Work Text:
Sometimes work causes Peter terrible bouts of procrastination. Especially work taken home, especially when his phone is under his nose. In the end, for some reason, Peter just scrolls through Twitter, laughs at the jokes, and then freezes in surprise and excitement when he sees Wade's latest tweet.
"I want to get married."
Peter's heart skips a beat, then another and another. It comes back to life, of course, and races like crazy, but how else can you react to something like that from Wade?
Peter jumps up, forgets everything, and rushes to the kitchen, where Wade withdrew half an hour ago so as not to interfere with his work. Peter finds him at the refrigerator, and rushes to him, forcing him to turn around and meet the tender gaze of his favorite brown eyes.
"I want to get married, too," Peter says with a slightly nervous smile, taking the other man's hands.
"Baby, what are we going to do?" Wade asks worriedly, and Peter laughs. "I don't want to break up with you yet, is that okay? I love you too much."
Peter blinks in confusion.
"Break up?"
"Well, of course. How else are we gonna get married if we continue our relationship and don't look for future husbands?"
"Future husbands?"
"Yes, baby, let's stay together for at least another year. Or maybe two. You're not in a hurry, are you?"
Peter just shakes his head dumbfounded.
"Alright then. I'll make dinner, pumpkin."
Wade retreats to the stove, leaving Peter confused.
❤
MJ's room smells of jasmine incense sticks—she says that it makes her less tempted to beat people up. The walls of the room are rose pink—she says she painted them in remembrance of her mother. James Blunt plays in the background, and Peter thinks he's in some kind of rom-com until he remembers the shelf with the knife collection on display for all to see.
Peter lies on his stomach on the shaggy carpet, his cheeks propped up in his hands. MJ sits nearby, biting into a slice of pizza.
"Why does Wade want to get married, but not to me?" Peter mutters. He had already poured out his soul to MJ and received only a surprised and disapproving look in response. Wade obviously outraged her, but, like Peter, only brought her into a stupor.
It's Wade's usual behavior to put people in stupors, but no one ever doubted his boundless insane love for Peter. The key word is "insane." That's why Wade decided that a wedding wasn't for them.
"Why am I so bad?" Peter continues.
"Oh no," MJ puts down the slice of pizza. "Oh, no, no, no. You won't blame yourself for your boyfriend being an asshole."
“But maybe he really has a reason why I’m not worthy to be his husband…”
"Then why is he still dating you?!" MJ wipes her hands in annoyance with a napkin and tosses it into the trashcan.
"But really, why?" Peter mutters, not at all perked up.
"Ask him."
"No way!" Peter exclaims. "If I ask him, he'll jump to conclusions and I'll be on the street without a place to live and a boyfriend."
MJ rests her hands on her hips and leans menacingly toward Peter.
"Think carefully about what you just said."
"Well, I didn't mean…" Peter quietly surrenders. "I trust him, really. And I know that he loves me, that he'll not leave, but I was sure that he wanted to marry me, and he…"
"And what do you have to do, Peter?"
"Ask," he sighs. In fact, he himself knows this very well, he just isn't ready for what Wade might say.
"Well, stop acting like you're one of those couples who only fuck and don't talk."
"We talk during sex," Peter chuckles. "Wade talks even in his sleep. One day his head was torn off, and he continued to talk."
MJ purses her lips in bewilderment and clarifies:
"Are you sure you want to marry him?"
"One hundred percent," Peter smiles, and immediately imagines with pleasure how he'll say to everyone: "This is Wade, my husband."
"I'm sorry, what?" MJ asks confused.
"…Oh, did I say that out loud?"
"Weirdo."
❤
Despite the fact that Peter is angry, he behaves calmly around Wade. Except that he refuses to have sex because he's always having some strange thoughts like, "Yes, I'm just a hole for a penis, unfit to be a husband." It's not that Peter has turned violently against pre-marital sex, it's just that he still resents Wade.
Only now, when in the evening he crawls up to Peter, grabs his hand, kisses his fingers, and then starts sucking on them, that it becomes too much. Peter gets aroused in a second because he hasn't relaxed in the arms of the man he loves for several days.
"Fetishist," Peter whispers, mentally begging his cock to drop.
Wade lets his finger out of his mouth, smirks, and also quietly answers him:
"No less than you. How are you feeling today?" Wade looms over him and kisses his neck. Peter wants to come up with an excuse because he's still scared to bring this topic up, but it's driving him crazy.
"Wade, I love you, but I can't shake the thought that you're planning to break up with me."
"What kind of nonsense is that?" Wade asks in amazement, pulling away and looking into Peter's eyes. "Who told you that I…"
"You did. You said you wanted to stay with me for another year or two before you started looking for a husband."
Wade blinks, flops his ass on the mattress, and stares into the void.
"Did I really say that?"
"Yep," Peter sits down, rests his head on his shoulder. "I know you love me and you like being with me, but… this isn't enough for me."
"Baby, I'm not going to leave you!" Wade exhales. "What do you want me to do? What are you missing?"
"I told you I wanted to get married, too…" Peter whispers, waiting for the moment to come to him.
"Petey, no," Wade pulls away, wraps his arms around his cheeks, and looks at him pleadingly. "Please, just don't…"
Peter jerks his hands away and growls.
"Why are you so stubborn about not wanting to marry me?!"
"To you?!" Wade almost squeals.
"No, to Thor, damn it!" Peter jumps out of bed. Wade is behind him. "If you didn't want to at all, I'd understand. But you want to marry anyone but me! What did I ever do to you? I tried to be a good guy, and now…"
Peter's mouth is covered by a hand.
"Of course I want to marry you," Wade whispers in surprise and withdraws his hand. "Didn't I tweet about it? Baby, that was a hint."
"So why did you turn me down when I came and said I wanted to get married too?"
"Well, you didn't say who."
"Who else could it have been?!" Peter feels himself starting to boil again.
"Who else? Anybody! I wouldn't know," Wade shrugs.
"You don't believe in our relationship so much that you thought I'd want to marry anyone but you?"
"You came without a ring!"
"You were expecting a ring?"
"Yeah, I was expecting a ring. I mean is this what you call a proposal? "I want to get married too." And I want a pet elephant, so what? Where's my ring, Parker?"
"Actually, you wrote about it first, you're the initiator, so you should be the one giving the ring!"
"Like hell! I hinted, but the initiative - very dead, by the way - was taken by you. You owe me a ring."
Peter exhales noisily, hides his hands behind his back, and very modestly says:
"I don’t actually have any money for one."
“And this bum decided to start a family life, guys,” Wade sighs and puts his hands on his hips. “Take it off my card, just buy the fucking ring and propose properly! Beautifully!"
Peter lowers his gaze to the floor and murmurs softly:
“I still don’t understand why the ring is for you and not for me…”
"Because you shove your dick into me more often than I shove mine into you!"
"That's not true!" Peter exclaims, grabs a pillow, and lashes out at Wade for such a brazen lie. Wade throws up his hands in defense and rushes to the bed.
Peter throws the pillow at him and then jumps onto the bed, pins Wade's wrists to the mattress, and says:
"Now we'll see who does what more often."
Wade swallows nervously, blinks, and wheezes:
"I refuse to stick my dick in you until you give me a ring."
"What a righteous boy," Peter chuckles and covers his lips with a kiss.
❤
A few days later, they have lunch with MJ, and she looks questioningly at their hands: both have rings on their left ring finger.
"Why are there two rings?"
"We had a pillow fight and fucked each other, but we never figured out who the man was in the relationship." Wade sighs.
"We couldn't even figure out who proposed first," Peter shakes his head with a smile.
"And we both wanted a ring," Wade shrugs.
They look at each other and hold hands, and MJ only solemnly proclaims:
"Weirdos."