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You didn't want to believe it. You felt like a damn fool, standing there dumbfounded. You had leapt onto your momentary confidence but you now desperately wanted to take it back.
Lesso stood there with a stoic mask, though internally her body and mind were screaming at her to take it back.
You just asked her out, and she just rejected you.
And not even a let-you-down-gently way, but a way that made you feel small and idiotic. In a way like, how dare you ask the Dean of Evil out?
Your stomach churned and you felt like you were going to be sick, "I-I'm sorry, I must've misread the situation." You wanted to turn around and run but your body wanted you to stay, creating a sort of glitch in your movements.
But you left before Lesso could get any more words in, you had heard enough. You couldn't take the sheer embarrassment of the rejection.
But you thought that the liking was mutual, the way she'd return all of your flirting quips with ease.
Lesso's heart lurched within her as she watched you walk away. This is was the only thing she'd been waiting for, and she just destroyed it.
••●••
You had spent the rest of the day locked away in your quarters, crying. Technically, it was the entirety of the whole last week but who's keeping track? Well, Dovey was. And Lesso too, but she'd never let onto it.
Dovey tried daily, tried getting you out of your room and just eat a warm meal. To do something. But how can you go and eat a meal next to the woman who vehemently rejected you, how could you face that embarrassment?
On the third day, you finally explained that to Dovey. She, at the very least, deserved an explanation. Much to Lesso's dismay. Dovey practically talked off Lesso's ear when she heard what she had done.
"What do you have to say for yourself?!"
"Well, she's an Ever," That being the one and only reason Lesso said no. "Need I say more?"
"YES! What is the matter with you?! The poor girl is too embarrassed to face you! Why do you think she's been absent at meal times?!" Dovey was beyond frustrated with her evil counterpart.
And boy did Lesso understand why. Only during Dovey's thirty-minute rant did Lesso realize the extent of your feelings.
••●••
When you finally had the courage to get over your embarrassment, you were acting as if Lesso wasn't there. You acted as if she wasn't in the room, or as if she were simply invisible. And Lesso didn't know if she should be completely frustrated with that, or to understand it.
She chose frustration. She was frustrated because she missed the small smile that you had reserved for just her. She was frustrated because you no longer made any attempts to be the one person sitting closest to her. She was unbelievably frustrated because she couldn't see the admiration for her in your eyes any longer, she couldn't look into them at all.
But mainly, it wasn't really frustration with you. It was with herself. She had no one to blame but her.
••●••
It threw everyone off when you came to the meeting the cheeriest you've been in a fortnight. The way you had a smile on your face without having to hear a joke, the way you barely sat still in your seat.
Dovey was delighted, to say the least.
Just as you stood for the meeting's dismissal, Dovey asked the question everyone had, "It's nice to see you with a smile dear, what's the cause?"
"I've got something to look forward to tonight!"
Dovey's excitement was beginning to match yours, "Oh? Like what?" Lesso tried her damndest to hide her interest in the conversation.
"I've got a date tonight!" You answered excitedly, well, you were excited about the distraction but not the actual date, simply because it wasn't with the person you wanted most.
Lesso's heart just fell to her stomach. No, there's no way someone else has you. Not when it should be her.
Just when your eyes panned over to the woman you were due to spend your evening with, Lesso said something, more of a mumble, and you heard it, but you hoped you heard wrong.
Tears instantly violated your eyes as you watched her stand, "What? What did you just say?"
"Please, don't have someone waiting on you!"
"Lesso-"
She rushed towards you, "Please-"
"Don't! Don't do this. This isn't fair."
"It should be me-"
"No! You don't get to decide you suddenly want me when you can't have me!" Tears had started falling down your face, you hated that people were watching this unfold, "You can't just throw me away for later until you decide you finally want me. You don't get to do that."
Lesso frowned, she didn't see it as throwing you away, but that's what it was, "Don't, don't go on that date tonight. Please..." Lesso was finding it increasingly harder to deny her need for you.
"Why? For you?" That stung Lesso a bit, you knew that as you saw her wince. "You don't want me to be with you... You don't want me to be with someone else... How miserable do I have to be before you're happy?"
"I don't want you miserable."
"Then what the hell do you want?!"
"You! I want you!"
You shook your head, wiping the tears off your face, "Then you should have thought about that before. I'm not waiting around for you to decide what the hell you want." You turned and walked away.
Lesso watched. She watched again as you walked away. She wanted to yell after you. To tell you that you wouldn't have to wait for anything else. That she was ready to want you, to cherish you. But you didn't want to hear any of that.