's.. for sure amazing.. but I think we would become like that in the future." I smile as I answer him in response.
"Mhm... Well how about you? What did you wish for lexis?" He looks at me in a curious expression.
"Well I didn't have time to wish aha..." I responded in awkwardness. He looks back at me in confusion.
"Well what did you want for wish for?" He smiles asking. Words couldn't describe how much I missed kaiser was like this..
"Well I wished for.. we were two people. Two people who would stay with each other whatever happens. Who'd be at each other side no matter what. That we were two people who don't need to say goodbye." I answered as my eyes softens I look at him who was already staring at me in awe.. I noticed that his gaze softened..
"Don't worry. I'll make that wish come true.." he spoke smiling as he closes his eyes and grabbed my hand. I smiled back as we both rest onto the soft grass closing our eyes still holding each other's hands...
It was a very fateful memory.. however he failed at making that wish come true...
"I hope we'll find each other again micha. Maybe in another life.."
_________
(Kaiser's perspective.)
I walk through the halls as I find the door.
Just then I saw a big grey door it had a tag named
" 306 "
As I was about to open it I was suddenly greeted by a lady.
"Uhm hello there! You must be kaiser right?" She looked about in her 20s. She looked quite pale. Her voice was calm but there was a sound of anger to it also.
"Uh yes. I'm Michael Kaiser.." I answered her question.
As she looks at me. Just then she nodded and dug her hand deeper into her coat pocket reaching for something.
Just then I saw her pull out a small envelope from her cost pocket. She then looked down holding her hands as she reports news about ness.
...
"I'm afraid. Your friend Alexis has sadly passed away." My eyes go wide. No. It can't be. How could've he died..
"Later this afternoon he had committed suicide. He got a hold of some pills in the counter where he wasn't aloud to touch. I advise him not to do it. I thought he'd listen but.. I'm so sorry.." she quickly bowed her head as she kept apologizing.
"Just shut up. Shut the fuck up." I clenched my fists as she stands up handing me out the small envelope..
"He asked me if I could give this to you.. please take it." She was holding it waiting for me to take it. I hesitated.
Just then I quickly grabbed the envelope from her and walked away sprinting..
I had stopped walking by now as I enter the dorm room. It was empty. Of course everyone was asleep by now but I woke up because I felt uneasy just thinking about what happened to ness. I thought I'd be nice to stop by so I could visit ness for a while.
But it's just that I didn't expect this to happen... Ness commiting..? I didn't believe anything at all. I refuse to believe everything that had happen. Just then I look over to the envelope I had.
I opened it hesitatingly there was a letter Inside. I unfolded the letter. There were words sentences and I noticed all was Ness's hand writing..
I tried reading it from the top. Therefore it was a letter from him saying goodbye..
_______
Dear Kaiser, Hello micha. I'm sorry if I'm gonna have to leave you. I just can't handle all the pressure and stress anymore everything that's been going through. I sacrificed so much just for you but you just never seemed to acknowledge them at all. The fact I would kill someone just for you kaiser. But you'd never do the same for me. Actually you won't do anything for me at all. With everything that's happening I just wanna quit. I wanna start a new life if I would ever get reborn. But I just want you to know how much I deeply love you. I love you so much kaiser you were the only person in my life that made me ever feel like this. Loving you was all that I felt. You were the only hope I had. But it's just been so hard for me after the fame got to you. What happened to us micha? What happened to the wish you promised of making it real. It's gone. All gone. I'm sorry if I'm leaving you micha. I'm sorry. But I think it's for the best. I'd like to thank you for all the memories we had I hope you can still keep them while I'm gone. Maybe in another life we'd meet again. Sincerely yours -Lexis.
.....
I felt tears running down my face as I sob down on my knees. Just then I opened my eyes. My surroundings were all white. I looked and turned around.
To see a boy. He looked like my age. He was wearing a white loose shirt with long sleeves. I noticed he was holding a bouquet of blue roses. They looked beautiful..
"Are you done staring at me now?" He chuckled as the boy looks at me. Just then I saw the boy looked familiar.. it was ness. He looked absolutely amazing..
"Ness?.." I stuttered speaking still stunned.
"Mhm.. hello there micha." He smiled. It was his signature smile.
"Aren't you happy to see me??" He joked just as I noticed I was still staring in shocked.
"No I am. Really.. I'm sorry I'm just shocked.." I laughed a bit still stuttering as I got up from my knees.
"The view looks amazing doesn't it?" He spoke as he turns around. He was right. The view was a foggy greyish field with yellow dark flowers. The colours looked pale and dark but still it was... Beatiful.
"It really does. Where are we anyway?." I asked looking concerned.
"Do we have to worry about that?? At least we're together. Remember?" He answered in response smiling a bit.
"Yes you're right. No matter what. As long as we're together." I responded smiling as I look at him. He smiled back but this time..
The smile was warm.. it wasn't his usual "forced" signature smile. This smile was warm. Warmer than the sun I felt my cheek's go red as I look back at him this was the same smile he shared back then... God I missed it alot..
"Well why don't we walk around and talk about some memories hm?" He suggested as he smiles again. I nodded in response..
Just there we continued to walk as we share memories we had. This might've been the best time I had after a while. Maybe ness was right. The fame really got me hm..
"And remember the time we- micha? Micha are you alright??" He looks at me worriedly.
"Hm? Yes I'm fine. I just I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't notice your love for me ness.. I was a fool. I got so caught up on being a professional soccer player I forgot about us. I'm. I'm so sorry.." I felt tears enter my eyes as I hold Ness's hands Infront of him.
Just then I felt him hug me.
"Don't worry micha. I forgive you." He spoke smiling. I looked at him. I felt tears forming onto my eyes.
"I... I'm so sorry!!." I apologized all over again as I tears ran down my cheeks. I hugged him back tightly ruffling my hand on his hair. I cried as we both hug each other..
"Shh.. it's alright now micha. I.. I forgive you. Don't worry.." he whispered onto my ear As he kept hugging me back.
"Hey.. is it okay if I kiss you..??" I asked looking at him as he looks back from pulling back the hug.
"Yes." He agreed in response as I put my hand around his cheeks. pulling our faces to each other. There I touched his lips. They we're soft and tasted like strawberries..
We pulled apart after a few seconds there we looked at each other and smiled. As we laugh.
"Wanna run around the field for a while?" I asked as he nods in response we held each other's hand as we both ran along the field running through the soft grass and flowers I noticed some of the flowers were yellow and white.
I took one white flower and showed it to ness. He looked at me in confusion then I tuck it behind his ear. He looked beautiful with it.. he smiled as I smile back at him. Our cheeks go red as we continued to smile and run again still holding hands..
After a while we both stop as we pant. I then lay down into the soft grass as I relax.
"Come lay down with me!" I spoke looking at him still holding the blue roses from earlier. I look at it in a curious expression.
"Why'd you never left those roses??" I asked as I sat down as we both sat down I looked at him.
"I wanted the both of us too hold it maybe for the last time.." he spoke tilting his head down.. I looked at him in confusion.. what did he meant by that?..
"What do you mean maybe for the last time?? Here let's both hold it." I answered as I also hold onto the flower he smiled and looked at me. I smiled back. I rested my head into his shoulder..
"I'll tell you that later my dear." He spoke closing his eyes as I nodded in agreement. He got me confused for a bit but I shaked off the feeling.
"Look lexis! A dandelion." I spoke pointing at the flower. I went to grab it as I looked at it. It was pretty.. I went back to ness as I sat down and share it to ness.
"Let's make a wish??" I asked as he looks at me and nodded. We both close our eyes as we hold onto it.
After a while I opened my eyes. He also opened his too.
"What did you wish for lexis?" I first asked him. He looked at me and smiled.
"Well I wished for that.. we could hold to these blue roses forever.." he let go of the dandelion as he picked up the blue roses. I smiled at him.
"That's very nice lexis." I smiled praising him. As he looks at me in a confused expression.
"Mhm.. well what about you? What did you wish for micha?" He questioned me in response as he looks at me waiting for an answer.
"Well.. I wished that we were two people.. two people who didn't need to say our goodbyes.. but I know that wish already came true because I finally have you and you have me!!" I smiled stating my sentence. But when I looked at him he looked gloomy..
"I don't think that wish will come true micha..." He spoke under his breath.. I looked at him with a confusing expression..
"Eh? What do you mean lexis??." I asked in a curious tone. He looks at me with tears forming his eyes.
"Hey... Hey... Why are you crying?? What happened?.." I asked rubbing his shoulder.. as I place my hand on his cheek.
"Remember when I said that we could hold on these blue roses together maybe for the last time?." He answered as I nodded in agreement.
"Well.. maybe there will be a last time micha.." he spoke as I still was confused..
"What do you mean.." I responded looking at him waiting for a Answer.
......
"I need to go micha. You have to snap out of it.. it's getting way out of hand.." he said in a sad tone. As I looked at him shock.. just then he got up and started to run..
"W..wait!! Lexis please no!.. please don't leave me again!...PLEASE!." I screamed as I got up trying to catch up to him in the fog but he just... Disappeared.. tears formed my eyes as they quickly run down my cheeks..
I go back at the spot where we sat and lay down. I cried and cried as I hold onto the blue flowers.. I cried as now I was screaming.
....
"Ah!." I screamed as I woke up.. it.. was all a dream.? Where's ness. I looked around my surroundings. I was in my room. Oh... Right...
...
This was the 5th time I've been getting the same dream about him... It's been exactly a week after ness's death.. turns out he actually jumped off the building's balcony and not from overdosing.. I grit my teeth as tears starts to fill my eyes..
I quitted bluelock and bastard Munchen after the incident. I just didn't want to be involved in soccer anymore. I went back to me and ness's apartment. I missed this place. I went to sleep in his room. I noticed there was a blue rose on the table.
I went to pick it up. Beside there was a small note..
"When me and micha achieve our dreams. I'll maybe try and confessing my love for him. But just for now I'll give him hints from making alot of efforts for him. I'll give him this rose while at it. I hope I succeed future ness."
I was shocked seeing the note. I'm so sorry ness. I cried as I kept apologizing. Never knowing if ness actually has forgave me for everything..