Chapter Text
For so long he knew what he was, no one could tell as such a state of being had no clear indication, unless they were flirtatious to their own sex. But it was still terrifying, the idea of being found out.
In just a few minutes, one misunderstanding turned into an event that would forever change the course of his relationship with what should have been the closest of family.
Even now his little brother bears a heavy grudge.
A water coloured bear entered their home wearing a devious grin, he tossed a folder at his brother who was preparing dinner.
"Ow! What did you do that for?" he turned around "Read it!" the smile would not cease as he motioned down, sighing he picked it up "What even is this, bills or..." he recognized the insignia on top of the page, it was pretty hard to miss; underneath in huge bold letters he saw 'CONGRATULATIONS!' various hearts and rainbow stickers placed seemingly randomly.
"...You..." the other bear laughed, waiting for him to reject the offer, showing he had something the other did not, guts.
"Getting cold feet? If you don't want to go you-" "I'll do it." his eye twitched, the fur on the back of his neck stood up, the sheer nerve to consider such a thing! "You didn't even hesitate..." how could this be? No way he would just agree to something so life changing and drastic, right?
They had 2 months to prepare and in that time the once exemplary, perfect brother started to crack under the many terrible thoughts he had of what could happen, how many ways he could die or get injured or how those terrible things could also happen to his little brother.
One week passed and what was once a pretty slim physique started to sag and deform, troubled by this he would cook himself some treats to soothe the intrusive thoughts of what could go wrong; their father had many friends who came back missing something or several things after serving time.
In just one month of choosing to go he was really starting to let himself go; binge eating to cope with the nightmares that would invade every night, but this is what Azulin, his little blue brother wanted. It's not like he could quit a month in to his promise to go.
"...Azulin...m-my belly" he grabbed his love handles that sagged above his lower half "...it's all...squishy...a-and my chest!" he sunk his digits below the tits, sweat moistening them. The sibling could not help but stifle a laugh "Eugh! Disgusting! Perhaps you should cut down on the snacks!" he no longer hid how funny he found it and laughed walking away, Gordi could not help but cry; no one else was around but the embarrassment was too much.
Again he made a comfort meal of pastries and milk.
The transformation the better sibling went under was otherworldly; it got to a point where for once, instead of being independent, he started asking for help from the slimmer bluer brother, unable to do more demanding tasks by himself and when before his ears were always perked showing he was full of confidence and happiness they now lazily flopped, only rising every few days for just a minute or two, and those were times when he thought about his younger brother (or when he would indulge in blueberry made treats) who throughout the weeks was nothing but dismissive and rude.
He worried so deeply for his little brother and how he would handle this; true he was the one to sign up for it in the first place but did he know how much things would change for them? If he did then he was doing a good job keeping strong. Or, maybe that is just it: this is the change he wanted in life, for a while Azulin would always talk about being able to do some things better than his once better half. Gordi would never talk back or down when he went on a tirade because he loved him so.
Even now he looked upon the younger brother with kindness and love.
"...Yes?" he was staring "Hehe...love you, little brother!" he turned away "Yeah, me too..." why was he being like this, did he do something wrong? Had his form became too repulsive to his sibling? Admittedly his once slim physique complimented by his stand out rosy eyes was now dragged down by excess weight. The weeks were not kind and neither was he to his stomach with more being stuffed into it every day.
No, it was not his fault but admitting so was hard.
Early on in life an important task was put upon him, one he would think about as the years went on from a long dead parent; concluding it was by no means a request but a demand, almost a right he had to give to just one person.
Protection of his little brother, Azulin. The pressure of the last few weeks had taken too huge a toll and he lost sight of what he was supposed to have been doing, but now it was too late for any sudden changes, his name ironically gaining a second meaning thanks to the sheer anxiety and coping mechanism he would indulge in.
He approached a mirror and stripped down, looking over his flabby form, while staring at it he couldn't help but think a disturbing scenario: If a threat was present what could he possibly do to defend himself or his brother? Sluggishness through weight would mean a bad end, straightening his back he stared himself in the eyes.
"I can't do this!" he sadly thought; it would be difficult, but if he could just pull through and prove himself as a soldier then he could prove that he was also a protector, but he had serious doubts. Azulin wanted to be a soldier and that mean he wouldn't need him any-more.
Again he fondled his sagged body and sighed.
He so wanted to keep his little brother safe from any dangers out there, even if he could probably handle himself.
Gordi put back on his clothes and took a deep breath, he walked over to their bedroom nervously. Azulin was looking out the window probably lost in thought.
"Hey little blue!" he placed a hand on his shoulder "I'm really sorry for how I've been to you. We don't have to do this! Remember that bakery we visited the other week? They said there was always a spot open for us and, well, we could always try and work there!"
At first there was no response, but after pulling his shoulder away he spat "Don't you dare look down on me, Gordi. For so long you have embarrassed me and made me look like the weaker one! If you're too much of a pussy to do this yourself though, you don't have to. This will be MY chance to prove I can be stronger than you, than anyone in fact! If you want I can just go all by myself and you can eat yourself stupid here..." he was in too sour a mood to give a harsher insult at the last part, making it sound not as hateful as he wanted it to.
Gordi fidgeted with his fingers and turned around, he started to walk away, emotions running high he was going to cry in secret but took a deep breath an tried not to.
If he really wanted to help Azulin, his little, struggling brother, he would have to tell him what was what.
"Azulin, I've never looked down on you or seen you as anything else but my brother! We don't-uh...YOU don't need to do any of this to prove yourself! I know I've made things difficult for you throughout our life but...I didn't mean anything by it!" Azulin turned around, clamping his jaw and clenching his fists "Oh yeah? How about those times where I finally bested you, huh? Pulling that sad puppy act! When everyone turned to you...you would always bask in that attention, that love...and then you would back to me...bastard."
Gordi winced at how hateful the last word was spat out, he was cowering, shaking as his dour sibling walked to him.
"That was...that was years ago, Azulin. We don't do any of that stuff any more!" he shakily said. "I think about those times still...remember that one girl I had a crush on?" Gordi blinked for a few seconds "You...you mean" Azulin threw his first punch, it wasn't strong but it still sent Gordi back a few steps "Piece of shit! I almost had her, we had a thing for each other for a while, I remember when she came along and we were betting on who could win in a race...you promised me you'd throw it and give me first place!" Gordi, still shocked by the punch and insult was shaking "I-I'm sorry! Back then I couldn't help myself-" he threw another punch, this one connecting with his gut, it could by no means wind him thanks to the extra padding but pain still traveled throughout.
"Then you decided you were too good for her when she came to you, yo-you rejected her when s-she asked you out...then I saw you with another..." Gordi blushed "When I told her later we were brothers she thought I was the same thing as you! She thought I was like...THAT!" he could feel his knuckles about to pop, throwing the hardest punch he could it instantly gave the scared sibling a swollen cheek. Gordi charged and leapt on Azulin.
Gordi pinned down his arms & legs and slammed a fat fist down on his face, Azulin coughed and gagged, the taste of metal filling his mouth and he could feel something warm run down his nose "Please stop this, Azulin! I'm sorry I made things so hard for you! You're right, I'm not a good brother and I took a lot away from you. But I never wanted to hurt you!" Azulin freed one leg and kneed him on the jewels "Get off me!" pushing him aside he got up and coughed some more; stumbling to the bathroom he cleaned himself up and hastily put some toilet paper in his nose to stop the bleeding.
Yet again he let himself be bested by his brother, even when he is a shadow of his former self: fat, slovenly and always moping. Azulin desperately wanted to charge back in and beat him up more, he wanted to pummel Gordi until he wasn't recognizable, to erase that pathetic look on his face, but he knew it would only spell trouble.
There was no reason to feel this way of course, it had been many years since then.
But the memories of what he could've had, the things that were missed out on because Gordi would get in the way, it sent a deep, hateful chill down his spine.
One day he would have revenge.
For as terrible as that day was, they kept things neutral between each other after their confrontation; agreeing to a truce when their coldness made their father upset, well, Azulin's coldness.
One day before it was time to depart they made up, though Azulin still felt great jealously towards his sibling he was willing to let up for a bit. If what he heard was true then training should be hell enough for his sensitive brother, eventually he would have to give up, those who left before they were supposed to without good reason would have a stamp of shame put on them, ostracising them from greater society.
Gordi would not be able to cut it and the thought made Azulin giddy.
"Oh how wonderful that day will be when I see him hand in his papers, his uniform, his honour and his pride! No more could he see himself above me. If I am to be more than what my family is I must first conquer the view of my status as the 'little' brother."
"Azulin? Are you okay?" he had a big dumb smile "Oh yes brother, I am fine! I'm so proud of you for sticking with your choice to come with me. I'm sure you'll do well!" he suddenly hugged the pink bear forcing a nervous gasp out. He pet his little brother and embraced back.
The time had finally come for them to set out, Azulin shot his brother a foul look when he wasn't looking "You know, Gordi. This won't be easy but I have faith you will do well, better than you think you will." despite the unknowingly false words of encouragement Gordi was deeply afraid. When Azulin wasn't looking he would clasp his hands together and silently pray.
While the prayer was silent his body language was not, he was shaking and looking away from their front door or their father, he was sweating greatly even though the air was cool.
Azulin took notice and placed a hand on his shoulder "Everything will be okay, Gordi! So long as we stick together we'll be fine, and I will be there to help you whenever you run into trouble."
Their father butted in and reassured both that training is the easy part and that only when they are finished should they worry about anything bad happening.
Azulin turned back to his worried brother smiling, eyes shining with love, or at least that's what he foolishly thought. Gordi looked away, blushing.
"Hehe, yeah, I shouldn't be worried, you'll be there with me."
"Ahaha that's right! As long as I'm around, you'll be fine. Just fine..."
Their father waved as they were being driven to the camp.
Deep down Gordi wanted to turn around and run back home, they weren't even out of eye shot and already was reconsidering; though what would that say about him? That he could not protect his own family like he had promised long ago?