Chapter Text
Raelle sighed and rested her forehead against the cool glass of the window, watching the other vehicles that passed them. The car was filled with an uncomfortable silence. It was a silence that reminded her of how fucked up everything was. They had been on the road for a little over an hour now and the tension in the air was as palpable as the soft summer breeze that blew against her cheek. She glanced at Scylla and rolled her eyes before looking straight ahead again.
“I hate road trips,” she murmured.
“We know that by now,” Tally spoke up from the backseat. “You’ve been reminding us for the past hour.”
“Well, it wasn’t my idea to go on this stupid trip,” Raelle grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest to show her disapproval.
Scylla nervously bit her lip, keeping her eyes glued to the road. “I didn’t force you to go.”
“No, but we both know that you would’ve held it against me for the rest of my life if I hadn’t agreed.”
“That’s not true, Rae,” Scylla said softly, tightening her grip on the steering wheel. “But I thought it would be nice to spend some time with our friends. Don't you agree?”
Raelle huffed. “I don’t know anything anymore these days.”
“Christ, will you lighten up a little?” Sarah exclaimed loudly, shooting her friend a glare through the rearview mirror. She wasn’t used to seeing her like this. It was so out of character for the usually cheerful blonde. “We got it, okay? You’ve made your point. Now stop complaining because it’s not going to make things any easier.”
Tally nodded along to her girlfriend’s words. “And besides, road trips aren’t that bad. We can play games or share funny stories with each other.”
“How old are you?” Raelle mumbled, rummaging through her bag in search of her AirPods. “I should’ve known better than to share a car with you two. At least Abigail and Adil are capable of being quiet for longer than 5 minutes.”
Scylla sighed sadly as her eyes flickered to Abigail and Adil’s car that was driving ahead of them. Every other year, they would rent a cabin together and hang out, like old times. They would reminisce about college and get wasted together. It was always nice to get away from everything and not worry or stress about work or anything else. Scylla had been beyond excited for their trip. But, it seemed like Raelle didn’t share her excitement. She knew better than to say anything about it though. Not when she was mostly to blame for her wife’s angry behavior.
She glanced at Raelle again as the blonde put in her AirPods. She let out a shaky breath, once again reminded of how badly she had messed things up. Raelle’s eyes met hers and she stared at her for a second before she forced her defensive demeanor back in place and spoke harshly, “Just drive, Scylla.”
Scylla swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. Raelle leaned back in her seat and pulled her sunglasses down from the top of her head and onto her face. Scylla glanced into the rearview mirror and smiled softly when she saw that Tally was cuddled into Sarah’s side, her head resting on her girlfriend’s shoulder.
Sarah caught her gaze and gave her a sympathetic look. “Don’t worry, Scyl. She’ll come around.”
Scylla looked at her skeptically. “I doubt it.”
The next couple of hours passed in complete silence. Scylla couldn’t stop herself from glancing at her wife every now and then, the sad feeling in her chest getting heavier every time.
After a while, she was getting tired and her legs were starting to cramp up a little so she decided it was time for a break. Pulling into a gas station, she gained Sarah’s attention. “Do you want me to drive?”
“If you don’t mind,” Scylla replied in her usual soft tone.
“Of course not,” Sarah told her with a smile. “Shouldn’t we let Abigail and Adil know that we’re taking a break, though?”
Scylla shrugged. “We’ll catch up with them eventually.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Sarah agreed before she turned to Tally who had fallen asleep. She pressed a kiss to the woman’s cheek and spoke sweetly into her ear. “Tal, wake up.”
Scylla watched the exchange with a small smile. Her gaze focused on Raelle and she hesitated for a moment before reaching out to place her hand on her wife’s knee. Raelle, who had seemingly been lost in her own world, startled and quickly pulled out her AirPods.
“What?”
At Raelle’s harsh tone, Scylla pulled her hand away and settled it in her own lap instead. “I just wanted to know if I can get you some snacks or something.” She sighed and shook her head. “I forgot that I can’t even touch you anymore without getting snapped at.”
Raelle didn’t say anything. She took a moment to scan her surroundings before stretching her arms out above her head and opening her door. “I have to use the bathroom,” she mumbled, throwing a quick glance over her shoulder. “Does anyone want to come with me?”
“I have to go too,” Tally announced, hopping out of the car as well.
Scylla gave Sarah a tight-lipped smile before unbuckling her seatbelt. She walked around for a bit, stretching her legs, and waited for Sarah to catch up with her before the two women made their way into the station to buy some snacks. Scylla picked up a bag of chips and stared at it for a few moments before dropping it again with a sigh.
“You can just tell me, you know.”
“What?” Sarah asked, confused.
Scylla clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “That I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot,” Sarah said softly, turning to look at her. “I don’t know what exactly happened between you and Rae but being so hard on yourself isn’t going to fix it. All I know is that Rae is really hurt right now because of something that you’ve said or done. I also know that she loves you more than anything and a love as strong as yours doesn’t disappear overnight. Just give her some time.”
Scylla sighed and briefly closed her eyes. “I’m really not so sure of that anymore, Sarah.”
“Hey.” Sarah placed a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. “You guys have been through so much together. You can get through this too. Don’t give up now. Talk to her and help her understand because she’s clearly confused about something, Scyl, and it’s causing her to lash out.”
Scylla’s throat constricted and she blinked a few times to clear away the tears that were burning in her eyes. “I hate myself so much right now,” she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper. “It was never my intention to hurt her, but I did, and now our marriage is falling apart right in front of my eyes and I don’t know what to do to make things better.”
Sarah rubbed her shoulder soothingly. “Maybe this trip will be good for you. It’ll give you the chance to spend some time together.”
Scylla sniffled and nodded, furiously wiping at the few tears that had managed to escape her eyes. Sarah watched her with a sad expression before pulling her into a warm hug. The other woman easily melted into the contact and they embraced for several moments before pulling away. Sarah reached out to help wipe the tears off Scylla’s cheeks.
“Thanks,” Scylla mumbled. “Don’t tell Abigail I cried in a gas station or she’ll never let me live it down.”
Sarah chuckled. “Even Abigail wouldn’t tease you over this.”
After they had finished paying for their snacks, they walked back to the car where Raelle and Tally were already waiting for them. Scylla’s heart sank when Raelle went to open the door of the passenger’s seat.
“You can’t even sit next to me now?” she asked, annoyance seeping into her voice.
Raelle turned to glare at her, hand hovering mid-air. “I don’t see why I have to change seats when I was fine where I was.”
Scylla opened her mouth to reply, but Tally beat her to it. “I’d like to sit next to Sarah if you don’t mind.”
“Whatever,” Raelle mumbled with a loud huff.
Once everyone was seated in the car, Sarah started the engine and pulled out of the parking space. Another uncomfortable silence settled between them so Tally leaned forward to turn on the radio, fiddling with the knobs for a moment before leaving it on a station.
Scylla played with the bag of candy in her hands. She looked at Raelle and hesitantly asked, “Do you want some?”
Raelle replied with a simple shake of her head.
Scylla pursed her lips and grabbed the bottle of water she had bought. She held it out to her wife. “Do you want some water?” She received another shake of the head in reply. “You should really drink something, Rae. It’s warm outside and—”
“I said I didn’t want any,” Raelle snapped.
Scylla’s jaw snapped shut and she abruptly dropped the bottle of water, her eyes widening slightly at Raelle’s sudden outburst. Raell’s features softened slightly at the upset look on Scylla’s face, but instead of comforting her, she crossed her arms over her chest and turned to glare out of the window. Scylla released a shaky breath and rested her head against the cushion of the car seat. She could feel Sarah’s eyes burn holes into her skull through the rearview mirror, but she ignored her.
This was going to be a long trip.
Somewhere along the way, Raelle drifted off to sleep. Scylla, still wide awake, watched her wife, a feeling of longing burning through her veins. She missed her so much. She hated that there was this much tension between them, especially because she was the one who had caused it. In all the years that she had known Raelle, not once had they felt uncomfortable around each other. Scylla wished she could find a way to talk to Raelle, but no words seemed right, and whenever she tried to get a conversation started, she was almost immediately shut down.
Scylla pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and chewed on it thoughtfully, her eyes still glued to Raelle’s sleeping form. She looked peaceful, but the small crease between her eyebrows was a clear indication that her worries even followed her in her dreams. Scylla felt a wave of guilt surge through her body, and she couldn’t stop herself from taking Raelle’s hand in her own. Her heartbeat faltered just slightly as she slowly ran her thumb over Raelle’s knuckles, carefully memorizing the softness of her skin. Something as simple as holding Raelle’s hand was something that she no longer took for granted.
A few hours later, Scylla’s eyes snapped to Raelle’s face when she felt a tightening on her hand. She watched with a small smile as Raelle stirred before her eyelids slowly fluttered open, revealing warm blue orbs. The blonde blinked a few times before her gaze locked with Scylla’s. Her eyes held a softness that Scylla hadn’t seen in weeks, and a feeling of hope fluttered in her chest. It only lasted for a second though because Raelle’s demeanor changed to one of defense, and she ripped her hand out of Scylla’s grip faster than lightning.
Tears sprang to Scylla’s eyes in a rush of uncontrollable emotions, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying. A flash of doubt crossed Raelle’s face—she had never been able to stand seeing Scylla cry—but she once again stood her ground. They stared at each other for what felt like hours before Raelle forced herself to tear her eyes away, stonily staring ahead instead.
“Is everything okay back there?” Sarah asked.
Scylla licked her suddenly dry lips and nodded once. “Everything’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes she’s sure, Alder!” Raelle told her in an annoyed voice.
Sarah narrowed her eyes. “Look, Raelle, I understand that you two are going through something, but that’s no excuse for you to act like a total bitch. Can you at least try to act civil? It’s not Tally’s or my fault that you’re upset.”
Raelle sighed guiltily and was silent for a moment before reluctantly agreeing. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Sarah nodded gratefully but didn’t say anything. It was getting dark outside and Sarah could feel herself starting to become sleepy. Momentarily losing her focus, she didn’t notice the deer that jumped onto the road. Then, they were suddenly swerving. Sarah yelped in surprise, but before she could do anything, the car collided with a tree and everything went black around her.