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When Kiryu moved, it had been hard for Majima to adjust.
An understatement, really. This was the man he'd fallen in love with a good 15, 16 hell maybe 17 years ago... only to spend 10 without. Try as he might to bend the rules, to see him just once in that long time, he was never able to follow through in the end.
His mind turned to fantasy during those years. Sexual fantasy, fantasy of warning Kiryu more concretely, fantasy of telling him years earlier the true nature of his feelings. Wishes he had granted only by 2006, just after getting out of jail, having fatherhood thrust onto him unexpectedly.
But 2007 brought him an offer he couldn't refuse. It was a chance to get away from the chaos of Kamurocho, settle down far away from the Tojo, so he hoped. A chance to change the lives of children like him.
"I'd... love if you could come, Goro. But I'm... I'm sure you have more important things to do here," Kiryu had said the night he got his offer, "I can't take you from that."
And like a complete and utter fucking fool, Majima - shutting himself off from the reality of what this meant - had agreed.
"Yeah... Guess so."
The night Kiryu left for good, he wanted to beg please take me with you, please, I can't go without you again.
His hope was crushed by Kiryu asking him to instead formally re-join the Tojo, watch over Daigo for him. Keep things as safe and as sensical as they could be. The fight, the embrace, were the sweetest they'd ever shared. And they would be the last for a long while.
Kiryu had won, as usual.
And Majima had said yes to him, as usual.
"Goro... This isn't going to be easy."
"I know."
"I'm... going to miss you so much, you know."
Then why?
"Yeah. Me too. Gonna be real lonesome without ya..."
He knew full well why Kiryu was asking this of him. Why he was leaving. How much better this would be for him.
He tried not to think about that, that a life without him was a better life for Kiryu. It wasn't really about Majima, it couldn't be, not after everything - just... the circumstances. Kamurocho. The Tojo. It wasn't a safe place, safe situation, and he was shocked Kiryu had stuck around even this long with Haruka.
That didn't make it hurt any less.
Kiryu was going to make a new life, and Majima wouldn't be there. He'd have to hear the stories, the details, Kiryu's brightening voice, without being there to see any of it himself. Watching Kiryu live his dream from afar, the dream Majima shared.
"I love you, Goro."
Majima nodded, trying not to let his voice break. "I love ya too, Kazuma."
"I... I should go now."
"Right."
They kept in touch, as much as the busy days and nights would let them, trying never to go more than a few without any contact. Bored text messages sent during clan meetings, Kiryu asking for game strategies, every so often Haruka nabbing his phone with a smile and devious little greetings. Anything and everything.
"I miss you," Kiryu would say, almost every single time without fail.
"I miss ya too," Majima would answer.
And they would move on, talk about something else, Majima never getting to dwell on how much he needed Kiryu, how he wanted to fall to his knees and beg to join him. Majima Construction hadn't really been all that distant from Tojo, but it was enough to give him something of a taste of life.
And Kiryu... Kiryu wasn't just a taste, but a feast. When the two of them were together, especially when Haruka was involved, he felt...
Normal. He didn't have to watch his back around them, keep himself awake at night worrying if they'd turn on him, what they'd use against him.
But thinking about that was selfish now. Kiryu had asked this of him, to watch over Daigo, the Tojo. And he was going to... he had to... had to pull through and keep his promise. Or Kiryu might... throw him away.
No! He couldn't think like that, that was unfair to Kiryu, he knew it was, and yet...
He was bitter.
It took about two years for one of them to finally, fully break. The fact it wasn't himself made him even more bitter.
"Goro... Goro, please-- s-stay on the phone with me, okay?" Kiryu's voice shook.
"I ain't goin' nowhere... promise ya..."
"I just... This is, this is all so much..."
"Yeah..."
Kiryu sniffled on the other line, "I-I'm sorry. To be... to be like this. This is supposed to be my dream, but I... I need you here too. Haruka isn't getting all the rest she deserves, all the childhood she deserves like this, and I can't stop thinking how much I miss you, need to feel you again. It's-- I know it's selfish, but I..."
The moment Kiryu said that, part of Majima's brain tuned out.
Selfish.
Selfish of Kiryu to want him.
Selfish of Kiryu to want to take him back from his own shitty agreement.
"You call that the selfish part, Kazuma?" he blurted, not thinking past the anger.
"Wh... what?"
"I..." he wanted to take it back, but maybe. Maybe he shouldn't, this once. "I think ya heard right, it's-- that's what you think's selfish?"
"W-well... You're busy doing things f-for Daigo, for--"
"I wouldn't be if you didn't ask!"
"Goro--"
He huffed, "Y'know. I wanted-- this whole fuckin' time, y'know what I've wanted? To be there. Not a day I don't think 'bout it. Not a single fuckin' day. But I-- you. You asked me for this, Kazuma. So I... I couldn't say no."
Kiryu was silent for far longer than was comfortable.
"But you... could have. I'm not Shimano--"
"Maybe-- Maybe I just don't know how to say fuckin' no! Not even when it means shatterin' my own fuckin' dreams!" he choked back a sob.
"Y... your?"
Oh, that sounded like Kiryu's heart fucking broke.
"Yeah. Yeah. You think-- you think you're the only one? Wantin' all this gooey, lovey-dovey daddy shit, only you get that feeling?"
"N-no, of course not, I--"
"Sure went on ahead like it."
Kiryu was full-on crying now, hard to even make out the words he was saying, and the first thought Majima had was feeling bad for doing this to him.
Kiryu first. Kiryu, Kiryu, Kiryu first.
"When... when can... you make it here?"
"Dunno. Shit to do. Shit to do for you," Majima answered with a shrug.
"Please... p-please, as soon... as you possibly can," Kiryu begged, "I'm so sorry... I'm so... fucking sorry, Goro..."
Majima sighed, "Ain't gonna be easy."
"I know... I- I know. But I... w-we need this..."
"Guess we do."