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For the first time ever since she boarded the Astral Express, March 7th found herself hesitating in front of Dan Heng’s door.
Typically by now she would have burst in without any warning, tumbling inside and running to bother him wherever he was in the room, be it near his books, his desk, or his bed, but after the events of today, she found herself saddled with the harrowing burden of self restraint. She paced back and forth in front of the door, resisting the urge to bite her nails.
When they had reunited again at Scalegorge Waterscape, she had hardly believed her eyes. Despite his outward change in appearance, the being that stood in front of them was unmistakably still Dan Heng.
“It’s me,” he had reassured her.
And so it was.
March wasn’t dense. Well, March wasn’t that dense. She could hear what people were saying. They said he was a Vidyadhara. They said he was the Imbibitor Lunae. They said he was Dan Feng. March didn’t even know what half of that meant.
“It’s a long story,” he had said.
March couldn’t help but feel a little conflicted.
For the first time ever since she boarded the Astral Express, March 7th passed by the front of Dan Heng’s door without entering.
As she opened the door leading to the Parlor Car, she locked eyes with Stelle, who was squatting on the ground next to Pom-Pom.
“Back so soon?” she asked.
“Y-yeah?” March wasn’t entirely sure what the Trailblazer was implying. “I wasn’t really going anywhere,” she lied.
“I thought you’d be talking to him,” said Stelle.
Her heart fluttered in her chest. “Who?”
Stelle squinted up at her, yellow eyes narrowed in confusion. “Who else? Dan Heng. I thought you two would have a lot to talk about.”
“No,” she lied again, “Well, okay, maybe,” she corrected herself. “I just thought, you know, maybe, he’d need some space...first.”
“Space for what?” Stelle’s expression was unreadable.
“I think, he’d need, you know, just, space.” March was starting to run out of excuses. “Don’t you think he’s probably a little tired? You know, from thwarting evil and everything? From being a hero? Maybe he just needs a bit of a break, and I could talk to him… tomorrow. Or next week. Or whenever.” She had never been a good liar.
In truth, she had a lot of questions she wanted to ask him, but she wasn’t sure where to start. Each time she thought about talking to him, anxiety bubbled up inside her chest. She knew that it was no secret that he avoided speaking of his past. She knew that he tossed and turned some nights with nightmares he refused to elaborate on. She knew that Dan Heng was exactly the same Dan Heng she had known all along, and that nothing about him had changed. And yet something had changed. She had changed.
The problem wasn’t Dan Heng. The problem was March. The problem was that she wanted to know everything about him, his past, and then some.
She already invaded too much of his personal space on the daily. She pushed his boundaries, asked him a thousand questions to which he gave a thousand and one answers, and inconvenienced him at every turn. How could she ask for even more?
March felt the overwhelming urge to drop everything and run.
“Hmmm…” Stelle slowly rose from her spot on the ground, grimacing a little as her knees cracked. “You wanna know what I think?” she asked.
“What?” March smiled, hoping she would take the opportunity to change the subject or crack a joke to ease the tension.
Instead, she crossed her arms and looked pointedly past March, through the glass panel on the door and down the hallway of the passenger cabin where Dan Heng’s lodgings lay. “I think he’s probably in there waiting for you,” she replied.
March’s smile dropped a little. She hummed nervously, tentatively glancing behind her and then back at Stelle. “That’s what you think?” she asked, and this time her question was barely audible.
“Yeah, that’s what I think,” Stelle shrugged before unceremoniously plopping down in a chair nearby. She took out her phone and began scrolling. “Anyway, it’s really unlike you to not be inconsiderate of his personal space right now. Almost out of character, if you ask me.”
“H-hey, what’s that supposed to mean?!” March sputtered, face growing pink.
“It means you should probably stop wasting your time with me, and go get’em… or whatever,” said Stelle. She returned her attention back to her phone. March had never been good at reading a room, but she could sense that their conversation was now over.
He’s probably waiting for you, she thought to herself, Stelle’s words echoing in her brain. She breathed in deeply and exhaled, slowly decompressing herself.
He’s waiting for you.
She turned around and headed back towards Dan Heng’s room.
March’s raised fist hovered an inch above the door and hesitated. She could feel the anxiety bubbling up inside her again. Out of character, she heard Stelle’s voice in her head, teasing her. She smiled wryly and slammed the door open without knocking.
Dan Heng was inside, hand raised, halfway in the process of taking a book off the shelf. Averting his eyes, he silently returned the volume back to its original place.
“You came back,” he said. March froze.
“Hm?”
“You were making a ruckus outside earlier, but then you left.”
March hadn’t thought she was making that much noise. She stepped inside the room and let the door slide shut behind her.
Dan Heng turned to face her. His dark hair now fell past his shoulder blades and down his back, and the crystalline horns that grew from his head glinted in the dim light of the cabin. March was at a loss for words. She wanted to flood him with questions. What made you leave the Express? What happened? Why do you look like that? How are you feeling? Are you okay?
Tell me everything, I want to know.
Instead, she cracked a smile.
“Is this your new look now?” March teased, making a show of looking him up and down.
“Hmm,” Dan Heng murmured and awkwardly ran his hand over the back of his head.
He wore the facial expression of the Dan Heng she had always known, a little grumpy mixed with a little uncomfortable, and she smiled at the familiarity of it. Instinctively, she raised her camera to her face and took a photo. The flash caught him off guard and his brow furrowed a little. “What was that for?”
“A new you deserves a new photo,” March joked, finding it hard to confess that it was because she thought he looked pretty. “Imagine my surprise when you showed up looking like this..." She felt herself beginning to ramble. “And without any warning! You know, they’ve been saying you’re some kinda big shot on the Xianzhou-"
“I’m not him,” he interrupted with such force that March stuttered to a halt.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized, regretting his tone immediately after seeing her expression. “I… Now I’m just Dan Heng. Nothing more.” March’s gaze softened.
“I know,” she whispered.
Dan Heng stared right into her eyes, his apprehensive expression melding into a conflicted one as she looked earnestly back at him.
“I can tell you about it, if you’re willing to listen,” he said, “but I can’t guarantee you will find it interesting.” Words started to spill out of his mouth, more words than he had probably spoken in months. “I… will probably have to look like this for a while, I have to clear up the misunderstanding on the Luofu… I know… it’s probably a lot to take in, and you’re not used to it, but-"
“Dan Heng,” March interrupted, reaching out to grab his hands. He stilled, taking in the oddly comforting chill of her hands around his. “No matter what you look like, you’re just Dan Heng to me.” They held each other’s gazes in the quiet of the cabin, and March took a small step forward.
“I want to know everything about you,” she confessed. “Everything about your past, everything you’re willing to tell me. I want to ask you a hundred questions and for you to shake your head at each one because you think all of them are silly. I want to listen to you until you get tired of talking. I want to know you too well.” A small smile tugged at the corners of Dan Heng’s lips, but March hardly registered it. She took a deep breath.
“I want you to know that I will always be next to you, by your side. And I want you to know that no matter who you are, I like you all the same.”
Dan Heng studied her expression with amusement. March’s eyes were lit with a strange mix of defiance and determination, as if challenging him to refute her. He laughed, his smile fully visible to her this time.
“I could say the same for you,” he said, finally breaking the silence. She tilted her head slightly and waited for an explanation. Dan Heng cleared his throat and looked away. “No matter what… I will also… still like you… all the same.”
March’s face flushed bright red.
“Oh! Hah! I see!” she said, suddenly embarrassed. The implications of her words dawned on her all at once, and she rapidly let go of his hands. “I didn’t mean to confess, really, but I see, I see that it came through anyway- unless you didn’t- did you- and now-!”
“I know what you meant,” replied Dan Heng, turning abruptly back towards the bookshelf. “I wouldn’t worry about being misunderstood."
March stared blankly at his silhouette, the redness of his ears, the way his arms were crossed tightly over his chest, foot tapping the ground impatiently, and was still unable to fully process what had just happened. She had just come here to have a talk, not to… not to…!
Things were definitely not going as planned, but when did they ever, when it came to her?
Dan Heng turned his head back to look at her, face still a little flushed. “I’m going to continue my reading now. You’re welcome to stay if you’d like.” March smiled knowingly. That was as straightforward of an answer as she was going to get out of him today.
“What’s in it for me?” she teased, knowing he’d never admit to desiring her company, but trying her luck anyway. He shot her an exasperated look but still paused to think it over, carefully mulling over his next words. “…You may take as many photos as you wish,” he said finally, “as long as you don’t get in my way.”
March grinned, sidling up to Dan Heng until her chin was resting on his shoulder. “You said it! No take-backsies! You promised!” A poorly concealed smile flit across Dan Heng’s face, passing so quickly it was almost as if it were never there. If she hadn't known him better, she would have thought he was actually annoyed.
“I doubt I’d be able to stop you even if I wanted to,” he grumbled. “You always had a knack for sticking your nose where it didn’t belong.”
“You take that back!”
“I thought you didn’t want me to?”
March burst into laughter, pressing the shutter and snapping a blurry photo of him, mid-blink and decidedly unflattering. Dan Heng scowled, but despite feigning disinterest, leaned towards her so she could get his good side.
She would take many more photos that day of every single expression he could possibly have, photos that started to pile up on the ground around them as they talked, that would decorate the spaces in her memory that she couldn’t recall and fill up her heart until it was full to bursting.
She would return to her room that night, cheeks aching from smiling, and the next morning she would burst back into his room without knocking, because she could, and because he let her.
Dan Heng would always be Dan Heng, after all.