Work Text:
Sunghoon presses play and closes his eyes, leaning back against the wall. Finally, some peace. Even though the promotions of their latest album are over, he's still so tired. They had to shoot content and prepare to go on tour. Today they had practiced older choreographies, like Given-Taken. Once the group came home, far after usual dinnertime, they had just ordered take out. After dinner, Sunghoon had excused himself and went straight to his bed.
A few songs pass before it happens. A guitar playing a familiar melody. Not their song, but it was one of them singing. Heeseung's voice blasts through Sunghoon's ears. Something by his heart flutters, a giddy feeling. Heeseung's voice sounds so... mesmerizing. He was a good vocalist, having perfect pitch and years of training. But the way he sings the words, the way he presents them to the world... Like he was undeniably in love.
And somewhere in his chest, deeper than where the giddy feeling came from, Sunghoon wishes that he was the reason of Heeseung's emotional voice. He's had that for a while now. But feelings for a band mate were a perfect recipe on how to ruin a group. So Sunghoon pushes them away, hides them under layers and layers of acting. Thanks to his idol training and growing up around cameras, it wasn't that hard anymore. To pretend.
But in moments like these, where Sunghoon has no power to lie to himself, he let him have his little fantasy.
Heeseung's arms around him, Heeseung singing this song ever so softly to him, Heeseung pulling him into a searing kiss.
Heeseung.
Tears well up in Sunghoon's eyes. He mentally pauses his fantasy. His dream. His illusion. He had to stop before it became too serious, too obvious.
He lay down, covered himself fully with his blanket. He would have to move on. Because time did, and if he let his attention slip, he'd fall behind, fall deeper for Heeseung, deeper than rockbottom.
Sunghoon could pinpoint exactly the day his crush on Heeseung had started. They had always gotten along as trainees, often practicing together and getting food after. The last few months they didn't see each other anymore, both to busy preparing for I-Land. And when finally on I-land, they became closer, voicing their fears of elimination of both themselves and others to one another. And then their debut came. Sunghoon had been over the moon that he got to debut in first place, but also with such amazing people. Their debut promotions flew by, none of the members having the time to even breathe, because everything had been so overwhelming.
And then a late night, Sunghoon had come home later, as he had vocal practice that day. He had come home half asleep. He wanted to sleep so badly. But his stomach was painfully empty. When he reached the kitchen, Heeseung had been sitting at the table, with some instant ramyeon infront of him. Smiling at Sunghoon, Heeseung had told he decided to wait for him and made him some food. While Sunghoon had slurped up the noodles, Heeseung had asked him about his training of the day. Sunghoon had told him everything once he finished the packet of ramyeon. Heeseung just listened, smile on his face.
What he had said once they were walking to their bedroom, Sunghoon will never forget. "I'm so proud of you, Hoon-ah. I'm very lucky that I got to debut with you."
Heeseung had pulled him into his arms, telling him good night.
Sunghoon had that often about that moment. When faced with insecurities of hardships, those words would always find a way to his conscious, reminding him that his Heeseung-hyung was proud of him. The gently words would stay with him forever, even after he would take his last breath.
He puffs out his breath, closing his eyes. And while his playlist had moved on to the next song, he still heard Heeseung's voice resonating within him.
—
He didn't think about that moment again, burying it by all the other moments he had failed to feel platonic about Heeseung. It was nothing out of the ordinary.
Sunghoon is, however, reminded of it a few weeks later. They had been practicing their choreos for a while that day, and when they called an end to it, Jake suggested that they'd do a "Dance Jam Live", since fans loved those so much. Sunghoon agreed and liked the idea, as did Jungwon and Heeseung. Jay said he was way too tired to dance and pretend he was enjoying it and announced he was going home. Sunoo and Riki left too.
It was ten, maybe fifteen minutes into the live and it started playing. Off My Face.
Sunghoon's mind stops working for a second. He glances at the camera, hoping it wouldn't show on his face. And even though Justin Bieber is the one singing this time, Sunghoon only hears Heeseung's voice through it.
And at that moment, Heeseung starts actually singing. He's walking in front of the camera, bowing down so he could read the comments, sitting down eventually. He absently starts humming. The humming turns into singing.
Sunghoon just watches Heeseungs through the replay. He vagualy notes Jungwon jamming out and Jake dramatically mouthing the song in the background. He focuses on Heeseung's melody only, it filling his ears, mind. When he realizes he has been staring for too long, he steps backwards so his face doesn't show. Heeseung gets up, and starts pacing around, all while still singing, every note still correct. He turns around and starts pacing towards Sunghoon. Their eyes meet and Heeseung keeps singing, keeps getting closer. Heeseung's big doe eyes boring into his own, his voice surrounding Sunghoon.
And when the songs ends, it's like he snaps out of a trance. Heeseung is standing next to him at this point. Sunghoons shakes his head, telling himself to stay focused. He is live, and some fans are a little too good at deciphering body language.
Jake and Jungwon clap for the older's performance and Sunghoon joins in quickly.
Jungwon runs towards where the computer is located, behind the camera. "How about... Bite Me?"
–
Around an hour later, the four are finally headed home. Sunghoon is staring out of the window, looking at cars passing theirs, when he realizes he's being stared at. He turns around, to be met with Jungwon's eyes.
He looks lost in thought, but when he sees Sunghoon staring back at him, he smirks. Jungwon bows forward, making sure the other two in the back don't hear him, and whispers: "Are you in love with Heeseung-hyung?"
Sunghoon's eyes widen. "What? No, of course not!"
Jungwon tilts his head, clearly unimpressed. "Hyung, listen. I've been noticing the way you look at him. Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't catch on earlier. Your heart-eyes are kind of a give away."
Sunghoon throws a glance to Heeseung, making sure he wasn't listening. "Heart-eyes?"
Jungwon snorts. "Yes, heart-eyes. But don't worry, you don't slip up often on camera."
That's a relief.
"That is, until Heeseung-hyung starts singing love songs." Sunghoon glares at him for that.
Well, fuck.
"I'm not in love with Hyung."
Jungwon's confident stare falters. "Wait, seriously?"
Sunghoon sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "Well, it doesn't matter anyways. Because there is one thing worse than an idol dating, and that is an idol dating within their group."
Jungwon thinks about that, before replying with: "So you do like Hyung? Besides–" Before he is able to finish his sentence, Jake pops his head between them.
"Heeseung-hyung admitted to pouring milk first, then adding cereal." Jake says, looking disgusted. "I can't believe I live together with a criminal."
Sunghoon looks at Heeseung. "Explanation, please?"
"Well, I've always done it that way..." He starts.
"That's not an excuse!" Jake cries.
"You're acting like you've caught me eating mint choco!"
"Would just add to your criminal record." Jungwon pipes in. "And Jake-hyung, you don't have the right to say anything, I've seen you eat pineapple on pizza!"
Jake gasps. "You were supposed to be on my side."
Jungwon's answer gets tuned out when Sunghoon catches Heeseung's gaze. He smiles at Sunghoon and leans forward. "They're crazy, aren't they?"
Sunghoon nods, smile on his own face. "They sure are."
"I heard that!" Jake calls out, without looking at them.
Heeseung laughs. "It's not like it's a secret." He looks back at Sunghoon, his doe eyes growing softer. Sunghoon is a weak man, and can't fight off the smile forming on his face.
"Hey... could we... talk when we get back?" Heeseung suddenly says, nervousness laced through his voice, while avoiding looking directly at him. Sunghoon sees him looking at Jungwon, who widens his eyes. Heeseung's shoulders fall.
"Nevermind." He says to Sunghoon, who looks at him confused, but doesn't say anything, instead playing with his hands, somewhat listening to Jungwon and Jake's silly argument.
They've arrived to their dorms. Heeseung doesn't say another word to him, and Sunghoon would be lying if he said it didn't hurt.
–
The next day is a day off for the group, because the stylists and designers had to discuss the outfits and stages and plan when and where they were going to do what. Or something like that, Sunghoon wasn't quite listening when explained, because he was busy not dying on the floor after hours of practice.
Sunghoon is eating his toast when Jungwon enters the kitchen.
"Good morning, Hyung! Did you sleep well?"
Actually, he didn't. It had been late when they arrived back at the dorms, and then he had that weird interaction with Heeseung to keep him up. Why he had sounded so nervous when asking to simply hang out, only to call the entire thing off, was a mystery to Sunghoon.
"According to the state of your eyes – you've got eye bags the size of Asia, Hyung – not so well, huh?"Jungwon chippers. "Heeseung-hyung had the same problem, apparently."
"Oh." Sunghoon simply says, focusing on his toast instead of the rush of worry when thinking about Heeseung not resting well.
"Hyung," It sounded next to him. "Do you like Heeseung-hyung, yes or no?"
"This again, Jungwon?"
"I just... need to know."
"Why?"
"Because Hyung wants t–" Jungwon abruptly stops his sentence, making Sunghoon look up. "Because," He starts again. "it's important for me, the leader to be able to help everyone." Jungwon's adorable cat-eyes look so comforting, that Sunghoon is tempted to just tell him.
"Hyung, everything you'll say will be safe with me." Sunghoons knows that, knows that he can trust Jungwon.
Sunghoon can't keep it a secret anymore. He's in too deep for that. So he breaks, and it all floods out
"Well, yeah, I do like him. I- I am in love with him. But like is said yesterday, a relationship between two members of the same group won't work and–" There's no stopping now, so he just starts rambling.
"Jisung and Minho from Stray Kids are dating." Jungwon says, effectively shutting him up.
"They are? How do you know that?"
"Jake-hyung once took me to hangout with Bang Chan-hyung and we shared some things that happen within the group and how we, as leaders, deal with them." Jungwon gives him a small smile. "But that's beside the point. The point is that you, Park Sunghoon, have a boyfriend to chase after."
"Woah, calm down. We don't even know If Hyung likes me back. And I don't chase men."
"Oh, come on." Jungwon teases. "We all know you'd jog a little if it were Heeseung-hyung."
Sunghoon rolls his eyes at that.
"No, but seriously, it's okay to feel what you feel. I, as leader, have a very important job: to keep everybody safe and happy. And repressing your feelings like that, can't possibly make you happy." Jungwon sends him a pointing look, and then the other members start flooding in.
–
"Sunghoonie!" Someone calls out. Sunghoon doesn't have to look to know it's Heeseung. He looks anyway, and sees the older walking up to him. "We-we need to talk."
"Are you sure? Because last time you suddenly changed your mind." Sunghoon did not mean for it to sound bitter, but it came out wrong.
Heeseung winces at his words. "I know and I'm sorry, but I really think I need to tell you this. Can we... go to my bedroom, please?"
Sunghoon nods, ignoring the nervous feeling that washed over him. It seemed like Heeseung had similar feelings, just like yesterday.
They reach the bedroom and Heeseung opens the door for him. "Sit down."
Sunghoon obeys, sitting down on Heeseung's bed, looking at the owner expectantly.
Heeseung sits down next to him and closes his eyes, when he opens them, they look everywhere but him. "I'm– I feel really nervous, so please don't laugh if my voice cracks."
Sunghoon's curiosity awakens at those words. Is Heeseung going to sing?
The answer's yes. And it's not just any song. It's Off My Face.
Before Sunghoon gets sucked into Heeseung's voice and the melody it produces, he wonders why they had to go all the way to the bedroom, and not just stay in the living room. Then Heeseung's siren voice takes over. Sunghoon didn't think he could sound any better, but because Heeseung was singing without music, his voice being the only thing filling the air, Sunghoon could feel the emotions entering his body, swirling around, giving him goosebumps all over.
Heeseung finally looks at him, and Sunghoon realises that he won't be able to ignore his feelings for Heeseung any longer. Heeseung was feeding his delusion by singing to him, with such emotion that it felt like he was singing these words just for Sunghoon, baring his soul just for Sunghoon and no one else.
Heeseung sings the last words. A silence falls over them, Sunghoon being too dazed to speak up, say the words he wants to say, finally confess.
"Sunghoon-ah, this song is a love song. And I sang this to you because every word in this song expresses how I feel about... you."
Wait a damn second. "Hyung, I–"
"I like you, Hoonie." Heeseung looks at him, doe eyes big, blush creeping onto this cheeks.
Sunghoon's still stunned, not able to bring out anymore words. Heeseung likes him back? He never thought this would happen, outside of those fantasies.
"And I thought you liked me back, because Jungwon told me that I could confess to you. But if you don't that's okay too, please don't feel obligated t–"
Sunghoon grabs Heeseung's shirt, and kisses him. Hard. Maybe he couldn't find the words to the the latter about the feeling being mutual, but that's won't stop him. Not anymore.
Heeseung melts into the kiss, one arm circling around his waist, the other on Sunghoon's cheek, who tilts his head. Sunghoon's hands find their way to the other's hair, intertwining with the ash gray locks. He's never felt so alive, so aware of every little touch.
Heeseung's hands travel down until they reach Sunghoon's thigh and pull him into his lap, making every touch burn ten times more. Sunghoon wraps his legs around Heeseung's waist, pulling him as close as possible. Finally it wasn't a fantasy anymore. Finally, he could stop ignoring his feelings. He felt so powerfully with Heeseung's lips on his. Like he could take on the world, if it dared to take him away from Sunghoon. But he kind of needs to breathe.
Heeseung breaks the kiss, panting just like Sunghoon. He leaned his forehead against Sunghoon's, looking him into the eyes.
Sunghoon feels himself melt away. He could count every single eyelash, if he wasn't lost in Heeseung's eyes instead.
"So... is that a yes?"
Sunghoon leans back. "Actually..."
Heeseung pouts, and Sunghoon can't help but kiss him. It was addicting. "Of course that's a yes."
"Hyung, do you want snacks?" A voice asks through the closed door. It was Jungwon. "We're going to the convenience store."
"Nope, I'm okay!" Heeseung answers.
"You don't have to get me anything either." Sunghoon says.
There was a silence at the other side of the door. "Sunghoon?" Jungwon calls out.
"Yes?"
"Nothing." Even though Jungwon was behind a door, it was almost like Sunghoon could hear the smile through his voice only.
"Did Heeseung-hyung finally confess?" That's Riki.
"Took him long enough." Someone snorts. Sunoo, probably.
"Let's just go, guys." Jungwon again.
And as the sound of their footsteps leave the door, Sunghoon quirks an eyebrow at Heeseung.
"What did Sunoo mean by: "Took him long enough"?"
Heeseung looks at him, clearly embarrassed. "Well, uh, I kind of told the members that... I liked you and that I didn't know what to do with those feelings."
Sunghoon plays with the hem of Heeseung's shirt. "Like you were consumed by them, but couldn't let it show?"
Heeseung hums. "Exactly. Jay told me I should confess, and Jungwon, he said he would help to... make it easier? Not sure what he meant by that. He told me he'd give me a sign when to do it. Which is why I chickened out yesterday, in the car. I... thought Jungwon was telling me that it wasn't the right time, or something."
"That little–" Sunghoon laughs. "It's okay. That does explain why he was so invested in whether I was in love with you or not."
"In love?" Sunghoon freezes, unable to look the other in the eye. He starts getting off Heeseungs lap, but a hand stopped him.
"Sorry, I didn't mean–" Another hand is placed under his chin, lifting up his face, making Sunghoon look at Heeseung.
Instead of a shocked face getting ready to tell him it was too early, he meets with a pearly white smile. "I'm in love with you too, Hoon-ah. So in love."
Heeseung pulls in for a kiss. And another. One again. They kiss until the sun starts going down and the members come back to the dorm again. That doesn't stop them from being gross at the dinner table, though.
Sunghoon's so in love with Heeseung. He's out of his head, so into him. And Jungwon's right, being able to express his feelings towards Heeseung, made him feel almost as powerful as when kissing him.
Sunghoon had been right, too. He did fall deeper than rockbottom for him, but he knows now, that Heeseung would be there to catch him.