Work Text:
When HiMERU woke up, no one was there to greet him.
It wasn't something new, really. The days he had spent alone, without any company, were uncountable. He had long been accustomed to it.
That, however, didn't help easing the ache he felt, the desire that was slowly growing day by day for a certain someone.
He shuffled out from the sheets, the bed too empty for his liking. The morning began like every other day- he dressed himself up, fixed his appearance. In the mirror, he noticed two eye bags. He grabbed his makeup bag and took out the concealer, applying some under his eye. When the eye bags were fully hidden, he placed the concealer back in the bad and left the bathroom.
A delicate vase of pink camellias was placed on the table, a new addition to his house, added not by himself, but the other party that has been staying here recently. HiMERU would water them every morning, a habit he built up unwillingly, starting from a reminder that he received.
He wouldn't pride himself in being good at gardening. Despite that, even if what HiMERU did was to only give them water in a specific period of the day, the flowers bloomed beautifully. The days that he watered them were when a certain individual wasn't back home.
He hadn't been awake for more than two hours, but his mind had already been plagued with thoughts of him. Everything in this room reeked of his existence. The flowers, the notes on the fridge telling him to eat, the teddy bear that was sitting motionlessly on the couch, a present for HiMERU on his birthday- everything in here only served to fuel his craving.
HiMERU needed to get out of his own house.
He grabbed his unfinished detective novel and left the house. He made his way to the nearby café, planning to spend most of the day there.
The coffee was served, placed on his table. The novel was opened to the page he had bookmarked, ready to continue reading it.
Before he did that, however, he turned on his phone, a little bit too expectantly. There were no missed calls. He clicked his tongue, turned off the phone and placed it next to the novel. A scowl was visible on his face afterwards.
It has been almost 3 weeks, and they've only talked for 2 times in total.
He understood that Tatsumi was busy, and that was restraining him from calling, but a part of him would rather shift the blame to Tatsumi being uncaring instead. Which he knew wasn't true.
HiMERU was back in the house he tried to avoid these days. He held the teddy bear- the size of half of him, in his lap. The phone was in his right hand. He stared at it. 10:00 a.m. It was 1 a.m in Canada. If HiMERU called him, it would disturb Tatsumi's sleep.
He hovered his thumb on the call button, debating to himself.
He pressed it.
The beeping became the background noise, filling in the uncomfortable silence. HiMERU sat on the couch, waiting for Tatsumi to answer his call. He grew restless at each second passing by- it didn't felt like seconds at all, actually. It was like eternity.
When the call was answered, HiMERU immediately brought the phone to his ear, almost dropping it on the floor.
"...HiMERU-san?"
A sleepy voice came through the phone. At the mention of his name, HiMERU smiled at himself. He dropped it instantly afterwards, however.
"Tatsumi," he masked his emotions under an indifferent tone, hoping that Tatsumi wouldn't pick up on his emotions. "Good morning."
A soft chuckle came from Tatsumi. It eased him for a bit, even if he didn't want to admit so. "It's 1 a.m, HiMERU-san."
"HiMERU knows." He rested his back against the couch- he didn't realize that he had been sitting upright until now. "He isn't disturbing your sleep, right?"
"I don't consider your calls to be a disturbance, whether it be at any time of the day."
A faint, barely noticeable blush spreaded on HiMERU's face. He huffed in reply, but his tone carried a slight hint of affection to it. "Is it snowing in Quebec?"
"It is. Do you want me to switch into video call so that you could have a look?"
HiMERU nodded, even if no one was there to receive it. "Of course."
On the screen, he could see the roads outside the hotel window, snow-covered. Snow might be falling at the time, though it was too blurry for HiMERU to see such small details. But he didn't call to watch snow falling.
"Tatsumi," he stopped for a moment, hesitating. "Can you show HiMERU your face?"
Celadon entered the screen, along with the familiar purple hue of Tatsumi's eyes. He was smiling softly, a robe hanging around his body. His eyes were half lidded, the hints of sleepiness clear on his features.
HiMERU underestimated how much he missed him.
He halted his words, staring intently at the screen. Purple met amber- two complementary colors. His thumb subconsciously trailed on the reflection of Tatsumi's, taking in every shred of detail he could from the blurred image.
He didn't know how long he had been staring. Only when a small laugh escaped from Tatsumi's lips, breaking eye contact, did HiMERU return to reality.
"So," Tatsumi began, "Why did you call me, HiMERU-san?"
Why didn't you call for 'me' in the past few days?
HiMERU forced a smile, though it was probably a failed attempt, seeing how Tatsumi's smile faltered for a bit.
"Because 'I' miss you."
Before Tatsumi had a chance to reply, he hung up the phone.
He dropped the phone on the couch, burying his face in the teddy bear's head. He raised his head up after a few moments, examining the plush's face, staring at it- a present from Tatsumi.
He threw it on the opposite side of the couch.
HiMERU tossed and turned under the sheets. His eyes were wide open, the bed that has once been where he shared peaceful moments with his lover now was empty, devoid of any warmth.
He blinked, eyes wandering aimlessly in the dark room. Between the state of being conscious and unconscious, his legs moved, almost instinctively.
His steps stopped in front of Tatsumi's room. Tatsumi wouldn't know, and he wouldn't have cared if he knew- so, HiMERU turned the doorknob, deciding to enter the room. The door opened with a creak, revealing the neat and tidy space inside.
The room was untouched ever since Tatsumi had left. A thin layer of dust covered the sheets. A rug was placed near the bed, its fabric soft to the touch. HiMERU reached for a small picture frame on the desk, trying to make out the details. His vision was blurry in the dark, but he could see Tatsumi's beaming face, and his own frown in the picture.
He set it back on the desk, a small smile now blooming on his face without him knowing. His body fell onto Tatsumi's bed, his head being positioned near the pillows. He buried his face in one of them, breathing in the faint, comforting scent of lavender. His arms wrapped around it, hugging it tightly- he could imagine Tatsumi, lying next to him, cradling him as he fell deeper into the land of dreams. A temporary replacement, meant to reduce his ever-growing craving.
But the pillows were cold. They were unable to replicate body warmth.
To HiMERU, however, it was enough. For him, someone so desperate- even a trace of Tatsumi's presence, the proof that he was once here- could calm his hungry heart.
The soup burned his tongue. HiMERU blew on the small portion of soup on the spoon, cooling it down. He sipped on it, along with eating the noodles. Instant noodles weren't something he would eat daily, but now that Tatsumi- who used to cook for him, was gone, he had to resort back to the food he had once deemed unhealthy.
He needed to take cooking lessons soon.
His phone rang. HiMERU grabbed it and brought it to his view. He almost dropped his chopsticks, seeing whose number it was displayed on the screen.
Tatsumi.
HiMERU answered immediately.
"HiMERU-san." Tatsumi's voice was slightly muffled. There were sounds of other people- he was most likely in a crowded space.
"I'm at the airport. I'm back in Tokyo."
HiMERU dropped his utensils, grabbed his jacket and unlocked the door at once.
"Please wait," he locked the door behind him, walking down to the parking lot, "HiMERU is going to drive you home."
"I'll be waiting."
He set off instantly, the moment he was in the car. Too eager, perhaps- maybe to the point that he almost crashed into a tree. Even if that happened, no one would know- it was a secret between him, and the moon.
The closer he was to the airport, the more he had to suppress his longing. As soon as he got there, he exited the car in a hurry, taking out the phone. He pressed Tatsumi's phone number with trembling fingers. He was practically shaking now.
"Tatsumi, where are you? HiMERU is outside the entrance." His anticipation was visible, and perhaps audible as well.
"I'm exiting the building."
At his words, HiMERU eyed the entrance, hand gripping the phone.
And he saw it- he saw Tatsumi, a suitcase beside him, a phone in his right hand. The other must've recognized him as well, as he beamed and walked slowly to HiMERU.
Tatsumi was right in front of him. HiMERU simply just stood there, unable to move. His eyes cast their gaze on the other party- the way Tatsumi's eyes stared back lovingly, the way the corners of his lips would curve at the sight of HiMERU- he was all too familiar with it.
Which was why he desired it even more than before.
Tatsumi pulled him in for a hug, arms wrapping weakly around HiMERU. He gave HiMERU the chance to lean away, to escape the embrace- but he didn't. He returned the gesture by tightly clinging onto Tatsumi, nuzzling his face against his shoulder.
"You do miss me, HiMERU-san." He laughed in HiMERU's ear. A hand gently ran through his hair, making him feel drowsy.
"HiMERU doesn't." He refuted, punching Tatsumi's arm lightly. The receiver of the aggressive action smiled, finding it endearing. He planted a peck on HiMERU's forehead.
"Did I do something wrong?" Tatsumi intertwined their hands together, to which HiMERU gripped on his hand.
HiMERU didn't reply. He closed his eyes, indulging in the warmth that Tatsumi gave him. Another kiss was placed on his forehead.
"Are you tired?" Tatsumi's voice was now softer, quieter. A whisper, a caress to HiMERU's ears. It almost lulled him to sleep.
"You're planning to drive HiMERU back home?"
Tatsumi nodded. He released the hold, only keeping their hands laced together. HiMERU followed him into the car, handing Tatsumi the keys.
The ride back home was slower than usual. He watched mindlessly the surroundings outside- until he blinked again, and his eyes found themselves looking at Tatsumi.
He clicked his tongue, turning away. With his back now facing Tatsumi, he certainly didn't notice the dreamy stare from the latter.
A blanket was draped on HiMERU. He relaxed himself, slumping against the couch. With his eyes half closed, he watched Tatsumi making a hot drink for him.
Tatsumi handed him a mug of hot cocoa with marshmallows. The camellia vase caught his attention, and he gently caressed the soft petals of the flowers.
"You took care of them. How thoughtful you are, HiMERU-san."
HiMERU shook his head, sipping on the drink. "You told HiMERU to do that, so he did."
Tatsumi sat beside him, before getting into the blanket and hugged his waist. He rested his chin on HiMERU's shoulder, looking at him with affectionate eyes. The latter scowled.
"You still haven't answered my earlier question." He raised a hand to HiMERU's cheek, caressing it. "Did I do something wrong?"
HiMERU stopped enjoying his drink, and looked down at Tatsumi instead. "You called for HiMERU 3 times in 3 weeks."
When Tatsumi didn't reply, he continued. "Every morning, he would unlock his phone, checking for missed calls."
Tatsumi tightened his hold on HiMERU's waist, pulling him closer. The contact made his hands tremble, and when he spoke again- his voice slightly cracked. "Do you know how much 'I' miss you?"
Tatsumi took the mug from HiMERU's hand, and placed it on the table. His thumb ran on the corner of his eye, wipining away the tears that had started falling down. HiMERU didn't even noticed that he was crying.
"I'm sorry." Tatsumi whispered, pressing his lips against HiMERU's. He pullee away the moment their lips touched. "I didn't pay attention to you enough." He kissed HiMERU again, this time longer than before. His tongue slipped out, brushing against his lips, meekly asking to enter. HiMERU complied.
Tatsumi's tongue gently taste every crevice of his mouth, all the while holding his head in place. They parted, after a while. Tatsumi pecked the corner of his eye, kissing the tears away.
HiMERU's face was heating, cheeks flushed a deep shade of red. Tatsumi's hands on his head made it impossible to not stare into the other's eyes, falling deeper into the beauty of them. He slowly brought his hand up, trailing his hand on Tatsumi's moles.
"Is this how you're going to make it up to HiMERU?" He scoffed, but the smile on his face betrayed his tone.
Tatsumi chuckles softly, nodding to his words. He pressed his lips against HiMERU's palm, planting kisses on every finger of his. The affection, all of it- it made his mind go hazy. He closed his eyes, enjoying the serene moment.
The kissing stopped. What remained was the weight of Tatsumi's body against his, and the comfortable embrace with its silence.
"HiMERU-san."
HiMERU grunted as a response, a way for Tatsumi to continue.
"I've missed you too." He whispered, nuzzling against HiMERU's shoulder. "A lot."
And with those words held close to his heart, HiMERU fell into a better sleep than he had for weeks.