Work Text:
Weird West Tales:
The Curse of Mill Valley
Mill Valley, Kansas, July 31st, 1867
„»Path to Eternal Light«. Hm. Is that what it’s called?” asked Igor Bursche, a non-figuratively rotten mercenary, his companion, friend and employer – Ferdinand Isidor Orquish.
“It would appear so…”, replied Ferdinand while inspecting a gilded revolver with seven cylinder chambers. “It arrived this morning in a package from Vatican. »To assist you in the good cause. Pius IX«. How nice. Buuut… today is not the day for fighting, is it, Igor?
“Sir, yes, sir! I’ve dreamed of a week in Mill Valley agritouristical lodgings forever…”
It’s hard to blame Igor for it. Mill Valley Lodgings, located near the town of Mill Valley itself, served anyone – be it a farmer, a trader, a priest or a soldier – as a place of rest from hard life.
“Perhaps we should book a trip on Tuwikaa Hill?”, offered Igor. “They take 50 cents per person, 25% discount for registered companies. A stagecoach ride and watching windmills in front of the setting sun, then a campfire and return for dinner in the saloon…”
“I’ve heard lots of good things about local landscape. Yes, please do so.”
“Hee, wonderful…”
Igor stopped by the reception to book the trip, meanwhile Ferdinand took their luggage upstairs. His partner soon joined holding two tickets, and eventually they stopped in front of their room’s door.”
“Hello there, vacat… Who the hell is that?”
Igor stood there extremely bewildered, as he and Ferdinand saw two naked people in one of their beds: a thin blonde and an amazingly buff brunet. The two looked at the hunters with equal surprise, as the hunters looked at them.
The naked man got up from under the blanket, approached Ferdinand and enthusiastically shook his hand.
“Oh, I’m ever, ever so sorry! There must’ve been a misunderstanding and me with Crystal took your room… Yes, I was curious as of why did the key not work. Chad Nicholson, pleasure to meet you!”
“Ferdinand Orquish”, answered the hunter, uncertainly shaking the man’s hand. His grip was so strong he almost crushed Ferdinand’s fingers.
“If it is of any bother to you, dear men, if you wish, we can go back to our proper room and give you back this one.
“Um… Perhaps you two keep this room, and we will take yours. Is it the one opposing this one?”
“Precisely, my dear fellow.”
“Sure…”
After switching keys the two left and closed the doors. Just as the lock clicked, the two shouted “yahoo!” and returned to consuming their love. Ferdinand and Igor returned to their new room without a single word.
* * *
The coachman opened stagecoach’s door.
“Welcome, welcome! Please, come in!”
The group of tourists wasn’t large. Practically it was only Ferdinand with Igor, an old lady in a feathered hat and her butler, who looked like eyebags never left his face even for a second. There was also the coachman, of course. As they entered the stagecoach, Igor noticed that two seats are empty, and the vehicle doesn’t move.
“There is a chance someone else will come too”, said the old lady. “John! Give me my powder!”
“Yes, my lady…”
They adjusted their seats. The group was sitting there like that for a bit in relative silence (it was windy outside), until the old lady started grimacing and pinching her nose.
“Is there a problem, miss?”, asked Ferdinand.
“Your… »friend« stenches of dead mice!”
“You’ve scattered face powder all over the floor, yet nobody complains!”, countered Igor.
“My powder bothers nobody, your fetor, on the other hand, bothers half of the stagecoach!”
“You’re the only one complaining…”, pointed out Orquish.
“John!”
“Um… Ahem… If you would be so kind to… stop stinking…”, mumbled the butler.
“You best watch yourself not to break any ribs, miss!”
“Are you threatening me, rotten creature? Do you know who I am?! My name is Theodore Isabelle Tochman and I am the cousin of Tochman Family Cigarette Company founder!”
“And I am Igor Bursche, and my rifle is loaded!”
“How dare you! John!”
“HEEELLO THERE!” The argument was broken by the new travel companion. “Are you ready for the best trip of your lives?”
Stagecoach door has been opened and inside entered a thin blonde in a tiny hat, as well as a comically large brunet. Chad Nicholson and his partner Crystal…
“Oh, the neighbors!” Chad was clearly joyous. “And a lovely ma’am with her helper, I am hand-kissing…” And he did what he said.
“You wouldn’t even imagine how happy I am to be with you here, me and Chad…”, screeched Crystal. “My poor boy is the sheriff in Alias Dock and is sooo overworked hunting down criminals…”
Ferdinand only grimaced, knowing that Alias Dock is statistically the most peaceful town in Kansas. And yet, saying nothing, he made himself comfortable on the seat. The whole journey to Tuwikaa Hill he spent with Igor listening to Chad’s boasting, Crystal’s irritating voice and miss Tochman’s complaining.
* * *
Tuwikaa Hill, Kansas, July 31st, 1867
“The fliers didn’t lie”, said Igor with dreamy voice, “the view truly is breathtaking.”
“Oh yes, it’s been a while since I’ve been this joyous looking at… anything.” The witch hunter was stabbing the wieners on a stick. “Last time in Bread Rock, I think.”
“While the execution of Mona Lisa Valerie?”
“Precisely…”
Ferdinand turned back from the beautiful view of windmills working in the light of the setting sun to look at the burning campfire, ready to roast these Italian delights. Sadly, all he could see was the coachman that couldn’t handle the lack of flames.
“Let me handle this!”, Chad smiled wide.
He poured some oil on the wood, pulled out his revolver and shot it a few times. A grin decorated his face as he stood there, watching his masterpiece, but nothing was happening.
“Well, in that case, I am powerless. I am sure this is this hellish wind’s fault…”
The undead marksman poked Orquish. The hunter rolled his eyes, then focused on the wood and snapped his fingers. The campfire set on flames.
“Ha! I did it! I… knew it from the very beginning!”, laughed the sheriff.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake… I did it only because this klutz can’t do anything, and I am hungry…”, whispered Ferdinand to his companion.
“I wouldn’t have prompted you to do so in any other case”, whispered back Igor.
The entire group stood over the campfire. Nearly entire, as miss Tochman hid behind John from campfire’s smoke, commanding him to roast both his and her wiener – almost suffocating in the smoke while at that.
A few minutes later, after finishing their food, the coachman started describing the area visible from the hill.
“That there is the Wokohwi Hill. And that, if you sirs could look, is Mua river, a true pearl in the landscape of Mill Valley… If you look closely, perhaps you could see a river steamboat carrying wheat. They go from Tóho Lake through Mua to San Rubicon river, where wheat can be transported even to Mexico.”
“John! Look closely, if a steamboat can be seen!”
“I can’t see, my lady…”
“Then look closer! I am the old and blind one, not you!”
“I-It can’t be seen”
“It can…”, said Ferdinand, observing it through binoculars.
“Well then! John, you’re utterly useless! You can’t even see straight…”
“I’m sorry, my lady.”
The group began to pack up their things, while Ferdinand kept observing the area. A thought was wandering his mind, why in the world was there smoke coming from top of the other hill. “I guess some unextinguished campfire of some travelers caused a fire”, he thought.
“Hey, Ferdinand! We’re waiting for you!”, shouted his companion. He put down the binoculars and returned to the stagecoach.
* * *
Mill Valley, Kansas, August 1st, 1867
Sweet dreams were broken by a woman’s scream. Igor was still waking up, when Ferdinand was already up and loading his gun.
“What… What the…?” Bursche scratched his head.
“It came from the room on the other side. Follow me, quick!”
The undead jumped out from under the blanket, didn’t even put his pants on, just grabbed the rifle and followed Orquish to the corridor. With a strong kick he busted down their neighbors’ door.
Crystal laid on the floor, in a huge pool of blood. Chad Nicholson cried bullets over her body, looking at an enormous hole in her stomach.
“She was… so innocent… And that bastard… How could I let this happen…”, he cried.
“What bastard?” Ferdinand lowered “Path to Eternal Light”. Cold sweat covered his back.
“Oh God… We were laying here and smoking… Thinking about adopting a child… You know… Crystal had genetical diseases and her body wasn’t adjusted to pregnancy… It could rip her apart… And then… Sob… She started coughing… Her stomach inflated… and it did! It was ripped apart! A m-monster emerged and… bit her throat… I di… I couldn’t have done anything!” He bursted out crying.
“There, there…”, Igor pat his shoulder. Chad got up and hugged him tight, his tears dropping on old bandages.
Ferdinand inspected the girl’s body. Indeed, it did look like ripped apart from the inside. The room smelled like fermented intestine gas. And the throat was really bitten – the teeth mark could be still seen. Small child’s teeth mark.
The hunter flinched.
“Wait a second… The thing that emerged from her stomach… For Christ’s sake, where is it now?”
“I don’t… Don’t know… Sob… It jumped on the wall, and then…”
“CAREFUL!” Igor jumped on Ferdinand and kicked him out to the corridor. On the undead’s back landed something small. It bit a piece of his neck, but rotten meat and blood seemed not to fit its tastes, as it spit it out and looked fresh, very much alive Ferdinand. It growled evilly.
“Little son of a bitch!”, screamed Chad, as he picked up his revolver and shot the monster multiple times.
It fell off Igor. Half of its head disappeared with the bullets hitting it, but it got up anyway and started approaching Ferdinand. Only two shots from his own gun killed the creature. Chad fell to his knees and started crying once more.
“Hmm… It looks like a zombie, but not normal… More like a fetus than a human…”, said Orquish, inspecting the corpse.
“Chad said it emerged from Crystal”, reminded him Igor.
“An undead fetus… This is a first one. Chad, are you absolutely sure she was not pregnant?”
“Come on, we saw her yesterday and her stomach looked like one of a nineteen year old.”
“She was nineteen, mister Bursche…”, mumbled Chad.
“Exactly.”
“We need to inform someone of this. Hurry!”
The ran down the lodgings, Igor kept on trying to pull on his pants.
The receptionist was laying there dead, her corpse eaten by the tiny monsters. Behind a knocked over table stood John and kept shooting them with his revolver, but no bullet (despite his very accurate aim) did harm to the monsters.
“John! Why are they still there?! Do better!” Miss Tochman was sitting next to him and powdering her nose.
“I’m… so… rry… my lady… I… am… trying… Damn it!” One of the monsters jumped at him.
“Then try harder! Ah!”
Ferdinand aimed “Path to Eternal Light” and first shot the monster off John’s face, then the remaining four off the receptionist’s corpse. All of them died from one shot.
“How did you… But I…?”, groaned John.
“I have no idea. We need to leave, quick!” The hunter opened the cylinder and started reloading the chambers. Quick glance at the bullets solved the mystery.
“Silver… They’re vulnerable to silver. Does anyone but me, John and Chad have a revolver? No?
“No.”
“Right. Then each of you take six bullets from this pouch…” He pulled a small pouch from his pocket, that was earlier delivered along with the gun from Vatican. “Silver, as we can see, can kill them easily. Igor, add silver powder to your rifle’s barrel. We need to be sure we can hurt them, at least. For Christ’s sake, this was supposed to be a relaxing weekend…”
The five left the building. They looked at the town afar – loud screams made it clear that the plague has reached it.
“So what do we do?”, asked Igor.
Ferdinand looked around. The night wasn’t best for observations, but the conditions were easily detected. Clouds, dark and windy. “It stinks like smoke. Hm… Smoke…”, he recalled.
“Was there any laundry nearby?”
“I think I saw some being sun-dried on a nearby farm yesterday evening.” Igor lit up a kerosene lamp.
Ferdinand snatched it from his hand and ran, followed by the team. They entered the farm. Orquish wanted to search for the laundry, but the farm’s owner jumped out from the house and caught Bursche.
“I beg you, good people! My wife is giving birth to the eleventh monster! They’re eating my dogs and biting me! And my wife! Help me stop this madness!”, he cried.
“Take a knife and cover it with this silver powder.” The undead marksman spilled some powder on cigarette paper and handed to the farmer. “Take every delivered baby and kill it with it. Otherwise they won’t die.”
“But those… Those are…!”
“They’re not children, it’s a curse! For Christ’s sake…”
“I can’t!”
“Chad, help him. You want to avenge Crystal, don’t you?”
“Sob… Yes…”
Brunet with a gun and a knife entered the house with the farmer. The remaining four approached the laundry stand.
“Just as I thought…”, said Ferdinand, inspecting the pantaloons. “Grey from the smoke. The very same smoke that has been coming down here from the hill.” He inspected it closer, supporting himself with magic. “This is where I would search for the source of this plague. In the smoke there are remaining particles of enchanted wood. This is what causes all women to birth these monsters.”
“What about miss Tochman? She isn’t delivering.”
“I’d say she’s too old, perhaps?”. She glanced at Ferdinand with anger.
“Hm. Very well. Let’s go then.”
* * *
Wokohwi Hill, Kansas, August 1st, 1867
“You must stay here”, said Ferdinand to Theodore Isabelle Tochman. “It’s dangerous.”
“Oh absolutely not, stay here and let myself be eaten by wolves? Or these monsters?”
“It’s about you surviving, miss.” He glanced at John. The butler only shook his head with worn out look in his eyes. “Sigh…”
They began to walk up the hill, along the path. Their lungs itching, but they kept going forward. The wind was slowing them down, but they kept going forward. They saw a wall of fire, but they still kept going forward.
“AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” A loud, mad laughter informed them that the culprit was near and she was aware of their presence. She has risen above the wall of fire, showing her dark-skinned face and golden robes. “You really believe you can stop me, fools? The wind is my ally today! Huzzah!” She pulled a few mushrooms from her robes’ pocket and threw them into the fire. The smoke turned purple.
“EVERYBODY DOWN!”
The team jumped into the ditches on both sides of the path. Only miss Tochman didn’t make it, she started choking. Mushrooms similar to the ones tossed into the fire started spurting out from her whole body.
“John! Jooohn! Help me this instant!”
John instead peeped out from the ditch. He looked at the contorting in pain Texan lady with his worn out eyes, aimed at her head and shot three times from his gun.
“I’m sorry, she fell to the zombie attack. Her body was lost amidst havoc”, he said while reloading the cylinder. Her body turned into mushrooms, soon to be undifferentiated from the forest floor.
Ferdinand snapped his fingers, heavy fog began to flow out from the forest, extinguishing the wall of fire. The culprit fell on the ground.
“Your cheap tricks won’t extinguish my burning heart! I, Tsehay, receive the energy from the sun of Ager’s scorched deserts! You cannot stop my revenge!”
“Revenge?”, whispered Igor.
“Some slaves were brought here from British Ager, a colony in eastern Africa, I believe this might be related”, whispered back Ferdinand, as they entered the field. “Listen, Tsehay, or whatever your name is! On behalf of the Catholic Court for Illegal Use of Black Magic I sentence you to death for practicing… black magic, precisely! And for crimes against humanity!”
“Nyahahaha! Good luck, hunter-boy!”
She has risen into the air again, waved her hands and started whispering spells. Fiery whips circled her body.
“Give her something to do and me a minute…” Ferdinand extended the staff from his pocket and started drawing a pentagram.
“Isn’t it hypocritical to use black magic to defeat me?!”
“Fight fire with fire, they say…”
“I don’t think you’re going to…!” Bang.
“You! Witch! Can you deflect bullets too!?”, shouted Igor, who just shot two of these in her back with John.
She leaped onto them, screaming. Ring of fire surrounded them. They kept shooting, but her flames melted metal and closed her wounds up. Despite this, some time was bought.
Ferdinand finished his pentagram, onto which he poured salt and distributed evenly. Still holding onto the staff, he whispered some unintelligible spells. A thunder rumbled far away. Next he loaded his revolver, aimed at the witch’s leg and shot multiple times.
A flame melted silver bullets. Tsehay waved her hands and created a new fiery whip, which she used to knock back John with Igor, followed by using it as a rope to catch Ferdinand’s arms and legs. She raised him up into the air and, still keeping him on leashes, started dancing in the air and screaming. Hot air was damaging hunter’s lungs, and the fiery whip – wrists and ankles.
“Agh… Huuuh… Aaagh…!” He was trying to breath.
“AHAHAHAHA! YOU’RE DOWN! YOU LACK THE STRENGTH! THEY’VE BEEN TORTURING ME WITH FIRE AND SMOKE BACK WHEN I WAS SERVING ON THEIR FARMS AS A SLAVE, SO NOW IT’S THEM WHO WILL PERISH IN FLAMES! LIKE MUTTS!”
Igor and John laid on the ground, barely alive. Ferdinand was suffocating, having hardly any air around him. One could think they’ve lost to Tsehay. Until…
The witch fell to the ground. She unwillingly let go of the fiery leashes – Ferdinand fell down and regained his breath. Witch scratched her bald head, looking around with fear in her eyes. Fat droplets of rain were hitting the ground loudly.
“You son of a bitch…” She tried to make a wave of deadly fire, but her hands generated only a bit of steam. “You son of a bitch! My flames! My revenge! NO!”
“I lied a bit back then, saying I will fight fire with fire…”, replied the hunter, cleaning mud off his coat after getting up.
Two long knives appeared in witch’s hands. She was exhausted after using her power for so long, but using last bits of her strength, she attempted to attack Ferdinand. The attempt was cut short by lead bullets being shot in her feet by Igor’s rifle. She fell down, crying.
* * *
Mill Valley, Kansas, August 1st, 1867
After adding some additional ingredients, the rain became purple.
“How did you do it?”, asked John.
“Salt sacrifice ritual, practiced by shamans in Ohio. Salt causes cloudburst and heavy rain.”
“And now? What did you add there?”
“A neutralizer.”
“Some magical potion?”
“No. Some resin, birch juice, vodka and fried salt.”
“Fried salt?”
“Regular salt is too weak for this. Add some silver powder to that and we can witness the little monsters die in pain…”
They looked around the city. Zombie-fetuses, that were running around and slaying farmers’ families earlier, were now dissolving in agony in the purple rain. Igor tossed Tsehay’s tied up body in the middle of city square.
“Here’s our culprit!”
* * *
Mill Valley, Kansas, August 3rd, 1867
The group spent the following two days at the local infirmary, healing severe burns and other wounds Tsehay inflicted them. They were too tired to get up and go see the witch’s execution – not this time. Ferdinand, Igor and John were all laying down in the same room, witch hunters playing chess, and the ex-butler glancing out the window.
“Check”, said Ferdinand.
“Oh, come on, boss, this can’t be right…”, groaned Igor, moving his rook to E3.
“…And mate. I win.”
“That’s it, I quit!”
“As you wish, friend.”
“Booo…” Igor turned on his side and picked up a magazine from the cabinet to read.
Ferdinand smiled gently, put all the chess pieces back to the box that doubled as the chessboard. Then he turned to John, who was still looking out the window with an enigmatic expression.
“So, John. How do you do? What are your plans?”, he asked.
“Well, I’m definitely not coming back to Texas. Whether they believe my story or not, they will not forgive me for losing Theodore.”
“I see…”
“So Tochman family is out. I didn’t like them anyway. Maybe I should move. Maybe west, to California… I heard the beaches are nice there…”
“They sure are”, assured Ferdinand.
“Mhm…”
“…”
“Say, father… You are a priest, right?”
“That I am.”
“Could we talk?”
“Of course. What’s on your mind? Would you like to move somewhere, where we could speak privately?”
“That won’t be necessary. I… sinned, didn’t I?”
“Do you mean shooting miss Tochman?”
“Yes, that. She was dying there, wasn’t she? Or could she have been helped?”
“Tsehay’s spell was… very powerful transmutational magic. I know of nothing that could revert her state to what it was.”
“Yeah… So she would’ve died anyway?”
“I believe so.”
“Hm. What do you make of this, father?”
“What do you?”
“I… Hm. I didn’t know, honestly. Thought of her dying made me feel free… All the repressed emotions against her just… With these shots…”
Ferdinand nodded.
“I didn’t think much, actually. I just pulled out the gun and shot her. Multiple times. Whether she could’ve survived or not, I’d have done so anyway. And I was angry. And I killed her...”
“…” Ferdinand was saying nothing, letting John let it all out.
“Father, I confess. I have committed the sin of murder.”
Igor flipped a page. The room was silent enough for that to be heard.
“There will be no evidence, as there is no body to be found, and I can’t stand in front of the court of law, but in my heart I am convinced I have committed murder, regardless of circumstances.”
“I hear you, John”, said Ferdinand.
“Do you think Lord will forgive me?”
“Do you regret what you’ve done?”
“…”
Room fell silent again. John turned his face from the priest and stared blankly into the ceiling.
“Until you are, I cannot assure you of anything.”
“I understand that, father. For now I’m just glad I came to this conclusion.”
“It’s always easier to view the world by knowing what to call its elements. Even such incidents.”
“Yes… Yes. Certainly.”
“So once again, John, what do you make of this?”
“I have sinned, but I can’t say I truly regret it. Not yet. Miss Tochman was a terrible boss and a terrible person. All Tochmans are. World be better of without them, of that I’m sure. But Lord said »Thou shalt not kill«… and that’s a rule to go by regardless of religion.”
“…”
“I will move west. I will find something new to do. I will live and think, and meet people and try to make something of my sin. If I come to conclusion that the killing was truly unnecessary… I will find you, father Orquish, and properly confess.”
“May God bless you, John…”
“Lockhart. My name’s John Lockhart.”
“May God bless you, John Lockhart.”
“You too, father.”
And the ex-butler closed his eyes, still tired from the fight, wounds and stress. Ferdinand turned on his back and stared into the ceiling in a similar way, as John did before. “Thou shalt not kill”, said Lord. And yet Tsehay was out there in the city square, receiving deadly punishment for her crimes. People died in her attack – not only Crystal, the receptionist and Theodore, but also many women in Mill Valley, while giving birth to deadly monsters, as well as men fighting them. But was she truly beyond saving? Do all witches deserve death? It’s not like Catholic Court consisted strictly of good people. And they were also technically witches, including Ferdinand. Did they also deserve a burning stake? This dilemma was decades old among the witch hunters, and Ferdinand, despite being almost 40, still was looking for the answer. Not quite found it yet. And speaking of which…
“She fled! She fled the city square!!!”, screamed a person running into their room. Chad Nicholson!
“Huh? What? Wha-?” Igor was agitated.
“Tsehay! Some idiot figured out it would be wise to burn a fire-bending witch on a stake! She survived the flames and fled into the sky!”
“Are you serious?”, asked Ferdinand.
“Do I look like I’m not?” His face was pale. This stupid man went through hell last days, first witnessing his love’s death, then singlehandedly slaughtering uncountable amount of monsters that night. Ferdinand gained a lot of respect for him. “See for yourself!”
“He’s right…”, whispered John, looking out the window.
The group followed him and looked out it themselves.
“MILL VALLEY!” Firey whips rose from the city square, carrying a black woman in executional robes in the air. “I TOLD YOU THE SUN OF AGER IS ON MY SIDE! MILL VALLEY IS YET TO SEE MY FULL REVENGE! AND SO ARE YOU, HUNTER-BOY! MY FLAMES BURN HOTTER THAN YOUR HEARTS! BE SEEING YOU, MURDERERS!
Flames surrounded the witch’s whole body, and soon she disappeared among the sunrays.
“She escaped! That bitch!” Chad was stomping his feet on the wooden floor so hard that Ferdinand could hear cracking. “Calling us murderers! She! After what she’s done to Crystal!”
“Crafty, I must admit”, said Igor.
“That’s it, I ditch Alias Dock!”, exclaimed Chad. “As a sheriff I had no work there anyway! I swear on Crystal’s grave, I will hunt the bitch down!”
“Easy there, cowboy…” Ferdinand grabbed his wrist short before Chad grabbed a gun in his holster. “She’s gone God knows where. Leave that to witch hunters.”
“No! She killed Crystal! She is the murderer here, not us! She deserves death!”
John looked at the sheriff.
“Don’t stop me, padre. I’ve made up my mind. For Crystal… I will hunt her down and drown her. Her flames won’t save her underwater.”
Ferdinand only sighed and let him go. His eyes met with Igor’s.
So the witch fled. That was the conclusion. What will come next? What will Chad do? What will John do? That was still yet to be seen. Him and Igor on the other hand can only regenerate a bit then and come back on their trail. Such is the witch hunters’ fate.