Chapter Text
As I feel the rain fall down my back, I can't help but wonder, why? Why was I the one abandoned? Why was I the one hurting the most? It makes no sense. I did everything right, I was not wrong, But yet it feels as if I was.
I see people with their colorful umbrellas and couples holding hands with a cup of hot cocoa to keep them warm. Something I've always wanted, I hear children's laughter and people in cafes laughing and enjoying life. I wish I had love, people to talk to and grow old with, to laugh and joke with, just someone I can truly be myself with but that's not something I get to have. I don't get to have love or happiness; it's not something I deserve.
Sometimes your life is already planned out for you and no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to change it, you'll always end up hurting again and again, but it's okay sometimes you just have to accept the pain until it doesn’t hurt anymore, we have to look passed the clouds and rain to find the sun even if it hurts, even if you fall you'll find the sun one day or at least that is what I believe.
“Hey are you alright?” someone asked.
I looked up to meet someone's gaze, The clouds started to part and a glow of sunlight shines through. I'm met with a pair of beautiful hazel eyes looking down at me. I didn't respond. I tried saying something but nothing would come out. He looked at me and chuckled, he held out his hand, I just gazed at it and got up on my own. I took one last look at his hazel eyes and kind smile before nodding and trying to walk away but he grabbed my hand. I jumped at the sudden action. He didn't say anything, he just looked at me and smiled. He placed the umbrella he was holding in my hand. Without a second thought he walked away. I watched him leave wishing I could have said something, anything but maybe I'll be able to bump into him again.
I woke up the next morning feeling helpless like always. I forced myself to get up to start the day as usual. I walked down the stairs skipping breakfast. I tend not to eat as much since my parents find it appropriate to fight in the kitchen. I wonder what's the point in loving someone when all you do is fight.
While walking to school I stood by the sidewalk waiting for the road to clear up. I start to think to myself, why wait? Why not just cross right now and call it a day. No one would really notice anyway, my family is always too busy fighting to care and my sister is all the way in Florida with her husband and kids. Something I'll never have but who would love me anyway right? I mean people always make fun of me cause of my sexuailty, I mean being gay isn’t wrong, right? I mean if I ever were to come out to my family they would disown me on the spot they were never fond of “those people '' they'd call it.
Lost in thought I feel a hard bump against my shoulder, I look up to see two teenage boys running away laughing. I follow and find my way in front of my school. I really don't wanna be here but I don't think anyone wants to be here ethier, so why am I complaining? So fucking patechtic, I walked to my locker and changed my shoes, its very common in my school. I turn around and look at the board behind me. It looks like they are finally allowing girls football this year..
“Hey move you freak” some kid said behind me. So I moved out of the way. It's funny though no one here really knows my name, not even the teachers they would just point or simply ignore me. Then with a sudden impact I feel a soft hand on my shoulder. I turn around to meet with the same hazel eyes as before, again nothing comes out, not a word. I just stand there avoiding eye contact, and again he chuckles and pats me on the head.
“You know i never got your name, mine's River” he puts out his hand, again I refuse and I just point at my locker for him to see.
“Mono! Oh I see, I'm guessing you're not much of a talker” he laughed.
I simply just nodded as I slowly started back away. I never thought I would see him around, I definitely never saw his face around here before. “I've never seen you around here before, how odd I would never forget a beautiful face,'' he says with a playful tone. I can tell he was just trying to lighten up the mood. I nodded and started walking away trying to get away from his energy. “Hey wait up!” he yelled. I simply rolled my eyes. He chased after me, eventually catching up, he wouldn't stop talking. I didn't pay much attention to what he was saying but I couldn't help but smile.
While walking into my second class I was surprised that River had the same class. Once I opened the door I felt something hit my head. Once I snapped back to reality and I came to find I was soaked. It turns out these assholes put a bucket of water on the damn door, while everyone was laughing I felt the same gentle squeeze as before. I looked behind myself to see his calm gentle smile. He steps in front of me and starts yelling at the kids and they just stand there in silence, I just zoned out with my head hanging low as the water from my hair starts to drip onto the floor.
I look back up to feel someone holding my hand. When I look up I don't see his same kind smile or soft eyes as before, they're angry. He drags me out of the classroom into the hallway, when getting close to the stairs I pull my hand back. I don’t really like seeing people angry so I look at the floor avoiding eye contact, he lets out a low sigh and puts his hand on my head.
I look back up at him to see the anger has gone and his soft eyes are back. He doesn’t say anything, he removes his hand off my head. He looks through his bag and takes out a paper and pen and starts to write on that paper. After a few seconds he hands me the paper and walks away. Even with his soft eyes I know he's still upset. I open the paper reliving a small note, it says Sorry if i startled you with my anger, i really like you and hope we can be friends. I smiled to myself but at the very bottom left of the note I saw that he also left his number, I let out a small laugh and sighed “Idiot”.