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"I can't believe he'd do such a thing," Goro hissed as he paced his chambers late at night. The moon hung high in the sky, the sole audience of Goro’s lament, not that he wanted an audience for his misery. "Of all of the fucking things he'd do."
It wasn't abnormal for Goro to bemoan the actions of his best friend. Ren just so happened to be so annoying at all times with his wit, his better magic skills, and his charming smile. His smile disarmed him much more effectively than any spell did.
"I hate you so much," he groaned, but his words were far from the truth.
Goro wasn't even sure when these pesky feelings arose. One moment they were children with gangly limbs who ran amuck within his father's estate and took naps in the greenhouse together. Now, they were teens with sharper features who studied magic together and occasionally picked on one another. Their little squabbles were never malicious, even if onlookers had a different idea. Often people thought they were at odds with one another which was far from the truth.
Goro already didn't like the attention that Ren seemed to attract. Ren was incredibly handsome with tousled black hair, eyes the color of obsidian, and a smile that could illuminate a room. Ever since they started academy, Ren had been receiving letters and gifts from boys and girls. Goro thought he was jealous of the attention but soon Goro realized he was jealous that Ren was sharing his attention with others.
The object in question that was tormenting Goro was a simple silver bangle that the heir of the Amamiya family slipped into his bag when he hadn't noticed. Goro wasn't a stranger to receiving gifts from the raven. As children he wove flower crowns and folded papers into little shapes for Goro. All this time he thought these gifts were to boast his affinity for crafts since Goro was terrible at making anything handmade. As they grew older the gifts were more obvious but Goro only grew denser.
Goro looked at the silver bangle and admired it. It really was beautiful but simple. Had Ren meant to give this to him and not the girl who he was spending time with? He must have mixed up their gifts. Goro should have received chocolates like he had last year and the year before.
He sat at his desk and set the bangle on the wooden desk, observing it like it was a relic that held secrets of old.
Ren must have mixed up their gifts. There was no other explanation. Ren wouldn't be interested in him anyways. He'd seen him reject all other boys in their class and he seemed to humor the girls with at least a single outing. Ren was so popular and likable and everything Goro wasn't.
Goro groaned and slammed his head on the desk, making a book fall off the edge and onto the floor. He looked over to see it was a book that Ren had lent him on poetry. He never questioned the book, just simply put it on his desk to read when he had time. That had been a month ago. Now, it lay open to reveal the inside cover.
Read the second line of pages 2, 13, 34, and 56.
Goro rolled his eyes and opened the book to the pages and wrote down the words he found.
Eyes like fire, burning and smoldering. Your gaze could set my heart ablaze. [2]
A tongue sharper than a knight's blade and my darling, I would cut myself on it just for a taste. [13]
Beauty unrivaled and timeless like gods of old. If you let me I'd sing you my praises. [34]
Adoration and devotion are colors I wear on my sleeve. Love is the color I wear on my cheeks and hope you notice. [56]
Goro stared at the passages. What did it all mean?! Obviously he gave Goro the wrong book. Who would give their best friend a book of romantic poetry, anyways? Goro was convinced that Ren was starting to go senile at the age of 16.
He slammed the book closed and stared at the bangle on his desk once again. He'd need to give this back to Ren so that he could give it to his actual crush – not him.
Not him. No, of course he wasn't Ren's crush. Goro wasn't anyone's crush and he made sure of that. He was prickly and unapproachable except to Ren. Was it because he was saving himself for Ren? Was that the reason he rejected every boy who tried to vie for his attention? At first he thought he was rejecting them because he didn't want a relationship to interfere with his studies. But as he looked back he realized it's because their hair, eyes, voices, laughter, everything about them was wrong.
None of them were Ren.
It felt like the universe was playing a cruel joke on him. Now that he realized the feelings he harbored for the boy, it felt like he was being reminded at every moment. He couldn't smell the fresh scent of coffee without thinking of Ren and how he constantly smelled like it. He couldn't even look at chess pieces without thinking of Ren's smile.
He leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his hair. This was becoming far too bothersome for such a late hour.
Ren never said he was interested in pursuing a relationship. Much like Goro he was devoted to his studies and had the markings of a great enchanter. Besides, if he was going to have a partner it'd be someone who was kind, elegant, wonderful. Goro was mean, rash, and a prick on good days. Ren deserved someone who would show him affection openly and warmly.
He shot those feelings away. He didn't want to think of Ren with anyone else. Ren was his. He was Goro’s best friend. He was Goro’s partner in all magic exercises. He was Goro’s light when everything felt dark.
Looking at up the moon, he noticed it's position in the sky. It was getting late – or rather it was early. He'd need to sleep to salvage whatever rest he could muster.
Tomorrow, he'd give Ren back the bangle so that he could deliver it to the person he wanted most.
And Goro tried not to think about how that wasn't him.
***
"Ren, you gave this to me by accident," he said, tossing the package into the boy's lap.
They were in their secret place that they discovered upon being admitted to the academy. It was a small clearing behind a group of dense trees. It was easy to miss it unless you knew where to look. They'd spent countless hours over the past four years hiding away in this place. Now as older teens, they snuck away their for their meals and to play chess without distractions.
Ren picked up the package and blinked at it before turning his dark grey eyes onto him. "It wasn't an accident."
Goro scowled and plopped down next to him. "Of course it was. Why would you give me something like that?"
Ren stared at him with an unreadable expression like Goro had something written on his face. Goro absolutely hated how Ren could keep his face a blank slate. It was almost impossible to decipher what the boy was thinking.
Suddenly, Ren laughed and opened the package. Goro was about to comment that he's finally lost it when Ren took his hand and slid the bangle onto his wrist.
Goro gulped and stared at the accessory on his wrist. "What… what are you doing?" He asked quietly.
"Giving you your gift, Goro," Ren said, a soft smile on his face.
"D-don't be absurd," he said, snatching his hand away and removing the bangle and throwing it back at Ren.
"Are you rejecting it?" He asked, though his tone implied he meant something else as he held the bangle gingerly.
"Of course I am! You don't mean to give this to me," he scrambled to stand back up.
Ren was right beside him, grabbing his hand again. "Goro, you're my fairest. Why must you fight me?" He asked, a frown on his perfect face. The frown looked so wrong on his features. He was never meant to frown or be displeased in any way.
"No, I'm not," he said, his voice shaking.
"Yes, you are," Ren stated more firmly, his grip keeping Goro in place.
Ren had picked him as his fairest. Was he doing it out of pity? Had he finally noticed the lack of gifts he hadn't received over the years? Was it really that obvious that Goro was truly so undesirable? Ren was a good friend – a great friend. He was making Goro his fairest to save him the humiliation of not receiving a gift.
That's all this was.
It was pity. And if Goro learned one thing from his father, it was never to accept pity.
He sent a shock through his palm and into Ren's making his jump back in surprise. "I don't want your fucking pity, Amamiya."
Ren looked at him with another unreadable expression as he approached Goro again. "Why do you think I'm pitying you?"
"Because, there's no way you meant to give me something like that," he pointed to the bangle that Ren was still holding. He wrestled his hand out of Ren's grip. "I'm not going to sit here and let you feel sorry for me."
"Why would I ever feel sorry for you?" He asked, his hand still hanging in the air. "Goro, do you seriously not understand what this means?" He held the bangle out again, the sunlight catching it and making it shine like a beacon between them.
"You're saving me from humiliation," he huffed, looking away from Ren.
"You're so, so bright and so, so stupid," Ren laughed softly, coming forward until he was nearly chest to chest with Goro.
Goro snapped his neck to look at Ren, their faces inches apart. "E-excuse me?"
Ren smiled and took his hand again, slipping the bangle onto his wrist once again. "You're my fairest. I am trying to court you, Goro. Please don't make this harder. You don't need to say anything right now, okay? Just accept my gift and if you return my feelings then let me know," he stepped away and made his way to the entrance of their hideout.
Goro couldn't move from his spot, his eyes staring ahead like Ren was still standing in front of him.
Ren liked him?
Ren Amamiya liked him?
Was the universe playing another cruel joke on him? Was this a dream? Had he fallen asleep at his desk staring at the stupid bangle?
It was unclear how much time had passed but Goro was certain Ren was gone. He threw his face into his hands and screamed.
Ren was such an asshole. Now Goro needed to give him back a gift. And it needed to be better than what was currently on Goro’s wrist.
"I hate you so much," he whispered into the clearing but even the trees knew it was far from the truth.
***
It had taken much thought on Goro’s part because he couldn't well give the boy something mundane or mediocre. No, it had to be special and better than the bangle. Weeks had passed and true to his word, Ren didn't say or do anything romantic towards Goro. His eyes did light up upon seeing Goro wear the bangle under the sleeve of his academy coat.
The only other person he was able to confide in was his mother. She adored Ren like he was her own son and sometimes it felt like that was true considering Ren's parent's attitude towards the raven.
Goro felt apprehensive about telling his mother about his budding feelings for the boy, not sure how she would react. When he did tell her he expected her to cry or bemoan him instead, she gathered him in her arms and pressed kisses to his hair, gently thanking him for trusting her with his feelings.
He didn't dare tell his father considering he didn't care for Ren or his family all too much. They were only civil because they both held the same position in the king's court. Ren and Goro weren't oblivious to the sharp tongued insults their fathers slung at one another. Their mothers got along remarkably well, the exact opposite of their husbands.
Goro and his mother spent hours deciding on what would be special enough for Goro to give to Ren. At first they thought poetry but Goro couldn't conjure anything remotely coherent or affectionate enough. Next, they decided on making him a pendant to wear but Goro couldn't decide what charms to give Ren as none of them were good enough. His mother had teased that he should give him a ring at this point and Goro blushed so darkly he thought he'd pass out from blood loss.
Eventually, Goro decided on the perfect gift. It was simple, easy, and most importantly, it would showcase exactly how Goro felt about Ren.
He waited in the clearing for Ren like they always had. But today was Sweetest Day, the day that came a month after Fairest Day when people would reciprocate or reject the feelings revealed to them. He had never done this before and to say he was nervous was a drastic understatement.
He twisted the bangle around his wrist like it could soothe him and it probably was. Ren must have imbued it because he always felt better once he turned it a few times around his wrist.
"Hey, you," Goro looked up to see Ren coming towards him as perfectly as he always did.
"H-hi," he stammered out before taking a deep breath. "Can you close your eyes for me?"
Ren blinked but nodded and did as he was told. Goro took another deep breath. His throat felt so dry and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest but nonetheless, he stepped forward until they were face to face.
He closed his own eyes and leaned in until their lips touched. Goro had never kissed anyone before so he had no idea what he was doing. Still, he pressed his lips to Ren's for a few moments before pulling away. "Happy Sweetest Day," he whispered.
Ren slowly opened his eyes and right away the dark grey of his irises roamed his face. A smile blossomed on his face and suddenly, a pair of hands lightly grabbed his own.
"Can I kiss you?" Ren asked, his voice a whisper as well.
Goro nodded and immediately Ren was upon him and the kiss this time was sweeter, fuller, longer. Goro smiled into the kiss himself, happy to let Ren kiss him whenever he wanted from now on if this is what it felt like.
"So you accept my feelings then?" Ren asked, pulling away but staying close to Goro.
Goro nodded and pressed another hesitant kiss to his lips. "Of course," he said.
"Be mine," Ren asked even before Goro could finish speaking.
"I already am," Goro grinned. Thinking back he already was Ren's without even knowing. Now that he was aware it was silly to ever assume he wasn't.
And he'd gladly be his for as long as possible.