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Kiryu couldn't help but hesitate. Was this... the right thing to be doing? Ever since he'd come forward with Kazumi, the kids had opened up, even if it took longer for some than others. But one in particular seemed to be more confused than ever. Like Kiryu breaking the rules had flipped the world upside down, into a much scarier, harder place to be - without the language or understanding of why that was.
He didn't know how to help. He didn't know if he even could, he'd only figured himself out as he neared his 40's. That wasn't any help to a kid, a kid who might be scared of facing down the wrong puberty, of forever being seen the wrong way.
But he knew someone who might. A man younger than him, who had figured it out young himself.
"Hey, Eri-chan!" Rikiya grinned, kneeling down to meet her. "You got everything I asked, right?"
Eri nodded, pulling on the straps of her backpack. "Sketch pad, pencils, stickers... Snacks, water."
"Good, good, and I'm fully stocked too. Let's go on our adventure, huh?"
She hopped down the porch steps as Rikiya stood, offering his hand. She took it, squeezing tight, and watched Morning Glory disappear behind them as they walked.
She didn't really know where they were going - even Kiryu hadn't said, only that Rikiya was offering to take her out for the day sometime soon. Regardless, Rikiya seemed to know, or at least he was really good at pretending he knew, so she didn't mind. He was trustworthy - Kiryu wouldn't have allowed it if he had even a sliver of doubt.
After a few minutes of relative silence, Rikiya spoke up, "Not that I think it's bad being at home, surrounded by the people you love... But it's nice to get away for a bit, isn't it?"
Eri hummed and nodded, "The beach is only so far away."
He chuckled, "Yeah, I get it. Sure it's easy to go in for dinner time and all, but it's hard to feel like your alone time's alone. I grew up with just an older sister and our parents, and I still felt that way."
She looked up at him with a smile. "You have a sister?"
"Oh, yeah! We don't talk much these days," he sighed, "But... I always kinda looked up to her. 'Specially back as a girl, even though we fought a lot."
Eri looked down at the ground, her brow furrowing as she wondered what that could mean. He'd said the wrong word, right? He must have - unless he... Was he like Kazumi? But that didn't make sense either. He always looked like a boy, she'd never seen him any other way! If he was a girl, but then a boy... But how...? What was... what did it mean...?
"Huh? Something wrong?"
"N-no," she shook her head.
Rikiya quirked an eyebrow - if Kiryu's and his suspicions were right, that had to be a lie. He figured if he pushed that angle, though... she'd never open up.
"Any of the others causing you trouble?"
She shook her head. "No, not really I guess... We're teaching Izumi how to do her nails. And we were teaching Taichi, but he spilled my favourite green," she sighed, "He didn't mean to. He's just clumsy at it."
Rikiya nodded, "Dang, I see."
"I... hope he gets better. I like having him around for it. And Uncle Kaz."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"I..." she started, but struggled and failed to find the words. "Um... no, it's nothing."
Rikiya smiled at her, giving her time to let her mind wander. She stayed quiet for a good while, and he could only wonder why.
From the sounds of things, she'd always been quiet and withdrawn - she'd join in with the girls, but Kiryu had the sense that she never felt like she quite belonged, somehow. And Kiryu opening up about Kazumi, blurring the lines she thought she knew... that might have had a bigger effect on her than he'd realised. Pulling out a part of her that she couldn't understand, that scared her further inward.
So that was why Kiryu came to Rikiya. He'd been the same, in some ways - he'd tried so hard to keep up with his sister, to be the baby sister that she was so excited to have. And there were things he'd liked about his childhood - he liked the feeling of being doted on for his cute looks, the feeling of a pretty skirt flouncing as he jumped around.
Puberty coming on had changed all of that, soured all of his feelings. He had been a happy girl despite the pressures, but knew going forward he was going to be a miserable woman.
Unless, of course, he wasn't going to be a woman at all. He yearned day and night for the universe to change course, give him what he wanted - but in the end, he had to do it himself.
So if he could do something, anything to help a kid like him? He'd do it. A thousand times, no, million times over.
To change course, he groaned, "Uuuugh. My feet are so soooore, Eri-chan."
Eri pouted, "Mine too... And I'm hungry."
He hummed, looking around. "We could go sit there?" He pointed towards a large tree, shading the grass beneath it. Eri nodded happily, bounding forward and dragging him along as he laughed, "Whoa, easy!"
As they flopped under the tree, Eri realised just how warm she'd gotten. She took a big drink of her water, as Rikiya chuckled and fished out from his own backpack the sandwiches he'd made.
Eri was so excited to dig into hers, she got started without saying anything. Rikiya just chuckled - ah well, forgetting once wouldn't be the end of the world - and followed suit silently.
So, he laughed when she suddenly piped up, "Oh! I-itadakimasu!"
"No worries. We all forget sometimes."
"Mm," she nodded sheepishly. "Just... hungry. And thinking, I guess..."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Rikiya-nii... When you said as a girl... um..."
He smiled softly, but let her continue.
"What did you mean?"
"Hmm, well..." he hummed, "I mean just that, I used to be a girl. But I realised I didn't want to be a woman... so I became a man."
"Okay..." she nodded, mind churning through the new information. "How did you...?"
"How did I know, or how did I do it?"
She paused. "Um... both? I guess?"
"How I knew first, then. Well... You know how when you get a bit older, your body's gonna prepare for being an adult, yeah?" She nodded, and he continued. "I mean, I don't think anyone particularly likes all of it, a lot of things change and it can be kind of scary. But I remember watching my sister go through it... and as happy as she was about starting to feel like a real grown-up, I knew I was going to dread it. And..." he took a deep breath, "I did. It felt like my body was betraying me."
She nodded sadly, careful words getting caught in her throat, "I... I think I... get that. I wish... I could be like this forever. I don't want to... to..."
"But," Rikiya smiled reassuringly, "There are things that can be done, you know. I... didn't get my family to listen until it was too late for me to stop those changes, but... It is possible."
"It... is?"
"Mhm! See... alright, how do I explain this... Hormones are the things that tell your body what changes to give you. But there are ways to stop your body from letting them out, and ways to replace the ones you've got. That's part of what I do! It's made my voice lower, and makes my face looks more like any other guy."
She smiled, a little bit of hope returning to her eyes.
"What about your, um... your chest...?"
"Oh, that," he chuckled nervously, "Yeah, I had to have surgery for that... But, if you were able to put your changes on pause, you might not even need that."
"...I like that."
He smiled warmly, "Think you might be a boy, then?"
Eri took a deep breath, throat going dry.
"I... I like when the boys hang out with us, because... because then it's not just a girl thing. I don't feel right when it's a girl thing. I didn't know this... this was a choice... I thought I..." that sad little voice trailed off, and Rikiya nodded.
"Let's finish eating, and then we can talk a bit more, okay?"
Eri practically scarfed the remainder of the sandwich down, getting Rikiya to laugh again.
"Man, good thing this isn't a competition, 'cause I'd be a sure loser!"
Wiping away the crumbs, that filled Eri with a funny little surge of pride.
"Hey, could you show me... Draw for me? The kind of guy you look up to."
Eri nodded, pulling out the sketch pad and pencils. What kind of guy...
Well, it was hard not to look up to Kiryu. He really put on display what this world could be. And so did Rikiya, now! They were guys who knew what felt right... and they didn't want to let people stop them. There was also Majima, who everyone but Haruka had really only heard about but never met, but Kiryu loved him and that meant Eri looked up to him too. Then there was a local craftsman Eri had always wanted to learn more from, who made beautiful clay figurines of animals. And the teacher of the class next door was always so nice, too...
That was the kind of guy Eri looked up to. A guy who was happy and proud to be himself, making the things he wanted, making the world a better place. And he had a cool eyepatch, of course. He would wear green and yellow prints, always carrying around precious little figurines in his pockets so he could give them to people who looked sad. He would wear his hair like one of those cool pop band boys, bangs swept coolly to the side!
He would... he...
Oh.
"I..." Eri sighed wistfully at the drawing, "I think I made... me."
"That so?" Rikiya chuckled, "Don't remember you having an eyepatch."
Eri stammered, "W-well, apart from that..."
He laughed, "Just playing around. So, then... has he got a name?"
"A name..."
That felt like it should've been a big ask, but the truth was...
"I... always liked Tadao."
"Tadao-kun, huh?"
His heart swelled with joy, and he nodded with intensity.
"Well, go on! Write it down - make it yours."
Tadao nodded, carefully writing out the kanji he'd practised in his head since the day his heart was set on the name, wondering why his parents couldn't have given it to him. It felt right.
"Tadao..." he whispered softly to himself.
The rest of his day out with Rikiya had been a blast, and Tadao couldn't be happier as the sky began to shine hues of orange and purple. They'd sang together, laughed and chased each other around, found all sorts of cool nooks and crannies - it was like a whole new side of him had opened up, one that finally understood what joy was.
But as Morning Glory came back into view, he hesitated. Felt like he was going to close back up.
"Rikiya-nii..." he sighed, "How do I..."
"D'you want me to handle it?" Rikiya asked, and Tadao nodded.
"Please."
Rikiya rubbed his thumb comfortingly over the boy's hand, and called out as he knocked on the door.
"Aniki, we're back!"
Kiryu made a quick noise of acknowledgement, opening the door with one hand as the other held his hair back ready to be tied. Wait, flower clip!
"S-sorry, aneki!"
Kazumi smiled and shook her head, "Oh, it's alright. Definitely didn't wake up this way today. So, how are you?"
"We're doing great. Tadao-kun and I had a super fun day, didn't we?"
Tadao's heart skipped a beat at hearing the name - he really just went for it! - but he nodded, a smile on his face once again.
Kazumi smiled softly in turn, "Is that right?"
"M-mhm. We played a lot, and um, talked a lot too. Rikiya-nii is... he's..."
She chuckled, "Sounds like we have to invite him in for dinner."
"Huh?! I- no, I can't impose on you like that, Aneki--"
"Oh, please, you're not imposing. I think you've brought something very special to one of our own today. Hasn't he, Tadao?"
Tadao sniffled, nodded, and launched himself around Kazumi in a hug, who in turn patted his head.
"See? You have to stay now."
Rikiya scratched at his neck with a nervous laugh, "Ahh, fine, fine... haha, you guys are gonna be the death of me, I swear!"
"Death by Aunt Kazumi's sweets!"
"Hey! I am not that awful at baking-"
Tadao and Rikiya's laughter had her clicking her tongue and admitting defeat.
"You're on dish duty tonight, both of you."